View source for JoS/Lyra/1st Journal - The Beginning

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===== Last Seed, 17th, 4E 201 =====

I never thought something this bad would ever happen to me. It was so horrible. I can barely write about it without crying. Toady, I was playing in my room when I heard loud noises outside our house. Then I heard them kick down the front door. I cracked open the door and started watching from my room and trying to be quiet. The men were all Imperial soldiers and told Daddy that he was under arrest. He started arguing with them. I was trying to be real quiet but I made a noise when they hit him and the soldiers found me too. One of them said I would make a nice bonus. I didn't understand what he meant by that.


Daddy's hands were bound and he started yelling at the guards not to take me, but they just hit him again. I cried as they put him in the back of a carriage. Another soldier grabbed me and took me to a different carriage. But I got to ride up front on a solder's lap. I asked him what they were going to do to Daddy and if they would let him go, but he didn't answer.


As soon as we started moving, the Imperial soldier started putting his hands all over me. I tried wriggle around and get him to stop, but he just joked to the soldier sitting next to him that he liked it when they fought back. 


The soldier took one hand off me, so I thought maybe he would stop. But then things got even worse. He forced it down the front of my dress and started feeling my flat chest. His other hand moved underneath my dress too and started rubbing my leg. It felt so wrong.


The man kept touching me until the carriage stopped in Helgen. Then another soldier walked up and grabbed me, telling the other one that he had dibs on me. I was scared, hoping they would just let daddy and me go. But they didn't.


They started unloading the prisoners and the new soldier carried me over and dropped me onto a pile of hay. I barely had time to flinch before he reached down and ripped off my dress. Then the next part was so awful. I was too scared to move or even think about running away. I just laid there and watched as the soldier removed his armor and then he climbed on top of me.


It was so gross feeling his naked body rubbing up against mine. He was sweaty and smelled too. Then I felt his thing against my pussy and he started to push into me. I must have started crying out because I heard Daddy yelling at the guards. I couldn't see anything past the guard on top of me, but I could hear someone drawing a sword. Then something dropped to the ground and Daddy wasn't yelling anymore. 


I just laid there and cried as the soldier raped me. He kept going harder and harder until I felt something shooting into me. I realized it must have been the man's sperm, at least that's what Daddy told me it was called once. He never told me it would feel so gross and slimy though. It started dripping out of me as soon as the soldier pulled out of me. 


When he got off, I looked over and started crying even harder when I saw Daddy. There was blood all around him. I stood up and ran over to him, but it was too late, his body wasn't moving. 


Another guard laughed and told me that I was all theirs now and would be used by all the Imperial soldiers who wanted me. That was when a loud roar came from the sky and everyone started yelling. I looked up and saw the biggest creature I'd ever seen flying through the air and land on the tower across the road. Archers started shooting at it and all the prisoners started to run. The next thing I knew, one of the Stormcloak prisoners was guiding me into another tower, away from the creature. I knew it must have been a dragon and I heard others yelling it as well. I ran as fast as I could. 


When we got to the tower, I felt something wet and looked down to see the Soldier's cum dripping down my legs. In the commotion, I had forgotten everything that had just happened. Before I had much time to think about it though, the dragon broke down the wall above us and blew fire into the tower. He barely missed me! 


That Stormcloak soldier helped me escape. His name is Ralof. First we got away from the dragon and then he led me through the Keep and out of the city. If it weren't for him, I probably wouldn't have made it out alive. Maybe that would have been better. Daddy is gone and I have nowhere to go. It's so awful. 


For now, I'm staying with Ralof's sister and her family in Riverwood. She fed me and gave me something decent to wear, but I don't know where to go. I don't want to end up like some of those kids on the street begging to be adopted. 


But there is one thing I do know. I hate the Imperials. Daddy didn't like them either and now I see why. Ralof said I should join the Stormcloaks so maybe I'll do that. I don't know why he thought a little girl would make a good soldier, but maybe he just saw how angry I was. They killed my father and now I just want to make them pay.

===== Last Seed, 23rd, 4E 201 =====

I've been staying around Riverwood for the past week. There have been plenty of people around offering to help me and make sure I'm okay. I don't think I'll ever be okay, though. I feel so lonely even though I haven't been. Gerdur and her family are really nice and she runs the mill with her husband, Hod. Their son Frodnar is a little older than me and keeps trying to cheer me up. He really hates the Imperials, so that's something we have in common, at least. There's other kids in Riverwood that I played with a few times, but I haven't really felt like playing this them much. Sometimes I feel like Daddy is just going to walk in and take me back home, but I know he's not going to. Then I cry and fall asleep only to wake up again and realize he's gone.


Hod told me I will get over it in time, but all I want is to go kill the imperials who captured us. Most of them are probably dead by now, of course; thanks to the dragon attack. But that doesn't make me feel any better. 


I told Gerdur I wanted a bow and quiver of arrows. She didn't like the idea at fist and said little girls shouldn't be hunting. I got really mad at her and stormed out. Hod caught me though and said he would talk with her. Later that same day, she gave in after I told her about how I would go hunt with Daddy. I think she wants me to get out and do something besides sitting around the house, too. So the next day she went to the Riverwood Traders and picked up and bow for me. I'm really excited because now I can go hunting and maybe even sell furs like I always did with daddy. 


I met a hunter like Daddy here in Riverwood, too. He's an elf named, Faendal. When I told him I was a hunter, he offered to start training me so I can keep improving my archery skills. I was a little sad afterwards because it reminded me of Daddy, but it felt good to have a bow in my hands again.

===== Last Seed, 24th, 4E 201 =====


Now that I have a bow and arrow, I feel a lot safer. I even decided to make the short walk to Whiterun. My daddy used to take me there and he would always stock up on arrows at the shop called, "The Drunken Huntsman". Gerdur keeps telling me to quit moping around and get out of the house. I know she meant that I should go play with the other kids in Riverwood more often, but I figured going to Whiterun would count. I know Gerdur doesn't like me going off without anyone protecting me, but my daddy's been training me to hunt and protect myself all my life. I know there are a lot of dangers out in Skyrim, but I'm really good at keeping out of the way, too.  Still, instead of telling her and getting her permission, I just walked out of town.


The trek to Whiterun was pretty easy. But when I got there, some guards stopped me from getting in because of the dragon attack. When I told them I was at Helgen and saw the attack, so they let me in and said I should go talk to the Jarl. I found my way to the Jarl's house. It was really really big and there were lots of important people there. I told the Jarl what had happened and I remembered something I overheard Gerdur say about needing guards in Riverwood. Somehow, the Jarl hadn't thought of that, yet. It seems pretty obvious to me. Riverwood is even closer to where the dragon attacked than Whiterun is, so I don't know why the Jarl sounded so surprised by the idea when I mentioned it.


The Jarl was kind of scary to talk to, but I guess he liked me because he also wanted me to talk to his court wizard about getting some tablet from that creepy place called Bleak Falls Barrow. It seemed a little weird, I don't know why he thought I'd be interested. I remember seeing that place for the first time in the distance high on a mountain when I was out hunting with Daddy. He told it was dangerous and I should never to go there. I don't know why the Jarl thought a little kid would be any help, but the court wizard made it seem like the Jarl sends lots of strange travelers to him, so maybe he just tells that to everyone. 


Whiterun is a nice city with lots of other kids running around, but I didn't spend much time there. I did go by an archery shop, though. The owner even recognized me and asked me where my father was. I tried not to cry and told him what happened. He feels bad for me and told me to let him know if there's anything I need. Then gave me some extra arrows. I looked at a few nice bows her has there and told him I would definitely come buy one when I can afford it. I'll have to start hunting a lot and start saving up.


Once I left Whirerun, I ended up seeing an elk and tracked it a little further than I meant to. I wound up following it North a ways before I eventually lost it because of some stupid jester stuck on the side of the road with a broken wheel on his carriage. He was really weird and kept talking in riddles about how he was transporting his mother's coffin. I wanted to just leave, but he asked if I could help him convince the farmer nearby to help him. I figured it couldn't hurt to help out, so I walked over to the farm and asked the farmer living there about helping the man with the wagon. Little kids can sometimes be awfully convincing. My daddy always said I was. Anyways, the farmer agreed to help out. When I went back to the jester to let him know, he gave me some gold, too. That easily made up for making me lose the elk. 


Going off by myself today made me feel really grown up! I'm still staying with Gerdur for now, but I'm going to train and get better at archery and then go off on my own. Once I make a little money from the animals I hunt around Riverwood, I'm going to Windhelm to try and join the Stormcloaks. I know I'm a little young to be a soldier, but I'll do anything I can to fight the Imperials. They hurt me and killed my daddy, so I'm going to make them pay.


I should have probably kept the idea of going off to fight the Imperials to myself, though. But I ended up letting it slip to Gerdur and Hod at dinner. I thought they would be impressed that I was able to go to Whiterun and back all by myself, but Gerdur even yelled at me when I got back. That really should have been my hint not to mention anything else about going off alone. But I'm not used to keeping secrets, so I just let it slip.


Gerdur told me it was foolish and stupid. Hod said it was a good way to get myself killed, too. I yelled at them and said it would be better than being stuck here with them and ran outside crying. I didn't really mean to say it and I feel bad about it now. But Gerdur came out and talked to me and said she understands that I'm going through a hard time.


I know they just don't think I can do it though. But I'm a really good shot. I can aim better than most adults. I'll just have to prove them wrong and show them that I really can take care of myself somehow.

===== Last Seed, 26th, 4E 201 =====

In the last few days, I've been doing lots of hunting and training with Faendal. He's really impressed at the progress I've made and says I'm a natural. Daddy gave me my first bow when I was only 4, so I've had lots of practice. I was able to sell some furs and meat to the Riverwood Traders. They mentioned a stolen golden claw or something while I was there. I guess someone had broken into their shop and that's all they took. The shop owner said the robber went to Bleak Falls Barrow. It seems like lots of people need to go there but nobody wants to. Why do they think I'd want to go there?


Anyways, tomorrow I'm planning to head out early for a day of hunting, just like I used to with Daddy. But this time I'm going alone. I'm not telling anyone, I'm just going to go and prove I can take care of myself.

===== Last Seed, 27th, 4E 201 =====


My hunting trip couldn't have gone any worse. I wish this had just been a bad dream. My day hunting started off just like any other. I tracked a few animals and managed to kill a few smaller animals. It wasn't a big score, but I can't carry that much anyways. Then I spotted by big score. It was an elk and this time, there wouldn't be a stupid crazy jester around to distract me. 


It got excited and was so determined to take down the elk that I let my guard down. That's when the bandits crept up on me. By the time I spotted one of them, I only had time to draw one and point it before another one jumped out from behind a push and shoved me to the ground. The force caused me to lose my aim and the arrow flew off into the forest nearby. One of the bandits took my bow and arrows from me and tied my hands behind my back. I begged them to let me go, but they didn't listen. Instead, they took me back to their camp which was located at some mine. As soon as we were inside, things got even worse. 


I didn't understand why they would want to capture a little girl. What could they possibly want from me? I finally understood once they took me to the back of the mine and started ripping off my dress , thoguh. I could feel a pair of rough hand start traveling down my back and eventually touching me all over as they took all of my clothes from me. My hands were unbound, too. But it's not like I could actually go anywhere without one of them catching me. A few other bandits came and took liberties, touching me wherever they wanted. Even down in between my legs and my butt. It felt really wrong and I tried not to cry, but then things got a lot worse.


The leader of the group of bandits walked up for me and the other bandits that had been touching me backed away. I saw standing in front of him and looked up, scared and without a clue as to what he was going to do. Then he untied his pants and forced me to the dirt. Just like that imperial soldier, he climbed on top and started to force his cock into me. By then, there was no point trying to hold back my tears. I was crying so loud, it seemed like I could be heard all the way in Riverwood, but I knew that was impossible. I knew that I had left without telling anyone where I was going and it was my own fault.


There was nothing I could do but lay there in the dirt and allow it all to happen. The first time I had been raped by the Imperial Soldier, there was so much going on that I didn't really have time to take in when whole thing. With the dragon attack and them killing daddy, what the Imperial soldier had done to me just seemed like another one of the bad things that happened that day. This time there was no escape and no distraction from how much it hurt to have a full grown man forcing his way into me; or how wrong it felt to have his gross hairy body rubbing up against me. I barely remembered the Imperial Soldier shooting his sticky cum inside of me, but the bandit made sure I'd never forget. He pulled out his cock and just when I was thinking it was all over, it shot out onto me, landing all over my chest and stomach. It felt so gross having his stuff dripping all over me.


Once he had finished, three more bandits took turns after him. One by one they climbed over me and did their thing until their cocks shot out their slime onto my body or in my pussy. Now they've finished with me and left me naked in a small cell they use for prisoners. They didn't even bother to wash their gross cum off of me either. I was able to wipe some of it off in the dirt, but the rest has dried up and now my chest feels itchy. I can't tell if it's still day time since it's dark in this mine, but I'm really tired so I'm going to sleep. I know Gerdur's family will miss me soon if they haven't already. I hope they can find me somehow and save me. I wish I had listened to them and wanted to go out by myself so badly. Now there's nothing I can do but hope for someone to rescue me.

===== Last Seed, 28th, 4E 201 =====

I woke up to the site of one of the bandits bending over me, he was stroking his cock which was right in my face. He must have been doing it for a little while before I woke up because I hardly had time to recall what had happened to me the day before when his cum started hitting me in the face. I tried to roll away, but he held my head in place until he was done. It felt gross having his slimy cum all over my face and I whined when it started getting in my eyes. A lot of it went into my mouth, too and tasted really sour. It made me gag as soon as it landed on my tongue. My first attempt to wipe off my face only resulted in getting cum on my hands, too and smearing it around a bit. Complaining and asking him to clean it off of me turned out to be a huge mistake, too. 


Another bandit from the group overheard me and came up to where I was laying, telling me he would help clean me up. I was glad someone was finally going to clean all the cum and dirt off of me from the day before, thinking he was going to give me a bath or something. My eyes were shut tight, so I couldn't tell what he was doing until I smelled the hot liquid that started pouring onto my face. Then even worse, I tasted it. I tried to escape the stream of piss that was now pouring over me without much luck. Wherever I tried to move, the bandit was able to aim his stream right at me. When he was finished, I was drenched in his hot, smelly pee. And the bitter taste of it was in my mouth, too.


He laughed along with a few of the other bandits that had been watching. He left me in my cell and locked it once again. At least they brought me food shortly after which got the taste of the man's piss out of my mouth. 


I wasn't allowed to finish my breakfast before another man walked up to my cell, horny and ready for me. This time I learned about yet another sex act. The bandit pulled his pants down to his ankles and took a handful of my hair on either side of my head. It was still wet with piss, but that didn't bother him. He told me to open my mouth. I was tired of tasting gross substances and kept my mouth shut at first, trying without much success to shake my head. That only made him angry and he started threatening to make things worse for me. In the end, I opened my mouth and he slid his cock inside. I gave him what he called a blow job, or he gave himself one since he was the one actually moving my head back and forth with his hands. Before too long, my jaw started to hurt from having my mouth opened so wide for his cock. But the worst part was when his cum started shooting down my throat. I tried to swallow, but started gagging and coughing instead. He let me pull me head back a little bit and finished depositing his seed around my tongue. I was relieved when he was finished and pulled out of my mouth. I started to spit a bunch of his cum out onto the floor of my cell, but he saw me and bent down to pick up my plate of food I hadn't had a chance to finish. He positioned it right under my chin and it all landed right on my uneaten food. Before locking my cell again, he told me I'd better clean my plate and he would be personally offended if I didn't.


I decided I wasn't hungry anymore and was going to dump my plate onto the floor the first chance I got. That chance never came, though. That same bandit kept looking over to make sure I was eating. He started glaring at me and after a few minutes told me I'd better clean my plate. Eventually, I gave in and ate it. The food hid the flavor of his cum for the most part, but it still left a sour taste in my mouth.


The next man that came to use me said I smelled a bit too foul for his taste and doused me with a bucket of water. Finally, I was at least somewhat clean. He forced me to perform another blow job as a thank you, but he wasn't as gentle as the last one was. He forced my face to go faster and deeper onto his cock, gagging me without any remorse. A few times I thought I was going to puke. Fortunately, that didn't happen. He did deposit his cum on my face and hair though. I didn't ask to be cleaned up this time, afraid someone might decide to piss on me again. 


The rest of the day was more of the same. I’ve been left in this cell and used whenever a bandit wanted me. By now, I must have been used by every man in the camp. I know I've only been held here for about a day, but it feels like I've been here a week. Most of them are asleep now and I'm shivering, naked and cold. I just want to sit in the corner of my cell and cry. But writing everything in this journal helps me feel a little better at least. I still don't know if anyone from Riverwood will be able to find me. Would they even care enough to look for me? I think so, but nobody even knew which direction I went when I left town. Right now everything feels hopeless.

===== Last Seed, 30th, 4E 201 =====


I've been stuck here for a few days now and it feels like it will never end. I hate these stupid, smelly bandits. I hate that they can just come do whatever nasty stuff they want with me at any time. I hate that I'm always covered in their cum. I feel so gross and I just want it to end.


After the bandit leader came in and raped me today, he told me they were going to take me to Riften and auction me off to be a slave. He said I would become some rich guy's sex toy. I don't like the sound of that, but anything is better than being held prisoner in this dingy cave with a bunch of stinky bandits. I couldn't help myself but to start crying, though. He told me I was born to be a whore and I would learn to like it.


I hate all of them. I wish I had my bow. I bet I could sneak around this whole cave and kill all the bandits with it.

===== Last Seed, 31st, 4E 201 =====


Finally, I'm free! From now on, I'm going to train twice as hard to make sure nothing like that ever happens to me again. Today started out like it had every other day as the bandit's captive, being abused in my cell by the bandits one by one. Part way through the day, I started hearing loud noises and yelling coming from outside the mine. Before long, the sound of clashing swords filled the mine. Someone was attacking the bandit's hideout.


It didn't take long before the fight was right in front of me. From my cell, I started seeing arrows flying through the air. One of them hit the bandit leader right in the head, killing him instantly. I was a little scared because I couldn't see the attackers. It could have been a someone coming to save me or someone else who was going to keep me as a prisoner or worse. I was relieved when I saw Faendal come around the corner, followed closely by Hod and Gerdur. They had brought a few fighters from Riverwood with them and were easily able to wipe out the last few bandits and then turned their attention to getting me free.


I was embarrassed being completely naked in front of everyone, so I stayed curled up in my cell while Gerdur found a key to my cell on one of the dead bandits. She unlocked the cell and quickly covered me in a fur blanket. She hugged me tightly telling me how worried she had been. I was so relieved to see all of them again. They found my bow among the loot in the cave, too.


Gerdur carried me as we returned to Riverwood. She and Faendal where telling me how he had gone out to try and find me. Being the expert hunter, Faendal was able to follow my tracks and saw tracks where they had captured me. But the bandits had done a good job covering their trail, so he couldn't tell where they had taken me. A few scouts from Riverwood went around to the nearest Imperial and Stormcloak camps, but nobody had seen me.  


I guess it took them a few days to find the bandit's hideout. And even then, they weren't sure if they were the ones that had taken me. Hod and Gerdur put a group together in Riverwood to take out the bandits and try and save me. They were relieved when they found me in the mine. 


I'm back in Riverwood now. Gerdur just finished cleaning me up. She put me in a bath outside her house and washed all the dirt and grime off of me. Not to mention all the dried cum that had caked on my skin and hair. As she rubbed me up and down, she started scolding me for not listening and going off by myself. She didn't talk in a mean way about it and just said she was worried about me and wanted to make sure things like this didn't happen to me. For now, I know she is right. I hate doing what I'm told, but I need a lot more training before I can go off by myself again.


She just finished giving me a bath and now I'm wrapped up in a towel drying off. It's not even nighttime yet, but I am so tired. Gerdur is making me something to eat and then I'm going to bed. I'm so happy to finally be free and safe from those nasty bandits.


[[JoS/Lyra/2nd Journal - The Stormcloaks|2nd Journal - The Stormcloaks]]


[[Category:Journals of Skyrim]] [[Category:Journals of Skyrim/Lyra]]