View source for Talk:Sortie / Day One / Hallway War

This is interesting, kinda got a "who-done-it" style mystery going, with the subject being who was Sarah's night prowler. (That said, the fact that the older boy just smiles and smirks at her on all routes, including the one where she goes completely naked and still covered in completely undisturbed streaks of semen, is rather suggestive.) [[User:Jemini|Jemini]] ([[User talk:Jemini|talk]]) 22:53, 6 January 2020 (CET)

:So, here's the deal: I originally wrote (the first half of) this story to be a Twine game. In that format, the "whodunit" was actually randomized. A dice roller chose one of the four suspects to be the "original defiler," and as the story played out, certain lines (including Alexander's smirk...good catch) would only appear if that character was the guilty one, providing hints as to whodunit. In that version, the player also had a limited supply of "influence" and some actions cost more than others (which is why there are some "no nothing" options so players could husband their supply of influence.) In this way, the player could only unlock some of the endings by consistently selecting earlier actions that "provoked" one of the four possible men/boys. This would have encouraged replay-ability. The actual whodunit was a secondary consideration. The original defiler would have been easier to provoke than the others, but all four options were reachable if the player was careful with his/her influence. Obviously, this format does not support all of that (or at least, I lack the CSS skills needed to make it do so.) As result I have decided to include all of the "hint text." I guess that makes all four of the guys way more pervy than usual, but hopefully can just be attributed to the miasma's basic "stoking" aura. By the time we get to the end, I will decide which of the possible "original defilers" to make cannon, but as I (and the gatekeeper) said, narratively, the whodunit mystery is more of an initial hook than the main thrust of the story. --[[User:Nondoody|Nondoody]] ([[User talk:Nondoody|talk]]) 23:24, 6 January 2020 (CET)

Speaking of, how do you differentiate which path is which? They've all merged back into one, now. What happens if Andrew (or whatever the older boys name was) comments on seeing her naked, but the path we took to get there, she had pajamas on? Maybe strip her down for every path? --[[User:Notsooldpervert|Notsooldpervert]] ([[User talk:Notsooldpervert|talk]]) 23:02, 6 January 2020 (CET)

:In part: see above. In the other part: the story is written, to the best of my ability, to avoid any such conflicts. Alexander will never directly comment on her nakedness. If he was the guilty party, doing so would draw unwanted attention. If he is innocent, doing so would seem pervy. There is a few bits of narrative gymnastics, but in both this and the originally intended Twine versions, I am hoping I can write this story so as to make all possible readings internally consistent. --[[User:Nondoody|Nondoody]] ([[User talk:Nondoody|talk]]) 23:39, 6 January 2020 (CET)

I wouldn't really say "good catch" on the whole smirking thing. That one kinda stands out, especially when the reader's mind has already been drawn to and reinforced over and over again with the subject of finding out who her defiler was. That being the case, the first male she encounters taking actions like that is just impossible to miss. [[User:Jemini|Jemini]] ([[User talk:Jemini|talk]]) 23:48, 6 January 2020 (CET)

:You are not wrong. I was just being overly effusive, as I often am on the Internet, because tone is hard. Didn't mean to sound patronizing. Sorry. --[[User:Nondoody|Nondoody]] ([[User talk:Nondoody|talk]]) 23:54, 6 January 2020 (CET)