Universe Remote/Jeremy/Try to read more of the manual first

While the remote is rather simple looking, if it can control the universe it's probably pretty important to figure out how to use it properly. You look at the buttons closer. Across the top are four buttons with icons embedded in the button itself. From left to right they are: a circle with an arrow indicating a clockwise direction, a double arrow circle in a clockwise direction, a chain of some sort, and a circle with a slash through it. You can sort of guess at the meaning of the buttons, but it isn't absolutely clear what they mean. A quick guess gives you: change or transform, exchange, link, and delete? Maybe? Below these buttons are what looks like a standard navigation setup, with four directional buttons and a center button that is usually select. The center button in this case in engraved with a check mark however. To either side are linked buttons like you would usually see with channel and volume. The one on the left has a plus sign engraved on the top button and a minus sign on the bottom button. The one on the right has an up arrow engraved on the top button, and a down arrow on the bottom button. Below all of these are a relatively standard set of playback controls. From left to right the buttons appear to be: rewind, pause, record, play, and fast-forward. There is no stop button that you can see, neither is there a skip button for either forward or back . . . though some remotes use one icon for both skip and scan forward and backward. In any case, your should probably read the manual.

You steel yourself to continue reading the most boring thing that you have ever come across. If it simply had an index or table of contents; maybe it would have made things more tolerable. This book had neither. You push your way through the introduction, attempting to skim it as much as you can. You feel you're finally getting to some actual information, when the text suddenly changes topic mid sentence into an aside about broccoli that is supposed to be some kind of example for a feature that the book hasn't even revealed yet. Muddling on, you find yourself nodding off over and over again.

After about a half hour of this (that feels more like a decade) you finally get to a section on "initializing the remote". According to the seven pages of text that the information is spread across; you press your thumb firmly on the center button until it beeps, then it is initialized for you. From what you can gather, you can use the remote without initializing it, but it responds better and more accurately for you if you do. Not really understanding this, you press your thumb firmly on the button, and feel a sharp pain in your thumb.

"Oww!" you exclaim, more out of surprise than pain as it was a small prick. The Narrator says: That's what she said.

"Be quiet," says Hank without looking up from his phone, "I'm trying to play my game."

"Sorry bro," you say as you pick the remote back up. You press your thumb to the center button once more, preparing yourself for the small cut . . . but it never happens. Shortly thereafter, there is a burning sensation; but you keep holding the remote. Then there is a freezing sensation; but you keep pressure applied. Finally there is a long dull period where you start to wonder if you missed the beep. About thirty seconds after you are certain you must have missed the beep; the remote beeps. Apparently it is now initialized for you. You still aren't exactly sure how to use the thing, but the manual is little help at best.

Do you prepare more?

• Read even more of the manual first

Or do you try one of the top buttons?

• Try to change something with the first button
• Try to exchange something with the second button
• Try to link something with the third button
• Try to delete something with the fourth button

Or do you try one of the navigation buttons?

• Press the select button
• Press the up directional button
• Press the down directional button
• Press the left directional button
• Press the right directional button

Or do you try one of the linked button sets?

• Press the plus button
• Press the minus button
• Press the up arrow button
• Press the down arrow button

Or do you press a playback button?

• Press Rewind
• Press Pause
• Press Record
• Press Play
• Press Fast Forward

Or do you do something else?

• Experiment somewhere more private . . . the attic
• Experiment somewhere more private . . . the basement
• Wait until everyone else gets home