JoS/Henriette/12th Journal - Scrolls

Rain's Hand, 30th, 4E 202

A little R&R always lets your body and mind heal, in our case more than just in one way. Since we had fully recovered and were back at peak performance, it was time for us to try our luck inside Blackreach and continue our journey. This massive cavern ended up being way bigger than we imagined. The same can be said about the mushrooms. It's unbelievable to me that a place like this existed right under our feet.

We were fortunate to find an old Dwemer building suitable for resting inside Blackreach, which was used as a field laboratory for some alchemist named Sinderion. He's been researching a cousin of Nirnroot native to this cave, which takes a shade of crimson. As someone who's fond of alchemy and gardening, I found it very intriguing, but not intriguing enough to distract me from my true goal. I bet it doesn't even have any difference from the original one, apart from the color of its leaves.

There's a fireplace for making food here, an alchemist's lab and an enchanter's table, and even a bench which could be used for repairing armor. The bed looks good enough as well. Like I said, suitable for resting! It looks like a good base of operations for us, especially considering its close proximity to the lift that takes us to the surface.

However, it seems that we've got new problems to worry about.

It had been a long day of us not only traveling up the mountain to reach the great lift, but also excavating the area inside the shack, and we were both tired. So, we locked the door tight and went to sleep. I thought I had woken up because it all felt so real, but I was in a new strange realm, just like a week or so ago in Winterhold. The place was different this time, but like last time around, I'm 100% sure it happened.

It was another strange plane of Oblivion I was stuck inside, stark naked. This time it was outdoors, and we were surrounded by greenery. The night sky, for some reason, felt unusually bright and there was this strange, multi-colored, opaque mist around us. Besides me, there was also one person there, a tall and muscular Dremora with tiny horns and bright red skin. He spoke to me, welcomed me, and talked about how he has been watching me, observing me… About how he's so proud of what I've become. However, he never introduced himself to me, not even after I asked him who he was. He just told me that he's "that which I yearn for". I also asked him if he had anything to do with the last dream I had, to which he simply responded by saying that it was not a dream of mine I saw. That kind of sounds similar to what that apprentice was going on about, as she called it "her dream".

Then, he went on to say that it's not nice to pry into other people's dreams, and said that he ought to punish me for what had happened. Worst of all, since I was naked and powerless just like the last time around, there really was no way for me to defend myself against what was gonna happen next.

The Dremora went on to grab me and instantly pin me to the ground, saying that he was gonna help me create a unique dream of my own. You'd think that in a lucid dream like this, you'd have control over your surroundings, but there really was nothing I could do to "imagine" him away. Quite the opposite; the dream was controlling me. Being pinned by him, I just opened my legs up for him. I was already wet and horny too. I told him to get out of my head, to which he simply responded by saying that I was the one who invited him in. "After all, isn't this what you really want?" he asked mockingly.

His mockery was accompanied by the first thrust of his dick, which in turn was followed by my loud moan of approval. He began thrusting more, slowly molding me to the shape of his dick. "See?" he said, "You do enjoy this", and he was right. It may have been a dream, but it felt every bit as real as any sex I've had. He reminded me of what had happened in the Cidhna mine and about how I enjoyed what happened there as well. He said that I couldn't deny it either because he was watching me closely. Those two months of being a sex slave left a permanent mark on me, and I, according to him, could never go back, that my body would forevermore yearn for more punishment, for me to return to that state, and for me to be a slave once more.

Of course I denied it. Of course that's not what I want! My words didn't convince him though, especially not since he was on his way to making me cum. He even held a collar in his hands and locked it in my neck, all while I was helpless to raise my arms to protect myself. Like, really. My hands were free, but I just couldn't move them. "You even let yourself be marked as a slave willingly", he said.

Not long after that, he came inside me, which turned out to be just the first of many times. He had more toys for me, which included piercings to both my nipples and my clitoris, and a pair of big, bulgy plugs, one for my vagina and another for my anus. He wasn't gonna stick them in quite yet, as he had way more cum to give me, but the fact that they were waiting for me besides him as he continued to violate me was a constant reminder of what was to come.

Eventually, after giving me loads of cum, he stuck the first plug in. Next one he pressed against my anus, and bead by bead, it filled me up deep. All of this he sealed up with a chastity belt which he proceeded to lock in tight, saying that he was only gonna take it off after I admitted that I wanted his dick. I was adamant though, and said that I wasn't gonna admit to shit. His response? Whipping me.

He tied my hands tight and then tied me up to a pole, and leathery cracks of the whip struck against my back with stinging pain. It was just as real as the sex had been, just as real as anything I had ever felt. He asked me if I was ready to admit to being a filthy whore, but of course, I wasn't gonna say anything. He was gonna keep doing this all night long though, or so he said…

This was when I woke up. Sofia had woken me up, and she was a little distressed and confused. The door had been locked so nobody could've gone in and out, but yet I had been dressed in all that bondage gear? Yeah, every piece of equipment that Dremora forced me to wear in my dream was now somehow magically dressed on me.

This proved what I experienced just now was no mere dream. It had all happened for real.

Sofia of course thought that I had gone out, which I denied, saying I'd been asleep the whole time. I explained everything that had happened, and she believed me. Now the problem at hand was how to get rid of all this stuff. I carry tools and keys around to get rid of these things, but they're not the best, and Sofia's not as skilled a thief as I am. Even still, I can't really pick what I can't reach or see. Not even I am that skilled, so I had to rely on Sofia nonetheless.

Getting rid of the shackles on my hands, as well as the chastity belt, she could manage without problems. Getting rid of that collar took some time, and the nipple piercings were beyond her ability. Luckily, I was able to get rid of them at that point myself. In fact, together we were able to get rid of everything except for the clitoral piercing. None of the tools were delicate enough for it, and I doubt we will find anything that is. I have to carry it a while longer…

The mark on my stomach is constantly visible now. I'm still horny. Damn it, I haven't even encountered any enemies here yet, and I'm already in this sorry state…

We still don't know what to do. Continue this journey, or get away from here for now? We can always come here and try again and again, but if I get myself caught in this state, with this vibrating magical gem attached to my clit, there's no way I'd be able to resist at all… Sofia can always run away, but will she be able to save me alone? Besides, what if I see another one of those dreams again? Will that Dremora just tie me up again? I fear it could be so… I'm afraid to even go to sleep at this point…

Still, based on what we've seen, it's not that dangerous out there. Most dangers - like that giant Dwemer automaton - probably lurk behind us.

Rain's Hand, 31st, 4E 202

We decided to not leave, not quite just yet. Like, I can deal with this vibrating piercing. It's not that unstable as it has only activated itself once so far. That's definitely something I can deal with, so my biggest concern about continuing this journey has been eliminated. You can bet that Sofia also helped me "relax" during our stays in this field laboratory. I'm feeling alright now.

Now, if Septimus's ramblings are anything to go by, we're looking for a place called "Tower of Mzark" to find the Elder Scroll, but considering how Dwemer have built their "towers", that's easier said than done. After all, we're underground, and most of these "towers" pierce the roof of this cavern. Our best guess at the moment is the Dwemer fortress in the middle. This is a big problem for us though. As I've written before, many Falmer reside down here, and can you guess what their main base is? Yep, the very fortress I'm writing about.

We haven't gotten that close to the fortress yet, but based on what we've seen during our recon missions to the area, we can tell that they have a lot of slaves. Men, women, young, old… Mostly humans, but they've got some elves too. I wonder, can they be saved? Well, considering how open this area is - considering all the noise and even the smells - killing the blind Falmer shouldn't be too much of a challenge for me. They'll make for some good target practice. I mean, the Falmer have never been a problem for us to begin with; it's always the damn Chaurus!

Anyway, I'm done writing this, and we're done being lazy for the morning. If everything goes well during our hit-and-run attack to fuck shit up against the Falmer, I might even have some good news to write about!

Rain's Hand, 31st, 4E 202

While the hit-and-run tactics have been effective, we may have underestimated our enemy's intelligence slightly. Knowing something's hitting them from the shadows, they hide inside the buildings, and infiltrating this fortress has proven impossible through the main gate. We also noted that some of the slaves here actually fight on the Falmer's side, a slight problem for us. We had to retreat and hide after the enemy figured out where I was.

Fast forward a couple of hours, we found a way inside the fortress through an exit pipe facing an underground lake. The pipe led underground, where there's some kind of advanced plumbing system going on. These sewers don't resemble anything Whiterun or Riften has to offer. Fortune was on our side in the regard that the Falmer didn't expect us to attack through this route, but that's not to say we didn't face dangers. There were both Falmer and Chaurus down there, and most terrifyingly, the most enormous hive of Chaurus tentacles we've ever seen.

It was kind of like some "breedery", or perhaps a "human farm", to be more specific. There were more slaves down there, but this time, they were all female, and wouldn't you guess it, they existed only to serve as sex slaves. It honestly felt for a moment like this was even more dangerous of a route to go through, but at the same time, the Chaurus hives were easy to avoid, and the tentacles couldn't surprise us through metal and stone!

The enemy discovered us, thanks to us perhaps being a bit unlucky, but we were never in danger of defeat. I mean, I guess it could've happened…? But nah, we fared well. The Falmer on the upper levels didn't know what was going on, so no reinforcements were coming either. We decided to spend some time trying to save the slaves, which led to some unexpected happenings.

Our first target was this young, maybe thirteen-year-old Redguard who didn't respond to anything we said verbally and didn't even seem intelligent. All she seemingly cared about was those tentacles that held her in place while pounding her slowly and sensually. I mean, it DID look like it felt really good, but given the circumstances… I can't imagine anyone wanting to be here willingly… Right? Yet, when we killed the Chaurus monster and saved her, she didn't seem grateful at all. She looked scared, she was pouting, and all she could say were some combinations of the letters "U" and "H". She could've just as well been a drooling, mumbling fool. Then, she just ignored us and walked straight towards the next set of Chaurus tentacles to be raped again. It was creepy. No, no, not just creepy; fucking creepy. We were wondering, should we try to save her again? We decided not to since the new tentacle monster that got hold of her was bigger and more violent. She would've probably just gone for a new monster anyway.

We tried our luck with a middle-aged Nord woman next, who was visibly pregnant. Those tentacles were really rough with her, given how much those big titties jumped up and down with every jerk of her body against the massive tentacle penetrating her. Oh, and when we "saved" her, she was so outraged by the fact that we killed her tentacle lover that she attacked us! Or, more specifically, she attacked Sofia. At no point were we scared of the Nord actually killing her because she was unarmed. It honestly just shocked us. We felt bad and didn't want to kill her, which led to me simply poisoning her, trying to put her unconscious, and tying her up, but I'll forget writing more about her, and just spoil the surprise and say that we didn't get to save her either.

Then we found Umana, part of the excavation group we wrote about. She's a Redguard in her mid-twenties and a pretty one at that, and she was sane. She had noticed us trying to help the slaves and begged for us to save her, saying she didn't want to go crazy like the rest. Figuring it was in our best interest, we did as was asked.

She explained what had happened to her and Valie. They had both been captured and raped repeatedly. Both of them had been turned into "Chaurus nurseries", living for the sole purpose of producing offspring and birthing Chaurus eggs. She then explained that the Falmer were using some kind of poison, or more specifically toxic gas, to transform their minds and try to break them mentally, which probably explains the behavior of the other slaves. Umana said that she has been able to resist its effects to this point thanks to her hardy Redguard blood, but Valie has been less fortunate. "She still recognizes me", she explained, "but she's the same as the other slaves." Umana also stressed how happy she was to be saved because she's terrified of having her mind altered irreparably as well. Moreover, she said that Valie should've never even come here due to being so young and said that she never should've accepted bringing that "poor child" on this excavation.

Speaking of which, Umana begged to know what had happened to her friends and allies, and we had no choice but tell her the truth. It devastated her, and she said that she should've known better than to accept this contract. We asked why she even was here, but she didn't want to talk about it. "Just some rich douchebag sending us to look for a valuable shard of metal", she said. We didn't press the question further. Instead, we began looking for Valie.

She was held elsewhere, which meant that we had to go upstairs away from these sewers and that we had more fighting to do. No matter, we succeeded. We had to kill some brainwashed slaves too, but that was fine. We found and saved Valie from being raped by Falmer and brought her along with us. Like Umana said, Valie still recognizes her, even though her mind has been broken, meaning she came along quietly. Lastly, before leaving, we explained to Umana why we're here, and explained that we're looking for an Elder Scroll, and asked her opinion about where to find one. She had no clues, but if she had to guess, this fortress wasn't our best bet. I'm not sure if we should take her word for it, but whatever… This place feels dangerous, and believe me when I say this, I do NOT want to be captured here.

We brought them safely to the field laboratory, and now all of us are going to sleep. Tomorrow we'll lead them to the Nightgate inn to safety, after which we'll return here. After that, I'm hoping we just find the Elder Scroll somewhere so we can get the fuck out of here.

I have one guess at where we could go? I saw some kind of tall tower-like building in the distance when we were attacking the fortress, which didn't even look guarded. It could be just another lift to the surface, but we're going to try our luck with that place first.

Rain's Hand, 1st, 4E 202

Getting Umana and Valie to safety went exactly as we planned it would go. We've got no clue where they'll go from here, but I'm guessing Umana will try to find a healer for Valie, who's still mindbroken thanks to that Falmer poison. They had nothing to offer us as a reward, but that's fine. We were both happy to help and save them regardless.

But enough of that, let's talk about the Tower of Mzark. That's right, we found it. We knew it almost immediately after waltzing in, as behind a large door, just beyond the main hallway, was something remarkably big. Remember that mammoth-sized floating orb I told you about? Well, this was an orb too. Granted, it was made out from Dwemer metal, it wasn't glowing, and it didn't have strange markings on it, but you could probably fit ten of those weird glowing orbs inside of this thing. On top of it, there are all kinds of mirrors and light sources too, all of which could be moved using some weird Dwemer machine. We whipped out the lexicon and placed it in some kind of Dwemer receptacle, and wouldn't you know it, it activated the mechanism. We knew we were on the right path, but we have no fucking clue how to operate this thing. I've tried pressing some buttons, but with no luck. It feels like some kind of a puzzle, and my pea-brains are too stupid to comprehend this thing. Sofia got bored of watching me try, so she's trying her luck now.

Maybe I'll try again later after I'm done updating my journal… I probably should survey the area ahead a little bit as well to see if there's an exit somewhere here? It'd be troublesome to walk all the way back to the field laboratory, after all.

Rain's Hand, 1st, 4E 202

I can't believe it, we solved the riddle! We managed to operate the machine to open up the massive thing in front of us, and we got the damn scroll! We must bring it to Castle Volkihar immediately!

Oh, and the Dwemer lexicon has transformed, so I guess it has some readings inscribed into it now? Well, whatever. I'll take it to Septimus later. He's not in a hurry to get it, right?

We also found another way outside using the lift in the same tower the Elder Scroll was located. We don't exactly know where we are right now, but looking by the mountains and sights around us… I think I recognize one of the old stone towers in the distance. It's right next to Dawnstar, if my memory serves me right.

We're still holed up in the Tower of Mzark though. There was some kind of campsite right outside the lift, but instead of actually sleeping outside, we took some of the bedrolls inside. Looking at the tower from the surface, it really looked like it was impossible to open it from the outside, so whoever had that camp must've been trying to figure out how it worked… But why did they leave their stuff behind? Oh well, I hope they're not nearby. I don't really feel like fighting anyone.

We'll head towards Dawnstar soon.

Second Seed, 2nd, 4E 202

Since we were in Dawnstar, we had a perfect opportunity to visit the Sanctuary. They were happy to see me safe and sound, and I was thrilled to meet four new recruits seeking glory with us. The Brotherhood is already bigger than it was in Falkreath, but whether these initiates will stay alive for more than three contracts remains to be seen. Nazir wondered what I had been up to and said I should visit more often to get them some work. I said that I try, but I'm a busy woman. Oh, and you should've seen the look on his face when I showed him what I had found. I told him to keep it a secret.

He also wanted to talk business. He said that we should reform the Black Hand. With me as the Listener, I should pick out some Speakers for myself. Basically, I can choose anyone I find to be qualified, short of Cicero, who's the Keeper. Can't have him doing double duty!

Nazir is obviously very suitable for that role, but he said that none of the remaining senior members he talked to were that interested. For now, we're going to have a situation where we have just one Speaker. I myself will also perform Speaker's duties every time I come here, but I'll let Nazir handle most of the work. It only makes sense that way since he manages the contracts anyway.

I'm sadly not able to stay here a whole lot longer, as I'll be leaving tomorrow with Sofia, but I've done my work here. I prayed to the Night Mother and gave new contracts forward, so my duty here is more or less done for now!

Second Seed, 3rd, 4E 202

We stopped by in Dragon Bridge to buy and sell supplies. We kind of get the impression that we aren't welcome here. Some of them recognize us, some look at us the wrong way, but most don't talk to us. There was one citizen who told me to go away and leave them be, to which I simply replied nothing.

When we got out from the general goods shop - where we were surprisingly made feel very welcome - we saw some citizens talking with guards. We thought nothing of it since we've done nothing wrong here and proceeded to visit the blacksmith. He was really wary of me, but I tried to be as friendly and polite as possible to make a good impression and show that I'm not anyone he should be worried about. I ended up buying some iron because I needed to craft some tools to finally get rid of this damned jewel stuck to my clit. He let me use his forge after I paid him some extra. I guess he was warming up to me a little and was willing to let his guard down… Or maybe he was scared.

Then, I proceeded to try and remove the thing… And I broke my tool. Part of it got stuck inside the lock. I couldn't believe it, I was mortified. I'm not skilled enough to fucking remove a broken piece of metal from an already delicate lock! I turned towards the blacksmith, who at this point had figured out what was going on. He was willing to help me out if I paid up…

It was a little embarrassing spreading my legs to him. It made me a little horny and blush too. It didn't look like he was attracted to children though, so it didn't really matter that he got a close-up view of my private parts… Sadly, he quickly said that the lock is beyond his skills, especially with the piece stuck inside. At this point, he seemed really scared of me doing something to him, but I just thanked him for being so helpful and tried to smile.

After this, it was pretty clear that the guards weren't really interested in helping the citizens get rid of us. That was… Good, I guess? They just kept talking to each other, saying I'm not their problem and how they're unwilling to get hurt or maybe even die fighting us, especially since we were not bothering anyone. One of them politely told me to leave the village. I just clicked my tongue and said I'm not here to cause trouble. I just want to rest on my journey.

Something tells me that we aren't going to get comfortable sleep though. We kind of have to sleep with one eye open, or rather, with one of us constantly awake. We can't have these guards or villagers sneaking up on us while we're defenseless.

Like really, I've become famous in these parts of Skyrim, and not in a good way…

Second Seed, 3rd, 4E 202

As soon as Serana saw me, she rushed to hug me, saying she missed me over and over again and in more ways than one. She didn't think it would take so long for me to come back, and with the lack of news about me and my whereabouts, she had lost all hope. As happy as I was to see her too, I insisted on delivering the Elder Scroll to Lord Harkon as soon as possible, but shockingly, Serana wouldn't let me. "He doesn't have to know", she whispered while holding my hands. She looked dead serious too. It puzzled me initially, but she wasn't willing to explain herself, not while we could be eavesdropped on. "Let's go find my mother first", she suggested.

I felt like I was betraying Lord Harkon's will, but since Serana is important to me as well, I did as she said. Besides, since she now had an idea about her mother's whereabouts, I was going to need her anyway.

There's a part of this castle that Serana's mother, Valerica, used to love, a part that Harkon used to hate, and Serana's theory was that she could be there. We had to jump through quite a few rings and hoops to even get there. Valerica had left us multiple puzzles to solve, so it wasn't easy.

First, we had to use an old waterway, a drain exit by the sea, to access abandoned parts of the castle, where we found an old courtyard with a garden. That place truly hadn't been tended to in centuries. Like I said, Harkon hated that place for some reason. For me, a fan of flowers and gardens, it was a sorry sight to see.

The garden felt like a dead end, but Serana said there must've been some kind of secret entrance somewhere, and she was right on the money. There was a moondial in the middle of the garden, and by placing missing crests into correct positions, we opened a secret doorway to an old, ancient wing of this castle, a wing that hadn't been used in an equally long time. Exploring it felt a little dangerous because Valerica had also left some undead minions for us to defeat, but the three of us had no problem. We finally made it to a large room at the end of the road, and after confirming it was indeed Valerica's secret laboratory, we knew we were on the right path.

That's when I finally told Serana that I must know why she refused me an audience with Lord Harkon and asked what had changed. I wanted to know what was going on, and honestly, I was getting a little tired of her secrecy too. Like, if she wasn't willing to trust me with the information I wanted from her, why would I help her? I assured her that I was her ally and a friend, but that required some honesty and transparency from her too. She still seemed a little hesitant but agreed to share her concerns. She sat Sofia and me down and proceeded to reveal everything, starting from the very beginning. The discussion we had must've taken at least two hours, so I'll have to summarize quite a bit.

Lord Harkon used to rule a small, independent kingdom here in the borderlands between High Rock and Skyrim, back when these lands were a little bit more fractured, so needless to say, little princess Serana had been born into exorbitant wealth. Still, even though she had all the riches, books, beautiful dresses, and jewelry she could ever want, she didn't have friends. She was a lonely princess and was never allowed to leave the castle. Her only true friend in that castle was her mother, who would teach her much about magic, but even she would often be gone for weeks, sometimes even months.

Rarely spending time with her father didn't stop her from understanding precisely what kind of person he was. He was power-hungry and ambitious, and above everything else, he was obsessed with the idea of living forever. The easiest and the most obvious road to immortality was through vampirism, but even amidst his curiosity and flirting with the idea of becoming undead, he wanted something more. He wanted to become more than just some kind of "diseased, feral creature", which led to him striking a deal with Molag Bal directly. However, to receive such a reward from the Prince of Domination, he would have to give up something equal in value. Merely surrendering his soul to Molag Bal's will was never going to be enough, but that was fine, for he would stop at nothing to achieve his goals.

He sacrificed his kingdom, allowing the souls of his subjects to be condemned to Molag Bal's will. Thousands were raped and murdered, from the fittest of men to the frailest of elders. None who got caught were spared, not even the littlest of children. King Harkon even sacrificed his own family in search of power, leading to Serana and her mother becoming victims of Molag Bal's wrath.

Serana didn't explain everything about the following few days in detail, just that it was the evilest thing one could ever live through. It was a bloody, ritualistic gangrape that none were meant to survive, much less a little child. She was just fresh off her ninth birthday when Molag Bal himself raped her and claimed her soul, not only leaving her within an inch of her young life at the end of it, but also leaving her for the horde of his subject to be passed on and raped again, repeatedly. Just like the mother of all vampires at the dawn of time though, by some miracle's chance, she did survive. Like her mother, who had suffered the same fate, and like her father, who had been rewarded by Molag Bal for his service to him, she was reborn as a vampire. Still, the more significant change in her being was the loss of her innocence, which had been ripped away from her.

Despite being trapped in a child's body, just like Sofia and I, she would continue to grow in power and wisdom. She had always been a young prodigy when it came to the Destruction magic, but now she was a vampire too, and a firstborn to a new, powerful bloodline nonetheless. Her father had even gotten more interested in her thanks to this, for he saw her not only as someone who had the "honor" of partaking in Molag Bal's ritual, but also as someone strong-willed enough to survive it. This meant a lot to Serana, for it was the first time he had ever shown interest in her. It made her want to prove herself to him, which led to her having done some atrocities as well.

While Serana never ventured outside the castle to partake in "raids", she had been gifted with several thralls, which Serana was not only instructed to feed on, but also to toy with. She never liked it too much, but one thing her father liked to pressure her to do was to rape those men who had been submitted to her will. Looking back though, Serana understood that Harkon's will wasn't simply for her to rape those men but to enjoy watching his own daughter do it. It wasn't so much about HER forcing them to have sex as it was about HIM forcing her to have sex with them.

I asked her if she regretted those acts, and while she said "yes", she also admitted that it taught her a lot about sex and even got her more interested in it. "I know it sounds twisted and fucked up, but friend to friend, it's the honest truth", she said. In a way, I find it easy to sympathize with her because I, too, have been forced to enjoy sex in less-than-desirable conditions. I told her I understood her, and didn't blame her for it, which seemed to make her happy.

Her extended childhood went on like this for some decades until something began to change again. Lord Harkon had learned of the very prophecy he's still trying to fulfill, and he had become obsessed with it. You see, he didn't enjoy the inherent weaknesses of being a vampire and wanted to rise even above it, even if it meant plunging the world into darkness. Valerica, however, was not on board with this. Serana didn't know why, but she suspected it wasn't just some family drama or a simple disagreement between husband and wife.

Both of her parents tried to get her on their side against each other, and Serana didn't know what to think. She genuinely didn't know who was right: the mother who had been there for her when she was still a mortal and taught her everything about life, or the father who might've been absent back in the day, but had gained a newfound admiration for his only daughter, who he sometimes showed even more love and affection towards than his own wife?

Around this time of turmoil, the decision was essentially made for her without her having a say. Her mother stole two Elder Scrolls from Lord Harkon and "kidnapped" Serana, taking her away from Castle Volkihar under the pretense of having to get her the fuck away from Harkon. Valerica wanted to take her somewhere safe where she would never be found by him, which explains why she had been sealed away inside that crypt where I found her. This brings us back to the events of the past year or so.

Serana seems to have decided whether she should trust her father or not, and she feels content betting against him. "It's like my father doesn't even see me anymore", she explains. "It's almost as if he sees past me or that he sees me as an indisposable tool rather than a daughter. He might even see me as a servant or perhaps even a stranger. Yet, I'm not like the other servants he has because he obviously has some value in me, but he just doesn't feel like a father anymore, if you know what I mean."

To be honest, I'm not sure what she could mean by those feelings…

Regardless, she seems to believe there was a reason her mother locked her away and why she went into hiding herself. She wouldn't have done it for nothing, or simply to get back at her husband to "own" him. "I need to know why she did it", Serana finally said, after which she was done.

Having heard her story, I must say, I'm beginning to have some doubts about Lord Harkon as well, not necessarily because I want to backstab him or anything, but because I want to be loyal to Serana, who's my dear friend. Besides, she just revealed all her feelings and her past to me, so to just throw that all away and betray HER trust would feel wrong. Nonetheless, for both of us to get to our own respective goals, we'll need to work together, as what's going to happen next is not something either of us can succeed in alone.

Based on the information on Valerica's journal - which we found in her laboratory - Serana has a reason to believe that her mother has used a portal in this room to travel to Soul Cairn, a mysterious plane of Oblivion not belonging to any Daedra. Not gonna lie, it certainly sounds like a good hiding place, but it also sounds like a very dangerous hiding place, even for an ancient vampire. We're not exactly sure what to find there or if it's even possible to get back safely. Serana seems confident about it being safe, but I'm a little scared. I think I'll trust her on this one.

I probably won't be able to write anything once I'm there, so… Expect some tales from my adventure to the grimmest of all afterlives later, my sweet diary.

Second Seed, 5th, 4E 202

Calling the Soul Cairn an inhospitable hellscape would be putting it mildly. It was a harrowing, nightmarish plane of existence, a place of endless suffering for those trapped inside, helpless to escape its clutches. I could perhaps write an opus only from the things I saw inside, but I'll try to focus on the crucial things and not talk about all those poor souls who were wailing to me about their suffering. It's depressing, you know? I have to think twice before using Soul Gems in the future. I had already decided never to use or ever touch a Black Soul Gem even before knowing about that place, and my journeys there just reinforced that decision.

Anyway, the big takeaway is that we succeeded in coming back to Skyrim. We're resting and recovering in Dragon Bridge now, and Serana is with us too. We have all three scrolls in our hands, and Harkon doesn't even know it… Or does he? Something tells me that he might have suspicions about how we've been acting lately, and now that even Serana has disappeared from his castle, from right under his nose. He has to know something's up, but as long as he doesn't know where we are, we'll be safe.

So, to stay on the topic of Serana's family, let's talk about her mother.

We found Valerica pretty quickly, but getting to her was impossible initially. To cut a long story short, she had come here seeking protection from the so-called "Ideal Masters", the rulers of this realm, but had been tricked by them. One thing left to another, she retreated to a large castle close to the portal she had created - the same portal we entered this realm through - and the Ideal Masters locked her in with a powerful, impregnable barrier. There was a way to disable the barrier, but Valerica herself couldn't do it, not while stuck inside.

Also, she was NOT happy to see us.

She had figured out how to complete the prophecy on her own, which was the reason why she had sealed Serana away and escaped to this place to begin with. It also became apparent to me that Harkon has been neglecting to tell me some important details about the prophecy, which he presumably knows a lot about himself. To complete the prophecy, a Daughter of Coldharbour, a pure-blooded female vampire, must be sacrificed. Harkon wants to use Serana's blood to corrupt Auriel's Bow. That's the only way for Harkon to plunge the world into eternal darkness.

It's so strange for me to think he could do something like that. To kill his own daughter without a second thought for something like this… That's so sick. Then again, given what Serana told me, should I even be surprised anymore? Harkon really will stop at nothing to achieve his goals, even if it means destroying everything around him.

Besides, even if the completion of the prophecy didn't require such a sacrifice, Valerica wouldn't want it to come to pass, no matter the cost. What would a world without a sun even mean? It would be a cold, lifeless world and a far cry from the paradise Harkon wants for himself. He would be making too many enemies for him to survive in this new dark world, and there's not even a guarantee that other vampire clans would be happy about it either.

This was all news to Serana as well, because while she admitted she still hadn't been perfectly frank with me out of fear of my supposed loyalty to Harkon, she never realized that things were truly as bad as Valerica suggested. She never knew she would have to die! She got so upset she actually burst out crying, and all I saw was red.

So, that settles it. I won't be helping Harkon complete his prophecy anymore. Instead, I'm taking Valerica's side in all of this. No way I'm letting any harm come to Serana. I feel like a fool for helping that liar to begin with, but how could I know? I was being manipulated by him, and he was keeping secrets from me all along. Killing Harkon would solve a lot of problems…

But would I be able to do something like that? To kill one of the greatest vampires to ever exist? A royal, pure-blooded vampire who received his powers directly from Molag Bal himself? It sounds like an impossible task. Not even Valerica thinks it's possible, especially not for a little kid such as myself. Sure, she doesn't know that I also have a little gift from the gods within me myself… But would even that be enough? It has to be because we must somehow prevent the prophecy from happening. And for that, we're going to need the third Elder Scroll. If we find the Auriel's Bow for ourselves before Harkon gets his hands on it, then maybe the prophecy can yet be avoided.

So anyway, part one of us completing our task in the Soul Cairn was to kill three of the keepers guarding the area. Only then would the barrier come down. This is where we started getting into some serious trouble.

Let's make no mistake about it, we were behind enemy lines, and the enemy knew we were there. They wanted us dead… Actually, death would've been preferable to what they had in store for us. Most of the enemies were just dust and bones and no match for us, but those shades which used fire magic to their advantage… Huge problem. That said, the sheer number of enemies couldn't get to us even when they were mostly weak. All three guardians were also strong foes, but luckily, we could defeat the first two out of three easily. The last one though? Well, that was actually where we got most of our bruises from. With all his minions at his disposal, he was not an easy foe to beat.

At the point we had taken down the barrier and gotten back to Valerica, we were a sorry sight to see. Our equipment was ruined to the point of not being able to even cover up our private parts adequately. Valerica was questioning whether I could truly protect Serana when I was in this state and found the idea of us being able to defeat Harkon laughable. Still, at the same time, she had to recognize our accomplishments in taking out the guardians, which is something not even she managed to accomplish.

Next was part two of our quest, and the good news now was that we had one extra ally with us to brave inside this castle and the boneyard within. The bad news was that we had one giant obstacle in front of us: a dragon named Durnehviir.

I'm not talking about an ordinary dragon here. This was an undead dragon, a foe unlike anything else this place has to offer. Along with it, we were faced with many skeletons that it raised from the dead. It was an endless horde, and none of our attacks even seemed to do anything against our flying foe.

The battle was long and tiring, but we were eventually able to ground him. That's when something struck me down, an attack from below my waist when I was aiming at him. The Soul Gem attached to me started vibrating furiously and mercilessly, way harder than it had vibrated before. I had almost forgotten about it honestly. It hadn't turned on by itself in such a long time. Now though, it drove me insane in seconds. I dropped my bow in an instant and couldn't even pick it up. I fell to my knees, and my allies were left having to fight the hordes alone. Seriously, it was the worst possible time!

The tide of the battle had turned completely, which resulted in me revealing one of my many trump cards. You see, I rarely rely on my voice anymore. Shouting with thunderous powers doesn't exactly fit my fighting style, you know? I'm supposed to be a stealthy gal, a freaking assassin. I don't want too many people associating me, a girl infamous for being a criminal and a rumored vampire, with the Dragonborn of legend. Some select few deserve to know, but me being famous for it would just create more problems and more unwanted attention on me. I only tap into my reserves when I really, really have to! Anyway, forgive my rant.

I blasted my enemies away with my draconic powers and empowered myself with a thunderous battle shout I had learned through deep meditation. At that point, the vibrating had stopped, and the dragon realized what he was truly against. It must've excited him, as he only was interested in me after that. We met face to face, his voice against mine, my blades against his claws. Miraculously, it was I who came out on top. I couldn't have done it alone, not without my allies taking care of the skeletons, that's for sure. Truly, Durnehviir was nothing like any of the few dragons I had previously faced. I couldn't even absorb his soul before its body disintegrated before my eyes, maybe because his soul already belonged to the Ideal Masters or something.

After that, we got our scroll and shared some words with Valerica. She finally seemed like a believer in me. She had no idea that I was hiding that kind of power. She could trust me as Serana's friend now, which was great. Unfortunately, she wasn't willing to leave that place. She's a Daughter of Coldharbour herself, and her blood can be used to corrupt the bow just like Serana's blood can. She's not willing to die either. I hope we can one day return to her, bringing her news of Harkon's demise.

Before we were able to leave that place, Durnehviir returned. He descended in front of me outside the castle, and he spoke to me. He hadn't come back to fight; he had come back to pay his respects to the "Qahnaarin", as he had taken to calling me. Apparently, it means "Vanquisher". It was the first time he had been defeated in battle, and he recognized me now as his superior. Dragons have some strange customs, don't they? Strange, but respectable.

He also had a request for me, a request to return to Tamriel. I wasn't exactly sure how to go about it, but apparently it's about as easy as baking a Snowberry pie! I just have to call his name! If I do that, he's willing to teach me some of his tongue. I mean, sure? You can never know too much about the voice if you ask me. I suppose it might also be cool to have him help me on the battlefield too.

After that, we made it out with all three Elder Scrolls in our possession, and it was time to read the rest of them. I still have a thrall of my own, a thrall that happens to be a Moth Priest, a thrall can read them… Well, used to. That useless fucker has gone blind!

Okay, he wasn't actually useless yet… He still had a way for me to read the scrolls.

We're going to travel to some Ancestral Glade here in Skyrim, where a ritual can be performed to read the scrolls safely. Kind of makes me wonder, why didn't he think of this earlier? I guess it was his selfish desire to read the scroll himself. Nah, actually, I'll blame Harkon for his impatience regarding this prophecy. Well, what's done is done. No point crying over spilled milk.

Second Seed, 7th, 4E 202

We have decided to stay for a day in Rorikstead. It's pretty amazing that I have never stopped at this place, considering its location and close proximity to many places I have visited. People don't know me too well here either, so I kind of like it here. We also needed to trade a lot of supplies. We don't know where our adventure will take us after we leave the Ancestral Glade, but we know that we have to be prepared.

One of the first things I wanted to do was FINALLY get rid of this damned jewel. I have tried so many times to remove the piece stuck inside, but fiddling around with the lock usually just activates it and makes it vibrate uncontrollably. It usually goes all the way until I climax, so… It's kind of exhausting trying to repair it, you know? It's not something I'd be willing just anyone to help me with either. Maybe Alvor? Okay, that might be a bad idea. His wife would murder me.

Amazingly, with enough time, patience, and nerves, I finally, FINALLY, got the piece out from the lock. After that, I bought some tools from the local blacksmith. This time I was even more careful than the last time, and…

I'm rid of it! How long was it stuck to my crotch? A week? Ah, I feel so happy and free to be out of its influence! I was so happy I could cry!

It also seems that Dremora has not come back to haunt me in my dreams, which is good. Hopefully, it remains that way.

I spent the following hours of my time in the Frostfruit Inn talking to locals. I mostly just spoke with a young man called Erik, who wants to leave this place and become an adventurer. I felt that butting myself into this would create trouble considering that everyone's interest conflicts here, so I decided to just wish him luck and leave it at that.

There are also two young girls living here in this village, as I found out after leaving the Inn. They're Sissel and Britte. I think they're twins, but I'm not sure. Their father Lemkil seems like a real piece of shit, and honestly, Britte is beginning to inherit those traits. They both hate Sissel, although Lemkil hates both of her daughters. Maybe Britte is just trying to prove herself to her father? There could be more to why she behaves the way she does.

Sissel seems like an interesting girl though, and she's very easy to feel sympathetic towards considering how much domestic violence she experiences. I made it clear from the beginning that I was her friend, someone she could trust. She retorted by saying that one of the guards had warned her about me, but after I called the guards morons and laughed, I felt like I had gained her trust. She doesn't like the guards too much either.

I talked about my adventures, and in return, she talked about what she likes to do. I talked about what I'm good at, and she talked about how she wants to be a mage one day. She's currently receiving secret lessons from Jouane, a local elder, a gentle old Breton man who used to be a healer back in the days. I felt like I really connected with her, and we both decided to share secrets with each other.

She told me that she actually sees visions about an old grey dragon speaking to her and that she believes she possesses some kind of power or immense magical talent. It wasn't much of a secret, at least compared to mine. You see, as a response, I pointed at my teeth simply told her that I'm a vampire.

At first, I could see the color drain from her face. She was scared pissed. Can't blame an innocent village darling for that. I also told her that she doesn't have to worry about me doing anything to harm her. I can tell she's weak, she's young, innocent and defenseless. I do not prey on the weak. I prey on the strong, on those who commit crimes, on those who deserve to face justice. I may be a criminal and a murderer in the eyes of the law, but I am a virtuous young woman in my own eyes. After that, she could understand why guards didn't like me, but she also was worried, why aren't they trying to arrest me? Well, I just said that they don't have proof and reminded her that they are morons. I got her to laugh again. She still trusts me, which is great.

Sun was already setting. Sissel was expected home, but we kept talking. She told me about how she was wanted revenge on her mean older sister and her horrible abusive father for quite some time now, but that she's also scared. She mostly sucks it up and takes the abuse because she knows she doesn't have any place she could go to. Her only real comfort here in this village is Jouane. I think she's having some kind of love affair with her teacher? That's kinky, not gonna lie…

Her father though, is definitely a rapist, nothing consensual about what they're doing. Her father knows that she can't do shit to stop it from happening. Where could she even go if her father dies or is imprisoned? She'd be homeless. I'm not sure if I would even want Britte to become homeless like that. Not even she would deserve it.

Something has to be done though, but what?

Oh, what indeed. I told her that I had a place she could stay in. I'm an adventurer, I'm rich (I lied a little) and I can buy her all the books she needs for training. I could get rid of her father and give her a new home… What I suggested startled her, but it also seemed to excite her somewhat. Still, she didn't understand why go through the trouble. Do I have ulterior motives?

Well, I simply said that I'm not home that often, and it would be nice having someone there cleaning and tending to the garden. It's quite in the middle of nowhere, so she wouldn't have a lot of friends to talk to, and that worried me… She seems to love social interactions, and I wouldn't want to take that away from her.

She said she has to think about it, after which I hugged her and whispered: "Just say the word, and Lemkil is as good as dead".

I'll return here in a week, or maybe two, maybe three… I have no idea. I do have important errands that need attending to, and I don't really have a schedule yet. If she hasn't made up her mind by then, well… I won't do anything, but if she wants me to murder her father… I would love to butcher him like the filthy pig he is.

Well, it's my turn to go watch my girls while they sleep. You know, got to keep guard in case someone wants to hurt us or something. Sofia and Serana are both waiting at the Inn. We'll leave before dawn.

• 13th Journal - Prophecy