JoS/Henriette/2nd Journal - Destined

Heartfire, 3rd, 4E 201

Sofia and I packed our things last night and left Riverwood early this morning. I'm not sure if I'll be returning there anytime soon, so I offered everyone my gratitude for helping me in my time of need. They were a little worried about me, but I'll be fine, I'm sure of it. As for Sofia, I'm not sure how far she's willing to follow me, but she seems excited about going on an adventure, and honestly, I don't mind her company at all. It's helpful to have a friend fighting by my side.

Since I wasn't up for traveling the whole day by foot under the scorching sun, we hopped on a carriage from Whiterun to Windhelm and hopped off about four-fifths of the way there. It's a long detour, given how Ivarstead is in a completely different direction, but there's one person I wanted to thank. He gave me clothes and food in my time of need when he didn't even seem to have much to spare, so it was only fair I gave something back to him. It didn't seem like he expected to see me ever again, and he even said that he didn't need me to pay back, but since I insisted, he didn't turn down my gift either.

Lucky for us, the carriage driver was willing to wait for us to complete this business instead of just driving off like a douche, all free of charge. What a nice guy! We made it safely all the way to Windhelm thanks to him.

Before we settled down in our rented room, we talked to folks in Candlehearth Hall and heard about all kinds of rumors. There was talk about a newly-constructed Azura's shrine up in the mountains, and rumors about some dangerous bandits holed up in a nearby cave, for example. Nothing exciting, to be honest… but a story about a young boy trying to summon an assassin from the Dark Brotherhood stuck to my mind. His name is Aventus Aretino, and he lives here in Windhelm.

I have heard stories about the Dark Brotherhood, and they're all assassins and murderers. They've got a long history with high-profile targets and assassinations, but the last I heard of them was about how they were wiped out following a raid on their headquarters in Cyrodiil. I guess they still exist in some form, huh? But why would a kid want to contact them? Well, curious as I was, I investigated. I decided to go alone and figure out exactly what the young boy wanted.

The door to his apartment was locked, and he wasn't answering, but since the streets were empty, I simply broke into his house. When he saw me, he mistook me for the assassin he intended to hire. I didn't say a word to correct him, and instead, I just listened as he told me his story and what he needed from the Dark Brotherhood.

He didn't tell me a lot, but the gist is that he's an orphan, having lost his mother to sickness last winter. He was sent to live in an orphanage in Riften, but after just a little over half a year of being there, he ran away, shocked and afraid of the things he saw in that place. According to him, the orphanage's owner, an old woman known as "Grelod the Kind", is an evil, cruel woman who mistreats, abuses, and even tortures the children living there. Everyone there is afraid of her, and everyone hates her, but nobody believes the children, and nobody's willing to help them. That's why he has decided to take the matter into his own hands. That's why he wants her dead.

Now, I'm obviously not an assassin, and I'm definitely not associated with the Dark Brotherhood in any way, but I told him I'd help him. I kind of regret I did because I don't want to murder an old woman, but at the same time… I don't know, I just sympathize with him. His story isn't that different from mine, and he just came across to me as… helpless. It's pitiful, and I mean that in the kindest way.

Besides, if what Aventus said is true about that woman, then perhaps she deserves to die? Maybe, but I won't just take his word for it. I'll have to see it to believe it, so if I ever visit Riften, I'll make sure to pay a visit to the Honorhall Orphanage and see for myself what this Grelod is all about.

Heartfire, 5th, 4E 201

We have safely made it to Ivarstead, and I'm SO beat. The road from Windhelm to Ivarstead is an uphill one, and my feet are sore from all the walking. I'm SO not used to this yet. Tomorrow I'll probably be feeling even worse, given we have to walk the seven thousand steps to the summit of the Throat of the World. I've got to say, growing up on this mountain's slopes in Helgen, I never thought I'd end up climbing it one day!

Still, the trip wasn't all bad. We saw some incredible sights on the way, hunted some deer for a meal on the road, and stayed clear of trouble. Some wolves and a wild boar tried to get the better of us, but they were no match for us. We also saw a troll, but we decided not to fight it. Luckily, it wasn't interested in us either. We may have improved a lot during this short period of time as an adventurer, but there's just no way we can take down a beast like that. It would've probably eaten us alive.

Worth pointing out that we also decided to travel during the night after resting, relaxing, and buying supplies in Windhelm yesterday. Neither of us like it, but after seeing how tired walking under the autumn sun made me yesterday, we felt like we had no choice. Luckily, Sofia's very understanding in that regard, even though she also says she's somewhat afraid of the dark. Makes me wonder, is traveling during the night actually more dangerous? As I said, we came across some wild animals, but apart from that, we didn't come across anyone! No travelers on the roads, patrolling soldiers, bandits, werewolves, or vampires. No nothing.

One thing I did notice is that it's harder to shoot targets in the dead of the night, especially when they're far away. Like, if I can't see my enemy, how can I hit them with my arrows? That's a bit of a problem. I invested in a good short sword back in Windhelm, and Sofia taught me a few moves to use it too, but I don't feel comfortable using it in actual fights yet.

I've also heard that vampires can see better in the dark, but I'm not sure if that's the case for me. Maybe it's something you just get used to over time? Or a trained ability related to magic? Vampires also got an affinity with special kinds of magics, so maybe…

Anyway, I should probably put the pen down now and get some sleep. It's gonna be a long day. Hopefully, I'll learn something about this gift of Dragonblood I have tomorrow.

Heartfire, 6th, 4E 201

There and back, now back in Ivarstead, still in one piece! Those old men sure were surprised when I walked in. Bet they weren't expecting a little girl! They probably haven't seen a female in a long time, period.

They were very respectful of me and wanted to help me grow and develop. In their words, I have a gift from gods, a power of the dragons bestowed upon me by Akatosh himself. They themselves don't see the "Way of the Voice" - which is what they call the study of the dragon tongue - as a weapon or a tool for personal gain, but I, as a Dragonborn, exceed their own rules and standards, so they don't care about me using these powers how I want.

Going there and training there made me feel very good and confident about myself. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to learn from them a little, especially since they've already taught me two new words of power. I'm happy to accept any help and knowledge they offer me. If the path to higher learning goes through meditation and focus, it's what I'm going to do as well. It's not like that's gonna stop me from being the kind of person I want to be.

They sent me on a "trial" to retrieve some old horn in a crypt called Ustengrav. Bleak Falls Barrow turned out to be an easy task to overcome, so I'm sure I'll pass whatever trial they have stored up for me. I needed a direction for my next journey anyway, so why not travel there next? It's really far away from here, though. We could just take a carriage to Morthal, which is nearby, but what's the fun in that? We're gonna continue to travel by foot and see the world! A little exercise for my little feet will also do wonders for me in the long term.

I still miss my mommy and daddy, and big bro too, and I'm still not happy about my current condition as a vampire either, but at least I'm still alive. Besides, I feel like I have a purpose now!

Heartfire, 8th, 4E 201

We were planning on making it to Morthal today, but we were getting tired, and since the sun was rising, we decided to make our way to Dawnstar instead. Morthal is actually closer to Whiterun on the map, but since there aren't any direct roads between those two places, we didn't have much choice but to take a detour.

Part of the reason it got so late was because we wasted time helping a strange jester by the road. His name was Cicero, and he was transporting a coffin somewhere, the body of his dead mother or something. Despite this supposed tragedy, he was still cheerful, even to the point of being a little creepy. A wheel on his wagon was broken, though, and the man at the farm next door had refused to help him the previous evening, so my help was needed next.

I don't know how, but I managed to convince the farmer to help Cicero. He got a little irritated at me for disturbing him in the middle of the night and just wanted to get back to sleep, and even though he didn't want to help the "clown", he couldn't say no to a child's plea! Got a surprising amount of money from that jester for my troubles too, so I guess it was worth it! Makes me wonder, do jesters make a lot of money?

Now we're safely at the inn with a belly full of food. Time to sleep, I guess. Tomorrow, we'll walk straight to Ustengrav. According to the map, it's closer to us than Morthal is, so not sure if there's any point in visiting that town anymore!

Heartfire, 8th, 4E 201

We ended up sleeping for only about three to four hours after crashing into bed. The only remaining guest bed was way too small for two girls to sleep comfortably in, and there was a lot of noise coming from the tavern too, hindering us from getting proper sleep.

Apparently, this town is being plagued by strange nightmares - not that we had any - and there was some priest of Mara preaching the subject to the residents in the tavern, claiming to know how to fix the situation. It had led to some bickering and arguments since it didn't seem like the residents trusted the guy, and honestly, I can't blame them. Even though I didn't approach him or talk to him directly, I could tell he was hiding something. So, since he's not getting any help, all I can say is, if he knows how to solve this issue, I hope he can solve it by himself!

Since we couldn't get back to sleep right away, we decided to leave the tavern and spend a couple of hours walking around, buying more supplies, and relaxing on the shore, staring into the Sea of Ghosts. This is kind of a boring place, so there's not much to tell, but the weather was cloudy and super windy, which I honestly don't mind all that much anymore. The old me would've cursed the gods for this kind of foul weather, but as a vampire, this is far better than suffering under the sun!

Oh, and on the topic of supplies… we're starting to run a little low on gold, so we can't afford much. As a result of this, Sofia and I had a rather revealing discussion about how to make it.

To touch a little on her past, she has no family to return to, and no real friends to speak of besides me. Nobody even knows who her real parents are or where they're from, but for what it's worth, they apparently dropped her at the foot of the Frozen Hearth Inn in Winterhold on some summer night and abandoned her for whatever reason, after which she was raised there by its owners, Haran and Dagur.

Even though Sofia loves and appreciates those two for their sacrifice of raising her, she feels like the love was rarely returned. Her foster parents often treated her like she was nothing but a burden on them, and she always played second fiddle to their real daughter, Eirid. Because of this, despite only being a child, she was forced to work long hours cleaning the inn and serving customers to "earn her keep", so to speak. Her foster parents didn't outright say it, but had she not pulled her weight around, she knows they would've thrown her out on the streets to fend on her own.

Throughout her childhood, she's tried to prove herself to those around her, and more importantly, herself. She first picked up a wooden sword to practice when she was six, and she started practicing magic a few months later using the books she "loaned" from the court wizard and "that creepy High Elf" who had recently quit his job as a teacher in the College of Winterhold nearby. She had a real knack for both skills and even enrolled as a student as a part of the College's youth program, but she was forced to quit - basically thrown out - after the teachers determined she was more trouble to the College than she was worth. Why this is, she still doesn't know, but she does admit to being a bit of a "good-for-nothing" problem child. I tried to tell her that wasn't true, and said that she shouldn't be so hard on herself, and even though hearing me say that made her smile, she said that people just don't take her seriously due to her age, her hyper personality, and her inability to focus.

So, what does all of this have to do with making money? Well, my dear diary, in light of everything I just wrote, you can probably imagine that making money's always been a big issue for her. The only method of making money she's had any success in is prostitution.

Now, this shocked me a little because she doesn't really seem like the type to do such things, but it's not like she did it because she likes it or anything. Quite the contrary, as sex work can be scary and even dangerous according to her, but the money's also really good, and really easy to make. "You'd be surprised at how much drunk men are willing to pay to have their dicks sucked by a seven or eight-year-old girl", or so she said. That's all she's ever done, though, and she said she's still a virgin, never having been penetrated before. Of course, she's had plenty of customers who have tried to push her into vaginal sex, offering double or even triple pay, but she's always been adamant about not doing it, even if it means making less money. Even oral sex for a while can give her a meal and a bed after a bad adventure, so it's more than enough.

The reason why she was telling me this was to ask if I was interested myself and to ask if I thought of her as less. The answer to both questions is "No". No, I would rather not resort to prostituting myself for money, but I also understand her circumstances, so I won't judge her for choosing differently.

Anyway, to tie this story to the present, her unwillingness to engage in vaginal sex was, unfortunately, the thing that ultimately led to her having to leave Winterhold a year or so ago. A drunk soldier high on a power trip, after being denied access to her pussy, outed her to the innkeeper as a whore, which led to her getting thrown out onto the streets. Haran had said something about the inn's reputation being on the line, and out of shame over what she had done, she boarded the first carriage to Windhelm she could, never to return. Ever since then, she's been a traveling adventurer, using her skills to find work all over Skyrim.

Now, I've already told you how we met; she had a sucky job, and after we met by a lucky coincidence, she ditched it on a whim to hang out with me. However, she now admits that she didn't think I would want to keep her around, or that she would want to keep hanging around me for that matter, but as I've also told you, we've become good friends. She was the first real friend I made after losing everything I had, and she even accepted me for who I am. I love her for that, and apparently, the feeling's mutual. Nobody except me has paid her significant attention in a very long time, and she also loves me for that.

That's why she wants to stay by my side. She wants to keep traveling with me and make money independently as an adventurer, and honestly, I want to keep traveling with her as well. We're both young, inexperienced, and quite frankly weak, but as some of our past experiences have proved, we can help each other a lot. It would be extremely likely that we both would fare really badly alone. No doubt I would, at least.

I hugged her and told her yes, we'll stay by each other's side and keep traveling together. We're gonna keep helping each other, become stronger together, and make sure our adventures are fruitful enough for us to never have to resort to prostitution to make money for ourselves. No way I'm gonna leave her behind to fend off by herself, and she said she's not gonna leave me either.

As a final thank you, she reminded me of the promise she made me and offered me her blood. I initially resisted because I didn't want to hurt her, but at the same time, I couldn't deny feeling a little starved for blood. Since she kept insisting, saying she didn't want me to be in pain either, I allowed myself to bite into her flesh, trying to be as gentle as possible.

I've got to say, biting the neck of someone who's awake is nothing like feeding on someone who's asleep or even already dead. I could actually feel her react to what I did to her. It seemed like it hurt her, but she didn't even make a sound. Looking at her face close up, it almost seemed like it felt good for her, but surely that couldn't have been the case? I was so hungry it was hard to control myself, and I grabbed her pretty hard with my hands, but I tried to be careful at the very least.

After I was done, I said I hoped that was the first, the last, and the only time I ever drink her blood. I can't rely on her too much, as I might risk turning her into a vampire as well. She nodded, and we embraced tightly one final time. I thanked her dearly, and she thanked me too, saying it's a good thing she's found a real friend to travel with. I'm thankful for her being on my side as well.

Now, she's sleeping like a little baby. I should get some rest too.

In closing, I really hope we can actually find some valuables in Ustengrav. It's easy to say we're gonna make enough money so that we don't have to resort to prostitution, but to actually succeed, that's a whole another story. Anyway, we'll depart once the sun sets. Wish us luck, I guess!

Heartfire, 9th, 4E 201

What a mess this excavation was, but at least we're both in one piece! We're still resting inside Ustengrav, but we'll be leaving soon enough.

There were bandits outside. Sofia and I were discovered quickly, but that was no problem for us. Then, there were five more bandits inside. I managed to kill them all before they saw us. I'm really proud of myself for that one since they were all one-hit kills. Then, we found the undead. Again, no problem. Things were going a little too well!

Well, some of these damn Draugr just won't stay dead! Nothing like this has happened before. Was it just dumb luck? I wasn't even aware they could get back on their feet after being struck down, but I sure do know now! Maybe some kind of special weaponry would help me? Silver? Or maybe magic? It would feel weird wielding a silver weapon, considering I'm also undead myself, so maybe not. At least Sofia's fiery bolts seem to make them stay down permanently.

And would you believe it, they got me off guard, and they tried to rape me! I can't even imagine being raped by walking dead! Disgusting! It's a damn good thing there were two of us there because I wouldn't have been able to fend them off unassisted.

Then the fire traps and the damned spiders… fuck, where do I even begin? I hate spiders, first of all. Secondly, I've been burned before by a hot stove, and I'm sure you also know exactly what it feels like, but by the divines, I've never been so hurt by anything in my life! I still feel like screaming! I hate being a vampire so much!

And here's the kicker, the reason why I'm not just angry, but fucking livid! All of this was for nothing! The horn I was sent to retrieve wasn't inside the crypt! Instead, there was just a note. Someone's looking for me, and that someone is waiting for me in Riverwood. How did that person know I was looking for the horn is beyond me. Perhaps this is Greybeards' doing too? Well, no matter. I have only one clue left and no choice but to follow it.

But boy oh boy did this little adventure take a toll on me. Don't know why, but I ended up getting a little horny too. Not sure what caused it, but will I dare just let myself settle down, or should I do something about it?

Truth be told, I haven't touched myself since being forced out of my home in Helgen. First, I was busy, then I was struck by sadness, and after that, the damned Argonian raped me. Damn it, I'm still reminded of it… I still can't believe my first time was stolen by a bandit… I used to experiment a lot at home, even when I wasn't really that excited, but now that I am feeling it, I just don't know what kind of emotions masturbating would make me feel…

Ahh, I should probably relieve myself anyway… I mean, I'm not depressed about my virginity being stolen or anything. I just don't want to be reminded of it. Perhaps in time, happier experiences and memories will allow me to fully get over it and help me not be reminded of it every time I think of sex or pleasuring myself…

Heartfire, 9th, 4E 201

When Sofia and I got to Morthal, I noticed that she was also a little heated up, and she had probably noticed my condition too. Neither of us have any idea what caused it. Was it the venom in those spiders or something? Hard to imagine because they didn't bite us or anything. Many alchemical ingredients have subtle secondary properties in addition to their primary magical properties, though, so it could be that some of the potions we had on us had been spoiled with an aphrodisiac effect.

Then, out of nowhere, Sofia admitted to finding me attractive. I've never even had a boy tell me such a thing, and it made my heart race like crazy. It was the first time anyone had ever said anything like that to me, and it just happened to be a girl and my only real friend in this world. She also asked if I found her attractive, and while I admit that I can appreciate beauty and attractiveness in my own sex, I've never considered those thoughts to be anything other than curiosity.

Still, is this what she meant when she said she loved me? It's certainly not what I meant! I only meant I love her as an irreplaceable friend! Still, somehow, our mutual confessions of attraction and curiosity, combined with the excitement we were feeling, led us to explore our sexuality together.

We got ourselves a nice, quiet little room downstairs and unpacked our stuff, intending to get at it immediately. As soon as we both settled down face to face on the bed though, both on our knees, we wondered what to even do. How do two girls have sex with each other was the pressing question. I pressed her, saying that she's obviously the more experienced of us two, which made her really flustered because she's always the one who's been led on, and all she's ever done is give hand and blowjobs. Still, even though that may be out of the question between two girls, it got us thinking that we could use our mouths on each other as well. Moreover, when we do it alone, we touch ourselves, so obviously, we can touch each other too. We decided that touching each other would be a good place to start at.

Getting naked was the first step, and we didn't want to leave anything on. At first, we both took our armor off, but when we got to our undergarments, like the small camisole I wore under my leather, she wanted to finally get intimate with me. She got close to me and grabbed onto my shirt, pushing her palm against my chest underneath the shirt. It shocked me, but it felt pleasant to be touched like that. I just raised my arms and let her undress me completely. The way she stared at my chest made my heart pump, and I just couldn't help but cover my nipples behind my palms. I was just so embarrassed at that moment, but all she did was giggle, saying that there was no need for me to be ashamed. After all, her chest is just as flat as mine, so I shouldn't be ashamed of my childish figure. I got to see her bare nipples as well immediately after that, and sure enough, she really is just as flat as I am.

Sofia softly pushed my back towards the bed, said she wanted to go first, and offered to lick my pussy. In fact, she seemed quite excited because she had never had an opportunity to look at a fellow girl up close. So, she displaced my panties, and with embarrassment painted all over my face, I spread my legs for her, leaving her enamored. She touched me gently, spread my pussy with her thumbs, and stared intensely at me. Her stare, along with her blush, was so cute, and it honestly made it feel a little easier for me as well. Her gaze alone made me feel attractive and wanted, which felt amazing.

She then pushed her mouth against my crotch, all while staring me straight in the eyes. She ate me out properly with her lips and tongue coming all over me, and I couldn't believe how good it felt. I instinctively covered my mouth with my hands, but I couldn't - nor wanted to - muffle my moans from her. It felt so much better than anything I had ever achieved pleasuring myself, and I was in a state of pure bliss. Even what that damn bandit did, even though he had a dick and all, was nothing compared to what Sofia made me experience. Was she really that good, or was it just because I was horny anyway?

I wanted to give her some love too, but she wouldn't let me. She had a good hold of my thighs and hip and just kept licking and smooching me without letting go. I tossed my waist and hip, raised my lower back from the sheets from her intense play, reacting so wild you could imagine I was already reaching my climax, and I just let my voice out. I had tried to control myself to an extent because I wasn't sure if anyone could hear us, but I just lost all restraint and reason back there. Meanwhile, Sofia just looked at me with that playful glee in her eyes, probably feeling proud of herself. I could tell she was smiling just by looking at her eyes, but she did not say a word, not even though I called her by her name and complimented her. I guess she also liked it when I begged her to make me come. I had never wanted to come so badly. She made sure to make me feel so damn amazing all the way to the end.

We both wanted to swap after that. She spread herself up for me in the same position, giving me the same close-up look of female genitalia you just can't get by yourself, no matter how much you try to bend your back. Sure, you can get a good feel of what your privates feel like just by touching them, but to look at a girl's genitals up close, it just ain't that easy by yourself. And I've got to say, while I'm not as fascinated by vaginas as I am by penises, I couldn't help staring intensely. She was so small, yet so beautiful down there. The tip of my tongue could touch her vagina and move up to flicker her clitoral hood with one soft motion, and that little hole was so small and tight too. So soft too. It's crazy to think how stretchy that area is…

I'm not sure if I did a good job, but for what it's worth, she did like what I was giving her, so I probably wasn't terrible, and by the time I had satisfied her desire for the first time, I was feeling it in my crotch again. Hearing her moan and battle against her intense urge to scream my name in pleasure just made me hornier than I had been before we started. I was really looking forward to it too because, based on the little experience we'd had together, I definitely enjoy taking more than giving.

We were both on our backs, sitting with legs spread, and we moved a bit closer to each other, trying if we could actually make our pussies touch each other. It was surprisingly easy and felt very intimate, but it didn't really feel like anything, and neither of us was sure how to proceed from there. Like, should we have just rubbed each other out? Not sure… This is all so new to me, but at the same time, what we did was all about experimenting. We both leaned a bit towards each other, touching each other as if looking to hug, but we did not embrace each other quite yet.

We both admitted to never having kissed anybody before, and I don't know why, but the idea of kissing her felt more extreme than licking her pussy. Yeah, I know that sounds ridiculous because kissing is nowhere near as extreme as literally licking someone's genitals, but seriously. Still, I didn't mind it being her, and since she wanted to kiss me badly, she didn't even give me a choice. We just sat there kissing each other for a while, hugging and cuddling. I never imagined my first kiss to be with another girl, but at the same time… I'm so glad it was her.

We both agreed that we wanted to play more with each other's privates, although we wanted to use our hands more this time. Or, she did, at least. I asked if she wanted me to use my fingers as well, and although she said she was fine with it, she said she wasn't sure if she could handle more than just one finger. She was anxious about being penetrated and would prefer me just continuing to lick her. I, personally, admitted to quite looking forward to feeling her fingers inside me.

I got to be on the bottom while she sat on top of me, facing the opposite direction. I think she called it six-nine or something. Not sure why. Is it because the numbers look similar, but one is upside down? She seems to know a lot more about sex than I do, not that I mind. I was happy to be taught by her.

The position was probably a little difficult and clumsy for me, but with her butt so close to my face, it was fairly easy for me to spread her open and lick her once more. I wanted to respect her wishes, so instead of putting my fingers inside, I only used my hands to touch her vulva and clitoris. It was just more of the same, but it was more than enough to make her feel incredible.

She started by sticking just one finger into my hole, asking if it hurt at all. Sure, it felt good, but it honestly was nowhere enough, so I asked her to try putting a second finger in, and although she seemed hesitant, it ended up feeling much better. She stuck her middle- and ring fingers into me together and let them dig into my insides a little, even spreading them up a little. Everything she did felt amazing to that point alone, but I wanted her to do me harder. I got my wish when she also introduced her mouth to the play, using her tongue to play with my clitoris. All that made me come faster than I could make her, which made me just grab onto her body harder with my hands. It was hard to concentrate with my body spasming in pleasure, but I didn't stop giving my best to her in return. She didn't relent either, and playing with my body all the way through my climax was just something else. It was honestly the best, it was draining my breath away, but it was just so much fun!

I came for the third time together with her, and only this was enough to make her give up. Not only did it feel just as great the third time around, but it also made my heart feel good because coming together with her made it feel like we had some kind of special connection. Well, not literally, but I think coming at the same time with your partner is more romantic, if that's the right word. Nevermind that, but it was also the first time I had ever climaxed more than once in a day. Yeah, I always thought that while masturbating and experimenting alone, one should be more than enough… and sure, while it is often more than enough to relieve "stress", it's not like coming twice or thrice makes the subsequent orgasms feel any worse.

Anyway, that was the end of it. We were both tired and ready to rest. I personally was too damn tired to even raise my back from the sheets, not just out of breath but maybe a little sweaty too, but it didn't bother Sofia. She just laid on top of me, belly to belly, chest to chest, and clutched both my hands while lovingly pushing them down on the bed. Our fingers intertwined as we held each other's hands, and we kissed again. We must've spent at least two minutes just kissing, complimenting, and thanking each other for all the wonderful sex we had.

We promised it wouldn't be the last time we did something of sorts, but I think we both agree we're not lovers, at least not yet. One day we could be. Who knows? I don't want our friendship to suffer as a result of this or for it to change for something else, but perhaps it's inevitable. Maybe our friendship has already turned into something else because of this. I personally can't imagine having a girlfriend, so perhaps I can just consider her a friend with benefits who just happens to be a girl. I hope she feels the same.

Lastly, on a different note, we're both hoping to make it to Riverwood from here in one day. It's a long walk, but who knows, if the weather's nice and we don't run into trouble, we can cross the tundra peacefully.

Heartfire, 10th, 4E 201

I made it back to Riverwood late in the evening and rented the attic room as instructed in the letter that was in the tomb in the horn's place. Well, turned out that it was the innkeeper Delphine who had taken the horn from right under my nose. Was she there with me, or was she just ahead of me? She gave me the horn immediately as a sign of goodwill, which was good news for me, but she also wanted to talk. In her words, she didn't go through all the trouble just to mess with me, so I thought I'd at least hear her out.

She said that she's been looking for someone like me, a Dragonborn, but unfortunately, despite going through all those hoops to meet me, she was unwilling to tell me everything. Why? Because she didn't actually believe I was the real deal. It sounded like she was demanding more proof from me, which sounded so counterproductive considering that she was the one looking for me in the first place. Like, is she dumb? Why go through the trouble of retrieving the horn yourself if you don't even believe that the person you're looking for really is who you're looking for? Her attitude was kind of pissing me off, so I tried to demonstrate my powers by actually using my voice. Even that didn't change her mind because, according to her, Thu'um isn't an ability exclusive to the Dragonborn! What's wrong with her!? I don't see any reason to work with her. If she truly needs me as much as she claims she does, she'll come crawling to me. If not, she can kiss my help goodbye as far as I'm concerned. I can't trust her if she can't trust me.

Besides, now I have the horn.

Sofia and I decided to split up for the remainder of the day. We initially planned on leaving for Whiterun tomorrow but decided to have some time off for personal work. She had some unfinished business in Whiterun, so I'll be staying here for a night alone.

Quickly after being left alone, I met my good friend Gorr. He was happy to see me back in Riverwood, and I talked about how much stronger I'd gotten. He seems really proud of me, saying that I've got all the makings of an amazing adventurer, saying that I could make it far if I take care of myself while I'm "still a cub" and don't do anything foolhardy. His praise made me happy, and yes, I do intend to stay out of unnecessary trouble. I'm still a kid, so I've got my limits… but yeah, I know I'm talented.

We ended up talking about our adventures at length, and I… I kind of ended up falling for him a little, I guess. I guess he saw this in me as well…

We ended up in private, with me giving him a blowjob. It just kind of happened. I'm not even sure how we got to that point, not that I minded. He kind of lured me into it, I was hesitant at first, but at the same time, I was just so damn curious to try it. Sofia had already done this as well to some men, although she did it for money. I did this to Gorr just for curiosity's sake and for the fun of it.

I've peeked on some boys in Helgen, and then there was that bloody Argonian as well, but I've never actually seen a penis close-up before with my very own eyes, especially not an erect one. Not a brown one either. His was a really big one, bigger than I expected. Dicks are kind of fascinating, aren't they? One moment they're soft and squishy, and then they grow into these rock-hard giant pokers. They don't smell anything like my own private parts either. I think I quite like how dicks smell, in fact.

I only used my tongue and lips initially, as taking it into my mouth was too difficult. It was way too big to fit fully. He said it feels the best just under his glans, and since I was more than capable of wrapping my lips around that part, I was more than happy to focus my sucking on just his tip. I had my hands on it constantly too, and even gave his balls a nice smooch and a suck. He kept calling me his little bitch, but he didn't say it like he was trying to offend me or anything. I guess he meant it as a compliment, or at least a good thing? He also complimented me, saying that I give good head for an amateur.

He was a little rough at the end, maybe even scary. He really wanted to cum inside my mouth, so he held his palm to the back of my head and prevented me from pulling my head back so he could shoot it all inside. He forced me to swallow every last drop of his semen. I expected to be overwhelmed or choke, but it was nowhere near as bad as I feared. In fact, when he finished his load on top of my tongue and on my palate, I felt really great about having done all that. Never have I seen such joy and pleasure on a man's face, not even on my father's face, who loved me so much. It tasted kind of nice as well. A little bitter, yes, but not in a bad way.

Makes me wonder, was doing dirty things his intention with me all along? If so, I think I like the idea of being desired. Not only by Sofia, but by adult men as well. Makes me feel better about myself after everything I've gone through. Not too many people seem that interested in little kids, though, so I don't have that many suitors, and those who are might only want to use me for their advantage, for their own nefarious needs. It's wonderful that Gorr isn't like that. He's fortunately a good person who has my best interest and happiness in his heart.

Maybe being a little naughty isn't a bad thing at all. Yeah, I've always been curious about trying all kinds of dirty things but taking action beyond just self-pleasure used to be too extreme of a thought for me. Now, I've already had passionate sex with a girl my age, and now I sucked an adult man's penis too, both out of my free will. I liked both these acts really much, so… maybe all of this is fine, even though I'm probably too young in most people's opinion. My parents would definitely be against me doing anything dirty. They would be mortified to hear their sweet baby girl likes getting down and dirty at the age of ten. My father especially told me to be careful around strangers, told me to steer clear of any man who made me feel uncomfortable, but since it's fun, what's the harm? I didn't feel uncomfortable at all. I can be careful and still be a little naughty, right?

We'll start our journey to High Hrothgar tomorrow after I meet up with Sofia in Whiterun, but it'll probably take some time, and we'll probably need to rest in Ivarstead again. From there… who knows? I'm not interested in whatever Delphine has in store for me, so I guess I'll just find my own path?

Heartfire, 11th, 4E 201

I may not be quite a greybeard or even want to be, but it seems like they are pleased enough with me to accept me into their little circle and help me grow in power. They formally recognized me as a Dragonborn and even taught me a new word of power. I can actually now shout at people with such force that I send them flying!

But this is merely a fraction of what I will become in the future. There's so much to the language of the Dragons, so many words of powers I could use to my advantage, and absorbing power from the Dragons will make me stronger too. I still don't know what my destiny is, but I want to grow. With vampirism, I have to pay with weaknesses for the strength it provides me, but being a Dragonborn comes without any drawbacks, so this unique talent I have, this gift, this weapon, it's the best tool I have to defend myself. I know I'm tiny, I know I'm weak, I can't even cast spells, but as long as I have the voice, I can grow in leaps and bounds.

The only worry I have concerning being a Dragonborn is attention. Everyone here in Skyrim is talking about the return of the Dragonborn, and they're all gossiping and sharing rumors about how she's some young girl. There are false rumors as well… So, who knows, maybe I can avoid unwanted attention.

These old men want me to study and grow independently and have no more tasks for me. They are willing to reveal some locations of ancient words of power, so I can seek them out and learn about them independently, but that's as far as they're willing to help me. The rest is up to me. So be it. I'm not sure if I want to make this my priority number one yet, but it does give my adventure a new meaning.

I also learned a way to learn alternative meanings for the words of power I already know of, a handy tool, to say the very least. I already knew words from four different shouts beforehand. Well, now I can also summon earthquakes and fireballs from the sky! They may be weak, but it's so crazy! I bet the school of Destruction doesn't teach you how to create a small, localized earthquake!

Well, I've been studying and meditating for a long time, so it's too late to return to the nearest inn. Sofia was actually allowed inside, so we'll just sleep here and plan our next adventure tomorrow morning. What this adventure is, I do not know yet. I don't even know where we'll be going, but I hope it'll at least be exciting.

• 3rd Journal - Friends and Enemies