Universe Remote/Jeremy

You aren't anything special really. Sorry to be blunt, but you aren't. You are just Jeremy Simmons, a 10 year old boy just getting back from his first day in the fifth grade. There really isn't anything special about you. You aren't the smartest guy in class, but neither are you the dumbest. You aren't the most athletic, but neither are you the last picked for sports teams. You aren't the most popular kid, but neither are you an outcast. You are, quite simply, totally average. The most unusual thing about you is that your family is a bit larger than average . . . but even that isn't by much.

Your mom and dad are still together, and seem to get along relatively well. Your dad, Brian Simmons, is a relatively successful general contractor. Your mom, Nancy Simmons, is an executive assistant at the offices of a local engine manufacturer; but you know never to call her a secretary. Your eldest brother, Chad Simmons, is 16, a Junior in high school, and a star athlete. Your eldest sister, Renee Simmons, is 15, a Sophomore in high school, and a member of student council and debate club. Then there is Ellen Simmons, your 12 year old sister; who is in middle school, and is a total genius with an A+ average. She never gets less than an A+; but she is always studying too, and never does anything to have fun . . . even during the summer. Next is your younger brother, Hank Simmons. His name is really Henry, but he likes the nickname Hank. He is eight years old, in the 3rd grade. He is a clown, and often gets in trouble for his practical jokes. Last is your youngest sister, Mary Simmons. Mary is only three, so there isn't much about her that's special yet; so I guess you aren't really alone in that regard . . . but she'll probably grow out of it. That's a family of eight (including yourself) . . . unusual in the modern era, but not the biggest in town. You don't even get that to make you special.

As you are walking into the house, with Hank lagging behind as he yells after his friends on the bus, you see a package on the front step. It is a relatively large package in plain brown wrapping. You pick it up to see who it belongs to, noting that it is rather heavy. The label on the front reads:

Jeremy Randall Simmons
1444 North Hickory Lane,
Shallow Valley, Illinois,
United States of America,
Planet Earth, Solar System,
Orion Spiral Arm, Milky Way Galaxy,
Local Group, Virgo Supercluster,
Universe #316196248316124955

You find it quite strange that the address is so extensive, yet it doesn't even have your zip code on it. Whatever else there is, it is obviously addressed to you, so you put it under your arm, and go into the house. You quickly go up to the room you share with Hank and unwrap your package. Inside is a commercially wrapped package that simply states: Universe Remote with a picture of a simple remote on the front. The size and weight of the box doesn't seem even remotely right for a remote control . . . and they even spelled Universal wrong. You are highly skeptical at this point, but open the box anyway. Inside you find the remote pictured on the outside along with a massive book that has a plain white cover with the words: Universe Remote User's Manual on the front, and nothing else. You saw your sister's copy of War and Peace once and thought it had to be the thickest book in the world . . . but this user's manual has proven you wrong. You open the front page and read a bit:

Welcome to the exiting world of universal control. In the following pages we will introduce you to the exciting world of controlling your universe with the exciting Universe Remote. The Universe Remote is an exciting step forward in technology. It will allow you to alter your environment in any way imaginable.

You nearly fall asleep reading even that much of it. It is as though writing the word exciting over and over again would make it true, but it has to be one of the least interesting things that you've ever . . . wait did it just say altering your environment? That has to be an advertising exaggeration right? It just means controlling all of your electronics surely? You read on for a bit, and start to nod off. It seems to actually be saying that the remote controls the actual universe. Maybe it's a gag gift? Whatever it is, the manual is almost impossible to read. Hank suddenly bursts into the room, then flops on his bed.

What are you going to do?

• Try the remote on your room
• Try the remote on Hank
• Try the remote on someone else in the house
• Try to read more of the manual first