Talk:The Village/Sunday April 22/Janet/The Beginning: Difference between revisions
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Created page with "I get that you're trying to establish she knows what sex is, but it feels extremely out of place here and throws it off. The entire page would be better just by completely cho..." |
m Santa moved page Talk:The Village/Janet Sunday April 22/The Beginning to Talk:The Village/Sunday April 22/Janet/The Beginning |
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Latest revision as of 11:32, 29 December 2019
I get that you're trying to establish she knows what sex is, but it feels extremely out of place here and throws it off. The entire page would be better just by completely chopping that part off here. It would fit better in a later part where she's actually getting her clothes taken off or he's actually lining his penis up. As it is now, it just violates the "show don't tell rule" in a way that seems completely out of place on top of that. It has to at least relate better to the action going on at the moment, so when he's lining himself up she can be excited but scared because she knows this is sex and it could make her have a baby. Jemini (talk) 15:47, 26 December 2019 (UTC)