JoS/Henriette/23rd Journal - Tests of Faith

Morning Star, 15th, 4E 203

If I didn't have enough worries with the Dawnguard and Vigilants wanting me dead or bandits and slave traffickers wanting me captured, now it seems that my actions with the College of Winterhold have angered Thalmor for the last time. They have an arrest warrant on my head and recognize me as an enemy of the Aldmeri Dominion. They pretty much attack me on sight.

What makes this all the more troublesome is the fact that since they have political influence unlike some of my other enemies. I'm not sure if they would be bold enough to attack me in the middle of the city, but they could actually have me arrested by guards too. I should be fine in areas where they have little to no influence, but in holds like the Reach and the Haafingar… Well, that's where I will get slightly more trouble because of their increased presence. My reputation was already bad in those areas to begin with, so I really have to be on my toes from now on when traveling through unfriendlier areas…

Speaking of Reach, we're still on our way to Markarth. I wrote about dropping by at Sky Haven Temple, and while at first it seemed like we were welcomed by Delphine and Esbern, they started getting on me about something that they deem to be problematic…

Esbern, who has been studying and reading books about dragons and the history of Blades all his life told me that he had learned a lot about Paarthurnax and decided that he needs to die. Apparently that old dragon committed crimes against humanity in the past, used to serve Alduin or something. Then again, such was the case for all the dragons… Paarthurnax was one of the first to defect and help humanity, so I don't really understand why the drama. Shouldn't he be considered one of the "good" dragons? Did he not teach the man to wield the voice? Esbern luckily was pretty calm and rational about it and was, in fact, very happy to see me. He was also interested in talking to me about what brings me here, about my progress in hunting down Alduin. Delphine was a whole another story though.

She's making demands from me again, just like she did in the past. She doesn't even want to have anything to do with me unless "that dragon" dies. She went so far as to say "It's your duty", which pretty much made me want to spit on her face. Were the Blades not historically supposed to serve the Dragonborn, not order them around like this? Who does she think she is? I don't even care about being Dragonborn all that much anymore! Sure, I'll fight Alduin when the time comes for me to meet him again - that bastard threatens the entire world and even killed my parents after all - but that's where I believe my "duty" to this world or anyone else ends as far as I'm concerned. Forget about what this woman thinks is my duty, I don't even think Paarthurnax deserves to die to begin with, and I told this to Delphine in no uncertain terms. She got so mad, even tried to slap me for being in her own words, "so naïve". It was thanks to Esbern that she didn't.

He tried to make her calm down before things get ugly, and that he still had things he wanted to discuss with me, and he would prefer to discuss them like a rational adult. I was happy to agree, but not now while Delphine was yelling and screaming next to me. Luckily, she was able to shut up for a while.

He asked me to forgive Delphine for her actions. He seems to understand that they need me more than I need them at this point. He's the one who seems most concerned about Alduin, about him maybe returning once more after the last time I met face to face with the world-eater, about him maybe coming back stronger than ever.

Long story short, he wants me to win, he needs me to win, everyone does. He asked me once more, is there truly no way I could strike down Paarthurnax? I don't like repeating myself, but I at least feel like I can reason with this old man. "No, it's not something I'm willing to do", I told him, "at least not as long as there are bigger threats out there."

I think it was able to convince him a little… Not too sure about Delphine though. She still giving me ugly looks. I couldn't hear what she whispered, but I swear I could read "undead bitch" from her lips. Heh, maybe I should kill her instead of Paarthurnax? Ahahaha, that might actually be fun… I'd feel bad for Esbern though, so probably no.

"So be it", Esbern said. "I think it's a mistake to spare him, but I can't force you. We can't force you. I will lend you help to defeat Alduin in any way I can, but once your destiny has been fulfilled, our relationship will end."

Luckily, I didn't have to wait to receive this help from him. As he's been researching dragons, he's learned about more than just Paarthurhax. Ancient Blades used to not only record many names of the Dragons they killed, but also of Dragons that used to serve Alduin. This one is apparently one of them, and his name is Odahviing. "I still don't know exactly what your plan is, if you truly will try to trap a dragon in Dragonsreach, but if you do, this is the dragon you should seek out. Just call his name, he will surely answer your challenge."

That was that. I thanked him greatly, but also reminded him that it is not I who is burning down this bridge between me and the Blades. It's them. I don't blame them for distrusting Paarthurnax because, well, he's a Dragon, but shouldn't the fact that I trust him not be enough for me? Shouldn't they be more trusting of me? Oh well, what's done is done. I'm glad I came here… And also glad I don't have to worry about coming here again. Hopefully anyway.

As for the plan, I still don't know how I will get Jarl Balgruuf to agree to it, but I suppose I should at least bring it up with him once again. That though, will have to wait for later. It'll probably be a while before I head back east towards Whiterun.

Morning Star, 17th, 4E 203

My journey has finally brought me to Deepwood Redoubt in the mountains of Haafingar. You know, the place that Olava told me about. Even though it's far north of the Reach, it's one of the most prominent strongholds that the Forsworn have for themselves. I'm not quite sure what place this ancient ruin holds in my destiny, but at least we found what Olava told me we would find. I found the treasure left to me by an ancient assassin, which was some old piece of armor that doesn't even fit me, but that's just about the least interesting thing I discovered here.

Outside we saw only Forsworn who we tried our best to just sneak by and not encage, but once we got inside the actual temple, we figured out who's really in charge here. Witches. Their leader was a Hagraven and a powerful one at that, but she kept running away from us. We felt like she was taunting us, and we were a little annoyed by her, so we followed her up the building to kill her. It's only after she lied dead that we realized we might've actually killed someone really important.

There were letters and there were talks about this Matriach, and about some plan they've been waiting to fulfil for a long time, a plan that is closer to fruition than ever before. When we were leaving, we also overheard some Forsworn talking to themselves about how they can't believe their stronghold had been infiltrated, about how Madanach will be furious when he hears of the news. We still hadn't been discovered, everyone who had seen us had died already, but getting out was difficult. Before I get into that though… Oh, Madanach, now there's a name I didn't particularly care to hear about. They're still intent on taking the Reach. Could that vision of my future Olava told me about have something to do with him and the Forsworn? I hope not… I want to put that chapter in my life behind me.

We also found the priest that Olava told about. You see, Forsworn had a prisoner here, and the Forsworn was interrogating him about if he knows something about the attack, telling that they will kill him where he stands if he won't spill the beans. Honestly, under normal circumstances, I would've never even considered saving him, but Olava didn't mention him in my reading for nothing. So, the most sensible thing to do was to save him from being killed. To do that, we had to fight many of the Forsworn, but we at least prevailed. Some of them got away, scared for their deaths, but we had no means of pursuing them. We had to let them go. Probably a bad move…

Either way, the priest's name is Logrolf, and he thought I was sent to end his life. He asked, who sent me, what was my purpose for being here, and I only told him the truth. I received a reading of my future which brought me here. He didn't believe me, but he was glad to have been rescued. He's a priest of Boethiah. You know, the goddess I kind of angered when I met her, kind of didn't, I'm still not sure… He's on the road to Markarth and talked about some task he has there.

According to him there's a shrine to Molag Bal in some building there, deep underground, and for some reason he's intent on desecrating that shrine, doing whatever ungodly things he wants… I told him that we're on my way to Markarth too, so maybe we can travel together. He took me by my offer.

Molag Bal is without a doubt a god I have a strong connection to. He's the father of Vampires after all. Harkon got his Vampirism directly from this God, so I'm just one person's separation away from His graces. I'm not a big fan of that particular god though… But I wonder, is it in my best interest to lead a priest of a rivaling Daedric prince to his shrine? It could spell trouble.

Morning Star, 19th, 4E 203

It all started when we split into two pairs. Serana and Sofia have their own business to deal here with, and I had my business with Logrolf. My oh my what came of that, do I have a story to share with you…

Logrolf led me to an abandoned building, inside which the Shrine to Molag Bal was located. He approached the shrine before I could even talk any sense to him, and he got himself trapped within his altar rather quickly. Metal spikes emerged from the ground, forming a prison of cold grey steel around him. They had a brief altercation with the Lord of Domination trying to intimidate the priest, but He had no means of actually hurting him… Or, maybe He did, maybe He just wanted me to do His bidding.

"You see, priest of Boethiah, I have a champion of my own."

I never thought I would be this god's champion, I never even considered myself such, but it didn't matter to Logrolf, and my opinion surely doesn't matter to this Daedric lord either. Logrolf accused me of deceiving him, to which I simply listened, staying as silent as a grave. Molag Bal then spoke directly to me. He called me his loyal servant, but also his daughter, and also his slave. All three labels carry very different connotations. A rusty mace appeared in my hands, and he commanded me to do his bidding, with his voice revibrating and echoing painfully in my head. He reminded me of how he already owns my soul, of how I already belong to him now and in all eternity, and he gave me a simple task: Beat this priest into submission.

So, I did. I swinged the spiked, fanged mace and sunk it into his flesh. First, I only hit once, but I hit as hard as I could. He screamed in pain, but he clearly wasn't impressed despite looking pained. He was yelling at me to do my worst, he would never surrender, but I didn't think much of his words… All I could think of was his blood covering the spikes, dripping from his open would on his now partially tattered robe, and splashes of scarlet on my arm. I smiled, baring my two spiked teeth as I started hitting him again and again. He was getting bloody all over as I battered him, he screamed in pain. He screamed that he'd never give in, but his voice was waning. Eventually one unprotected blow to his head proved too much. He died, with his blood covering the mace, my face, my arm. I was breathing so heavily, I was practically hyperventilating, gasping for air, trying to hold back my laughter as I licked my fingers.

Then, Molag Bal laughed himself, quite boisterously too. He brought Logrolf back to life and told me to do it all over again, clearly enjoying himself. I did as told and hit the priest again, this time even harder, even faster. He was trying to protect himself, begging for me to stop. I didn't. Eventually the prison retracted back inside the altar giving me unrestricted access to my victim. I jumped on top of him, sitting on top of his legs, bashing him again and again on his arms and chest as he tried to defend himself, and crushed his throat with a final killing blow. I was getting just even more bloody and even more enthralled in ecstasy. The game however, wasn't over yet. Molag Bal brought him to life one more time.

This time the priest begged Molag Bal to stop, begging him to save him from "that insane girl". Oh, you give me too much credit… I'll have you know, I'm quite sane. I was ready to swing again, I actually kind of wanted to batter him more. The priest though, had come to the end of his road. He promised to serve and worship Molag Bal, promised to leave Boethiah behind …

Then, Molag Bal had a final task for me. "Rape him", he said. "Rape him in my name."

The priest couldn't believe what he had just heard, but he had no way or resisting what happened next. Laying down on the floor, tiny spikes rose from the altar and pinned him down. I stood up just to strip down completely and expose myself to him, and saw him eye me down. It was clear to me that he wasn't really into me all that much, that he's not into children at all, but it didn't matter. I ripped apart his rope and took hold of his dick. I was so intent on making him hard, I was already so god-damn wet myself. I kept belittling him, mocking him, called him a disgusting lowlife for feeling lust towards me, mocked him for even getting hard from a hand of a child, everything he so vehemently denied.

Ok, look, nothing wrong with lusting for me, I'm pretty confident about my appearance after all even though I might be a little underdeveloped in pretty much every part of my body… But since he's really not into young girls, it was just so fun to tease him. Calling people who are not pedophiles just that seems to garter some hilarious replies from them, especially when they're about to have sex with a child.

Then, I actually mounted his dick, and wow was it a big one. As fun as it was to play with, it was infinitely more fun to actually take inside my body. I sat on top of it but couldn't take it all the way in… What a magnificent, unwilling cock he had. Of course, as commanded by Molag Bal, I took him all the way to the end. He resisted and he held back, he obviously didn't want to cum. I couldn't personally help but to climax way before he did, but for me that was just more fuel to make it feel even better for me. It was all about me pleasuring myself at his expense. It has been done so many times to me by men stronger than me, but now I was in complete, unwavering control of an adult man sexually, for the first time in my life… Granted, I had a Daedric Prince help me do this feat I could never actually be capable of doing alone, but I had never felt so powerful sexually. Raping a man physically so much bigger than me, dominating a man like that… I'm likely to never experience sex like this ever again.

Eventually, he came, forced to ejaculate. I simply told him that I still wasn't satisfied, and I continued to pump him. I'm told that after ejaculation sex kind of becomes difficult for a man, both physically and emotionally, and I could clearly see it in his face. Some men use Skooma to keep themselves going, but here we're talking about a middle-aged man with no performance-enhancing elixirs or drugs… So he was obviously distraught of seeing me continue bouncing on top of his waist.

Molag Bal, who some even call the King of Rape, enjoyed watching me toy with him for a long time, probably getting some ideas of his own, but not as long as I would've probably enjoyed continuing this act. He eventually told me that my next mission would be to send him to his new god. I asked my master, "Shall I feast on his corpse as I send his soul to you, my Lord?". I was given the permission and then, overcome by bloodlust, I sunk my teeth into him. I hugged him tight, clawed him, bit into him as hard as my jaw would allow, feeling as he struggled in my embrace. Eventually, his body turned stiff and became colder as his heart stopped beating and his helpless limbs stopped moving. This time, he wasn't coming back alive. Still naked and partially covered in blood, I smiled with my entire body filled with pure ecstasy as I played out the scene that had just unfolded in my head over and over again.

"It was not a mere coincidence that led you to me, my child", he told me. "Fate brought you here. You have served me well, and I trust you will serve me in the future as well." He rewarded me his mace. It's a powerful artifact for sure, but it's not a weapon befitting of my character. "Use it as you see fit, or don't use it at all. It doesn't matter. You have done more than prove yourself worthy of calling yourself my champion…"

Then, I simply left… I still have a long day ahead of me, but I think I need a little breather before I go meet Calcelmo. I'm still feeling amazing… Like, wow, what an experience… I've pledged my allegiance to Sithis, and I'm pretty sure that Molag Bal knows it. He probably doesn't care if I do… After all, the Vampires are sent to Coldharbor to be enslaved by the Lord of Domination when they die. I wonder, is this a case for me as well? Well, if so, that would surely explain Olava's reading… It might as well be that despite any prayer I cast for the Dread Father, the God I will bow down to in the end will be Molag Bal… In fact, I most certainly see that as a real possibility. Only real way out of this would be to seek a cure to Vampirism, but let's be real… I will NEVER abandon my blood. I LOVE my gift of immortality, I love my blood, I'm a demi-god greater than a mere mortal and it feels so fucking amazing I would never ever let it go.

Oh, but does Boethiah approve of what I did? I mean, I am on a mission for her, kind of… If she's pissed with her previous Champion, she must be furious and disgusted with me. Then again, she is a god, gods behave in mysterious ways and who knows, maybe she even saw it coming considering my nature…