JoS/Kanna/12th Journal - Dissidents

Evening Star, 5th, 3E 427

When I returned to Caius, he dropped some shocking news on me. It seems like he's been recalled to Cyrodiil. His superiors are not happy about something… He says it could be referring to his "sugar problem". I know he's got a sweet tooth for "that" drink, but I thought he had it under control. Guess not.

He's of course happy with me being cured, and made it quite clear to me. He said that it's great news, amazing news, yet another proof to us - all of us - that I am indeed Nerevarine. My work here won't change at all because of this; I'm expected to pursue this path and my prophecy, whatever it may bring along. Caius said that I am the prophesied savior of Morrowind, so I must do this.

Regarding this, his final mission to me is to meet Mehra Milo at Vivec City regarding the lost prophecies. Caius hears that she's gotten herself in a bit of hot water as well, but doesn't know what this means for me, or for her. That's okay, we'll find out.

As for me being a Blade, he said I'm promoted to a rank of an Operative, which means that I'm the highest-ranking member of the Blades on this island for time being, not that it means anything. New Spymaster will probably be chosen soon, and me being high-ranking doesn't mean I get to boss around others. Everyone has their own missions to attend to or something. That's perfect, as it's not what I wanted anyway.

Then, as his final gift to me, he gave me a magic ring. "I know you have flaws as we all do", he said. "I like Skooma a little excessively, while you like to take things that don't exactly belong to you. Don't worry, I'm not mad about it, I'm not gonna snitch to anyone, I don't judge you. Just keep onto this. It's my lucky ring, got it once from a famous thief myself. He says he's always made his best plunder wearing it. Maybe it'll provide you with some luck as well."

It's a shame to watch him leave. I quite liked him, even though he was a drug addict and a bit of a pervert. There's nothing wrong with being a pervert. I'd just preferred if he kept his hands to himself, and at least tried to be more discreet about it. Oh well, I don't hate him. Never would. I'll miss him.

Then, I got to meet Karim and Kanna. They were both home, and neither of them was expecting me so soon. I hugged them both tight and reassured to them that everything's going to be okay now, while going over my experiences, all the crazy things I saw in Tel Fyr, and what all of this will mean for me going forward. Karim had nothing to say about me not being able to grow up anymore, and honestly, I don't know what to make of it myself either, but Kanna was sad. She said that she would've loved to grow up together with me and learn all about what it means to be adult with me, kind of like a twin sister. Now that she puts it that way, I can kind of see where she's coming from. It sure is gonna get a little strange in couple of years when she outgrows me and becomes a proper woman, while I will forever be stunted.

So, that's the good news, I'm reunited with my friends again. There were some bad news too.

Considering that the Sixth House has grown immensely in the past couple of years, especially in the past couple of months, especially now that they don't hide from the public eye anymore, the threat they pose to Morrowind is now huge. Vandalism, attacks on street, it's all out of control. The Legion is starting to get involved alongside the Great Houses to actually take this matter seriously. That's why Karim will be for time being put on active guard duty. No more traveling for him, at least for a while. In time he may be able to convince his superiors that he's far more useful in the fight against the Sixth House on the field, on the offense and not on common guard duty, but for now, he won't be able to travel with me. Maybe things will be different once we get back to Balmora.

Me and Kanna will travel together instead. Karim already gave us his blessing, saying that he trusts me fully, and has also grown to trust Kanna more. She's been taking training seriously and is getting stronger day by day.

We will waste no time. She has work to do, and so have I. Our first stop, Vivec City.

Evening Star, 7th, 3E 427

I'll start by discussing a wee job I did with Kanna, or rather helped her do. She had a target for execution, a Redoran nobleman living on top of their canton by the plaza. The problem for us was that he wasn't alone at home, and he knew fully well there was a price on his head without there being a damn thing he could do about it. Nobody was getting in, and he wasn't interested in leaving. Ordinators didn't care to defend him despite him knowing all this and even his Redoran allies had abandoned him, so whatever he did must've been quite gross.

The house had two entrances, and I was supposed to create a ruckus at the first one. I dressed up in some cheap rags and I figured out it would be good to try to generate some sympathy. So, I knocked on the door, and had the bodyguard stare me straight in my eyes with a little basket in my hands. I started going on about how my daddy is sick and poor and not able to buy a required medicine, and advertised selling homemade cookies, which by the way, I had on me. Yes, homemade too! I made them together with Kanna yesterday. The man seemed unsympathetic, but I wasn't gonna let him close the door on me so soon. I pretended to cry, and it was effective. He finally promised to buy some from me, told me to wait, and turned his back around to find some gold. Gave me a perfect opportunity to try some Illusion magic.

I've gotten pretty good at Illusion magic. Seduction and Charm are still out of my expertise which is a shame, but calming and agitating people up is easy enough. Enraging this guard with a spell alone wasn't gonna cut it, so I took a step into his apartment. The fact that I did this made him angry enough for defying him, but then my eyes caught an expensive looking vase with some pretty flowers. In my haste, pretending to be scared, I "accidentally" knocked it over as I backed out from the house. The fact that my magic had pissed him off too made him want to attack me. See where I'm getting at? An adult man trying to assault a poor little girl just trying to sell cookies isn't exactly good conduct.

All of this was enough to distract the guard from defending his master. Realizing the ruckus that was going on, the nobleman paid no attention to Kanna sneaking up on him after having walked straight through the backdoor. I didn't get to see the execution, not that I cared to anyway, but Kanna said that it was a clean and painless kill, and she did not even need to present her writ.

The guards didn't even suspect me of being an accomplice in this murder. Instead, even that was pinned on the bodyguard. I mean, he had to be a prime suspect, right? After all, what kind of maniac would attack a helpless little girl!?

Now that I had helped her, it was her time to help me find Mehra Milo.

The Temple is not very welcoming towards visitors, but at least they let you in. Being under the watchful eye of the always suspicious Ordinators was a little taxing, especially since we couldn't really start snooping around. One thing we did figure out though was the fact that the woman I was looking for wasn't anywhere to be found. We didn't feel confident asking too many questions either, as I didn't really know who we could even trust.

I eventually decided that I have to break into her quarters, and luckily - partially thanks to a change in guard duty - I managed to do this without being noticed after spending some time reading books in the library, which was one of the only places in the whole of Temple where nobody seemed to mind our presence. We did behave ourselves, so why would they have cared about what we were doing?

Mehra's quarter was no larger than an average bedroom, so looking for clues was not exactly hard. I found a letter on the table, written to someone called "Amaya". I ran through it as quickly as possible, and it's a good thing I did, because it shed light to where she is: the Ministry of Truth. The letter seemed cryptic, almost as if it's a call for help, not necessarily for me, but for someone. It had instructions about bringing two Divine Intervention scrolls along.

This Ministry of Truth by the way, is a peculiar little thing. It's this giant rock, a meteorite hovering above city, suspended in place, and there's a prison inside or something. "Ministry" is a strange name to give to a prison, but perhaps that's not all there is to it. Maybe it houses other facilities as well? The legend says that some hundreds if not thousands of years ago Sheogorath in his infinite wisdom hurled it at the city of Vivec, supposedly to punish Lord Vivec for his mockery of gods. Then again, can you really know that madman's motives? Could've just been for his own amusement too. The asteroid was stopped by Vivec, but what I want to know is why hasn't he gotten rid of it!? I mean, that thing still might fall, right!?

Can I handle that place alone? I suppose I have to, since Kanna can't levitate. I hope it'll be okay.

As for the scrolls, I bought two from the Mages Guild. Scrolls of Divine Intervention have some powerful teleportation magic on them that is way beyond the capabilities of ordinary mages, but easy to cast with some scrolls. You can only use them to teleport to shrines of the nine divines. Super useful, if you've got the money. They're way, way, WAY more expensive than any other form of travel, which is why I haven't even thought about buying them up until now.

Closest shrine is in Castle Ebonheart, so Kanna will be waiting for me there, probably at some inn. Meanwhile I think I'll catch some sleep and wait for the night when it's much safer to fly to that floating rock without getting seen.

Evening Star, 8th, 3E 427

Taking flight and arriving at the scaffolding surrounding the celestial rock took most of my magicka away from me. Why did that rock have to be so high up?

Anyway, one hour of sneaking around later, I finally found my way to the center of this hollowed out rock, where most of the prison cells were inside of. After spying around for a bit more, I figured exactly where Mehra was. It was a tiny cell with a single wooden door, through which you could see inside through a simple window with iron bars.

She was being tortured not by a guard, but rather by bondage. She was tied to a pole with an armbinder keeping her arms locked behind her back with her legs being forced apart wide with more rope and leather over a horizontal steel beam. As if not being able to move a muscle wasn't enough, she had a blindfold and a mouthgag too. She had just been left there with a single vibrating soul gem being attached to her pierced clitoris. Like, this is the exact kind of torture some of us went through in that Imperial City prison, and this place is owned by the Temple for fucks sake. The Tribunal fucking Temple! What manner of living gods are they to allow their priests and scholars to dispense this manner of punishment for mere heresy?

I was luckily able to free Mehra from her bondage without the Guards figuring out anything. Only one Ordinator passed through outside to see that everything was fine, and luckily I hadn't gotten across releasing her from restraints at that point. I even managed to hide behind her. I had some trouble operating the locks for they were pretty petite and tiny. I mean seriously, these bondage equipment have more intricate locking mechanisms than some apartments do. Even picking treasure chests is easier than picking open some restraints.

After releasing the locks holding her legs and cutting through the armbinder, I got to her blindfold and gag which were easier to deal with. She was in tears realizing she was about to be saved, and she was literally shaking. She was begging for me to get her out of there before they would come for us both. She was warning me to be quick because if they also got me, we would both be screwed. I just reassured her not to worry as I presented her with the scroll to teleport her to safety.

An Ordinator outside saw me at that point, and he was furious, but considering that I managed to reactivate the lock before shutting the door, he had trouble getting inside. He was shouting at his colleagues to get help, and even get some tools to break the door open if need be. No matter, even if he certainly saw my face, he could not stop me from teleporting away.

It's a strange experience to travel through space and time instantaneously. Like, I know that it takes one or two hours by foot to get to Castle Ebonheart, maybe fifteen minutes or half an hour if you try to walk there on water, yet there we were, inside it. A single Imperial Guard was tending to Mehra by the time I appeared, and he was frantically trying to figure out what was going on while she was just crying and thanking me over and over again. I explained that I had saved her from some scumbags and demanded for the guard to get her some clothes. It's a good thing he understood immediately and wasn't like some of the other scummy guards I've come across on my journeys. In fact, Lalatia Varian, the woman in charge of this Imperial Chapel was very understanding of the situation and promised to tend to Mehra's every need. "That's how the Imperial Cult operates", she said. "We help those in need." She provided her both bed and clothes, all of which she would not charge.

Fast forward a couple of hours, Mehra got around telling me what exactly happened to her. Briefly after being interviewed by me, she had kind of fallen into a rabbit hole of reading a lot of literature on the subject of Nerevarine prophecy. She was already knowledgeable, she already held a lot of dissenting points of views that the Tribunal deems heretical, but that meeting with me was really a catalyst for her getting serious about this. I wasn't to blame for any of this though, as it was ultimately her curiosity that led her to trouble and to her being disassociated from the Temple for her heresy.

She also explained the torture in detail. They haven't actually penetrated her or anything like that, and instead they've just focused on teasing her, almost as if wanting to break her and make her want to be raped properly. In a way, that sounds even worse, but she's a strong-willed woman and said that she at no point begged the guards to just fuck her. Her being a woman who has protected her chastity all the way to her late thirties probably helped too, but that doesn't change the fact that the experience was traumatizing for her. She'll get over it though, she said it herself.

We finally also discussed why it was me who rescued her in the end. She was actually expecting one of her close friends working with Ordinators to do that instead. Well, I told him about what Caius told me, all I've been through myself, and the possibility of me being the Nerevarine, as well as the need for me to find out about any possible lost prophecies that could lend grievance to my claims. She understood perfectly, and said that she has a person in mind who can help me and answer all of my questions. Coincidentally, since she can't remain in Vivec City anymore, she'll be traveling there alongside me.

Now though, she's tired. Finally free of her torment, she can rest peacefully. We'll leave rest of the discussions for tomorrow, but she made it quite clear to me that we will be leaving Castle Ebonheart as soon as possible. The enemy will find us here eventually if we won't leave. Luckily for her, me and Kanna though, the Ordinators won't be allowed inside the Castle, at least not through legal means, meaning that we're safe.

Time for me to join Mehra and Kanna and catch some sleep while I can.

Evening Star, 9th, 3E 427

Mehra had woken up early, and by the time I woke up myself she had prepared us a boat. She was going on about how the Templars were looking for us, searching for us. The Imperial Cult and the Legion were refusing to answer their questions, but they knew. The enemy knew we were all there. Luckily, at the break of the dawn, we could escape Castle Ebonheart quietly. Mehra had a ship ready for us, which would take us from there to the Monastery of Holamayan, located on an island off the south-eastern coast of Vvardenfell. That's where we're headed right now.

It's a little scary to think about the Temple being my enemies now. I mean, they must have a warrant for my arrest. Will they recognize me? They have to, at least in time. That one Ordinator saw my face…

It makes me worry for my future, but for now I have other things to worry about.

Holamayan is considered a safe haven for the "Dissident Priests" where they avoid Temple's persecution of blasphemy. The monastery is shielded by a strong, impregnable magical barrier set up by the Azura, which only shows vulnerability twice a day during the hours of twilight, when its door is briefly opened. It'll still take one more day for us to reach that place.

The shallow waters of Azura's Coast are treacherous, especially when the weather turns foul. A thousand rocky islands dot the narrow strait between the south-eastern tip of Vvardenfell, where the island and the mainland meet at their closest, just at the base of Telvanni Peninsula, with the golden sand coasts, lush green forests and mighty coastal cliffs greeting us on the mainland. Safe from the storm we found a safe refuge for ourselves on a reasonably sized, uninhabited island in the middle of this archipelago that houses one of the many shrines of Azura, the Goddess which this whole region is named after.

Despite the Empire's and Tribunal Temple's best efforts of curb-stomping any Daedra worship, the shrine has been very well preserved and taken care of by both pilgrims as well as the priests of the nearby monastery since the ancient days of the Merethic era when it was built. There still are a lot of Dunmer who worship and respect the Daedra as their true gods. I don't know why, but I felt compelled to climb the steps to the pinnacle of the island, where on top of a steep, rocky mountain, her marbled visage stood at over five meters tall in all of its busty beauty.

"You have come here for a reason, my champion-to-be", a voice spoke. I could hear her voice reaching out to me from Oblivion. It was a voice I recognized immediately, for she had spoken to me once before, once in that dream I saw when I first arrived on this island. So, it was Azura all along, huh? I should've known. Nerevar had a strong connection to her, so being the Incarnate, she feels a connection to me. I don't remember those days of being her champion on Tamriel anymore, and she recognizes this. I have not claimed the right to be called her champion in my current incarnation, not yet. "You come to me seeking something, but you won't find what you seek here. However, I do believe there's something you will do for me, something that you can help me with."

It was a task unrelated to everything that's going on with me being the Nerevarine, but me being someone she could trust to commune with, she honored me with this task of a "personal matter" anyway. You see, she's made a bet. It involves a certain priestess devoted to her and her commitment to a hundred years of solitude and prayer. Sheogorath, that crazy, meddling lunatic of a god, doesn't believe that it's possible for a mortal mind to stay sane enduring that manner of torment. Is there anything at stake here? I don't actually even know. All I know is that Azura does not like losing, especially not to Sheogorath. He knows this, and being the troublesome, crazy person that he is, he's pulling out all the stops to tip the bet in his favor. "I'm on the verge of winning the bet, but she is being harassed as we speak", Azura said, referring to her priestess. "I need you to stop this. Get rid of the meddlers and return proof of your deed to me, and you shall be rewarded."

When I returned back to the ship and talked to Kanna about my experiences, and she believed me in an instant. She knows I'm not a one to lie about that kinds of things. It's going to quite a long trip before we can get to this task, as it involves traveling all the way to the isles of Sheogorad overlooking the Sea of Ghosts to the north, named after this evil god, just as these isles are named after Azura.

Now though, it's time for me to catch some sleep. Hopefully the weather is cleared by the time sun rises, so we can continue our journey to Holamayan.

Evening Star, 10th, 3E 427

Holmayan is hidden on a small island directly to the south from Sadrith Mora. To the west you have the barren coasts of Vvardenfell, while to the east the ruins of cliff-city of Kemel-Ze raises from the sea. That place is not at all important to this entry, but it was one of the largest Dwemer cities of its time, and a damn impressive sight at that.

The leader of this monastery is Gilvas Barelo, and having heard how I risked my life to save Mehra, he expressed his eternal gratitude. He offered me two rewards: first, information, and second, shelter. I'm welcome to hide and rest here anytime.

Then, it was time for us to talk, and boy oh boy did we talk. He was able to provide me with information about the so-called "Lost Prophecy", which is actually its very name, and then some. He also had a book on the "Seven Curses", which Nibani Maesa couldn't really talk much to me about, and lastly he had a book and a document, which if true is direct evidence against the Tribunal's divinity. That was by far the most interesting read, as it concerns my previous life.

An excerpt from the hidden writings of "Apographa" which were "stolen" from the Tribunal Temple some years ago describes how the Dwemer discovered a magical stone from underneath the Red Mountain, a stone which they soon realized to be the heart of Lorkhan, a heart of a god. A Dwemer magecrafter by the name of Lord Kagrenac created three great artifacts to control it and to draw power from it in their attempt to create a god of their own. This led to all sorts of drama between the Dwemer and the Chimer which led to the war of the First Council, and culminated on the battle of Red Mountain, when Kagrenac finally used these tools to activate his "God", which actually led to the destruction of their entire race. Well, bar that one guy I met, but I digress. What went wrong, we don't know, but the point is, this Heart can be used to draw divine powers from.

What I just described is what we do know for certain. Things get a little murky when we start discussing the aftermath. Some say Nerevar died in the battle, some say he was gravely wounded, while others claim he survived. Gilvas claims the last example is true.

According to him Nerevar along with Lord Dagoth, who was my good friend at the time, retrieved these tools immediately after the battle was over. Nerevar wanted to safeguard them to make sure they wouldn't be used ever again, while Dagoth wanted to destroy them. The decision was not reached, so Nerevar turned to his counselors Vivec, Almalexia and Sotha Sil to discuss their fate, while the tools were left for Dagoth's safekeeping while he was left behind waiting at the Red Mountain.

Dagoth Ur was the only one who disagreed with Nerevar and his council, which set him apart from the start, but he did not choose to destroy them alone. Why? Perhaps he couldn't do it alone, we can't be for certain. Instead, he opted to use them himself. Why? Maybe he was tempted, maybe he went insane, maybe he felt like he didn't have a choice, maybe he was afraid that Nerevar's counselors might betray him by using the tools themselves… Well, there's truth to all these claims…

Nerevar along with his counselors defeated Dagoth Ur after having realized he had used it, recovering the tools in the process… But as you might already guess, he was not defeated for good. Him being left alone with the tools and the Heart allowed him to create some kind of bond to the Heart, which basically connected him to it or something. Forgotten, thought to be dead, he continued to absorb power from it for thousands of years to come, all while he lied sleeping, waiting for his time. I guess that's also what that acolyte meant by me betraying Dagoth Ur. I mean, it was Lord Nerevar and the Tribunal who defeated him in the end.

After this point, Neravar is no more, and that is for certain. When he died and how he died, that's the question, but what we do know is that his councilors in the end broke their oath to their king of never using the tools. They did use them, and thus they became gods, and served Morrowind as their gods until the dawn of the third era. Tiber Septim annexed Morrowind around the same time that Dagoth Ur woke up from his slumber, which is why the Tribunal cannot "revive" their divine powers anymore. Dagoth Ur is even suspected to be in possession of the tools.

So, the big question for me here is, why cannot we know for certain what happened? To that, Gilvas responded with a question of his own. He asked me, have I heard of CHIM? Truth be told, I had, but never had I thought much of it. Gilvas went on to explain that it's what they call "the secret syllable of royalty", and that those who "know CHIM" and understand it truly can essentially manipulate the world almost as if as gods, breaking free of laws and limitations of us ordinary mortals. An example of this happening in the past is when Tiber Septim, who had reached the state of CHIM in his life, not only did turn the lush, untraversable jungles of Cyrodiil into the land you know today, not only making it so that it changed the future of that land, but also that he changed the very history of that land.

That is only one example of this happening before, and nobody knows the extent of how the world along with its history has changed. Who knows, maybe someone has even used their state of CHIM to mold the world to be as perverted a place as it's today!

Anyway, this is also why we can't be sure of what happened. Lord Vivec not only has the powers of a living god, he's also reached CHIM. No doubt there was one thing that happened on that fateful year seven hundred of the first era, one ultimate truth, but considering that with his god-like power he can even change the past… Well, who the fuck even knows anymore?

Anyway, that was a long tangent.

"The Seven Curses" and "The Lost Prophecy" were an interesting read as well, but I'm not gonna go into detail. The former was kind of hard to wrap my mind around, but based on the notes left by the author, it likely refers to the threat Dagoth Ur poses. This is some end-of-the-world shit right here, and considering that the blight has already taken this land by storm - literally - the worst is yet to come. The prophecies talk about how I must defeat the Tribunal, but to me it sounds like Dagoth Ur is much, MUCH bigger of a threat than those living gods are.

As for the latter… Well, I'll just skip straight to the notes. It describes the Nerevar being born of an ancient family, but not of the great Ashlander clans, and born under foreign stars and the sign of the Dragon. The prophecy itself read "Dragon-born and far-star-marked", and the dragon could refer to either being born in the Empire, or serving the Empire. I guess if taken literally it could also mean Dragonborn. However, that's quite a huge stretch, ain't it? I most definitely am NOT a Dragonborn. Besides, is being a Dragonborn even a real thing, or is it just some mythical mumbo jumbo that the Empire has made up to explain how only Tiber Septim's direct descendants are entitled to the throne? I'm leaning towards the latter.

Lastly, it talks about Nerevarine being "star-blessed" and wielding "thrice-cursed blade", with the former probably referring to Azura, and the latter referring to a weapon called Keening, which just happens to be one of the Kagrenac's infamous tools.

Now that I have this information, I believe it's time for me to return to Nibani Maesa to be re-tested. She couldn't give me a conclusive answer the last time around, but I'm sure, I'm so damn sure and confident that I am the one. Hopefully she will agree with me, especially now that I've proven myself to pass the second trial of the incarnate in addition to finding this so-called lost prophecy.

We won't leave yet though. The weather is foul again, so we're gonna wait for tomorrow to set sail. Or maybe we'll leave in two days. Can't say yet.

Kanna talked to me about some young Dunmer boy he spent a lot of time talking with. Apparently he was born here, and has never left the island, meaning that this is all he knows of the world. Kanna went on talking about how cute he was, saying how he told her he has never even seen any other children in his life. Kanna suggested that we should both keep him company for as long as we're here as guests. I'll be happy to…

Evening Star, 11th, 3E 427

This entry hasn't been written yet.

• 13th Journal - Moon and Star (By Karim / Aliya)