JoS/Henriette/9th Journal - Sentenced

Evening Star, 29th, 4E 201

My journey brought me to Dawnstar for my next side contract, but I ended up doing some other pointless things, like visiting some stupid museum dedicated to the Mythic Dawn. The man in charge, Silus Vesuius, did talk about collecting all the shards of Mehrunes' Razor which supposedly are located in Skyrim, and promised good money for them. The weapon was destroyed after the Oblivion crisis and its "keepers" have vowed to keep them apart until the end of time, so it's highly curious that Silus wants to bring them together. It could be that he's planning something, or it could be just that he wants them displayed in his museum with the rest of the pieces. Doesn't really matter to me, because I'm not planning to go out of my way to find them. He did give me the locations, so I suppose if I'm in the area where they're supposed to be… What's the harm in spending an extra hour to look for them, especially if the pay is good?

I also killed a dragon together with Sofia. I guess there were some city guards shooting arrows at it too, but they were useless as always. Then, I went on to kill my contract Deekus who was scavenging a ship on the northern coast in the middle of nowhere. He tried to run away… Well, I guess he was intending to swim away, but he didn't succeed. Time to return to the Sanctuary I guess.

Evening Star, 31st, 4E 201

I have been tasked with killing a man called Gaius Maro, who is the son of the captain of Penitus Oculatus here in Skyrim. Basically, I am to strike a blow against the Emperor's personal elite guard here in Skyrim. I'm also expected to plant a letter to frame him in a plan to assassinate the Emperor. What will this accomplish? I'm not sure and I don't care!

I expect this task to be a long and boring one which involves a lot of stalking, standing still and waiting, but it'll all be worth it eventually. Good things always come to those who wait.

I've already made it to Dragon Bridge, where I saw him wave his father goodbye. How sweet. That's not all though. The local innkeeper Faida, a young woman in her own right was also there, saying she wanted to speak with him in private. I of course spied on this "conversation", if you can even call it that. Those two are madly in love, and I witnessed them having sex. Yes, really. Faida was going on about wanting Gaius to cum inside so she could bear his child, but Gaius was hesitant. To end that fun though, he did promise to propose to Faida when he'd be back.

Oh dear, I think I might feel a little bad about killing him… Faida's gonna be heartbroken for sure… No matter, this has to be done.

I also happened to come across his travel schedule. How careless of them to let the door to their office open, and how careless of them to leave something like that on the table. I didn't actually steal it or anything either. I just read it. I'll meet him in Markarth two days from now.

See you soon, Gaius my dear.

Morning Star, 1st, 4E 202

I had an entire day for myself, but it didn't end up going quite as I planned.

It all started with me checking in to the inn. The place was packed because of the new year's festivities going on. Lots of mead were being consumed, and most of the people were piss drunk. Anyway, I met Margret there. If you remember, that's the woman who I saved from the Forsworn the first time I was here. I talked with her a little, but there wasn't really much to go over. She was still shocked about how it could've happened to here, and since she has already rewarded me, there wasn't much to go over. That's when a man named Eltrys approached me and asked me to go meet him at the Shrine of Talos.

He told me a story about how his own father died at the hands of Forsworn in this city, basically to prove the point that this problem isn't a new one, and about how guards aren't willing to do anything to solve any of this. He needs help apparently. All these people here need help, because these killings and attacks aren't going to stop any time soon. Eltrys here need help to expose the corruption at the upper echelons of this city. It sounded like a mighty distraction from the reason why I'm here in the first place, but since I had a whole day of waiting in front of me until Gaius arrives, I ended up searching for clues anyway.

From here onwards, things started to slowly and progressively get bad.

My first course of action was getting back to Margret and interviewing her. I felt like she owed me an explanation about why she thought she might've been attacked, and I got my first important clue. She's a Nord spy, loyal to the Empire and working for General Tullius, sent here to do some work regarding the Silver-Blood family and the Cidhna Mine they own, which is one of the most infamous prison here in Skyrim, a prison that nobody can escape, or something like that. It's all politics which I don't really care about all that much. Maybe Tullius suspects they might be holding Imperial prisoners of war or something, maybe it's just that those guys are hardcore Stormcloak apologists, I don't care.

Margret has her own theory, but no solid proof yet. She believes that somehow, in some way, the Silver-Bloods and the Forsworn are working together, and that the attacks by the latter are connected to the former. It sounds unbelievable at the face value considering how those two factions are at odds, but it can't be ruled out. Either way, Margret suggested that if I wanted answers, I should seek out the Silver-Bloods. So, that's exactly what my next step was.

Before I could actually get to the Silver-Blood treasury to look for answers, one of the city guards came to me on the streets and warned me about asking unnecessary questions, telling me to back off, but I didn't listen. I continued my research.

I wasn't welcomed into the Treasury House. It's the day of the New Life Festival, so I expected the place to be a busy one. I wasn't wrong in that regard. Getting to talk to anyone prominent was impossible, so I had to come up with an alternative plan. This plan, of course, was infiltration. I snuck into their home and broke into the family head's room. Thonar is the most prominent member in this family, so his journal was on my mind.

I quickly learned that Margret's theory is correct and that Thonar has the king of the Forsworn, Madanach, imprisoned in the Cidhna Mine. They have some kind of deal with each other, him and Thonar. I couldn't believe it. I actually had the evidence about this conspiracy in my hands, the proof of corruption I needed. It doesn't omit how Madanach is able to control his underlings from the prison though, but for that, there was one final piece to the puzzle.

It was time for me to go see if I could find evidence from the man who actually tried to kill Margret that day on the streets. His name was Weylin and he used to live in the Warrens. Getting to his room was pretty easy, and it didn't take too long for me to find a letter from a chest inside his room either. I was interrupted by a large hand grabbing my shoulder before I could get around reading it. Only thing I caught from the letter was the person who had signed it, "N".

This is the point where things got from bad to worse.

Next thing I knew was a large hand pressed against the back of my head, and my face rubbing the dirt on the floor. I wasn't able to wield my weapon or defend myself at all. He said that they tried to warn me, but I just had to stick my nose into all of this. In his words, it was time for me to learn a lesson in form of one final warning.

He then proceeded to strip me naked and raped me from behind like an animal. He placed a sturdy leather collar on my neck, slapped my butt in a way that made the entire Warrens echo. Crowd was starting to gather, everyone in the Warrens had heard the commotion and they all saw what was going on, but none of these people were interested in helping me. Instead, they were all cheering my rape on. I know that there's a Skooma den down there and that prostitution is prevalent here, so I just assumed that these men must've mistaken me for a prostitute.

This man wasn't finished simply from cumming inside me once. He did me again, once more from behind, and didn't give even give me time to rest at all. He clenched his fist around the collar choking me while keeping my body elevated in the air he even made me cum. I couldn't believe that I would ever be able to orgasm while being choked, when I could barely even breathe. It was so painful and exhausting.

He was finally finished, but he had more in store for me. My punishment was far from over.

He turned towards the crowd and proclaimed that "her bitch" is now ready for use. He charged only twenty Septims, that was all it required to use my pussy. I couldn't do anything to stop what was about to happen, and I was forced to take all that dirty beggar, drunk and drug addict semen into me as my slaver collected all that money he was making off me.

I didn't even count how many men and how many dicks there were, but they kept count by drawing lines on my butt with pen and ink. My stomach was properly inflated from all the jizz, and I was barely staying awake, but my torment was still not over.

He had one final ultimate punishment ready for me. Every single dirty mongrel already had cummed inside me, so what possibly could he do to humiliate further? Well, we're at the lowest levels of Markarth, save for the deep Dwemer ruins that lie underneath this city, and there's a lot of strange monsters creeping below the ground from Chaurus and spiders to simple Falmer. What they had there though was neither, or at least so I think. I didn't even recognize it as a living creature at first. The man was talking about it being a monster imported and brought over all the way from Argonia, a Voriplasm specifically trained to torture and rape its victims instead of consuming and eating them alive. Before I could even beg for mercy, I was thrown straight into its slimy embrace.

This giant blob of slime entangled my body, and I was honestly scared for my life, not that it was interested in killing me. Like seriously, this monster was nothing but green slime. It was horrifying! I was completely submerged inside its body, which it was able to stretch and bend like tentacles. Escape was completely impossible, I was completely helpless, and it raped me for what felt like an eternity. Two hours? Three? I must've even passed out several times during the ordeal, but it just kept waking me up over and over again. My belly was bulging from the bits and pieces of slime and Voriplasm semen more than ever before. Like seriously, my belly had stretched so much it was like I was at the late stages of pregnancy all over again. Eventually though, everything faded to black.

I only woke up after my body struck against the slightly muddy soft soil outside the Warrens in some quiet back alley along with my belongings. "Consider this your last warning", the man said. "Next time we catch you will be your last."

It wasn't a death threat, I was sure of it, but rather, a taste of what might come if I continue pursuing this errand. They had gone through my stuff to steal some items and most importantly, steal all the evidence I had gathered. From there onward, I was just hiding, scared and angry at the same time. I couldn't move well because my stomach was so heavy and my legs barely had any feeling in them, so I just laid still, hoping that nobody would come to take advantage of me. It luckily didn't last but an hour or two for the slimy invaders to escape my uterus. I was free from the these foul parasites inside my stomach rather quickly, but the toll this pregnancy took on my body still lingered.

Two competing thoughts are currently battling it out in my head: One of them wants to taste revenge and carry out this task to the end, while other is telling me to accept defeat and walk away from whatever conspiracy has infected this corrupt shithole of a city. I still haven't decided what I want to do, but it's not what's important anyway. I have to focus on my primary goal. I know Gaius Maro will be visiting this town tomorrow, and I need to be ready and waiting. Until then, I have to keep out from trouble… I won't be leaving the inn for any other reason than to kill Gaius anymore.

Morning Star, 2nd, 4E 202

I always knew that killing a target that is actually capable of defending himself well was going to be a challenge. Sinking my teeth into his flesh wasn't going to be possible with that armor covering his body either. A little bit of Vampiric blood magic did the trick though. One invisible girl, one lone soldier and zero witnesses… I'm no mathematician, but I believe that the correct answer to this equation is a successful assassination. Was there ever any doubt? This is what I'm best at.

It has been a long day though. It's been sunny throughout the day and for most of the day I didn't have a chance to get Gaius alone.

I've also pretty much decided that I must leave this city. I'll probably do it as soon as I've gotten something to eat. I also feel like I have to go and apologize to Eltrys for not being able to help him any longer. It's regrettable, I have to let him down, but… What other choice do I have? The guards here know that I'm trouble and want me gone as soon as possible.

I'll be leaving this city in few hours.

Morning Star, 2nd, 4E 202

Dear diary, I have met my defeat, perhaps for one final time.

Eltrys was dead by the time I got to him. Guards had taken him out by orders of Thonar, and he had also ordered for me to be imprisoned as well. Every recent murder that took place in this city was pinned on me. I was surrounded, every guard in this city knows that there's a bounty of tens of thousands of Septims on my ass. Death here wasn't an option; they were intent on capturing me alive and imprisoning me. I had no choice but to surrender myself to the authorities.

City guards brought me to Cidhna Mine, the place which I'll be calling my new home, and handed me over to my new Silver-Blood owners. It's where I'll be serving my life sentence, where I'll be nothing but a slave for the rest of my life. If not even the king of the Forsworn hasn't been able to make it out in twenty years, what chance do I have?

A death sentence has been ordered by the Jarl who is either in with the conspiracy as well or been convinced that I'm the guilty one here. There's no set date though, as nobody will tell me when I'll die. It'll come as a surprise, with no warning in advance. Just one day in the future, probably decades from now, they will drag my ass to the guillotine and end my life within minutes. I was also told that my contact to the outside world will be completely cut off and no news from the outside world will reach me. Only people who are capable of providing me with information are the prisoners who might come here in the future.

As for my prison outfit, there is none. I'm not allowed to wear actual clothes. Instead, these damn mercenaries locked me in a collar made out of Ebony that no ordinary tool can cut or open, and gave me cuffs to match a set. They gave me piercings enchanted with magic and locked them to my most sensitive places. With one snap of a finger they're designed to stimulate my nipples and my clitoris. They may sometimes even activate automatically. And then, they gave me one more mark of slavery. A woman wearing robes and a mask placed her hand on me and labeled me by putting some kind of lewd pubic tattoo on top of my womb. I think it's sort of heart-shaped, but I'm not sure what it's supposed to represent or which daedric entity - if any - it's linked to. It was done entirely with magic, so it didn't really even hurt, and because magic is involved, I have a feeling this mark carries some foul enhancements as well.

The Silver-Blood mercenaries said that they'd come here to fill a Soul Gem every three days to take care of any and all possible pregnancies, and bring me some food and water as well, basically to keep me living.

There was only one thing that could make my sentence worse, and that would be solitary confinement. Luckily, that's not the case. Then again, my fate could perhaps be more horrifying for someone else, considering that I'm the first female prisoner this mine has seen in years. I don't think I need to spell it out for you, my dearest diary, my only friend in the next and perhaps even final chapter of my life… You know what's going to happen to me here.

After it was all said and done, they threw me in and locked the door. My sentence had started, and I dread to think what these murderers, rapists and criminals have in store for me.

Morning Star, 3rd, 4E 202

Day one.

This prison isn't as populated as I expected it to be. Including Madanach, there's only six men here. They're mostly either Forsworn or people who were thrown here on suspicion of being Forsworn. Because of that, most of the prisoners here are my fellow Bretons. I was told one thing right off the bat, and that is that I'm now Madanach's property. I may be the prisoner of the Silver-Blood, a slave whose key to freedom lies entirely in the hands of Thonar, but the Forsworn King in Rags owns the rights to my body. I am but a meat toilet for these men.

Borkul is perhaps the clearest exception to the rule of everyone here being Forsworn. He's the biggest and the meanest looking Orc I've ever seen and a true criminal at heart. He's a murderer, a rapist, a thief… If there's a sin for a man commit, he's done it. He's Madanach's righthand man and his bodyguard, and he was the first one to use me in here. He was so happy to actually have a bitch to dominate. He alone must've raped me for an hour or two. He was so barbaric, it was a genuinely brutal rape. What's so scary about it is that he could've probably snapped my neck at any moment if I complained at anything or even moaned funny. No doubt he would've done it if I was just some random girl and he was still enjoying his freedom raping children out there in Skyrim.

Uraccen was next, and then Braig. They were both very tame in comparison, and even though they were being forceful, it felt like making love in comparison, but they were also very quick shots. Odvan and Duach wanted to do me at the same time. Odvan did me from behind, which was nothing special, but Duach… He had such a big and smelly cock, and he stuck it so deep down my throat. He grabbed my head and didn't pull out at all, he barely gave me time to breathe. Grisvar was the last, and he was the only one who wanted to fuck my ass, although he did also finger my pussy at the same time.

These men also found humor in the fact that there were markings on my ass about all the men that raped me two days ago, and they continued the tradition. They also wrote some degrading words on my other cheek. It's a good thing these drawings aren't permanent, apart from that one on my stomach anyway… They'll probably write something else tomorrow.

Then, the cycle began anew.

Borkul was already satisfied, but the other five weren't. They all took turns and did me for hours. They let me breathe at times, they forced me to do a lot of foreplay to keep themselves going and recover between turns. I was only let go after Madanach actually came to us, wondering what was taking so long. He had insisted on getting me last after I was already dead tired and exhausted from being raped, but even he had gotten impatient. I was promptly dragged off to the quietest corner of Cidhna Mine.

Madanach is the only one here to actually have a proper bunk here along with a bed… Which he proceeded to tie me into. Then, he unleashed years of pent up sexual frustration on me. He said that he hadn't masturbated, not even once. He was saving all that energy for the next bitch to get sentenced. I was expecting this old man to be done quickly because of this, but no. He took it surprisingly slow, but what he lacked in intensity, he had in technique. He made me come multiple times before he even finished inside me, and that was just his first shot. He made love to me, and he made me like it. His dick was so big too, even bigger than Borkul's beastly green shaft.

Well, he's done for now, but I'm still in his room. He's writing something, and he also gave me a permission to document my time here for you, my diary, but only when I have free time. He also said that he noticed that I'm a Vampire when he fucked me the first time around. He said that I'm allowed to feed, but only on Grisvar, I'm not allowed to sink my feet into any other person's flesh here. He also warned me to not try to turn anyone or use any other vampiric magic. I have to wonder though, why did he pick that guy? Well, no idea, but it makes me glad that I can eat more than just stale bread… I guess they don't want me to become blood-starved, as that can have some effects on my physical appearance as well… I've never let it progress that far as hunger usually kicks in way before the changes start happening, but I think it's possible? There are differences between different bloodlines too, I don't know… It could be that Lord Harkon's bloodline doesn't have those problems, but I doubt they'd believe me. Besides, like I said, I'm happy to drink blood if I can. I hope Grisvar's blood tastes good…

Still, I have to wonder, is this really my life now? I find it hard to wrap my head around, but it really seems so…

All in all, this day wasn't as awful as I was expecting it to be. In a weird and twister way, you could even say it was a little fun at times. Well, as much as fun as anything can be knowing this is my life now… It's weird, I know, but I have no other choice… Don't think less of me just because I've lost my hope, my dear diary…

Morning Star, 4th, 4E 202

Day two.

They let me sleep well, and I had a lot of time to contemplate my destiny, weigh my past life choices, my future choices, or lack thereof. I could try to kill one of these men, or some of them, but what would that accomplish? Nothing. I would still be stuck here. It's not like they would try to kill me either. They value me alive. I don't want to make enemies out of any of them either. I'll just be the good girl they expect me to be.

It saddens me to think, but I really have no other choice but to submit, just like I did yesterday, just like I did today. It's not like they're forcing me to do anything that horrible… They just want to use my body, and maybe have a little kiss, maybe make me suck them off every now and then. I still like to think that there's more worth to my life than just this, but… Clearly the people who have control over me don't see any more worth in me. Was this my destiny all along? I don't believe in destiny, but if this is what the gods planned for me… Well, I can only wait for my final judgment.

Still, there could be a chance of me getting away in some way, as distant as it may be. I am after all a Dragonborn. My voice is a weapon more powerful than any sword which can used to oppress me, and ain't no magic-disabling shackles gonna take that power away from me.

They don't know the true extent of my Vampiric powers either. I might be able to also transform into that… creature… Vampire Lord or something… I've never done it though… I hate that ability because it turns me into a literal monster. Then again, if Harkon is to be believed, that power does offer potential for incredible power. I have to wonder…

These men might have all the confidence in the world with their petty shivs, because in my eyes I'm really just a kid… But to pivot back to my previous point, even if I raised up to rebel against my fellow prisoners, it would accomplish absolutely nothing. Or at least, so I think. I'm at least not willing to take a risk.

Well, I do still believe that I have some chance of getting out of here, even if it's just one in a million. I just have to be patient and wait for that day, or die trying. That I'll do… I'll wait, I'll let them have their way with me and be a good little whore.

Morning Star, 9th, 4E 202

Day seven… Yeah, I haven't been writing.

It's easy to feel sympathetic towards the cause of the Forsworn now. Being stuck with them kind of puts things into perspective, you know? Or maybe I'm just biased because they share my race, and because I've grown to hate the man who put me here.

Think about it: they have called the Reach their home for the longest time, and they should at least have some rights to self-rule. I'm not saying they aren't completely blameless or that the Reachmen commit crimes against Nords during the Forsworn uprising some thirty years ago, but the atrocities committed by the Nords in these lands were even more horrible! Besides, how hypocritical is it for the Silver-Bloods to ally themselves with the Stormcloaks and fight for their rights to worship Talos and then go on to forbit the natives of this land from worshiping their own gods? Does Thonar not see the obvious hypocrisy? Of course not, that slimy, slithering bastard…

I actually talked about all of this with Braig a lot when he told me his story.

I don't care to give a history lesson, but it was the Nords led by Ulfric who retook the city when the Empire turned a blind eye due to being preoccupied. Retaking it was never going to be enough though, as price had to be paid, and many had to be killed. Politicians as well as soldiers sympathetic to Forsworn were a logical target, but what had the farmers, the miners and the shopkeepers, the innocent civilians done to deserve lynchings and executions? What about the elderly, the women and children? The latter question is what Braig wanted to focus on.

Widowed wives were raped and tortured alongside the young who had not been flowered. Girls as young as me were forced into slavery and very few survived. Braig, who was grouped together with the Forsworn despite being completely blameless and innocent in the uprising had to watch his wife be raped and executed, and then the same thing happened to his daughter. They kept him in prison, kept him in chains and forced him to watch his daughter be raped for days… And then they eventually killed her too…

Kind of makes me wonder, is part of the reason for my mistreatment also due to the fact that I'm a Breton? My mother wasn't a Reachman, but rather born and bred in High Rock, but could an amoral fuckface like Thonar tell a difference? To him I must be just as bad as the Forsworn are, simply because I share partial ancestry with them…

Lastly, even though I kind of didn't want to push any buttons, all of that discussion kind of made me want to ask Braig: why did he feel it was right for him and his men to sexually abuse me if he held such traumatic memories with similar events? He said that he really doesn't want to, because I do really, like really remind him of his daughter, who in turn reminded him of his late wife. He even admits that he always loved her daughter a little bit too much, and watching me reminds him of those feelings. I guess what he's trying to say is that he's got feelings for me. Cute. Besides, he feels pressured due to Madanach and the other inmates insisting on me being a slave.

I guess I can believe him explanation since he's always been so gentle with me. He also really likes it when I call him daddy. I like calling him daddy too. I mean, he's way older than what my father would be if he was alive, but I'm not gonna let that brother me. Compared to what the other men here like, he's pretty sweet, not a kind of guy you'd expect to find in a prison. All in all, he doesn't seem like a kind of guy who would choose to hurt me if given a choice.

Since I'm already on the topic of talking about the inmates here, I could also talk about the others.

First of all, I could probably tell all of their dicks apart just by their shape, no matter what hole they plugged them into. It's funny they haven't thought of anything like that yet. Oh, who am I kidding, they probably wouldn't play that game because they know I'd win. You see, they make me play all kinds of impossible games where every failure on my part leads to punishment, which is usually just more and more sex. Hahaha, I've gotten well accustomed with them… It's all fun and games now. It's just a week into my sentence? Oh man, it's so gnarly to just think about it… This week has felt so long and so simple, it's been life-changing in more ways than just one… And it's just one week of what, hundreds of similar weeks?

Oh Sithis, I don't know if you're still willing to accept this failure of an assassin to worship you, but if you do, please lend me your strength so I can last this trial to the very end, until the day the guillotine meets my neck and I enter your loving embrace in the Void…

Anyway… Yeah, I've gotten to know the men really well, learned of their preferences and what they like. I try to be as lovely, friendly and obedient as I can with these men. Borkul is probably the most genuinely crazy psychopath here, and he obviously likes it rough. He sees me as nothing more than rape meat, but that doesn't stop me from trying to be friendly with him. It probably irritates him though… Maybe I should just be obedient without trying to play any other games?

Grisvar is a wimp. Sure, he'll use me, but I can definitely see why Madanach doesn't like him. Odvan and Duraccen kind of remind me of Braig in a sense that they seem like family men… Odvan is a strict and stiff kind of man, he's got a boring personality and he likes the idea of punishing me for being bad. His punishments are nothing special though. Duraccen and Duach like having me do most of the work. As I said about Duraccen, he's a family man, he's kind of gentle I guess? He likes doing me in cowgirl position the most, and he really likes blowjobs as well. Basically, he likes anything he can do while watching me and laying down. He complements me on my appearance the most, besides Braig anyway. Duach on the other hand, is more like Borkul, but instead of being the kind of guy who rapes you, he's the kind of guy who threatens to hurt you if you don't do exactly as he says, and then he forces you to suck him off before going absolutely berserk…

Madanach still gives me the best orgasms though. He's so good in the bed. He makes me feel so alive every time, and every time he makes me feel satisfied and fulfilled after he's done with me… Which usually takes a lot of time too.

I'm still learning every day how to please them all better, but I'm getting used to this. I think I can fit in here in my unique little role. It beats mining silver. By Sithis, that seems so boring and tiring.

Morning Star, 23th, 4E 202

Day twenty-one. Wow, has it really been three weeks? Time sure flies when all you have in front of you is eternity.

I'm fully accustomed to my restraints. They're pretty much part of me now, I sometimes even forget I still have them at all. I've also become fully subservient to these men. I wrote about the games they have for me the last time around, and now they're also gotten around policing my language. I can only use certain kind of words, and they try to make them stick by whipping me every time I use a word I'm not supposed to. First they forbid me from saying "Fuck". Little girls aren't allowed so say that word, or so they say. I now have to improvise. I guess they got tired of me saying "fuck me" or something along the lines all the time.

Kind of weirdly though, they only allow me to use words "cock" and "dick" when referring to their genitalia though. Same for my genitals, as I'm only allowed to say "cunny" and "pussy". "Cunt" isn't acceptable, and neither is "ass". For my backside, only "butt" is acceptable. Why do they allow vulgar language for some body parts and not for others is beyond me. As for my chest, well… It's "chest", and nothing else. I can't say "boobs" or "breasts" because I don't have any. Now they're just messing with me… Do they not know I'm a little sensitive about not being able to grow up?

They don't like it when I use their real names, so instead they have me use names like "mister", "daddy", "papa", "uncle", "master" and "sir". As for Madanach, calling him anything other than "your highness" or "your majesty" is cause for a whipping. Calling him "Lord" is acceptable during sex. They don't like calling me by my name either. Actually, Braig does, but he's an exception. Everyone else calls me "slave", "whore", "bitch", "slut", "kid" or "brat", usually mixing them up by calling me "bratty whore" or "slutty bitch" during sex. Sometimes they call me a child too, but only to pair it with something else.

There are other rules too, but I'm sure you'll get the gist of it.

I've definitely become more perverted and messed-up in my head. They're trained me so, and I've had a lot of time to develop my techniques and to suppress my gag reflex. I can even deepthroat Madanach and his giant cock. Riding them also used to be kind of hard… It's kind of hard to mount them when they're so much bigger than me in comparison, but I'm getting around. What I'm also very proud of is being to handle my hips when on all fours. I could probably make a man cum doing nothing but slamming my butt against his hips when he's inside me. He wouldn't have to do a thing. I got Duraccen to thank for that ability. He used to scold me about not pushing back when he does me from behind. Now he usually just compliments me and slaps me around, trying to make it harder for me. It usually just makes us both cum faster though. My butt never hurts anymore either no matter how much they stretch it. Grisvar has trained my butt well.

Anyway, I actually wrote this on the morning this time around. I'm the only one awake… Gosh, I hope they wake up soon… Writing made me horny…

Morning Star, 29th, 4E 202

Day twenty-seven.

I talked to Madanach at length today. There's a locked gate in the tunnel that leads to his room. I've never really questioned it, but today I saw him use it… I didn't even know a key exists to it.

When I asked him, where does it lead, he said that it's an escape route. I… I couldn't believe it. He did say that it leads through underground ruins and the way is dangerous, so if I use it to escape, facing his wrath may not be the worst thing waiting for me. I'd die for sure, or so he says. Besides, I'd still have to make it through Markarth as well. In other words, he wants me to just sit tight, be a good little bitch and get back to sucking dicks.

Yes, yes, your highness, I'm not actually stupid enough to risk my life escaping, not when I'm here oh so safe in your loving grasp…

It would seem stupid for me to try and escape anyway. I mean, these guys have been here for years and they haven't tried to escape. It's probably really dangerous to try… Or is it? Well, I've got no real reason to find out at this point in time.

Sun's Dawn, 15th, 4E 202

Day fourty-four. Still counting days, but probably not for much longer.

Madanach said to me that they've been planning escape for ages and that I'm in luck, because I'll be getting out as well. He said that it's fun having me as a pet and that if I ever feel lonely I can just join his cause and become part of his harem once the Forsworn reclaim their land.

I mean, that does sound more glamorous than the life I'm currently living. Being slave in a harem sounds more fun than being a slave in a prison, but if there's a way for me to get out of here… Why wouldn't I want to be my own woman and be free once again? I mean yeah, sex is fun, sex is great, sex feels amazing… I would rather die than live a lifetime in celibacy, but sex isn't the only thing I want in my life. It isn't everything. Besides, being able to have sex on my own terms would be a lot preferable than just being someone's puppet.

It would, however, be a lot less stressful and a LOT easier than being an adventurer… Man, being a slave has given me a new outlook at things, hasn't it? Damn, I can't believe I'm actually considering just choosing an easy life as a slave. I might actually be fucked up in the head or something…

I still don't know when exactly they're going to escape… Tomorrow, a week from now, or perhaps they'll wait another twenty years. Okay, probably not… These are mostly old men, some of them are even older than my father was. Some of them are probably dead in twenty years, so no way they're going to wait much longer.

Oh well, back to work. They're probably getting tired of mining all that silver, so I have to be ready for them.

Sun's Dawn, 27th, 4E 202

Day fifty-five…

Actually, that was yesterday. It was the last day of my captivity, last day of what turned out to be only a two-month prison sentence. I'll write it now just to get it out of the way:

I am so glad to be free! Even though my time there didn't end up being as miserable and regrettable as I feared it might be, I'm still looking forward to living my life as something else than a slave once again. I will take all their teachings to the heart though. As messed up as this may sound, I have now evolved as a lover, kind of like I have evolved as an adventurer in the past.

Anyway, Madanach told me to follow the crew, warned me to not get lost in the ruins. Yeah, got it. That's the last thing I wanted to do at that point. Then, they made it to the door that leads to the city of Markarth, right besides the Understone Keep. They actually had my equipment and weapons there, all of them… I couldn't believe it.

Then and there, I was given two choices. Either I could take my things, return to the life I once had and risk becoming his enemy once I stepped foot outside these ruins, or I could just leave all that behind and follow my King in Rags as his rightful property. Whichever side I chose, he said, the result would ultimately be the same, for the Forsworn will try to enslave me anyway if they'll ever catch me in the Reach.

I mean, it's not a guarantee that they will catch me, so I simply winked at him and said, "You'll have to make me". He kind of already knew I was waiting for this day, so he simply just smiled and nodded, giving me his final order. "Don't come out yet. I don't want you to get caught in the crossfire". Then, I watched as they went outside.

When I finally stepped out from inside the ruins, they had already cut a bloody wound across the city. So many lied dead, guards and citizens alike. Dozens? Maybe over a hundred. It had been an absolute massacre. There were no witnesses alive in my immediate vicinity, but I could hear screams and clashes of the blade from further away. Amongst the corpses I trampled, I found a familiar face.

There he was, Thonar Silver-Blood laid lifeless at my feet. The sight sent me into rage, into tears.

I had honestly forgotten about him during my captivity, but now that I saw his face, it all came back to me. This was all his fault in the first place, and at the beginning of my captivity, I dreamed of revenge against him. It was Madanach who helped me forget, but now… It was the only thing that was on my mind. Revenge that was supposed to be mine had just been taken away from me. He never faced justice at my hand. I wasn't even able to make it out on my own terms, and now I can't even pay this bastard back for everything he did to me? It's so unfair. I started stomping his face, swearing out loud, screaming obscenities at his corpse. That's when someone saw me.

It was one of the bastard guards in this shithole of a city, and one of those who were present during my arrest nonetheless. He took his helmet off, and he apologized to me. He knew, they all knew that I was innocent all along. He said back then that I was being framed and he didn't question whenever that was just. I wasn't thinking straight to begin with, so what he said just angered me more.

I charged at him and I wounded him mortally with my dagger. My skills hadn't rusted, which was exciting and great. He probably didn't even see me draw my blade, or even knew that I was hiding a weapon. However, I didn't kill him. I just wanted to render him defenseless, I wanted him to beg for his pathetic life. I wanted to use him as the outlet for what I would've done to Thonar. I stood over him, and I looked into his eyes. He kept apologizing, he was begging for me to let him go and forgive him, telling me again that he was just following orders, he didn't have a say, he did what he had to, he has a wife and two kids to feed! He was willing to let all of this go and not pursue me if I just turned back now. He was even willing to forgive me for wounding him and let it slide!

The absolute nerve of this mortal.

In reply, I simply told him that I'm hungry… Really, really hungry, and that I need to feed too… I bared my teeth and sat on top of him. He tried to fight me off, he screamed for help, but no matter, I started stabbing him. Over and over again, I ran the blade through his flesh. Every time it looked like he was going to shove me or punch me, or get up to knock me down, my dagger was there to meet him. Then, I threw my weapon aside and bit his neck. I impaled his throat, made it impossible for him to breathe. He was covered in blood, I was covered in blood. So much had gone to waste already, but I still needed to extract more straight from the source. I drank his blood, a lot of it. He must've died before I was even far from over, and I didn't stop until his body was cold and white. I then started ripping apart his flesh, I wanted to eat too. I wanted to take his heart, I wanted to just sink my teeth into it and rip it off his chest with my teeth and take a big juicy bite off it. I wanted to defile him in a way that even Namira herself would be proud of.

But even all of that… It didn't sate my bloodlust, I was still hungry… I swear, at that moment I would've killed anyone and everyone who even dared to show themselves at me immediate vicinity.

But there was nobody around… I started to slowly feel better and fuller… Oh, sweet solitude… You let me calm down…

Ahhh, it felt so good to just let it all out… Just express myself, be myself, sate my natural needs… Have I made you proud, oh Father? Do you still approve of me despite my recent failings? Am I, your humble servant, your daughter, still worthy of your service? Please, I beg for you to lend me strength, lend me a vision, take this sacrifice I so humbly offer you and show me the way to redemption.

• 10th Journal - New Beginning