Sexy Fun Times/Strange

You open your eyes and immediately shut them again as you are dazzled by a blinding light. You manage to get a hand up and give them a rub, then, using fingers as a shield, you carefully prize one eyelid up. You see that the light is the sun shining through a window and, after a struggle, you manage to sit up and look around.

You're in a room that is totally strange to you. You seem to have been sleeping on a four-seater couch and you are now sitting on it. As things gradually come into focus, you see a TV and some more seats. There seems to be someone inside your head using a jackhammer to get out and you groan and put your head in your hands trying to remember how in the hell you ever got to wherever it is you are now.

As you gradually come too, you realise that you have two immediate problems: your throat is parched and you're in urgent need of a piss. you look around and see an open door leading to a kitchen. You push yourself up onto your feet and now you realise that you're butt naked, but since there doesn't seem to be anyone else around you head through. You grab a glass, fill it with water from the tap and gulp it down. Then your other urgent need makes itself felt. You look around and seeing that there's still no one about, you get up on your toes, flop your cock over the edge of the sink and let go.

Feeling mightily relieved, you shake off the drips, run the tap again to rinse the sink and your hands, and turn round. There's a naked boy standing in the door with his hands on his hips. You stand there staring. He looks to be around five years old, with a shock of gingery hair and an open face.. You can't help glancing at his cock, which looks bigger than you would expect, but what do you know? You put your hands in front of you in an attempt to cover yourself up.

“Hello,” the boy says.

“Hello,” you reply.

“There's coffee in the machine if you want it,” he says, pointing.

“Maybe i should get dressed first,” you mumble.

He shrugs. “I think your clothes are in the wash. He points at the machine, burbling away under the counter. Just press the button on the machine.”

You wonder why your clothes needed washing, but he thought of coffee , so you press the button. “You need a cup,” he says. You grab a cup and get it under the spout just in time to catch the coffee. You see a green box with a white cross on it on the counter top and assume that it's probably a first aid kit. In the hope that it might contain some paracetamol, you open it up and, right on top, there's a foil strip of tablets so you pop two out and use the coffee to wash them down.

Your brain is still only firing on one cylinder, and you sit down at the table, trying desperately to remember how you managed to end up naked and hungover in this house. The boy, who looks to be about five years old, sits down opposite. “What's your name,” you ask.

“Richard, but everyone calls me Ricky,” he says.

“Where's your mum?”

“She went out. She said to ask if you'd stay with us until she got back.”

“Us?”

“Me and my sisters. Rita is getting Baby up. They'll want breakfast. You could have some toast if you want."

"Maybe later," you say. Just then a naked girl carrying a naked baby comes in. "Doesn't anyone wear clothes in this house?"

Ricky gets up and pushes a highchair across to the table. "Can you help, he asks. The girl holds the baby out and, gingerly, you lift it into the high chair. "You gotta strap her in so she won't fall out," he says.

It takes a while before you work out that it's the same five-point restraint that they use in sports cars, but you eventually get the baby sat up in her seat. The girl grabs some bowls and Ricky gets a jar of something out of the fridge. He holds it up to you and you stand there looking at it. "You need to open it," he says as if he is talking to someone who is a bit slow.

With the top off, he nukes it in the microwave for ten seconds and then gives it to his sister who dips a finger in and tastes the contents. "Mum says you mustn't do that," the boy says, as she makes a face. He takes it off her and spoons a small quantity into his own mouth, doing a good job of pretending to like it. He spoons the rest into a bowl and gives that and the spoon to the baby.

You stand up to get a refill for the coffee and as it's brewing you realise that all three children are staring at you. You are quite proud of your cock which, at a little over six inches, is pretty good for a seventeen-year-old, but you hastily try to cover up with one hand while spooning sugar into your coffee with the other.The older children giggle and help themselves to cereal and milk.

"What's the baby's name," you ask, once you are safely sitting down, just for something to say.

"Baby," Rita says. "We couldn't agree on a name and that's what the hospital put on her label, so it kinda stuck." She wrinkles her nose. "You need a shower," she says.

This seems like a good idea, so when you finish your drink, you follow Ricky into a hallway and then into a spacious bathroom. The shower is more like a wet room, but thankfully, the controls are similar to yours at home. Just as the water warms up, Rita comes in with the baby. "Mum usually takes Baby in with her in the morning," she says, and before you can protest, you are holding a wriggling naked baby in your arms.

The older kids leave you to it. Obviously, as far as they are concerned any adult can wash a baby. You, on the other hand, have never even held one, let alone a slippery wet one. You see a fold down seat on the wall and sit on that with Baby astride your knees, facing you. The problem is that you now have a clear view of a little baby cunt. You can even see the darker pink inside, with the way her legs are spread. Naturally, your cock begins to swell, and before you can do anything, it's standing up between you.

• What can a boy do with a naked baby?
• What the fuck's going on?