JoS/Henriette/11th Journal - Into the Dephts

Rain's Hand, 18th, 4E 202

Hello, my dearest diary, it's it great to have a home now? I've been able to lay low and just relax here in nature's harmony. Just me, Sofia and sweet solitude. She likes working around the kitchen, while I've been tending the garden. Neither of us like cleaning though. I do sometimes leave towards the woods to hunt, but besides that, there's no reason for us to go anywhere. We're self-sufficient here. It will get lonely on the long run and I want to have more friends here… There's still two guest rooms open here. Maybe in the future?

I still don't know much about this lewd Daedric marking that has been printed on me, but I've at least learned basics of how it works… Is it even work of a Daedra? I'm not sure what other entity I could even attribute it to. Maybe Sanguine has his magics on it? I don't know. Either way, that's besides the point.

It seems to get a little bit brighter anytime I get horny. It's barely noticeable, but the brightness is always, without mistake noticeable through any clothing or armor I have on and projects itself on top of them. I can hide it with my hands, but not fully, my hands are not big enough, and besides, the magic on it burns my palms like a hot stove. I literally cannot hide it in any way. It's basically this huge advertisement on top of my crotch that says, "I'm horny". It's so embarrassing…

I've gotten a lot closer with Sofia too. It started when she admitted to me that she's jealous of the fact that I never grow up. She said it would be weird of her to grow up to be an adult and still travel with me when I'm always going to be a little girl. So, she told me to change her into a Vampire too. I was really unsure, I couldn't believe she wanted to do it especially since she had never brought it up before, but she assured me that she has thought about it for months now. Now she has made her mine. That kind of let us connect on a very personal level too, and our relationship has taken a very intimate turn since then.

We've been having a lot of sex, making love like only girls can. At one point, we even snuggled for two days straight… Just the two of us, playing around with toys around the clock. It's great fun, I tell you. She's obviously into me… I'm still more into boys, but so is Sofia, I think. It's not like we can't have any room for girls in our hearts too.

Now that we've gotten so lewd and intimate with each other, we have also discussed the possibility of sharing a bed with a man and even engage in threesome, and who's to say we can't have even more participants?

Our training has progressed very smoothly too, and we both feel much, much stronger. I haven't gotten around slaying dragons, so I haven't been getting stronger from their souls, but I still gain strength from the blood I consume. This area is generally speaking a good hunting ground for Bandits. It's a good thing they haven't tried to infiltrate our home yet.

Well anyway, I didn't want to write in my journal today because of what we've been doing, or rather, the fact that we haven't been doing anything. Recently though, I've been itching for an adventure. I've been thinking about focusing my efforts into helping Lord Harkon fulfil his prophecy and finding rest of the Elder Scrolls.

So, we'll be traveling to Winterhold together. From there, who knows where our adventures will take us? Well, I hope that no matter what happens, it will at least be exciting.

Rain's Hand, 20th, 4E 202

So… It seems that my notoriety has cost me some friends… Were they even my friends to begin with? I'm not sure, but at least I used to feel welcome there. We made it to Winterhold after a long journey, and Sofia decided to stay behind in the inn.

Then, I tried to enter the college, but they didn't let me in. Faralda, the gatekeeper told me that I've been suspended indefinitely from the college, putting a sudden halt to my search for the Elder Scroll.

I said I didn't understand why. I had done nothing wrong, at least not in my opinion. She said that the decision was made by Tolfdir, the man who was in charge of training me. He apparently didn't approve of me anymore, and considering that there aren't really anyone here to train new students besides him, everything kind of fell apart apparently. Faralda said that they said they had heard of my crimes in Markarth, rumors about me being a Vampire and even whispers about my promiscuous lifestyle. Basically, they kicked me off the college because they think I'm a murderous Vampire slut.

I mean, technically, they're not wrong… That's exactly what I am…

Wait, wait just a minute, that's besides the point! Did they not think it was strange for me to be free if I was sentenced to death and imprisoned? And they even judge me based on how many sexual partners I've had? What, am I not allowed to have a private life anymore? I mean, the first two reasons for my suspension I can understand, but how is my promiscuity even a reason for them to consider? And about me being a Vampire, they don't even have evidence. It's not like being a Vampire is a crime anyway! Why would it be? I didn't choose to be turned into one! I have a right to live just like anyone else does! Yeah, it sucks that my survival depends on blood of humans and elves, but that's not my fault either!

I could tell that Faralda was getting a little nervous and even scared hearing me rant to her. She said that there was nothing she could do, but if I wanted to help, I could go to speak to Tolfdir who's still surveying Saarthal. By Sithis, they're still at it? It has been like four months. What do they even expect to find there?

Well, my best bet and finding clues about the location of the Elder Scrolls lies within the college, so I have to play along with their games. I don't really want to break in either, as I don't want to damage my relationship to these people further… I kind of feel that I need to try and improve my reputation with everyone and repair these broken relationships. I don't know exactly how bad the situation is on the other side of Skyrim, but I fear for the worst.

Rain's Hand, 21st, 4E 202

It's hard to say how much progress these guys had made here prior to me getting here, but something told me instantly that they hadn't made any significant discoveries. Tolfdir was quite angry when he saw me, but after I explained that I really am here to redeem myself, he said that he can give me a chance. "Just one chance", he said, very slowly and clearly, almost as if he was speaking to a toddler.

Since he didn't really want to deal with me personally, probably because he's disgusted by me or something, he sent me to on some other task in Winterhold. What does he take me for, a freaking errand girl? I was like seriously, I came all the way here for nothing? He said it's actually important because one of his students has gone missing or something, and that her life could be in danger. He wanted me to go find this person and find out what happened to her. I was to start my search in her field laboratory in some abandoned shed on the outskirts of Winterhold.

I told him that I'm glad to look into it, but I was sent here to help and I could be of use, trying to reason with him. I've been in places like these before, I know what I'm doing, that's what I told him. He reluctantly said fine, but he still wants me to find that missing student to restore his confidence in me. Besides, he still didn't want to deal with me, so he sent me to one of his underlings instead.

Why do I get the feeling that he really, really dislikes me?

Anyway, Tolfdir's apprentice Arniel at least had something for me, although it wasn't much. He wanted me to look for some enchanted items, but swore that if I broke anything there would be a steep price to pay and no chance of me making up for the things I've done outside the college.

So, I followed his instructions to the T and found amulet on the wall. When I pulled it off though, I got trapped behind bars with no escape.

Both Tolfdir and Arniel were upset and embarrassed with me, and said that they told me not to touch anything I'm not supposed to. I was like "Look, I was just following your orders. This amulet looked important and I can even feel magic from it."

Arniel was cussing me out, calling me a stupid brat and a worthless whore, but Tolfdir was interested in the fact that amulet was enchanted. He could feel it too, and pointed out that it has some kind of connection with the wall I pulled it from. I tried casting a spell after he suggested that to me, which then went on to destroy the wall into dust and pieces, revealing some corridor from behind it. Never mind that, I didn't know my Destruction magic is this powerful.

At this point, Arniel was pissed and shouting at me for damaging this precious, irreplaceable piece of history and about how I was going to get expelled for life, but Tolfdir at this point was completely focused on the fact that I had just discovered a hidden pathway. He calmed Arniel down and came to me, saying, "you said you're been into these ruins a lot, right?"

Well yeah, I have. I'm not the most experienced adventurer out there, but I did assure him that I know what I'm doing. I didn't pull the amulet off just out of dumb curiosity.

I think I had earned his trust at that point. He told me that we'll be heading inside soon, that he wanted me to come with him, but he has some arrangements to do beforehand. He said that Sofia can come along too even though she's not in the college and very much banned from ever studying here again. He said that she may be just about the most problematic student this College has seen in decades, but he trusts her in her abilities as an adventurer, just like he trusts me in that regard. I told Sofia about what happened, and now we're just waiting for him to come back…

So, yeah… Discovering a hidden pathway within just hours must've impressed him, considering that they've been here for months. And they even had the nerve to question my competence…

Rain's Hand, 21st, 4E 202

We found something deep within the excavation site. It was some kind of giant, floating ball. And by giant, I mean really big, like a mammoth or something. It was glowing, rotating, covered in pretty lines and markings… We had no idea what we had just found, but no doubt it was pretty much the most significant discovery the guild had made in these ruins. All thanks to me! Of course, Tolfdir was way too enamored by MY discovery to even pay any credit to me. Instead, he just wanted me to go and inform the Arch Mage as soon as possible. At this point, I was kind of positive he really sees me as nothing but an errand girl.

I kind of had to remind him that I'm still suspended, to which he simply sighed and wrote me a writ of passage. Better than nothing I guess. He said nothing about whenever he would formally recognize me as a student yet, but by now he must be getting around, right? At very least I'm able to get inside and use the facilities when I need them.

Then, I got to meet Savos Aren, the Arch Mage. We hadn't actually met before, so he wanted to talk to me a little bit. He had heard whispers about me, who I am and what I have done to make a name for myself, and he wanted to know which parts were true and which were not, perhaps to put his mind at rest, perhaps so he could talk to Tolfdir about reinstating me, I don't know. I did admit to getting to trouble in Markarth and explained that I had been framed, and that I don't have any real connections to the Forsworn. He believed me. I didn't outright admit to being a Vampire though… Not sure if I should have? Something tells me he knows I'm one… Perhaps being honest would've been better for me. I also revealed to him that I'm pretty much only good at Destruction and Conjuration magic and that I'm very much still a novice in both. I'm a decent Enchanter and an Alchemist as well, but I'm not sure if those count, especially Alchemy.

I felt like the discussion was dragging, so I told him why I came to him, told him about Tolfdir's discovery. He said that he'd go check it out, after which we parted ways.

Then, I went to Urag. He doesn't care about what I do outside the College at all, which honestly isn't all that surprising considering that he's probably some kind of closeted pervert. Kind of makes me wonder, is he a top or a bottom? Being an Orc suggests he's very much S, but that might be just my preconceived notions towards Orcs. He's a weird one, so he could just as easily be M.

Anyway, I asked him if he had any books on the Elder Scrolls, anything at all. Well, he said not much, but he has something. He wasn't willing to slap them on the table without hearing about what I want to do with them though. He still remembers me asking about a Moth Priest too, and he was really, really curious about what in Oblivion am I planning. In the end though, he said that it's not his business, he was just curious. I'm glad that at least some people here don't care about sticking their noses to other people's private business.

One of the more interesting books was written by a man named Septimus Signus, but apparently, he's been doing field research for years now. If I want to find more, I should go find him and meet him in his little cave to the north of here.

That's exactly what I'll be doing, but I'm tired after all of this. I need to get some rest.

Anyway, that adventure kind of made him forget about the task he gave to me originally… It's still at the back of my mind, and helping them to find a missing student would surely do favors for me within the college. I wonder, should I actually go see what could've happened to that woman?

Rain's Hand, 22nd, 4E 202

I must've been dreaming, because there's no way what happened just happened to me…

We started looking for the missing apprentice, and found a place which had been described by Tolfdir. I was sure that we were in the right place. The basement of this abandoned shed was still in pristine state, and it seemed that someone had been doing something here. There were drawings on the floor along with some candles. It looked like some kind of ritual site, kind of reminded me of the Black Sacrament as performed by those seeking Night Mother's guidance, except that instead of presenting a sacrifice for whatever Daedra this ritual was set for, the person performing the ritual must present herself as an offering. All evidence lead to the fact that the woman I'm looking for has completed this ritual and disappeared along with it, and that if we were to find her, one of us should perform the ritual…

I took a long look at Sofia and asked her, should we tell someone or should we try to follow along with this ritual? There's two of us, she said, so why not both? It seemed sensible. A simple game of rock paper scissors determined me as the person who's trying out the ritual.

From there onwards, it all seems like a nightmare.

I was sucked into a strange plane of oblivion with walls, floor and ceiling completely made out of flesh, like inside some massive beast's belly. There was red slimy water on the floor and dripping from the walls, and tentacles reaching out from the walls. I could hear cries of women along with moans coming from behind some of the walls, meaning that there were others here too.

I had nothing on me. All of my items, armor and clothing were gone along with every single one of my weapons. I couldn't tap into my Magicka either. I have no idea if I even had my Vampiric powers or my Voice, as I never had a chance to try. I was essentially trapped as a prisoner here, so I started looking for clues and an exit.

I was helpless to defend myself against everything around me. I could avoid some of the tentacles and slimy creatures, but there were just too many of them, some of them were hiding in plain sight. I could fight off one, maybe even two. They weren't particularly strong and I could mostly struggle my way to freedom, but they were tapping into my strength. I knew I wasn't going to be able to defend myself forever, especially if I were to be trapped in the clutches of multiple tentacles at once.

Then it eventually happened, I got caught one too many times and I was entangled in their inescapable embrace. They were finally able to penetrate me, and I thought it was over for me. I mean, who could've come to my help? I was certain that every woman who had come here had fallen a prisoner like me. They ended up only using me for about a quarter of an hour before retracting back into the flesh. I was free, but also spent. I wasn't going to be able to stop the next attacker.

So it was to be that during my advance further into the bowels of this grotesque place, I was stopped many times, raped over and over again. I was able to fight free of some, while some simply had their way with me until the end. Eventually I became unable to defend myself at all. Just a single tentacle was all it took to submit me again.

Eventually, I was simply too tired to move, and I must've passed out for some time.

When I woke up again, I was trapped inside a wall of flesh with my arms and my legs completely within it. I couldn't make my limbs move an inch, escape was impossible. Long bumpy tentacles impaled me and defiled me without mercy. They filled me with eggs and with their thick, gooey seed, but they didn't stop after filling me. I was still trapped, it was time for round one.

I was so confident that whatever Daedra this plane belongs to had defeated me and made me his slave for all eternity… He had turned me into a seedbed. I was forced to breed its disgusting babies for such a long time… I don't know how long I truly spent time in there, but it felt like days.

And then, it was just over. I was out from that place like nothing had happened. I have little to no recollection of what happened between me passing out and being stuck inside that wall, and of what happened next, but I remember being attacked by some creature, and I remember standing on my own two feet. And then, I was simply back in that basement, lying naked in bed, with Sofia sleeping next to me. My throat felt sore… Did I use my Voice a lot? That would mean that I was still able to tap into my powers.

I woke her up and asked her what happened. She said she didn't know, but I must've succeeded according to her words. It had only been less than 24 hours, even though it certainly felt like days. I swear, it didn't last less than one day, there's just no way. There was a thank you letter on the table and all of my items were stored in a chest on the other side of the room.

It's strange though… My body feels normal… Well, almost. I'm not filled with their foul eggs or anything like that. Yet, all the proof points toward something happening. What was it? Did it really happen, or was it just a dream?

It's so strange, I just can't wrap my head around it… But Tolfdir should be happy with me now… Right? I mean, I helped him find his student, and even made that discovery in Saarthal, so…

Rain's Hand, 23rd, 4E 202

Dear diary, I've been officially welcomed back in the College, which kind of feels strange considering that I was never that active as their member anyway… I mean, I'm only on their papers as a name, kind of like I'm with the Thieves Guild for their perks only. Sure, I help them, I have helped them a lot with bringing wealth to them, but it's not like I spend time with them or anything.

On a side note, I think they're also coming around to maybe accepting Sofia back as well? She may not cast too many spells when she's with me, but she's obviously more talented than me.

Tolfdir admitted that he might've been wrong about me and that there might be value for the College to have me as their member. He still clearly has reservations about me and he thinks that I should do a better job at studying magic or at least pretend I do. It weirds him out to see a leather-clad little girl roaming the college with a bow instead of a staff. I promised to him that I'll study spellcasting more. After that, he told me to go my own way. He said he will have work for me later, and he'll be contacting me by letter when he does.

From there, we went out to the northern seas to look for Septimus Signus, and found him surprisingly easily.

This guy is either incredibly stupid or incredibly smart, I'm not sure. Either way, he definitely possesses a special flavor of insanity. Well, he can help me, which is more than enough for me. But in return, I have to help him. I'm not sure if I need to, but… Sure, whatever. I'm sure that the mages would love getting him back doing his studies in the College too.

We now know where we must go. That place is Blackreach. Not a Dwemer ruin per se, but rather a collection of Dwemer ruins. It's a huge cavern system under Skyrim, basically its whole own world. I've never heard of it before… It's pretty crazy to think a place like that could exist under our very feet!

We'll follow this lead. I'm a little scared though, not going to lie. I've never faced Dwemer constructs before, and who knows what else lurks down there…

This better be worth it.