JoS/Henriette/4th Journal - Degeneration

Frostfall , 2nd, 4E 201

We've been wandering around aimlessly for the past few days, trying to improve ourselves and our abilities. Most of our adventures so far have been planned, but not this one. We spontaneously decided to explore a cavern, which ended up being populated by the blind cave-dwelling Falmer and their pet Chaurus. I really, really want to stress at this point that we have never encountered these creatures before, so we had no idea we would be encountering the kind of problems we did.

The enemies we encountered there were easy, although scary. That was until we found their hatchery and attempted to harvest some of their eggs. Why would I put my hand on something as disgusting as that, you might wonder? Well, I've heard that their eggs have some alchemical properties which could prove to be very useful for someone like me. I knew Chaurus take many forms, but something like this? Something so overpowering?

Tentacles reached out from beneath me and caught me by surprise. They stripped my armor, stripped my weapon, made me completely unable to defend myself. Not even Sofia could help me. It started rubbing my crotch, and it rubbed it a lot, and fast, didn't stop until I came. That was unfortunately just the beginning.

It then proceeded to insert its slimy tentacle inside my body. I had literally just came, and the beast penetrated me without any delay. It continued raping me for a painfully long time, making me climax over and over again, until it finally finished at retracted back into the darkness, out of my reach. Thank Sithis I had the foresight to kill all the Falmer and the Chaurus before I started checking the piles of eggs for ingredients.

Ever since then, I've felt something crawling around inside me. I've heard that this is how some of them reproduce… By laying eggs, by infecting parasites into their victims… Luckily for me, this condition is at least curable. I hope so anyway, I don't know where to start. I really should pay a visit to a healer or an alchemist for tips. I really, really don't want to go along with this process and actually give birth, not to some disgusting bugs.

I swear, I will never ever touch another pile of Chaurus Eggs ever again.

On a more positive note though, I learned that Falmer blood is quite delicious.

Frostfall, 3rd, 4E 201

By the time we made it back to Whiterun, I was hornier than I'd ever been before. Me and Sofia split up, trying to find help at different parts of the city. I walked around the city looking for a healer, but couldn't find one. Perhaps I won't find one in this city. I haven't seen any real visual change, but I feel a little fuller than usual, a little bloated and heavy in my lower stomach area, if you know what I mean…

I have a feeling that bad things are going to happen, and that I have missed whatever chance I had of curing this condition.

That's when I met a certain Wood Elf who goes by the name Larkspur. He's a real lady-killer, and although I have a feeling girls around my size are outside his preferred zone, he made advances on me. Perhaps he saw I was horny, perhaps he felt that I would be an easy target, either way he made me his newest conquest. I let him do whatever he wanted with me.

He was huge, too big to even fit inside me fully, but that didn't stop him from having his way with me. Never knew elves could be so well equipped! I mean, Bosmer men are so short in comparison to other adult men, even shorter than Bosmer women apparently… Still, he was way bigger than me. I took him laying down in a missionary position, and he made me come multiple times. I begged him not to finish inside, but he didn't care. He filled me up with his semen. I don't know if it's possible for me to even become pregnant while I'm infected by this stupid Chaurus, but I have a bad feeling about this…

Frostfall, 4th, 4E 201

My stressed heart didn't let me sleep, so I didn't end up getting much rest. I even woke up in the middle of the night for something very unpleasant.

I couldn't get out from the bed, and the pleasure was simply too much to bear. The parasite had grown thanks to absorbing energy from me, and I… I ended up laying its eggs. Sixteen little eggs in total… It took forever for them all to get out, and I was so sweaty, so out of breath, trying desperately to muffle my screams and moans. I'm in an inn for Sithis' sake. I could never get over the shame if anyone saw me like this!

When it was over, I had never felt so relieved. At that point, I was too tired to even clean the mess I had made, and I ended up falling asleep, luckily only briefly. I don't think anyone had come to my room while I was out.

That was an experience I'm not sure I want to repeat.

Frostfall, 5th, 4E 201

Today we went on another pointless adventure near Whiterun and came across an old fortress conquered by bandits. I think it was called Greymoor? Either way, they had an awful lot of prisoners locked down in the basement. Well, most of them were dead, but one poor fool was alive.

This idiot had actually came here trying to convert these bandits and help them turn a new leaf. What an imbecile. Well, I helped him escape at very least, didn't feel like letting his starve to death in this dark and cold place. As far as I'm concerned, his only crime is stupidity, so letting him die would feel wrong. It wasn't like I was feeling hungry anyway. Bandits provided me with a lot of blood. Their Chief in particular had some excellent tasting blood. I bit into his neck when he was down on his knee. For a kid like me, there's something very satisfying and empowering about taking a big, muscular man into his knees, have him squeal for mercy like a pig, and then feel his body spasm as the life leaves his body. It's almost like the fear just makes the meal tastier, like a good salt and spice rub on fresh lamb steak…

Oh, I apologize, my dearest, sweetest diary, I'm getting carried away in my ramblings. It's just that I enjoy getting stronger, and I even enjoy being an evil little bitch every now and then.

Frostfall, 6th, 4E 201

Today when I entered Whiterun, I saw a guard confronting a couple of Redguards by the gate, dressed in a traditional Alik'r attire. Apparently they were looking for someone hiding in the city, but because they weren't allowed inside, they asked me to help. They described their target as a Redguard female. I haven't seen many in Whiterun, but this one lady at the Bannered Mare sprung to my mind.

Her name is Saadia and when I told her that Alik'r are looking for her, she kind of freaked out about it. She initially suspected that I might be working with them, but I tried to reassure her that I am not necessarily helping them, I was merely relying her the information. Anyway, she's some kind of noble, I think. She fled Hammerfell because she's being accused of a crime that she didn't commit according to her own words, something like that. She did talk to me about a captured Alik'r soldier in the Whiterun prison though, and that he's my best bet in locating the man who's supposedly the brains of this entire operation: Kematu.

So, that's what I did. I visited the prison and got my information from this prisoner. Kematu is apparently located in a cave called Swindler's Den along with his lackeys. This prisoner of course insists that they're in the right and that Saadia is full of crap, so this really seems like a "he said she said" kind of situation. I'm not really interested in who's in the right here, I don't care about politics all that much, but if there's good money in this for me, I'm more than happy to investigate their hideout. It might just become a question of which side offers more conclusive evidence, and who knows, Kematu might even have some hard evidence.

Frostfall, 10th, 4E 201

The bandits holed up at Swindler's Den ended up being more than we bargained for, if you can even call these just simple bandits. These guys are rich, well dressed and skilled mercenaries. They're organized criminals rather than thugs, and proved out to be a dangerous foe. I can certainly see why Saadia was so freaked out about this whole situation. We had to fight our way through the bandits to even get to the Alik'r who were deeper inside the cave.

Kematu and his gang figured out pretty quickly who we had been sent by, and they didn't want to fight us. They insisted on not being part of the Bandits, but it kind of brings to question, why hide with them then? Kematu didn't bother trying to explain this part.

He wanted to strike a deal with us and tried to convince us to help him instead. We took his offer, or so we claimed. Truthfully, I wanted to kill him. There's no way they could be in the right here… Right? I felt that we might be able to kill these guys, but only if we took them by surprise, which at this point wasn't going to happen, not with their swords pointed at us. As soon as we started leaving, and saw them relax their stances, we took the opportunity and attacked them. It was a horrible mistake on our part. They anticipated something like that and we were defeated instantly. We never stood a chance, we never took even one of them down. For more than a full day from that point onward, me and Sofia were kept as prisoners there.

Including Kematu, there were seven of them. Amongst first things they did was lock my hands in bondage mittens which made wielding weapons or magic impossible, and picking items extremely hard. They also put me in slave boots which were very hard to walk in, and made running away near impossible. Then, they used me and Sofia for hours until we passed out, stretching all our holes with their big brown dicks, filling us both with their cum over and over again, passing us along like toys. They whipped us too, and my body is still thoroughly covered by their nasty marks. And if I wasn't pregnant with Larkspur's kid before… Well, there's no doubt that I'm expecting a baby now. Sofia too.

At that point, they had probably lost whatever remains of trust they had in us, and they probably wouldn't have let us go even if we begged to help them, no way in Oblivion. So… Yeah, regardless of who's in the right here, we had made a very unfortunate enemy.

Some of them went asleep for the night. They never took their eyes off us, but they didn't know who they were dealing with either. I don't need my weapons or my hands to take a life… All I need is my fangs. I haven't dared to show my powers yet, even though I would've loved nothing more than to bite off their pathetic penises when they deepthroated me. I was too afraid of them taking away my best weapon and locking my mouth away with a gag.

Come night though, I told Sofia to go ahead. Myself, I started sneaking around to take them out quietly, one by one. By the time I had killed three of them, the rest realized the mistake they had made. They knew I wasn't be able to kill them without taking them by surprise, and they're right about that. However, that didn't mean I had revealed all my tricks yet.

I blew them away with my voice, probably injuring most of them and secured myself more time to get away. They never caught up to us and we managed to get away. We got rid of our restraints quickly after that using tools we found from the dead bandits, but they still have lot of our items with them, if they haven't sold them off already… We weren't carrying much of value fortunately, but we will have our revenge.

Frostfall, 12th, 4E 201

Going on an adventure at this point is probably impossible. I'm visibly pregnant and I'm going to become a mother in near future.

I don't even have a home. Where in the world am I going to raise my baby? Would it be wrong for me to leave my child at some orphanage? It wouldn't feel right killing my baby, especially not after he or she is born. All I know is that I have to go through with this, somehow.

Are you sentient, my precious little diary? Can you give me an answer to my questions and ease my troubled mind? Okay, perhaps not, but it makes me feel a little better to write about my problems. It's almost as if in the process of writing them down I expose a part of myself on these papers. It puts my problems in perspective and it helps me cope with them, helps me find the answers to them. In that sense, I would like to thank you, my diary, even if you may not be sentient. I… I feel like I'm closer to my answer now.

As for future though, I wonder if there's any way for me to avoid these kinds of troubles? I may be just a child but I'm already well into the womanhood as far as my bodily functions are concerned, and I know there's no real way to prevent getting pregnant. If someone cums inside me, it's all up to chance from there. It's an unavoidable part of my biology as a woman, a part that I would very much like to control, because, well… Dealing with these kinds of problems is troubling. I'd rather not leave a wake of kids in my trail… I'd rather not have any kids at all until I'm ready for it.

There are no elixirs to make me infertile temporarily, and I'm not sure if I would want to look for a permanent solution. I may be an adventurer, an assassin, and a murderous Vampire to the boot, but who knows… A part of me still wants to fall in love and start a family. I guess I got that from my own mother. She was such a great woman, and I always wanted to see myself becoming like her eventually…

That's probably never gonna happen though…

I have a couple of friends who might have some experience. I know magic and alchemy can fix pretty much anything… Well not literally anything. I've been staying in Riverwood, one of the few communities in this world where I feel truly safe and trusted. I'll worry about my future after I've given birth. I'll be focusing on rest and recovery for time being and trying to be helpful around the town. I can't participate in physical activities, but that doesn't make me useless.

Frostfall, 18th, 4E 201

I gave birth to a baby boy. He ended up inheriting my race, but it's kind of hard to say what kinds of traits he inherited from his father. I feared it might be so, especially after what Sigrid told me about. She said that children almost always inherit their mother's race and only some minor racial traits from their father. It's what was also written on a book she showed me, "Notes on Racial Phylogeny". Well, that means that I'm never going to figure out who this kid truly belongs to.

I could just go to Larkspur and say that it's his kid, demand for him to take some responsibility, but I don't know that for sure. Besides, he doesn't come across to me as the most responsible father, or a father who would even care about raising a child or even be good at it. I don't want to burden him with the knowledge of him having an unwanted child, but I can't really care for this kid either…

Whoever this kid's father is, he deserves a good family and a peaceful life, unlike me. I decided to leave him at a close by orphanage along with a generous donation of gold.

The whole thing just made me teary, couldn't do anything but mope for the rest of the day. I mean, I never wanted him, but he's still my kid, and that's a special bond… It was a difficult, but a right choice anyway. It hurts to let my son go like this, but… I would be a horrible mother. There's no guarantee I'll even be alive in a week's time. Who knows, my crimes may catch up to me eventually, so I could end up in a prison too. I hope it doesn't come to that.

Frostfall, 20th, 4E 201

I decided to return to the Swindler's Den to pay my respects to those men for what they did to me and Sofia. I ended up going alone because Sofia is still pregnant. That kind of suggests that maybe it was Larkspur's kid because she still is pregnant but I'm not… Oh, whatever, it's pointless to even think about it. I have to get over this…

Sofia's been very down and afraid, and didn't seem like being up to getting revenge herself. I told her I'd take care of it alone, and luckily, I ended up being able to hold on to that promise. I assassinated the remaining Alik'r soldiers holed up in Swindler's Den, this time without them being able to know I was even in the cave.

Saadia was happy for my service and rewarded me with some of her noble wealth. She can't afford to let her guard down just yet, but I've done her a great service. After all, something tells me that if the Alik'r found her, same thing that happened to me and Sofia would also happen to her… And she has no combat experience. She wouldn't be able to fight back the way we did.

Sofia still hasn't decided what she wants to do with her baby once he or she is born, but if she's anything like me, if she wants to continue living her current lifestyle, she'll probably do something similar to what I did. She doesn't have a home to return to either, and I have a feeling she doesn't have the stomach to resort to infanticide either. I mean, I sometimes feel like a monster because of what I've become, and even I would never even dream of killing my own baby under any circumstances…

I don't know where I will go from here either. Will I be traveling alone, or will I stay by Sofia's side to support her through all of this? It really comes down to what she wants to do. That remains to be seen.

• 5th Journal - Contract