JoS/Kanna/16th Journal - Grazelands

Morning Star, 31st, 3E 428

Yesterday was the last day of our visit with the Erabenimsun tribe, meaning that today, we can finally continue our journey. Before we leave though, I suppose I should write about the strange dream I just had. I believe it to be some kind of vision from Azura, kind of like the one I saw when I first arrived at Vvardenfell by boat, and the one I saw when I picked up the ring from her. Instead of showing me the future though, it showed me the past through the eyes of Nerevar.

I only remember small tidbits and snippets, although it all felt so real, almost as if I was there myself. When I, for example, fought on the battlefield, it was almost as if I was really there cutting through my enemies like butter. I wielded a long sword, and I think some of it has stuck to me. Like, I picked up a broadsword from the new Ashkhan's armory later, a while before writing this down, and took a few practice swings. I can't really handle anything this heavy with one hand, as I've got a body of a child, but I know how to fight with one. It's bizarre because I've never swung a sword this big anymore. Did it stick to me from a dream, or is it just Karim's teachings sticking to me?

That's by far not the only thing I remember from the dream vividly. I remember talking to some Gold-skinned elf, a male who looked older than he really was with that long, white beard of his, talking to him about something really dull, like he was advising me on a political matter or something. I also remember traveling in a caravan in a location I can't quite put my finger on and coming across a young rogue, who to me appeared to be either a feminine boy, or perhaps a masculine girl. He was a hermaphrodite, and I saw something in this poor youth, promising to take him into my care.

Then, there was the wedding night. I was there, standing next to a woman dressed in a royal gown, and a long-bearded man who I think was a Dwemer presented us both with gifts, both of them being swords. The next thing I knew, I was on a bed with my newly-wed wife. She was naked in front of me, on all her fours, moaning my name lustfully. My hands ran across her supple waist, sank into her golden skin, and my eyes ran across the black tapestry all over her body. There were tattoos on her stomach and her back, all the way from her shoulders to her wrists, and on her long legs too. Her body was a canvas, and it was equally beautiful as it was sexy.

That was one of those realistic parts too. Like, I actually felt what it's like having a penis, and I remember so vividly how it felt when I railed it in and out of her. Her tightness around my dick… For fucks sake, just writing down "my dick" feels weird. Something about it felt so familiar and just as intense, while the other aspects of experiencing sex as a male felt bizarre, almost alien. I had this animalistic, beast-like desire to see it all to the end, like I couldn't even control myself or something simply of how amazing it felt.

Even though I felt like I had reached some kind of climax during this wet dream, I didn't feel fully satisfied when I woke up. I just laid on that bed with an annoying longing, with my head tucked down completely under the blanket along with the rest of my body. I touched myself, but obviously, that extension of me was gone. I was wet, I was horny, and since I had already started it, I masturbated. It's something I hadn't done in ages… Not since I arrived on this island, at the very least. I bit into my pillow to muffle myself, wanted to spare myself from the embarrassment of having Kanna or some of my hosts find out, and I rubbed myself all the way into climax. Yet, even still, I can't say I felt truly satisfied even after that.

Now, I'm just annoyed, still kind of trying to piece everything back together. I should try to focus on what's real and what's not and forget about that dream, or at least parts of it. At least I can appreciate what men go through during sex, I suppose.

Sun's Dawn, 1st, 3E 428

We arrived on a little boat on the southern shores of Grazelands - also known as Sunna Guradan - located in the easternmost parts of Vvardenfell, a vast expanse that's about the most normal-looking biome you can find on this island. Reminds me of Cyrodiil a little with its long stretches of green grass, flowers, and wheat dotting the landscape. Got some hills and forest too, with very few giant mushrooms in sight. All that's missing is farms, horse-back people traveling between regions, and ancient Ayleid ruins. Kind of strange though; all this arable land, but so few farmers? I guess House Telvanni - who govern the area - just don't give a shit about this area.

Our first encounter with an intelligent creature was with a Nord, and let me just tell you in advance, this land never fails to amaze me with its crazy inhabitants. Buck-naked, standing in front of us, with his little friend standing as well, asking about some witch. I tried to avert my eyes from that big white thing while Kanna was just facepalming profusely. That Nord had absolutely no shame about having his erect twig and berries on full display.

Since he mentioned a witch, that's what the topic soon became about. He had hired her to escort her from Tel Aruhn to the town of Vos, but as soon as they got here, she used, and I quote, "her foul trickery" against him stealing his gold, armor, his priced enchanted battle-axe, and most importantly, his pride. He then explained how she had summoned some foul creature of Oblivion to anally rape him, and he was being disturbingly descriptive.

Now, I mentioned him being crazy, and that's mainly due to how he presented himself without shame, but he also started going on about how he's gonna give that damned witch back what she did to him tenfold, going to describe at least in five different ways he's gonna rape that bloody bitch. Not gonna lie, his graphic explanations made me uncomfortable, and I eventually just told him to shut up, and that we would help him. That wasn't a promise we were gonna follow up on though.

We found a camp by the road not too far off to the north, where a woman was enjoying a bright summer day. That damn Nord flew into a rage and charged, roaring and screaming like a madman, going on about how the blood of her anus was gonna coat her cock or something. We weren't sure what to do or if we should interject, but it seemed like the Dunmer woman seemed distressed and was screaming at the pervert to go away. She noticed us and asked us why we had brought that man back to him, begging us to intervene. We weren't really even sure what was true here and what wasn't, but we came to her aid in the end. Something about that guy just rubbed us wrong…

For what it's worth, she's no evil witch, and honestly, even if she is, I don't care. She's a Telvanni retainer - like me - not that I recognized her. As a sign of goodwill, she was even willing to let us take her camp, as she was heading back to Tel Ahurn for more work, as this gig of escorting a Nord through the plains turned out to be a bust for her. I guess we also saved her… Although at the same time, we did bring the man to him… Whatever… All's well that ends well!

Sun's Dawn, 2nd, 3E 428

News travel fast, and my arrival was expected within the community of Tribe Zainab. Local Ashkhan Kaushad welcomed me warmly and invited me for a drink in his yurt, along with Kanna, of course, and as friendly and welcoming as he was, he was equally blunt and honest.

From what it seems, the decision has already been made by Sonummu - the local wise woman - to trust me and believe in my proof, meaning half the work was already done here, but Kaushad said he isn't gonna accept me as a "Nerevarine" merely because of some magical ring. He admitted that while he has no problems with outlanders in these lands, the idea of Nerevarine being an elf of foreign blood doesn't sit well with him, not that he was too interested in that particular superstition and prophecy anyway. He said he's not even sure his people need any kind of "unifying leader" when their tribe has seen no troubles or conflicts in the past few decades, with them untouched by even the blight. Like seriously, the Zainab tribe is filthy rich, with trade and commerce being their game. Besides, there was also the matter of my gender…

Kaushad is fiercely loyal to tradition, and thus he does not believe in women having any kind of leadership position. I challenged him on this, of course, asking why are there wise women then, but to him, it's a different matter entirely, as they're not leaders in the traditional sense of the word. I also mentioned various other influential female leaders from history, which even include the local goddess Almalexia, but he just said those ladies aren't part of the Ashlander culture. I even tried to argue that I'm not interested in being a traditional leader, as all I care about at this point is the fulfillment of the prophecy. He, however, argued otherwise.

"Nerevar wasn't a leader, the king of the Chimer by right, but by accomplishment", he argued. "He was a hero who fought to liberate our people and united us."

"And Sonommu herself recognizes me as the Incarnate. I am Neravar."

"By your own admission, you said you're not interested in being any kind of leader", Kaushad continued and smiled. "That to me suggests otherwise. Besides, you're still just a girl."

There's obviously nothing I can (or even want to do) about my gender, so for him to use it as a reason to dismiss me seemed incredibly unfair. So what if it's their tradition? These are very untraditional times we're living in. All I really could say in return was to just give me an opportunity to prove myself. I may not be the same man Neravar was some four thousand years ago when he lived, and I may not be a king, but I for damn sure know I'm capable of being a hero. He just smiled and said, "Alright". There is indeed something I could do not only to his people but to also him personally, and if I could do both, he might consider my request.

He suggested getting rid of an ancient enemy that has tested them in these lands for a long time now. A vampire by the name of Calvario - "a foul spawn of Molag Bal", as he also described him - takes refugee with his kin in a nearby tomb. To prove my worth and might to Kaushad, I should kill him and liberate their tribe from this evil. I've never ever dealt with vampires, so I was a little anxious and worried. I mean, I cannot become a vampire myself considering that I'm immune to all mortal diseases, but they're more powerful than your regular undead and mortals, are they not? Kaushad called this an ancient enemy, so I suppose we're talking about an old and powerful foe.

Anyway, that task will have to wait, because we got lost trying to look for the cave. Isn't that just great? As beautiful as these vast meadows of Grazelands are, it's so easy to get lost because every direction kind of looks the same. We were using the tower of Tel Vos as our guide, kind of like a giant lighthouse in the sea of green grass, but that didn't help us. We decided to call it a day and just rest there.

The town of Vos is actually quite a small community of farmers and herders with no services beyond a small temple, but Tel Vos, now that's an interesting building. It's an old Imperial fortress with some of the tallest towers I've ever seen, and the whole grey stone building has been taken over by this massive mushroom tree, which in its own right is even taller than this castle. It's not quite like the White-Gold Tower, but it's still the tallest structure I've seen anywhere in Morrowind.

This tower belongs to Master Aryon, who's the youngest of all the Telvanni Masters. He lives here alongside his servants, offering services like stores and lodging, has a whole army of mercenaries as guards, and he even owns a Dwemer museum. Yeah, he's a rich guy! He was busy with something when I arrived, but I'm going to meet him tomorrow.

Now, we rest. Got to gather my strength before I can levitate to his tower tomorrow. Like damn, he's gonna be hard to reach, I fear.

Sun's Dawn, 3rd, 3E 428

It's a good thing I can levitate, jump high, and even slow down my falling speed because if I were to drop down on the road up this mushroom, I would flatten like a pancake. It's also good that I have no fear of heights; it makes it easier to appreciate the view. I could see all the way across the inner sea and gaze upon the mighty Boethian mountains of the Telvanni peninsula.

Despite having no bloody idea who I was, Master Aryon greeted me warmly and welcomed me to his private quarters, eager to hear about my business. He was talking in a very polite manner, and based on my experiences, he's definitely the most normal of Telvanni Masters I've encountered so far. He's just a normal, talented dude with no abnormal quirks or other personality disorders. He looks so young though… Not young like Therana, but he's got no wrinkles on his adult face or anything like that. In fact, he was quite a handsome man.

I went straight to the business, saying that I'm looking to become the Telvanni Hortator. As proof of being the Incarnate, I presented my new awesome ring. Lucky for me, he didn't doubt me for a second, but he had some questions for me.

"Aliya, is it? I've heard about you. Names of talented retainers looking to make a name for themselves rarely escape my vision, and you're no exception. I can tell you're extraordinary." Truth be told, I was beyond flattered by his words. Nobody with as high a ranking as him has ever praised me that well. "But are you really suitable to take upon the duty of Hortator?"

I do intend to make sure on the prophecy becoming true and cast down the false gods, and also eradicate Dagoth Ur, as it seems like the goddess of twilight herself has chosen me for this duty, but I'm not sure if that "duty" is what he means when he says "duty". I told him about my intentions along with a question of my own, asking what would be my duty as the Hortator of the Telvanni.

He explained that Hortator is a leader and a champion, but not a leader in a traditional sense of a word. Hortator leads by inspiration, by challenging opposing heroes, going on long, desperate quests, going alone into the citadels of his or her enemies, and confronting dangers that no one else in the House would be strong, courageous, or foolish enough to face. This is Hortator's duty, according to him. With a smile on his face, he said what I consider my duty and what he considers to be Hortator's duty align in this case, meaning that he would vouch for me becoming the Hortator of House Telvanni.

So far, so good, or so I thought. "Unfortunately though, as I see it now, I won't vote for you even if I think you're worthy, at least not yet."

I questioned him on why and also asked him about "voting", so he had to explain that to me too.

Each and every member of the Telvanni council would have to vote for me, and the vote would have to be unanimous, with every single person voting in my favor. As he said already, he thinks I'm worthy, so it's not him that's the problem, but rather the others, which is why he doesn't believe there's much point in trying to push the vote forward within the council as things stand now. Master Neloth will be hard to persuade, for example, as Aryon suggests his "arch-rival" tends to be extremely stubborn. Meanwhile Therana, my lovely little Mistress Therana, is unpredictable, as has already become clear to me. Aryon doesn't have to know this, but she'll probably mistake me for a slave again. Dratha is someone I haven't met, but Aryon said that she will love me and will gladly cast her vote for me, making her the easiest one out of the entire council. Dratha hates men or something, so this bias alone should help me gain her vote. She's another eccentric character I hear.

Gaining the votes from the people mentioned above is not impossible, but the last member of the council is why becoming Hortator is impossible in his opinion, not just for me, but for anyone. The current Archmagister Gothren will absolutely and under no circumstances vote for me, as he would most likely try to delay the vote indefinitely as a tactic of basically screwing me over. Like, he won't even go on to meet with the council to cast his vote, but rather, he straight up doesn't even want the vote to take place. What can I do about it? Nothing really, not by myself anyway. Aryon has a plan, and he wants me to help him, so he can help me. Only then would I gain his coveted vote.

First though, he asked, what do I seek with the Telvanni. Is it money, or perhaps protection from the great wizard lords, knowledge, or political influence? "Certainly not political influence", I said, but the other perks are nice, especially the advancement of my knowledge. To me, power and knowledge triumph all.

He then admitted to me that HIS main goal is to gain more influence, and most importantly, leadership. "I think it's time for Gothren to retire. You will help me with this goal, and you will be rewarded, both monetarily and with power. You're a respected retainer, and I want to have you all for myself."

The first step of his plan is for me to become a recognized wizard of the Telvanni ranks, which would be a massive deal for me, as it would essentially take me from the position of a retainer straight to the top one percent. Money, power, knowledge, it would all be mine at the snap of his finger. For him to become my patron - my sponsor - I would first have to get another potential ally on board, a man by the name of Baladas Demnevanni, a reclusive scholar who Aryon would very much like to join the council. And yeah, if that name sounds familiar, I've already dealt with him in the past. Interviewed him on Dwemer in Gnisis.

He also told me the second step of his plan, which is to get the other council members on board with me becoming the Hortator, which means meeting and trying to convince Neloth, Therana, and Dratha. I can do these two - or technically four - steps in any order I want.

After that, Aryon would be able to "retire" from the position of "Master", take on the mantle of a "Magister", and in this way announce his intent to challenge the current "Archmagister" and desire to take his place. He wants to gain this position by killing Gothren to take his place and become the new Archmagister. For me, this would be advantageous because it would remove the obstacle of Gothren, and I would be able to become the Hortator as well. Besides, being "sponsored" as a Telvanni Wizard by the future Archmagister would help me in all aspects of my life as well.

That's the plan, but there was still one question in my mind: why does he need my help with this?

"Are you not the Nerevarine?" he asked as he gently placed his hand under my chin, staring into my eyes, smiling. Not gonna lie, this gesture made me blush since he's a stunningly handsome man. For a moment, it even looked like he wanted to kiss me there and then, but instead, he just talked. "Is it not your destiny, as prophesized, to unite the four tribes and the three houses? Is it not your destiny to unite the Dunmer in your quest to cast down the false gods of Tribunal? That's why I need you on my side. If this truly is your destiny, then nothing can stand between you and your fate."

"But what about the other Masters? Would they just accept you as their new leader?"

"I know they will", he said. Currently, no Master has announced their desire to challenge the leadership position, not even Aryon, so there's no opposition to his challenge. Besides, Gothren isn't too well-liked by the other members of the council either. Aryon just happens to be the only one who wants to take his position and the only one who has the balls to challenge him.

I don't like the idea of getting myself involved with the internal politics of the Telvanni, but at this point, this is the only way. Besides, becoming a Hortator is just one of the rewards waiting for me.

Convincing Baladas to join the council will have to wait, as I'm gonna first try my luck by meeting up with Dratha. She lives in Tel Mora, which is only a stone's throw away from here, and we need to visit there anyway. Besides, I've still got two more Ashlander clans to deal with, and I want to get that work over with before we leave the eastern shores.

Sun's Dawn, 4th, 3E 428

Tel Mora is a tower on an island just next to Vos, and it's where Mistress Dratha resides. Only women live on this island. Yeah, seriously, no men at all are allowed to live here. Men are allowed in as guests and only enjoy some services in the town and around the harbor. They're not allowed inside the tower, inside the specialty shops, or the local inn though. I do not know why this is the case, but some of its residents seem to openly despise men. Still, most don't, as they just want to be here to enjoy the company of other women and live in a community where they feel "safe".

The services here are outstanding though! Elegnan's clothing store is world-renowned for her mastery of tailoring, the inn called "The Covenant" is just about the fanciest establishments you can walk into anywhere on Tamriel, and with an apothecary, an alchemist, and a resident smith specializing in custom-made female armor, this place is really lovely if you happen to be a girl like me!

As you can already guess from what I just told you, Dratha, the mistress of this island, is a crazy person. She's an old, frail woman who was rather fond of me, all because I happen to be a girl. Yeah, I had no trouble getting to meet the friendly grandmother of House Telvanni. Also, I luckily didn't have to do anything beyond flashing my Moon-and-Star for her to realize what I wanted.

"So YOU are the foretold Nerevarine? A cute little Altmer girl? Lord Indoril Nerevar has been reborn… As a woman? How does it feel like being a girl now? Isn't it just so much better than being a man?"

"I… I don't know… I feel normal." I guess trying to explain to her that I have no memories of my past life beyond just a few dreams I've seen, so I really don't remember what it was like being a man. You know, it's kind of hard to have a reference point and compare being a man being with a woman when you've only experienced one of these sexes firsthand. I guess there was that one dream I had recently, but I'm not sure if it counts…

Regardless, I explained that I needed her to vote for me, and she said "yes". Of course she would give her vote to a pretty little girl. Of course she would give her vote to her fellow Telvanni mage. The world needs more female heroes, in her opinion. I was actually shocked at how easy it was! No quests, no missions, no nothing.

We got into the job given to us by Big Helende next, but I'll be honest, I really don't feel like stealing anything from here, thanks to how lovely everyone here is. Granted, if I were a boy, I would be chewed out and receive a lot of hate… Yeah, better not go there… These people act nice, but they're still flawed in their own right…

To our surprise, the woman we were supposed to steal from, Berwen, had a task of her own for us. She announced that her shop was closed until further notice due to a corprus monster having infiltrated her store. She was able to corner the monster and push some crates to form a barrier around it from crates, shelves, and barrels, but not actually kill it. It should be strong enough to break free though. I mean, isn't a side-effect of blight superhuman strength? If Berwen, a typical adult female could move such boxes, that monster should be able to blast right through them! But what do I know? Maybe this particular monster was just incredibly dumb.

I'm equally surprised that nobody here had managed to take care of it before us. Got a lot of guards here! Dratha was supposedly meant to deal with this beast personally but forgot. Either way, me and Kanna killed it together with our combined magical forces. As our reward, we got to pick anything from her store for free, and Kanna chose the retort. We're actually surprised it was that easy given how valuable this thing is! Berwen can just order another from the local alchemist here, so no harm done for her.

Now, all that's left for me and Kanna to do is try to find that tomb again and kill the vampire living inside. We got ourselves good directions now, so finding his lair should be a piece of cake. We've gotten ourselves two full days off now as well, so we've got plenty of energy too!

End of current content.