JoS/Henriette/35th Journal - Vampires of Hjaalmarch

Midyear, 15th, 4E 203

Morthal is still just as damp and small as it was when I first visited it. Some things never change, especially in the middle of a swamp. I've never gotten a chance to meet Falion, so I didn't really even know where to find him, but luckily the locals know him very well. For example, in the inn, people kept going about how he's an evil sorcerer and a necromancer who probably eats human hearts and fucks little babies. Yes, seriously, those are all accusations they levied against him. Anyway, he seems alright to me. The allegations of him being a necromancer stem from him being a grandmaster of Conjuration magic.

Things got a little bit confusing between us when it was time to stop exchanging pleasantries and talk business.

I talked to him about wanting to remove a Daedric curse, and he linked that to my vampirism, saying he can't blame me for wanting to be mortal again. Apparently, that really is something he can cure, which is kind of crazy when you think about it. After all, vampires are undead… Wouldn't bringing the dead back to life be resurrection…? Or is it different because I'm not like "dead" dead, but instead just walking dead…? I mean, you're not bringing back a soul from the afterlife or anything like that… The whole thing confuses me…

Since that was not it, I tried to explain to him that it's a different curse I'm looking a cure for, and then, THEN, before I could explain that what I meant, his gaze turned towards a faint glow on my stomach. "Oh, so you mean that then…"

"Well, no…" I blurted out, with a shaky voice. Now things were just getting awkward because he recognized it as the mark of Sanguine. He must now think I'm in his service or something… Well, technically, I am in his good graces, but I had little say in joining his little hedonistic cult. Not that I care either way. I've grown to like this little tattoo, and Sanguine is chill too. Only after then I was able to FINALLY tell him what happened between Clavicus Vile and me.

That complicated things a whole lot more. Removing Daedric curses from mortals is somewhat of his specialty, but removing a curse bestowed upon me by the Daedric Prince of bargains is not as simple as offering a soul to him. Sure, Clavicus Vile loves mortal souls just as much as the prince next to him, but he's also very unpredictable, arguably as much as even Sheogorath. However, if I were to offer him something that he really wants, then it would be a whole different story.

"I'm going to help you", he said. "But first, you're gonna help me."

He explained that there's been an incident here in the town recently involving the burning of a house. Most people seem to agree that it was intentional, but nobody seems to agree on who the culprit is. The people here are superstitious and on edge already, so some suspect Falion had something to do with that. Jarl doesn't suspect Falion, so he's not in legal trouble, but what he fears is mob justice. He especially fears what could happen to her adopted daughter Agni if an angry, superstitious mob finds out she's being tutored by Falion to be a master of Conjuration in her own right. She seems like a nice little girl, by the way, although she seems afraid of me for some reason. She must've overheard Falion and me talking about me being a vampire. Poor little thing… I'm not gonna bite her, y'know…

Falion has a suspect of his own, and he's not alone in that either. Falion thinks that Hroggar, the Nord who used to live in that house, is behind this. It's all just so suspicious to him; how could he move on so fast from his wife and daughter dying and going on to indulge himself in a new lover, the lovely and beautiful Alva of the Moorside Inn? Falion is almost certain that this isn't merely a coincidence. It isn't normal for a man to get over his wife's and daughter's death so quickly. Knowing what it feels like to lose your entire family so suddenly and tragically, I agree with Falion one hundred percent. It isn't normal to get over something like that so fast, making Hroggar suspicious in my eyes too.

In short, Falion wants to clean his own name and wants me to investigate the true culprit behind this horrendous crime. Mere suspicion isn't gonna cut it, and we're gonna need some hard evidence. I promised to do the best I can, and do some detective work.

With Sofia and Serana deciding to rest for the day, I decided to stay up for a while longer, even though the sun was starting to get on my skin. I didn't find anything interesting from the blackened, wooden wreckage, but I did get into a little bit of trouble. You see, someone was following me throughout the day, a Nord named Benor. This handsome young stud caught me off guard and ambushed me. Completely enamored, I didn't realize I was in danger and let him pin me against a wall. He interrogated me, but it didn't seem like he was gonna hurt me.

He's a mercenary of sorts, but not really an adventurer, does odd jobs in the area, prides himself in being the best fighter in all of Morthal, even better than any of those milk-drinkers who dare to call themselves town guards. I don't doubt him for a second. I mean, with that physique… He's one juicy, meaty beast! It'd take at least five bobble-headed guards to take him down!

Anyway, he's been hired to do his own investigation by the Jarl, meaning we both have the same goal. He couldn't understand why I was working for Falion, wondering if I was being tricked by him or something, warning me about Falion being evil. As a reply, I told him that we both just want to find the truth, so shouldn't that be what's important here? Luckily, with that, I managed to convince him to work together.

Benor told me that he's been seeing someone coming here on some nights, someone really suspicious, which is why he's keeping guard around the ruined house. He thought I was with her. Anyway, since she didn't appear this night, we're going to have to wait for the next night. Fine by me, as I was getting tired anyway. I'll meet him after sunset.

Midyear, 16th, 4E 203

We didn't have to wait around for our target for a long. Around midnight, the suspicious woman Benor mentioned was digging a hole behind some hills just around the building. She noticed us rather quickly, and it was revealed to us that we were dealing with a vampire. At first, I just wanted to talk, but she tried to kill both of us. We had to retaliate, and Benor ended up killing her.

Then, it was time for us to inspect what she was digging up, and we found a casket small enough for a child. It was around that time that we noticed someone else besides us, a man by the name of Thonnir. He was crying and wailing, calling the now-dead woman by her name, asking why is she dead and how could we kill her. We explained the situation as we experienced it, and Thonnir was fortunately easy to convince, and since he was able to inspect the body on the ground too, he had no reason to doubt our words.

"Laelette? She was a vampire?" He couldn't believe it even though he was being presented with all the evidence he could need, wondering how could it have been that he never knew, and now that she was back after he thought her to be gone forever.

I tried to comfort him, asking for an explanation while Benor proceeded to unground the coffin, curious of what was inside, interested in why Laelette was trying to dig it up. Thonnir talked about how prior to Laelette leaving, she used to spend a lot of time with Alva. They were like besties or something; they did everything together but never really revealed to others what they had been up to.

Falion mentioned her too, didn't he? Alva is the local, gorgeous barmaid with big perky tits that attract a lot of attention from male customers. I couldn't quite put my finger on why I remembered her name so vividly when Falion mentioned her, but now I'm beginning to remember. She once warned me about this village being their "feeding ground", but back then, I didn't really know how big the web of lies would be or what kind of vampire clan we were talking about. Not that I cared anyway, not back then. Now though… I think she might be connected to what's going on here.

Thonnir thought that Laelette had left to join the Stormcloaks or something, or at least that's what Alva said. I don't know; he was rambling and couldn't make out coherent words amid crying. He was obviously heartbroken, having found out about the fate of her wife. I continued to comfort him the best I could, hugged him, apologizing profusely for what had happened, all that happy stuff I'm not too good at.

As if the whole situation wasn't confusing enough already, Benor dug up the coffin and opened it, only to find a young girl inside, who appeared to be still living. She didn't utter a word, but she looked shocked, almost blinded by the moonlight shining into her eyes. Her eyes were locked to Thonnir, who in turn couldn't believe what he was seeing. He was smiling happily, still in tears, and approached the little girl calling her by her name. "Helgi?" he asked. "I thought you were dead! How could this be!? By the gods, Hroggar will be so happy!"

Now, all I was wondering was, how this "Helgi" girl could still be alive after being stuck in a coffin underground for god knows how long? Days, weeks? No mortal could survive for hours. Well, turned out that she was not quite a mortal anymore, having been turned into a vampire herself. Sadly though, since she is a vampire, and had been locked down there for weeks, she was thirsty, and we vampires tend to lose our sanity if we're thirsty for too long. I haven't experienced it myself, but how she acted was a good reminder that I also could turn into this kind of feral, soulless monster. She must've not even realized what she was doing when she sank her teeth into Thonnir's neck, proceeding to suck his blood. His instincts told him to attack the vampire and protect himself, but something held him back… Was it pity, inability, or simply his unwillingness to hurt what he perceived as just a normal child? I'm not sure…

After that, Helgi had come to her senses, and she was crying, shocked at what she did, shocked at everything that had happened. We talked a lot over the next two hours or so, and she managed to explain to us everything that had happened from her perspective. Laelette, the woman who had set light to the fire, had actually saved her. We don't really know why, and since Laelette is now dead, we're unlikely to. Helgi couldn't understand why she was left underground either, but fair to say, she was happy to gain her freedom, even though it might be under the kind of circumstances she can't appreciate.

That being said, I cannot even imagine what it must've been like being stuck underground, unable to die, unable to escape, slowly going mad from the thirst… That sounds like a fate far worse than death, especially for a low-key claustrophobe like myself… She hasn't even done anything to deserve such a fate, so why the vampires chose to bury her underground is beyond me.

Another thing that made me pity her was the fact that she's like me in so many ways. Her father may still be alive, but her mother is dead, and she's been turned into a vampire against her will. I hugged her so tight, and I almost wanted to cry with her. It was almost as if seeing first-hand what I was going through back then. I just had to say it aloud, even with Benor in our presence, that I was like her. Luckily, it didn't disgust him or anything or make him hate me or doubtful of me.

Now, there's just one big question mark here, and that is Alva. If she's a vampire, if Laelette was a vampire, could there be a connection? According to Helgi, there is, as she claims Laelette was the one who burned down the house and also the one that turned her into a vampire before burying her alive. Helgi's word was good enough for us, but we also needed some physical proof, which is why we then approached Alva's house.

First of all, she had a little guardian there, with this guardian being Hroggar, the father of Helgi himself. Obviously, he wasn't in his senses, as evident by him trying to kill Benor and me. He's been enthralled by Alva and turned into a blind thrall. Luckily, we didn't have to kill him in self-defense and instead managed to subdue him. It's good that I had Benor with me since that guy's muscles outpowered that crazed lumberjack rather quickly. Like, he was so crazy he didn't even recognize his own daughter!

We didn't find Alva, but we found her journals. I'm pretty sure I've commented something like this before, but it's so funny how many people just leave their most sensitive secrets written in their journals… Not that I can criticize them; I do the very same fucking thing! Benor is reading Alva's journal now, and if he's to be believed, we're pretty much cracked the case already. I'm gonna read them next, probably as soon as I'm done writing this.

Lastly, Helgi is staying with Falion, while Hroggar is in prison. Falion will probably try to cure Helgi, as she doesn't seem too keen on the idea of being a vampire, but that's for her to decide ultimately.

Midyear, 17th, 4E 203

The journals made it quite clear that Laelette burned down the house, confirming to us what Helgi had said, and since it was in Alva's journal, she became a culprit to be hunted down as well. With this solid written evidence, Benor could clear both Hroggar's and Falion's names, but before we would bring the news to our clients, there was still work to be done. My friends, Benor and I were to deal a killing blow against the band of vampires that had this village in their stranglehold. The journals revealed where their hideout was situated, and we had no trouble locating it.

What we found was their hideout for sure, but inside it, I didn't find just vampires but also answers to questions I've asked myself in the past, questions I'd pretty much forgotten about. We had killed three of the vampires closer to the entrance - one of which by coincidence included Alva - and suddenly found ourselves in a dining room fit for royalty. What they served there wasn't the finest game and catch though, but rather the blood and flesh of mortals. They also had two adult male thralls standing at bay, still like statues, as well as slaves, two of them, both being young girls dressed in skimpy outfits, being chained to a pillar by steel like some kind of dogs. The leader of the clan, Movarth, was standing there, and he was staring at me intensely. This ancient vampire greeted me by the name and shocked me with his words.

"You look exactly like your mother", he said.

Suddenly, I HAD to put a stop to everything that was going on and warned Benor not to attack, ordering my friends to hold their horses as well. I didn't necessarily take him seriously at first, so I called bluff, but since he described her as "Helene of Wrothgar", I had to take him seriously. I wanted to know what he was talking about. I NEEDED to know how he could know my mother. I can't even wrap my head around what I learned next.

According to Movarth, my mother, Helene, is still very much alive. In fact, she has lived for just over a hundred years. She's a vampire herself, always was when she was raising me. It's so hard to imagine considering how loving and sweet she was, but if what Movarth says is true, she was raising me with the sole purpose of turning me into a vampire at the age of ten. She was the one who orchestrated my kidnapping too.

I denied this because there's no way that could possibly be true. How did he even know of all of this? Movarth claims they're part of the same clan based in High Rock. As to why, the answer is somewhat surprising: "It's to create servants, to groom young girls to serve our master in various ways." He didn't specify who this master is, even though I asked him about it.

To put it bluntly, I was meant to live my life as nothing more than a slave from the very beginning. "But you actually got away", he continued. "We thought we hid you well, we thought it'd be impossible for you to get away, but you did, like the resourceful little girl you were. Then there was also that whole incident with Ulfric being captured, being brought to Helgen, and the dragon attacking, bringing all kinds of unwanted attention and death to Helgen, which threw our plan off course… Ever since then, we've spent so much time and effort into tracking you down. We thought we had you once or twice, but you just kept slipping away… It's almost as if the hands of destiny have held you in their grasp, far away from our reach. And look at you now. You've become powerful and even allied yourself with the Volkihar clan. I heard it was you who killed Harkon? I'm impressed. We all are. Honestly, it'd be a shame to even try to turn you into a slave at this point."

"What are you even implying?" I asked him.

"I'm telling you that you should join our clan as a comrade."

I wanted to refuse at first, but at the same time, I kind of want to meet my mother, now that I know she's alive. At that point, all I could think was, could Movarth even lead me to her, or was all of this a trap? More importantly, did I need him to live?

Benor was having none of it. He placed his hand on my shoulder, telling me that the man couldn't be trusted. "Look at those poor people", he said, referring to both thralls and slaves. "He just wants to turn you and your friends into slaves like them". He told me to ready my weapons and prepare to fight, and it seemed that Sofia and Serana echoed Benor's sentiment. Even though they were in agreement about what to do, they understood why I was conflicted and said they'd respect my decision, whatever it could be.

I myself was split. I didn't know what to do at all! This man knew my mother, for fucks sake! He could've even known where she is right fucking now! In the end, it didn't matter. Movarth and Benor crossed blades.

I knew there was no chance for Benor to win this fight, but I also understood why he fought anyway. He knew that there was no way for him to come out of this alive, not without my help. Movarth urged me to betray Benor, saying that his life would be spared, but I knew that would just mean that he would be turned into a thrall, which I didn't want to happen to him. That's why I sided with Benor. Me and my girlfriends joined the battlefield, only to have Movarth chastise me as a fool. His servants joined as well, but none of them were enough to turn the tide of the battle from our favor, especially with our efforts focused on taking Movarth down. However, he was the one man we didn't intend to finish off immediately.

In the aftermath of the battle, I demanded Movarth to tell me where my mother was. There was still some life left in him, but he wasn't interested in talking. He claimed he didn't know, and I called him a liar. He knew about my mother, claimed to be part of the same clan, and now he suddenly doesn't know? It infuriated me. He continued by saying that this coven is just one subsection of a more prominent clan, but that doesn't mean he's in regular contact with other members. It didn't matter that I demanded answers, I wasn't getting any, and torturing him was not gonna do any good either. He took his last breath and passed away.

All I was left was a bitter taste in my mouth.

Benor was obviously in debt to me, and he said it in no uncertain terms. He said he wasn't sure if I was going to make the right decision or not, but I guess he only meant what was right for him. He actually dropped to his knees and hugged me. This big, bulky man hugged me so gently, and I hugged him back. It helped me get my nerves back together, as I felt like a total wreck at that point.

Like, if what Movarth said is true… Fuck… There's nothing wrong with my mother being a vampire, but did she really raise me for the sole purpose of being turned into a slave…? I just can't accept that… It doesn't even make sense for Movarth to lie about it. Like, he knew so much about me!

As for the two slaves? Well, they've been slaves for such a long time, for many years, in fact. They've got no place to return to. We did take them with us anyway. The thralls sadly were beyond saving and died serving their masters in combat.

Now we're back in Morthal. Falion is happy, the Jarl is happy, and Benor is pleased to be paid for his efforts. He even offered to give me a portion of the reward, but I politely declined. He needs that money way more than I do, and the only prize I need is the one that Falion will give me. That poor fool Hroggar is still foaming-at-mouth insane, so he's being kept in prison for his own safety, pending a future release. And Helgi? Well, there's no way she's going to be happy for a long time, but at least she's alive, and we have a feeling that her father's sanity will be restored now that Alva's spell no longer has a stranglehold over his head.

The problem is that in order for Helgi to get healed, we'll need a filled Black Soul Gem too, so there's that whole aspect to her curing herself. She's still to make her decision, but she's swaying towards staying as a vampire for the sole reason of not wanting someone to die in her stead. I won't judge her regardless of what she chooses to do. §The two slaves we saved seem to want to be cured though, so maybe after they do, they can be sent into some orphanage somewhere. They're going to need a lot of time though.

Finally, what next for me? Well, looks like in addition to having to travel to Solsteim, I now have to worry about my mother being out there somewhere, and honestly, I don't even know where to begin looking. Those guys at the Volkihar castle must know about all the different vampire clans of Skyrim, maybe even beyond, and the same can be said about the Dawnguard. Would I dare to seek those vampire hunters out though? Probably not. It'd be safer to start with my allies…

Now, I think I need a few days to rest… And more importantly, I need something to distract myself with… I feel like I might go crazy if I worry about my mother too much…

Midyear, 18th, 4E 203

Before we can leave Morthal, I have two pieces of business to deal with. First was the need for distraction, and that distraction had to be Benor. He has a cozy little cottage in the outskirts of Morthal, so I allowed myself in, and did what I've fantasized about ever since I laid my eyes on him. He seemed surprised when I approached him at his home but welcomed me in regardless.

I told him… No, I demanded for him to have sex with me. He refused at first, asking if I was out of my mind, saying that he's not even into little children, but I insisted and said that "I need it more than anything else right now". I'm not sure if that made him crumble or if he was "denying" me my fun just because he thought I was joking… Doesn't matter. I got laid regardless.

I knew he was about as handsome as a blue-eyed Nord can get and that he was in peak physical shape, but I couldn't even imagine that he would be so well equipped. As soon as I got on my knees in front of him to go through his trousers, that thick, meaty cock proved itself to be way larger than average. He wasn't even hard yet, but I didn't want to let that discourage me, and instead, I just jerked him off to get him excited. I just wanted to take it into my mouth. I sucked him real good, and he let me service him without any interference.

He might've said he isn't interested in children, but he couldn't deny my beauty when I laid naked on his bed with my spread legs inviting him in. He approached me very carefully, almost as if thinking he would squash me with all that weight he was carrying. He really is a gentle giant. I had to reassure him to not hold back, there's no need, and I was guiding his cock with both my hands, urging him to just push it in.

Despite his earlier reluctance, he jumped into action and dipped in. He continued to be gentle but did not hold back at all making love to me. He wanted to make me feel good, and it was clear he wanted to feel good too.

His desire to dominate finally made him pin me in place. He grabbed onto my legs to push them forward gently and leaned in to shag me harder. The whole bedframe creaked as he pumped in and out. He led me straight into climax, and I swear that orgasm was an absolute screamer. He himself came inside me immediately after.

We only got to relax for about five minutes with him laying on his back and me laying on top of him with my hands on his shoulders and behind his neck, stealing kisses and telling just how handsome he is. He called me cute too, and I could feel his cock getting harder again between my thighs. I wanted to ride him, so I sat on top of it. Even with my pussy taking it in and my hip pushing my body down on it hard, I could not take all that shaft all the way in. Didn't stop me from leaning back, straightening my form, and showing him just how deep inside monstrous dick was inside my immortal, unaging ten-year-old cunny… I pressed my fingers on top of my stomach and told him to look and observe, children can eat cocks up just as well as adults can.

He let me do all the work here. I could move my body at my own pace, but I still tried to do it as hard and fast as possible and milk that cock more. He still had plenty of batter left in him, and eventually, he cummed inside again. That was the end of it though, as it was getting late for him, and I felt a little sleepy too, especially since I had now gotten that adequate distraction I so desperately needed.

That was yesterday; today, I talked with Falion, and soon I'll hopefully get to report my success.

His master plan is for me to approach Clavicus Vile and challenge him directly, not through a prayer at his statue, but to his face. Would challenging a Daedric Prince in his own realm even be a good idea? In Falion's mind, yes. He's a welcoming god, not a violent one in any way, but rather just a schemer and a gambler. He likes to challenge mortals on equal grounds and thus will most certainly not hurt me. That's Falion's guarantee. He might even take me outsmarting him as a sign of respect. Falion's been to Fields of Regret a few times himself, and despite its name, he has never regretted visiting that place.

It's quite a cunning plan I'm not going to go into detail with yet, and I'm happy to take the gamble. There's always a chance it won't work, but even if it doesn't, the worst that can happen will probably not be that bad.

Midyear, 21st, 4E 203

It was a long and complicated process, as traveling between realms isn't as easy as picking a lock, but I made it to the Fields of Regret. As a plane of existence, it's not too alien in comparison to the world we call our home, but its forests didn't resemble any place I'd ever been to. The wind carried a strange smell along with it, which I'm not even sure if I could call it pleasant or repulsive, and most importantly, the place seemed relatively safe as well. No man-eating horrors beyond your wildest imaginations crawling around anywhere; just a peaceful, tranquil countryside.

My entry into this world did not go unnoticed by Clavicus Vile, as he was quick to greet me, welcome me, and describe me entering his world as an unexpected turn of events. He urged me to find him, promising that it wouldn't be hard.

There he was, sitting on a small throne in the middle of a forest, in the form of a young, prepubescent Skaafin, just like his statues depict him. He was about as tall as me in this form, but sitting on his high throne, acting all high and mighty, with Barbas on his side, he towered over me. For the first time in my life, I was in the literal presence of a god, and that fact alone made me anxious and worried.

"Don't tell me you're still mad about that curse I put on you", he said, smiling.

"Oh, not at all", I told him. "I'm way past the point of being mad about it", I assured him and insisted that I haven't come here not to bitch and moan about it, but rather to make offers, maybe have him lift the curse in exchange for something. He was interested from the get-go, and amused by my suggestion, he demanded me to make an offer. He wanted to hear my terms instead of setting them for himself, just as I had hoped he would. "My offer to you, my lord, is a covenant. I will give you a chance to claim my soul if you lift the curse."

If it was that easy, that would've been the end of it, but Clavicus Vile guessed correctly that I was planning something. I mean, yeah, I did phrase it as a "chance", not a promise, so some resistance from the prince of bargains was to be expected. Luckily though, my work had been done, as the rest of the work would surprisingly be done by that lovely little doggy I helped get back to his master to begin with.

"Oh, I know you're planning something", Vile said. "I know you're not actually stupid enough to offer your soul to me in exchange for something that trivial."

"Master, I think you should just agree", Barbas said.

"Shut up, mutt."

"The girl is offering you her soul, a soul of a dragon!"

"Oh, but I know that little harlot is planning something. Like, she's gonna demand me to lift the curse first or something and then skedaddle. I'm not stupid enough to fall for some little girl's games."

"Just make her drink from the Bitter Cup, master!" Barbas said. "That'll be our condition. She drinks from it, she's purified from your curse, and as she does, you claim her soul!"

Vile didn't respond immediately. He was in deep thought, turning his head around as he alternatively stared me down and then Barbas down. "Oh, alright then", he finally said. "Do you agree with these terms, Breton?"

"Yeah, seems fair to me", I said as I walked up to him. I could already notice the cup sitting on the armrest of his throne. It had been there since the beginning like the ever-flowing fountain of wine that it was. I stood right beside him and extended my hand towards the cup, politely asking for his permission. He said he didn't like how confident I was about this, but ultimately, he didn't really care anymore either. He just told me to - quote - "drink from the damn cup already", so I did. Everything was going just as planned.

Now, my dearest diary, you might be wondering, what even is the Bitter Cup? Not every Daedric artifact is a weapon of immense power or a piece of armor unparalleled by mortal smiths. Some of them serve non-combat purposes, kind of like the Skeleton Key does. Then, there's the Bitter Cup, the sole purpose of which is to make pacts with the prince of bargains. One thing every mortal on Tamriel should know about it is to never, ever drink from it! Hah, I didn't listen.

Of course, once I did finally take the sip and felt its magic flow through me, the very thing I offered to Clavicus Vile didn't leave my body. Instead, he got another soul, one that had been prepared by me and Falion for this very moment.

Let me wind back time a little and tell you that Falion is actually the Champion of Vaermina. She's one of those gods I've never dealt with directly, although I once had to deal with her indirectly when me and that Erandur guy worked together to stop some nightmares happening in Dawnstar. Got a handful of bad memories from that little adventure, but that's irrelevant. Vaermina is rumored to be able to "cure" people from vampirism, which is coincidentally why he knows how to do it. Anyway, I'm getting sidetracked. Falion initially wanted to commune with Vaermina only himself, but after his mistress made it clear that she wanted to converse with me directly, I stepped into his little makeshift altar to do just that.

Vaermina had a simple condition for me, as she already knew who I was through Erandur. She said she's not angry at me for helping her former acolyte destroy the Staff of Corruption, for in the end, there was not much I could do to stop it from happening. Besides, the staff being destroyed simply just means it returning to her realm of Quagmire, so it's not like it's forever gone or anything. Who she is angry at, however, is Erandur himself. He abandoned Vaermina for Mara, a sin unforgivable in Vaermina's eyes. Since I needed a soul to sacrifice anyway, her suggestion was to use Erandur's soul. She wanted me to murder this elf with who I once worked together and thus urged me to seek him out in Dawnstar.

So, that's what I did. There and back in one day with my friends with a special dagger and a Black Soul Gem in my possession. Anyway, it was a special kind of "scuffed", unstable Soul Gem, perfect for the job that was about to take place. I may have vowed to myself not to ever meddle with these things, but since I'm not condemning Erandur to the eternity of suffering in the Soul Cairn in exchange for some cheap power… I decided that an exception was necessary here.

As I hadn't seen Erandur since the last we met in that tower when those Orcs took me captive, he was thrilled to see me safe and sound. He said he didn't really even know how to thank me for my help; he said he kind of wanted to save me but was afraid because he felt he wasn't strong enough alone and didn't even know where to start looking. I just hugged him and told him that it was okay since it's all in the past. Now we can look forward towards the future. I said that this time it's me who needs help and that I could really use a hand because I'm up against enemies I can't handle alone. He said he owed me one, so he followed me, straight to his death.

Down the snowy road back to Morthal, my friends snuck up on him from behind. Since I knew it was the spot, I turned towards him and spoke. "I never told you what I need from you, right…?" He seemed taken aback but didn't realize anything was wrong, at least not until I bore my teeth at him and told him I wanted his life.

He didn't doubt my words, didn't think I was joking for a second, but he had no time to defend himself, although he did try to prepare some kind of spell to strike against me. My friends got the better of him, surprising him from behind. With Serana's magic and Sofia's bastard sword, he fell to his knees, but not to his death. Sofia kicked him to his back, tieing his hands up while I squatted in front of him, watching his face rub against snow and dirt. I held the enchanted iron dagger in front of his face and teased him. "I wonder what kind of enchantment this little poker has on it…?" I asked, as I also showed him the Black Soul Gem. "I wonder if it has something to do with this…?" He was beside himself, calling me a snake and an evil bitch, saying that the divines would not forgive me for this. It was honestly cute, as he seriously thought he could intimidate me like that. No chance, honey. Divines can't protect you from me…

After kicking him once and turning him to his back, I sat on top of his groin, all while he was still struggling to be released, and then, with the dagger in both of my hands, I took aim at his heart and sunk it to his chest. One hit should've surely been enough, but I stabbed him again and again, with blood splashing and flowing through the open wounds and coating my hands and the blade with it. The dagger had done its magic too, and his soul was being bound to the stone in my possession. He died, but his spirit did not leave this world. Only his mortal husk was left behind for me and my friends to feast on, for us to sate our appetite with.

Honestly, I'm not sure exactly what kind of spell it was that Vaermina placed on me, but it involved her temporarily claiming my soul for her own, locking it away or something or something like that, so Erandur's soul could be claimed in my place. I don't really even know how exactly the whole thing worked, but for what it's worth, Clavicus Vile wasn't able to detect Vaermina's magic, so what he got from me certainly wasn't my soul, and he realized this rather quickly. However, the pact had already been made, so there was nothing he could do. I got to taste the wine from the Bitter Cup with no consequences and got rid of my curse, just as was agreed upon.

He didn't say anything at first. He just bolted up and took hold of my hand, in which I was still holding the cup. "Drink from it again", he urged me.

"Why? You already had your chance", I said as I winked at him.

"Okay then, fine!" he said as he threw the cup to the ground. "I don't even care!" he said as he stomped down on it. Like, he was throwing a real temper tantrum. Meanwhile, all Barbas had to say was, "that girl sure got us good, didn't she?" with that usual, clueless look on his face. Yeah, I bet Barbas knew I was gonna trick his master and wanted to enjoy it happening too. Then, Clavicus Vile once again got to my face, and he stared at me uncomfortably close. "You got what you wanted again. You made me take this annoying little mutt back, and now you even made me remove that curse from you. Happy?"

"Y-yes, I'm actually very happy with myself."

"As you should be", he finally said and offered me a hand for a shake. "You have my respect."

Instead of giving him the pleasure of a handshake, I gave him even something better. I hugged him and kissed that petty, childish little god straight to his cheek. After that, in an embarrassed huff and puff, he finally banished me from his realm of Oblivion and let my soul return back to Tamriel.

And that, my dear diary, is how I tricked the prince of trickery. He fucked me, so I fucked him back. Technically, I didn't gain anything from this, not a single trinket or an artifact, but hey, I feel proud, damn proud. Besides, the wine tasted good. It wasn't as bitter as its name suggests. I have my eyes back, and I no longer have to suffer from being the near-sighted archer. By Sithis, that was a nightmare worse than anything I've gone through ever before. Okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but I can't wait to grab my bow and arrows again!

Midyear, 22nd, 4E 203

Having concluded our business in Morthal, me and the girls traveled north to Serana's home to seek answers about my mother and the clan she's part of, but sadly, we didn't get what we came here from. Nobody here has heard of any clan that operates in the manner we described, although there's another similar clan of vampires native to Valenwood, which targets children for non-sexual reasons. Some kind members like Feran and Garen said that they'd spend some time researching the subject and trying to find answers, promising to contact me if they find anything.

Overall, it was nice to visit this place after a long while. Things here at Castle Volkihar have proceeded quite swimmingly. In my absence, with Valerica being welcomed back, she has filled the power vacuum by becoming the new leader of this clan. Nobody really seems to even question her leadership, at least not openly. There are still some who would no doubt want to take the reins for themselves.

This kind of leaves me no choice but to seek out Dawnguard next if I want immediate answers. I can appeal to them with Auriel's Bow and remind them that it was me who killed Harkon; I foiled his evil plan of coming into fruition. That is, to my knowledge, the result Dawnguard wanted from the whole situation as well, although they were not willing to accept me as their ally. Not then, probably not now either. Hopefully though, Isran will be smart enough to at least hear me out.

• 36th Journal - Boat to Solsteim