Little Helpers/Introduction

Little Helpers

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Introduction

A short parody that really has nothing to do with the story but serves as an introduction.

The nearby chippy still served their food wrapped in old newspaper. There’s something about the flavour of newsprint that adds something to fish, chips, sausage and even butties, that cannot be created artificially. Call me mad, but I’m not the only one that shared that belief.

I’m afraid I didn’t realize just how long they kept those old newspapers around until I read one of them while having my dinner. It intrigued me that this one was dated over twenty years ago. To me, that seemed like a long time to store those things. Maybe the ancient ones add more flavour. It’s a shame the tradition had ebbed away.

After I noticed how old the last newspaper was, I started dating the ones used for all of my future orders. Well, smack me in the face, the last one appeared not only to be quite old, but also in Cyrillic, and I couldn’t read it. It must have been an old local paper. How many countries besides Russia use the Cyrillic alphabet? Not many in my estimation. Maybe they used to ship their old newspapers to us for the chippies.

What did strike me as strange, was a block written in English and even stranger, was the address in the advertisement was in my town and not a mile away. The paper had to have been printed here but where did the Russians that read the paper go? I haven’t met any since I’ve lived here, and I’ve lived here for a very long time. It was so strange, I was intrigued and more than a little mystified.

I go for a walk sometimes after a heavy meal. Not all that long a walk, but enough to get my circulation and digestion going. So, I decided to venture out and check the address I found.

When I arrived, the first thing that struck me was the amount of disrepair and neglect around the old manse. The green, if you want to call it that, was more than waist high and the shrubbery could now be considered a thicket. It was such a shame because I can imagine the majesty that surrounded the place at one time.

As I wandered around the estate, I spotted the post box which was overflowing. Nosy as I was, I decided to check it out and found a thick packet that I opened, and it was filled with old type written pages that appeared to be a manuscript. I read the first page and since there was nobody around to see me, I pinched it. Yes, I have been known to do a little pilfering now and then.

When I got back to my place, I read the document and discovered it to be quite amusing. What follows is a precise copy of what I found:

End Introduction

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