User talk:Santa
I am extending the story, but it would be good to have some help... Santa
I added to one of the sections, however the story jumps around pretty badly, sometimes going to parts that you did not select or forces the reader to do things they were not interested in, for example Page 22 you have a fun enjoyable scene with little Molly, but both choices force the reader to do things with Harry, where only one choice actually indicates your going to do anything with Harry. I would recommend getting the story's continuity built up, fix the pages that jump to content not selected by the reader, maybe flesh out your individual pages with some more description and or actions between choices and give the reader a variety of choices other than simply a good end, bad end situation. If you do that, then you might be able to build up enough of a readership that they would be motivated to add more to this story. It is a very interesting and potentially fun idea. I would also recommend spending more time with each girl instead of having a few pages of build up, then a page or two of sex pages, then the girl is done and the Main Character is moving onto the next thing. Build some buy in with the reader on each encounter, let it have meaning, the characters have value and then the conquest of the girl will be more enjoyable. --Telgar (talk) 23:00, 10 April 2019 (PST)
Thanks for that. Yes - I do tend to gallop on.
English nitpick
Hello there, I haven't checked your stories yet but I just saw the summary of Summer Holiday/Spain Day 7 A lazy morning which starts: "After a sleepless night in which I could hardly credit what was happening"
Instead of "credit" I believe the word you were trying to use was "believe". In Portuguese and Spanish "acreditar" means "to believe" but English "credit" means "to give credit/recognition for" as in "he was credited for his hard work". -Imperial (talk) 12:04, 9 June 2019 (CEST)
- Constructive criticism is always welcome - thank you.
- Credit is used here to mean believe something, especially something surprising or unexpected, but it might be colloquial and believe works just as well so I have changed it.
- The entire story is still somewhat fluid as I keep re-reading and correcting the text. I have also spent a lot of time renaming the chapters to get some logic into the system.
- I hope you enjoyed the story so far
- Santa