JoS/Kanna/Kanna's Backstory

Prologue

To Karim, my dearest brother,

from Kanna, your sweet baby sister.

I decided to write this little book with you in mind. I know you're safe out there somewhere, I just know it, but I'm not sure where. I also know that you're looking for me every day, and you know I'm waiting eagerly for you to find me. You also know I love you more than anything, right? Still do…

You and I, we've been through so much together, so much so that you might think you know everything about me, as I know about you, but I've also held secrets from you. One such secret is amongst my very first memories, an unforgettable encounter with a stranger I've never told you about before.

That day mother punished me by making me go sit outside. I can't remember why, but she was very cross with me. I must've screwed up big time. Sitting and sulking on the porch, getting over myself crying just minutes ago, I noticed an Imperial nobleman walking down the road, on his way somewhere with his route going straight past our house, and even though I was used to seeing travelers, something about this bearded, smiling old man just captured my curiosity. He was a happy man with a real spring in his step, and he was wearing a funny hat and wielding a strange walking cane carved out from wood. When he noticed me staring at him, the man stopped to approach me, asking what I was doing all alone, looking so sad and bummed out on top of it all. I stared at him quietly, and even though I don't quite remember what his face looked like, I do remember feeling calm and safe in his presence.

Noticing how I was too shy to utter a word, he thought he could cheer me up by showing me a magic trick. Well, he succeeded in making me smile, because that was the first time I'd ever met a traveling magister. I have no idea what he did or how he did it, but I remember the spell being very pretty, although it probably didn't serve any practical purpose. I asked him about it, excited and giddy. "How did you do it?"

He smiled, telling me to show him both of my hands. He called them good hands, but I have no idea what he meant. It was a little weird. He placed his palms below mine and pressed his thumbs against them, whispering that I should already know how he did that spell, and said I could even replicate it. I shook my head and swore I knew nothing about magic, but he insisted otherwise. "Yes you do", he said. "You just don't know it yet." Then, he simply left. I remember telling my mother about talking to a traveling magician, but since she chastised me and reminded me to be wary of strangers, I never told anyone else.

Still, that random and strange encounter might've not stuck with me if it wasn't for what happened the next day.

I was out playing in the northern woods, and I hurt my ankle pretty severely. My leg got tangled in some vegetation, and I fell over. Panicked, I tried my hardest to pull my leg away, and I only managed after getting myself hurt even more in the process. I was crying in pain, just wishing for someone to come help me. I couldn't even stand because of how much it hurt, and nobody heard me. The only person I could rely on was myself.

I then realized I could heal the injury on my leg. It was so strange, but by touching my ankle and holding it, I could slowly feel it getting better. It was some sort of Restoration magic, and I honestly had no idea I could do anything like that. Yeah, mother was good with these kinds of things too, but she never taught me. Nobody did, and all I could think about was that old gentleman I had met just the day prior. He was right about me, but how did he know? I guess some people can see magical talent in others…

After that, I returned home and never told anyone about the powers I discovered within myself. Of course, you know about my aptitude for magic now because of all we've been through, but I don't think I ever told you exactly how I discovered my talent. You'll get to learn that through this written text once we meet again. Maybe we can read this book together? Or better yet, I could read it for you…

Until then, until we meet again.

First Part

It was Midyear of 423, a night between Fredas and Loredas, but I'm unsure about the exact date. I'm sure about the day since Loredas is the cleaning day and because we were always rewarded with our favorite food for a week's hard work, and I was looking forward to it. I was four at the time and always happy at the most mundane and dumb things. This joy was robbed from me when they came in the middle of the night wielding torches and blades.

A bandit clan raided our peaceful home in Nimbel Moor, a small forest-side village on the northeastern edge of Hammerfell, west of Elinhir, south of the border of Skyrim. Their goals were simply to loot all the valuables they could find in as short a time as possible, and burn houses and crops on their route. They killed everyone they could, even those who tried to flee. They were inside our house before we even had a chance to escape.

My father tried to defend himself and his family, but he was no warrior. He quickly fell by the blade, trying to protect my mother and me. They then targeted my mother, but they weren't going for her life initially. I didn't understand what they were trying to do, ripping her clothes and pushing her down. It was the first time I had ever seen my mother in such a state. She was a strong and proud woman, but there she was, horrified and crying… the sight made me want to cry in shock too. I couldn't even run away, cornered like I was, with them pointing weapons at me and telling me to not move. I could do nothing but watch them violate my mother, and I thought I was next. Mom must've thought so too because she screamed at me to run away while I could, while the men were preoccupied holding her down. It was difficult to do so, but that's what I did. I never saw her again after that.

I could not run away far before being stopped by a group of three brigands just outside our house. With rope and swords in their hands, they were intent on capturing me, and they backed me against a corner so I couldn't escape. That's when Karim came for my aid, standing between the brigands and me with our father's sword in his right hand. His left hand instructed me to stand back, and I pushed my back against the corner.

Only one of the thugs was attacking, and Karim parried his incoming attacks well. Their blades clashed about five times before the first blood was drawn, with Karim wounding the overconfident bandit's wrist and enraging him in the process. Before the battle would resume, though, a longsword pierced the bandit's chest from behind. Wielding a bloody sword was an Orc they called Grobush the Great. He was the leader of this group, and he was not amused by what he was seeing.

"I thought I had made myself clear, you don't attack children", he said, eyeing down his two subordinates left standing, both speechless. "And he even got injured by this kid? Pathetic", he added as he spat on the dead man's corpse. His attention then turned towards my brother, who still had our father's sword pointed at the enemy in front of us. The Orc also took a long look at me, realizing what was going on, realizing that the young boy in front of him was doing all he could to protect me, his sister. "You've got guts, kid. I'm impressed. What's your name?"

"Karim."

"How would you feel about taking that weakling's place and traveling with us? I've got a good feeling about you."

Karim, brave as ever, talked back, not interested in the Orc's proposal. "You people killed my parents", he said, tears welling up in his eyes. Sadness and hate, two emotions mixed together, two emotions I had never seen him express before took over him. "I will never forgive you."

"I'm not asking for your forgiveness", Grobush said. "What I want is your blade."

"Then have it", Karim said and charged forward. Caught in a duel with the Orc, he only lasted ten seconds. With his right hand behind his back, the Orc defeated my brother and disarmed him quickly. I had always viewed my big brother as unbeatable, a hero in the making, and a warrior more talented than anyone else in the village. Yet, there he was, losing so quickly without being able to do anything. It broke my heart and crushed my hopes of escaping this situation unscratched.

The brigands charged forward and apprehended me, keeping me still with the edge of the blade on my neck.

"Consider this your final warning", Grobush said as he kicked our father's blade back at Karim's feet. "I'm not asking you. I'm telling you. Pick up the blade, sheathe it, and serve me. Otherwise, we will hurt your sister in ways you can't even imagine."

He and I, my brother and myself, gazed at each other, both teary-eyed and scared, still shocked at everything that was going on. This agonizingly long moment of quiet allowed him to collect his cool. I could see in his eyes that the last thing he wanted was for me to feel pain at the hand of these men. He decided to do exactly as he was told and sheathed the blade as instructed by Grobush. The bandits let go of me and told me to behave to avoid trouble.

Then, they led us away from our home before setting it ablaze. I knew my mother was still in there, or was she? The bandits told me they spared nobody and took no prisoners beyond us, which logically means my mother died as well. I could only turn my back on my burning home and hold back my tears in fear.

That's the story of how we joined Blackhawk Bandits.

Well, it wasn't as much about me joining as it was about Karim joining, while I was little more than a hostage. A well-treated hostage, but still hostage nonetheless. As I said, Karim is the real prodigy here, and has always been a hero-like figure in my eyes. It was the first time he had ever faced defeat, but that didn't shake my trust in him, because my immature and dumb young self still saw him as that unbeatable hero the likes of which I knew he could become.

The Karim I once knew had died on the same day our parents did, though. Watching him from the shadows and sometimes from afar, I could tell that he just had uncharacteristic bitterness, anger, and sadness to every aspect of himself, and justifiably so. What happened that day changed me too, so it's understandable that it crushed him and affected him negatively as well. It was easy for me to forget that he had changed when we were alone, though, and those were the only times he could ever show me his smile. We used to sit down together every night, and he made sure to remind me just how much I meant to him daily, with him vowing he would never let any harm fall on me. In return, I always promised to support him in any way I could, even though I wasn't really useful for anything back then.

The Blackhawks - as they called themselves - didn't have a place to call home. They were a caravan that traveled the lands around Hammerfell. We also visited places like Evermore and Wayrest in High Rock, Falkreath in Skyrim, Chorrol in Cyrodiil… but it was mostly just Hammerfell. As for the members of the caravan, there were twenty of them. One thing that united them all was their lack of parental figures and upbringing as outcasts of society. Not all of them were orphans, but they were all people who had been taken to the gang by its chief Grobush, who himself lost his family and most of his clan during a bloody feud between two Orc strongholds.

You'd think he would maybe be a little sympathetic towards Karim and me, considering that we were just kids and how it was his people who killed our parents… but no, not really. Or, maybe he was, but just didn't show it. He did offer us food and safety, so I suppose he wasn't all that bad. I didn't hate him as much as Karim did, but then again, he was much harsher and meaner towards my brother. I was mostly just afraid of him.

For the better part of these journeys, I spent time alone and had to entertain myself. I got to hone my skills with spellcraft, a talent that I found to be deeper and more expansive than I ever anticipated. Karim always told me to keep it secret because he was afraid that Grobush might also use me. It never stopped me from training in secret, though.

Restoration is pretty easy with all those handy healing spells to keep injuries and diseases at bay. Fortification spells are great, too, as they made me stand out even with tasks that I shouldn't be good at, such as lifting heavy objects. It's like, I can fortify my muscles and strength, if that makes sense. It's nothing major, and the effects don't last very long, but it's useful nonetheless. I feel like there might be even more depth to the school than just that, but I never felt like I needed to train further because as much as I like rejuvenating myself and the living around me, I also like tapping into darker arts.

I once tried to heal a dead creature, a mouse, to be specific. Yeah, a dead one. I know very well you can't heal the dead, but I just felt sorry for the poor thing. Nothing worked… nothing except a spell I had never actually tried, a spell I didn't even know I could cast. I ended up reanimating its corpse, but only for a very brief time. The undead mouse stood up, looking very confused, and slowly scurried away after realizing I was sitting there next to it… and then it just fell over and disintegrated into dust. That was my first encounter with Conjuration.

It's a school of magic with much more depth to it, so I was way more interested in learning more about it. With Restoration, you tend to get the same spells you learn when you start studying but with more power behind them, while with Conjuration, you discover a whole another mysterious world as you progress deeper. Besides, magic involving souls, otherworldly beings, and even necromancy just seems so exciting.

Karim was never happy about me knowing all this stuff. When I first showed him more of the things I could do and what I had learned, he responded by being even more strict. He wasn't just asking or telling me to keep it a secret. It kind of got from the point of him ordering me around to even begging me to be careful, saying things like, "nobody can find out you can do this stuff". These were dark things I was tapping into, and Grobush would've surely taken advantage of me had he learned about some of my talents.

There are probably many things I could talk to you about these journeys, but most days aren't as memorable as others, and to be honest, I was still so young, so I might be wrong about many details. However, I will never forget this one day for as long as I live.

Second Part

It was Sun's Dusk, year 426 of the third era.

Over three years had passed since I was forced to leave my home together with Karim. I was fresh out of my eighth birthday, while my brother was thirteen, four months shy of turning fourteen. He was starting to slowly become an adult, growing taller too. Year by year, our height gap just kept increasing. Still, deep in his heart, there still was a kid inside. I could tell.

The morning and the midday were uneventful. I was probably helping with setting up the camp, or maybe I was cooking. Can't remember, if I'm perfectly honest. Our caravan was camping in the sands south of Sentinel, the so-called Jewel of the Alik'r, a massive, beautiful city on the southern coasts of the Illiac Bay. The night was already pitch-black, and I was getting tired, but I had vowed not to fall asleep until I saw Karim get back safely.

He returned just minutes before midnight, coming to our shared tent with a sad look on his face, and even though he acknowledged my presence and even smiled a little when I excitedly welcomed him back, he didn't say a word. He just set his scimitar down and sat on his bedroll, looking visibly distressed.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I was forced to do something I can never forgive myself for", he confessed, but initially refused to tell me what he meant. All he said was that it didn't matter anymore, and that he was better off not thinking about it, but honestly, all that did was make me want to chat even more. I was determined to cheer him up and take his pain away, and the first step in that was having him talk. Fortunately, I could get through to him and have him explain everything.

To set a scene, it happened at the Laughing Ship tavern on the eastern edge of the Sentinel Docks. There were seven of them, including Grobush and my brother, and they were having a lot of fun, and drinking a lot of alcohol. The men had their eyes set on a gorgeous, busty Breton working the night shift, and they were getting rowdy.

It started with just harassment and suggestive comments but quickly escalated into something much worse. Grobush leaned towards Karim, asking how much fun it would be to just screw the ever-living fuck out of that busty whore, in those exact words. Karim admitted she was exquisite - he is a young man, after all - but saw himself as below her league, and her as beyond his reach, but admitting that might've been a mistake on his part. After all, the thing in Grobush's mind wasn't mere seduction, but rather, a violation. "We're not going to ask her", he said. "We're going to force her."

This was too much for Karim, because this seemed too far, even for the bandits. Besides, my brother is not a rapist! But he was being pressured more and more, with Grobush getting increasingly graphic with how they all would violate that woman, and he even wanted my brother to do her first. If not, they would've picked a different girl, maybe someone a lot younger, maybe someone from the camp. Karim knew that our chieftain was referring to me, and unsure if it was all a bluff or not, he felt pressured.

I told Karim to just be quiet, and I hugged him tight. He had done something awful to protect me, just to prevent something just as terrible from happening to me, but that poor barmaid was just a blameless and innocent bystander, and that made me a little mad! But not at my brother. No, this was all Grobush's fault. He and his most loyal goons, they are the ones at fault here.

It also made me think deeply about what's often in my mind when I'm alone, and that's his insistence on protecting me from harm, no matter what. It's touching, of course it is, and I love him more than anything for it… but my love for him makes me want to protect him too! I hate seeing him sad, and that was the saddest I'd seen him since the day we lost our parents.

"You shouldn't blame yourself for what happened", I finally said. As I see it, he was a victim in this situation in the same way that barmaid was, coerced into a sexual act by a threat of violence toward someone he loves, and I let him know how I felt. He just nodded and began stroking my hair without saying a word as I kept hugging him.

Then, I told him something else. I told him that if I had known what was going on, if I had been able to spare that woman or spare my brother from having to suffer… I would've taken the hit. I can be brave too, you know. Honestly.

Hearing that come out of my eight-year-old mouth must've honestly shocked him because despite still looking as sad as before, he actually raised his voice at me and told me I shouldn't even suggest such a thing. "Why should you have to sacrifice yourself over something that's not even your fault", he asked, agitated.

"But it wasn't your fault either", I said pouting, and honestly, I was kind of starting to cry a little too. "I could take it if it meant protecting you", I stubbornly insisted.

He hugged me back, saying it was an awful thing he did, and an even more awful thing for that Breton to have to go through. "And for you to sacrifice yourself, and subject yourself to similar violence… that wouldn't make me any happier", he continued. "I would never want anything like that happening to you."

I nodded and tried to smile, saying that I understood, but what I said came from my heart. I meant it, I really did, and I still believe it to this very day. I'd do anything for him. Really. Me telling him that seemed to calm him down, and he just nodded, after which we both fell quiet, just holding each other for a moment.

Then, to break the silence, I said something I had said many times before to him, but never with as much emotion as before. I told him, "I love you."

"Will you forgive me?"

"I forgive you too."

Sighing, he then said, still sounding just as regretful as before, that even though he was able to shield me from harm today, just as he's been able to protect me for a little over three years now, there could come a day when he wouldn't be able to be there for me. It was something he had never said before. He always goes about how he would go through anything to make me happy, about how he'd do anything for me, just like I had just said I'd also do anything for him… but it was his first time admitting that reality. I nodded, and I said that I fully understood and that I'd forgive him for that too. We all have our limits, after all, and we have to accept that.

And that's when I got a crazy idea.

I'm not going to lie, I've had my fantasies about my brother. Hugs and holding hands are already part of our life. Kissing and cuddling? Not so much. Still, even those fantasies are mild compared to some of the other things I've dreamed about, like marriage and sex. Becoming his wife probably wouldn't work because we're related, and I doubt there's a priest of Mara alive who'd be willing to consummate such a marriage… but sex… there's no reason why that should be off the table, right? What we do alone doesn't affect anyone else. That, at least, was what was going through my mind. It wasn't like I was going to get pregnant or anything, not at that age anyway. Even now, I still haven't had my first period…

I was feeling shy about it, but I wanted to tell him exactly how I felt, so I kind of began by beating around the bush to see if he would take a hint. "But, if there's going to become a day when you can't be there for me…" I began, speaking in whispers. "Maybe we should prepare for it… somehow…"

I could see him becoming a little flustered as I said that, which I took as a positive sign, but he still pretended like he didn't understand what I had just said. "What are you saying?"

Trying to smile through my warm blush and fidgeting in his arms, I decided I had to be honest and courageous. I had to shoot my shot, but words still failed me. "I mean… maybe if you… you know… nobody else can take… m-my first… if you…"

He thought I was joking, saying I was out of my god-damned mind! But having already gone so far, I wanted to convince him I was serious.

"Is it because I'm too young…? Or because I'm your sister…?"

He recoiled a little when I mentioned our familiar bond, which made him turn even more evasive. Still, he focused more on my first sentence, but after stammering and stumbling on a couple of words that suggested I could indeed be too young, he quieted down. It's like he couldn't deny he wanted me, but he didn't have the courage to say it out loud. It made me feel happy and proud about taking the initiative.

"I told you I can be brave", I said, lifting my hug from his back and waist onto his shoulders, reaching my face toward his as I presented my lips for him to take. "And I can take it… especially if it's you…"

"I just don't want to do something you might regret later", he said.

"I'd rather have it be you than anyone else in this world", I admitted, which were the last words I needed to say. He took my first kiss while still holding me in a tight embrace, making me feel the happiest I've ever felt throughout my entire young life. It's like, my lifelong love for my big brother was finally being answered in a way I could've only fantasized about up until then. Being surrounded by his warmth, with his massive hands caressing me, was the safest I'd ever felt, and I knew it would only get better. I could forget about everything sad going on in the world around us, and I was determined to make my brother feel just as happy as I was feeling. Through my actions, I wanted him to know that I would be okay with whatever he wanted to do to me.

My first action, ironically, was inaction. I was docile and compliant through his hands advancing underneath my clothes and stripping me bare. I could only respond to his kisses by pushing myself on him, but other than that, I let him do everything. He had seen me naked before - just like I'd seen him naked several times - but I was very different back then, was I not? I wasn't a baby anymore. I may not have been a grown-up either, but I was confident in knowing I was beautiful, and the way he looked at me suggested he thought so too. There really was no shame whatsoever on my part either. I was happy with him seeing all of my naked, eight-year-old self.

My brother took his shirt off next, a sight that I've gotten used to, a sight that never ceases to amaze me. He's so handsome, mature, and muscular, all despite still being a young adolescent boy. I hadn't seen him without his pants since he was a kid, so that was about to change too. I was anxious about it, as it was clear he wasn't the same boy anymore. Sure enough, his penis was nothing like I remembered; that little thumb-sized peepee had been replaced by something much bigger… and he was just thirteen at the time, I thought. How big do those things get when boys grow up into men, I was wondering.

We didn't waste too much time cuddling while naked. I told him I was happy to do everything at his pace and told him to do just whatever he pleased, to which he just nodded, telling me to leave everything to him. He kept kissing and caressing me while I leaned my body against his chest, and he used his hands and fingers to rub my pussy a lot. I had touched myself before but never had I felt anything like he was showing me. He was going much further with his fingers than I had ever dared to go, but I didn't really understand why he was touching me so much back then. Goes to show just how clueless I used to be, but still, I didn't question it. How could I have when his fingers were making my entire body tremble with pleasure unlike anything I had ever experienced before? Besides, it was fun being taught by him. It felt like he knew something about me I didn't even know myself, and wanted to show me a whole new world.

He suddenly laid me on my back, down on the bedroll, and turned his gaze on what was between my legs, which made me tense up. I admit, despite my initial advances, I was feeling a little embarrassed at that very moment, and when he spread my legs up, all that was going through my mind was that he must think I look weird down there or something. I kinda just covered my face in shame, peeking through my fingers, and suddenly, from out of nowhere, he licked me down there. Yeah, licked me. I couldn't figure out why. I protested by telling him not to, said that it's dirty and probably tastes like pee, but he didn't listen. It was like he didn't even care, and honestly, realizing how good it felt made me not care either! His wet tongue and lips felt even better than his fingers! Or maybe that's just because I was already feeling so good and ready to begin with! I couldn't help but moan under my heavy breaths, and as my voice was getting louder, he warned me to keep quiet. He didn't want others to find out, which I didn't want either. I will say now, I tried my best to muffle my moans with my hands, but to this day, I have no idea if my best was good enough. For what it's worth, nobody ever brought it up to me, or him as far as I know.

I guess he sensed my readiness at that point because he decided it was time to take things up a notch and showed his dick to me again… and that was the first time in my life I had laid my eyes on a genuine boner. I was still covering my mouth from earlier, and my eyes must've looked like saucers, but I couldn't take my eyes off it; it was completely stiff and even larger than before.

It was only after our privates touched that I closed my eyes, and I winced and squealed, half-expecting him to stick it in right away… but he didn't. He just rubbed the tip against me for a while, all while caressing my left cheek with his free hand, telling me to relax with the most gentle and soothing brotherly voice he could muster. Even though my heart was pounding through my chest, it allowed me to calm down and open my eyes, but I couldn't quite smile at the time. He warned me that it would probably hurt a lot, but reassured me that the pain would only be temporary. He also promised that he would stop if I said so, vowing to be slow and gentle. I finally lowered my hands from my mouth and nodded, saying that I was ready with a shy smile on my face, and reassured me that he was what I wanted.

I will never forget those first moments when he grabbed me by my waist and started pushing into me. For the first time in my life, a man's thing was going inside me, and even though I was feeling tense and even a little scared, my body just gave in and took it all in. Just the idea of being filled by my big brother's cock felt so euphoric. Yeah, there was some blood, and yeah, it did sting. Of course, it did. I had never been spread open like that, not by anything. However, that little pain was temporary, just as he had told me. My eyes got a little watery, but only for one moment, and those were happy tears anyway. I was going through a very emotional moment, and I just couldn't help but smile. I was just trying to concentrate on that warm, tingly feeling of fullness in my body. It was like his penis had reached all the way below my belly button. We were connected, and I was feeling so damn happy about it.

Almost as soon as he started thrusting his hips back and forth, I covered my mouth again. I just had to because there was no way I was going to keep myself quiet for long. My entire body shook with his every movement, and he wasn't even being particularly rough or anything. He was gentle, just as he had promised, but recognizing that I was entirely okay with everything going on and even enjoying myself, he put more work into it, reminding me to stay as quiet as possible and reassuring me I was doing great.

All of a sudden, he was pushing into me much harder. There was a sense of urgency to what we were doing, and while I would've loved for our first time to be a little bit more relaxed, I fully understood why. I mean, we were still in the camp; there was no way we would've wanted to get caught. It wasn't really on my mind when I suggested we should have sex, but now when he was on top of me, with his dick inside of me, it just couldn't escape my mind. What if someone had caught us? It's good that nobody did, or that nobody was even looking for us.

For a while, it even felt like he was being too rough, and I thought about telling him to be more gentle, but I just couldn't let myself utter a single word, not with my palm firmly keeping my mouth shut to the best of my abilities. I just kind of sucked it up and closed my eyes, focusing on what I was feeling down there. Every bit of the pain and discomfort I had experienced earlier had already disappeared, and all that was left was warmth and pleasure. I swear, every second of my brother's cock molding my pussy to its shape was pure bliss, and it felts so good I wish it could've kept going forever.

Then, it was over, faster than I anticipated. I guess he didn't want to take any risks or chances, as he pulled out at the last second and kept jerking off to shoot semen on my chest and belly. It was the first time I had seen that white stuff - obviously - but I knew it would happen. For some reason, I expected there to be less of it. Not to say there was too much of it either. Somehow it just felt like the right amount. I don't even know why.

I finally released my mouth from my own grasp and allowed myself to pant and breathe freely. I opened my eyes and smiled at him, feeling just so thankful for him… for being there for me, for sacrificing for me, for his love, for accepting my love for him, for making me the happiest girl in all of Alik'r that night… for everything, really. I told him all this, reiterating I was glad we actually did it, and said I wouldn't mind doing it again.

His response surprised me. "We will, but not for as long as we remain here", he said, quickly glancing over his shoulder before returning his attention back to me. "One way or another, I will get us out of here, okay? Both of us. We'll begin life anew somewhere far away, just the two of us, and that's a promise. So wait for me, okay?"

That wasn't the first time he had expressed his desire to leave the Blackhawks behind and escape their clutches with me, but since he seemed more serious about it than ever before, how could I not respond with approval? I guess that as our love grew deeper and more intimate, so grew his desire to see this lifelong dream of ours to fruition, and I was fully behind it. I gently smiled and nodded, saying I'd wait for it no matter how long it took, and promised to keep supporting him from the back.

After giving me one final kiss on my lips, he helped me clean and dress up, and urged me to roll over and sleep while he had work to do. It was getting late, and I was getting a little tired, so it was an easy request to follow. I must've fallen asleep after about five minutes of him leaving… but before he left, I made sure to remind him I love him. It's not usual for him to answer me verbally, but that day he said he loves me too.

Little did I know, I wouldn't have to wait for the next dramatic turn of events in our collective lives for long, as it was just around the corner, waiting for us in the Imperial province of Cyrodiil just two weeks later.

Third Part

We traversed a long journey to the east from Sentinel, traveling first through the scorching sand dunes of Alik'r. We then crossed the Dragontail Mountains to the arid and barren Craglorn all the way to the temperate forests I once grew up in near the tri-point border with Skyrim and Cyrodiil. After over a week of travel, we finally arrived in Cyrodiil, setting camp in the Colovian Highlands northwest of Chorrol, near the Black Rock Caverns. It had been a while since the band's last raid, and they had their eyes set on a backwater village called Hackdirt in the woods south of Chorrol on the western edge of the Great Forest. A lot of planning and preparation had gone into this on the chief's part, and Karim had a vital role to play in this raid, but little did Grobush know, Karim also had a plan of his own. He had done a lot to gain the chief's trust to get to this point, and now that he had all that trust put on his shoulders, he didn't hesitate to use it as an opportunity to get revenge against those disgusting thieves, rapists, and murderers.

My brother came to me after we had eaten our dinner on the eve of the battle, and he finally said what I had been waiting to hear for a long time: "Today is the last day we will be part of this gang of criminals". He finally revealed his plan to me, which involved leaking information about the upcoming raid to the city guards, which would help the guardsmen prepare and set up an ambush, undoubtedly dealing a decisive blow against the Blackhawk Bandits.

My role in all of this was the same as always: sit back, try to stay safe within the confines of the camp, and let my brother handle everything. He then promised me he would return to me safely, but also stressed that he must hurry. There was no room for error or mistakes on his part, and he felt like he was already wasting precious minutes, but at the same time, he couldn't just leave without notifying me first. I nodded and gave him a sweet kiss on his cheek as a good-luck charm, wishing him a safe journey, and gave him a promise too, saying I'd be waiting for him. After this, he left, and I decided to play my part by pretending to be asleep, returning to my tent.

And so, the clock kept ticking. Night fell as minutes turned into hours, and those hours felt so agonizingly long. Feeling excited and scared for both him and myself, I had no trouble staying awake, not that I was actually gonna fall asleep anyway, considering I had made a promise to myself not to fall asleep until I would see his face again.

The commotion outside the tent alerted me, and I sprung up. Soldiers and guardsmen from Chorrol had just ambushed the camp, and they were in the process of arresting the bandits that had been left behind to guard the site. One of them was killed almost instantly, dying while fighting for his freedom, while the others were apprehended and put into chains. I thought that Karim's plan had succeeded. Surely it must've! I was so excited! I thought he would be with the soldiers like a knight in shining armor!

However, he wasn't there.

Two of the soldiers pushed me to the ground before I could realize what was happening, and they quickly tied my hands behind my back without me being able to fight back. I panicked, asking what was going on, insisting on being just a prisoner, but they just told me to not resist. I then asked them about my brother, asking where he was.

"Hah, probably dead", one of them said as he tightened the rope around my wrists. "Your little raid was cut short thanks to a rat in your midst."

"He's my brother", I explained, thinking this could be just a misunderstanding. "My brother leaked the plan to you people!"

"Oh, that was really nice of him", the guardsman said, grabbing me and forcing me to my feet. "Well, you're in luck because he escaped. Would've killed him too if I had a chance."

My heart sank, and I felt the blood drain from my face, leaving me cold. I just stood there for a second, staring at him in disbelief. "B-but… he helped you", I finally said, my voice shivering from shock. "So why…?"

"Once a bandit, always a bandit", he then said while pushing me forward, instructing me to walk. "He might've sold his brothers out, which was good for us, but that just makes him a turncoat and even more of a scum. Bandits are only good for public executions."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I absolutely couldn't believe what was happening. I felt like bawling my eyes out, but I couldn't even cry, not when I was so god-damned scared for my own life. For the whole time of them escorting me towards the city with the rest of the captured bandits, I couldn't stop thinking about what this meant. Like, I had never even committed a crime in my life, and now, because of a misunderstanding, I was about to be thrown in jail, or worse? They wouldn't execute a child, I kept thinking, but considering everything happening, I wasn't so sure anymore.

More than anything, I felt scared for my brother. They said he had escaped, but I was afraid that something might've happened to him after all! There was no way for me to know, and the fact that he was nowhere to be seen had me shaking in my boots. Like, what about our promise!? What in Oblivion was keeping him!? Now if ever was the time for my brother to come to my rescue and prove himself to be the hero I always knew he could be! I kept praying for his sake, my own sake, to anyone willing to listen to my desperate plea! Divines, Daedra, I didn't even care!

Oh, but my prayers fell on deaf ears, because nobody came for my help. The Nine have long forsaken me, the Daedra were probably laughing at my suffering, and my brother was still nowhere to be found. He never came, and I never saw his face again.

As the soldiers dragged me into the dungeon underneath Castle Chorrol, I finally broke down and tried to reason with the guards, saying I wasn't a bandit, and neither was my brother. I tried to explain how we were prisoners and victims of those bandits, and said the guards couldn't seriously think we were actually criminals! All those words fell on deaf ears. They didn't listen. They just tossed me into a dirty, empty cell, leaving me with my bindings on, and turned their backs on me in the middle of me crying my heart out and begging please. Left all alone, I kept ugly-crying for what felt like an eternity, and for the long night ahead of me, I didn't sleep for a second.

I had lost everything, even my brother, and I didn't even know if I was going to live the next day or not. I felt so truly and utterly helpless that I couldn't take it. It honestly broke me.

And nobody even believed a word I was saying…

Fourth Part

Ever since that day, I've been a prisoner.

Knowing I was the little sister of the last run-away Blackhawk, they kept me in custody in Castle Chorrol for the better part of two weeks, trying to squeeze as much information from me as possible. At first, I complied and told them my story in full, but considering they didn't care about our past or even believe in my innocence, my honest attempt at cooperation felt futile and frustrated me. I was also open about my brother's plans, which were in line with what they knew, but I swore I didn't know anything else. Needless to say, they didn't believe me. They said I must've known something about my brother's whereabouts, and they weren't giving up on getting the so-called "truth" out of me.

They even used the lives of the other bandits as leverage to gain information about my brother, and instead of laying their hands on me and torturing me, they started killing off my supposed "comrades" in an attempt to make me buckle. Honestly, even though I was okay with them dying, there was just something unbelievably scummy about how they tried to make me feel terrible about their deaths and them saying it was my fault, but what could I do? I was being honest all the way through!

I had told them all these things multiple times already, and just as the prisoners were running thin, so was my patience. In fact, when they were interrogating me while talking about how the last remaining captive would have his head chopped off if I didn't speak, I screamed at the guards to just fucking kill that scum and make his death slow and painful. I was just so done and furious with them. They all just stared at each other, puzzled and lost.

It was the first time I had felt genuine rage in a long time, and realizing that even my anger was futile made me want to cry again… not that crying would've helped either. Still, the truth remained the same. It didn't matter how many questions they asked about my brother's whereabouts. I knew nothing, and neither did they. No news about my brother, no nothing.

If there was one good thing in all of this, it's that there were those amongst the guards who were beginning to believe parts of what I'd told them, those who weren't convinced I was really a bandit. One of the men questioning me turned towards the captain of the guard and talked softly of me. "There's just no way she could be a criminal. She has to be telling us the truth."

After hearing that claim, the captain admitted that it might be the case, but also called it strange. How could I have been a prisoner for some of the most brutal bandits to curse the modern-day Empire and show absolutely no signs of physical harm on my body? Trying to explain myself sadly didn't help. I mean, it does explain why I'm unharmed, but it also doesn't paint my brother in a very good light either, because I was essentially admitting that he committing crimes alongside the bandits in the interest of protecting me from harm. Sure, his and mine circumstances were abnormal, but I don't think these guys cared about nuance. To the Empire, the letter of the law is absolute, while the spirit of the law means very little.

In the end, they never really came to a conclusion, but they couldn't just let me walk off free and unsupervised either.

They were debating if I should be set free and put in an orphanage somewhere, if I should be kept in custody, or if I should be transferred to a correction facility in Imperial City. They settled rather quickly for a transfer, as they saw it as the best possible option for me in specific. I had no say in this, of course, so I resigned to my fate, hoping that the conditions in Imperial City would at least be better than in Chorrol's filthy prison.

Little did I know this correction facility was the worst option of all three.

I was taken away early in the morning, and the trip through the Great Forest to the Imperial City prison took the whole day. Apart from being offered water and a single apple, I got to eat nothing inside the prison carriage, so I was understandably starving on top of being tired, but since the guards promised I would be treated well and humanely in the so-called juvenile detention center, I didn't mind. I took their word for it, and I didn't complain.

They took me to the Warden's office, hands bound behind my back with iron on my wrists, and I was told to wait quietly as the men signed all the necessary paperwork regarding my transfer. They briefed me on my sentence and what they called a multi-year re-education program, but even though it all sounded so stoic and official, something about the whole situation stunk from the very beginning. That ugly Imperial man dressed in an exquisite burgundy satin suit stared me down the entire time, and he looked disturbingly happy.

As soon as the guards transporting me left, the Warden locked the door and approached me. I couldn't even look him in the eye as he laid his hand on my shoulder and put on a sickly sweet voice. "These guards said you haven't eaten anything", he said.

I nodded shyly, but before I could even ask if I could have anything, the man unbuckled his belt, and his pants fell to the ground with a thud. My eyes widened in shock as I saw his erection, and I gasped as the stench of his genitals hit my senses. I looked up in disbelief, and the happy expression he wore on his face couldn't even be called a smile anymore. It was a disgusting grin.

"Here's your meal, you black whore. Have at it."

I was frozen in fear, and I instinctively turned my head away, not wanting anything to do with that old man's cock, but the man grabbed a fistful of my hair. I almost screamed while he exhaled a sigh of pleasure, reveling in my pain. Tears were welling in my eyes as he pushed my head down, ordering me to kneel before my new owner.

Then, he forced himself in. It was just his tip, but his taste was all over my mouth, and it felt so impossibly big. He told me to suck and warned me to mind my teeth, and even though I took it as I was told, my tears started rolling out. Like, I couldn't believe it was happening! He was working for the Imperial Legion, for crying out loud! None of the other officers had ever even joked about abusing me physically or doing anything sexual to me - in fact, they often talked about how child abusers are the scum of the earth - yet there he was, violating my mouth. And with my hands bound, I was helpless to do anything.

He thrust his dick in and out, still holding me by my hair, and it was honestly painful. My jaws were starting to hurt from being forced open, and I was having difficulty breathing. He was going so deep I wanted to gag, but I was also afraid of biting him because who knows what he might've done.

I don't even know how long it took, but he eventually finished into my mouth. There was so much of it, but I drank it all. I had to… and I felt relieved. He had forced me to do something so disgusting, and even though the ending was the worst, even though it tasted so awful, at least it was over. He pulled my head away from his cock, and resting his shaft and balls on my face, he complimented me on being such a willing whore.

That was just the beginning.

He dragged me to a bedroom, and despite still having me in chains, he forcefully stripped me naked. He tore all my clothes to pieces, discarding them on the floor, and laughed as he said animals don't get to wear any. That's all I really was in his eyes; an animal and a slave. I wasn't even a human in his eyes.

For a moment, I dreamed of my brother saving me from what was about to happen, but as I laid bare and defenseless below that prison warden, stripped down to my birthday suit, I remembered what my brother had told me a month ago. There would indeed come a day when he wouldn't be able to shield me from harm, and even though that day had grown into weeks already… he wasn't going to swoop down and save me. Nobody was.

With his cock poking my vulva already, I accepted this reality, resigned to my fate, and steeled myself for penetration. As scared as I was, at least I could take solace in knowing I had been able to lose my virginity on my own terms, giving it to the man I love. Nobody could take that away from me. And no matter how painful it would be, I knew I could take it, just as I had told my brother I could. I was determined to stay strong and not cry no matter what the Warden would do to me, knowing he could never be able to break me.

So, he raped me. He fucked me, and it was every bit as agonizing and brutal as I feared it would be, and even though he made me scream, even though I couldn't hold back the tears, I was determined to stay strong. Through gritted teeth, I listened to him talk himself up as my master and talk me down as his servant. I listened as he laid down all my new house rules as his prisoner, and what would happen should I break any of them, and through crossed fingers, I accepted the terms verbally, calling him every name he wished me to. I even let him degrade me as a girl and dehumanize me for my race and skin without talking back. I did everything he wanted, as he wanted, all while clinging to my hope of one day, after all this trial and tribulation, finally being able to reunite with my brother.

By the time he was finished, after sullying my vagina with his filthy seed, I was more tired than I'd ever felt. Even though all I did was take his dick, it had been physically exhausting to the point of it being difficult to catch my breath. Drifting in and out of consciousness, I could barely even stay lucid. It was so brutal… but at least it was over. I could finally relax, at least for the time being.

Fifth Part

What the Warden did to me that day was merely a taste of what my new life was all about. Re-education was just a fancy word he used to sugar-coat his desire to turn me into a sex slave through training and discipline. What he said was the law, and as long as I did exactly what I was ordered to, I had an easy time, at least according to him. In the end, it didn't matter if I resisted or not. Sexual abuse was all the same regardless of what I did, and getting raped was inevitable either way.

Not a day passed without some pedophile violating me in various ways. We really were slaves, treated like toys without regard for our health or well-being, all of us. I wasn't the only captive child, as there were other young girls and boys being held there, possibly on trumped-up charges, just as I was. But as unfair as the situation was, I kind of learned to accept everything that was going on. How could I have even hoped to fight back? There was no possibility of escape.

Days turned into weeks, and weeks into months, and even though every day brought along new faces, new degrading plays, and new ways in which the Warden wanted to see me pushed further and further toward my breaking point, every day felt the same. I seriously lost count of how many times that man raped me, and how many other men had done the same. How many times have I been cummed inside? How many dicks have I been forced to suck? How many times I've been brought to an orgasm against my will? Oh, and you can bet my butt was used too, and I've even been forced to climax anally. I mean, I didn't even know it was possible… it used to be so painful, but they insisted on teaching me to orgasm that way. I feel like a dirty whore just thinking about it… yeah, they did train me to orgasm by stimulating my ass, successfully so…

I think there might be something wrong with me, considering how much pleasure my body was able to produce despite the circumstances…

And I really did everything as I was told. Gangbangs and sex with strangers, I never said no to anything. There were often restraints and torture involved, and I've been tied up in more ways than I can even think of off the top of my head… and I was a willing participant in all of it…

Some days, I could even put on an act and pretend like I was enjoying being a sex slave and having the time of my life…

That's not to say I liked it, though. In fact, I hated it. Blank and numb through most of my time there, it was easy to hide my genuine feelings on most days… but sometimes my emotions got the better of me. There were days when I felt like I was going crazy, feeling like I couldn't take it anymore, crying and screaming hysterically… but even though it always resulted in more pain and punishment, I just couldn't help myself sometimes.

Still, despite teetering on the edge of insanity, I'm proud to say that I never lost hope. The idea of my brother being out there somewhere looking for me, wanting to find me and eventually reunite with me, gave me strength. It didn't matter how much the Warden - or whoever - tortured me, or will torture me in the future; that bond will never ever break.

I don't write that only because I'm proud to be strong, but also because something incredible happened the other day. Out of nowhere, a dozen or so Empire's Legionnaires stormed the facility, led by Hieronymus Lex, the Watch Captain of the Imperial City himself. And then… it was over before I could even process what was going on. There were some harsh words exchanged, even some fighting, but surprisingly, no blood was spilled. All I knew was that by the time it was all over, all that was left were the Empire's soldiers, with the Warden and his lackeys gone.

We, as in me and all the other prisoners, were given care immediately. Lex himself approached me, wrapping my shivering body gently with a blanket and saying there's been a change in leadership. I could barely understand what was going on, but his kindness, his genuine worry over me, and the tears that had welled in his eyes when he saw the state I was in made me realize I was going to be safe going forward.

My thoughts immediately went to my brother, as I hoped he might've had something to do with this, but when I asked Lex about my brother, how we were saved, and how they knew what was going on, all he cited was a trusted and reliable source, and a written testimony from one of the victims. Who this someone was, I wasn't told, but it's clear to me my brother had nothing to do with this. Regardless, I thanked Lex, and for the first time in a long, long time, I could cry gently with relief.

The remainder of the day was peaceful for me - for all of us prisoners, for that matter - with the guards trying their damnest to figure out what they were dealing with, and who we all were. Many prisoners were indeed being held there unfairly with no charges on their record to warrant long-term imprisonment, and such children were taken away, but those like me, those with actual criminal charges on our records… we were left behind. Sure, we were promised we would be treated well and humanely like we were supposed to, but we were still prisoners. When Lex told me this, I just hung my head and smiled, saying that I understood perfectly. He said I might be pardoned, considering I've already suffered enough punishment, and there's still time for me to prove my innocence, but with everything going on around us, that day must wait. I just hope that day dawns sooner rather than later.

It's been a few days since then, and things have really improved. We eat well, we get to wear clean clothes and bathe, we don't have to wear shackles or collars, and we even go to classes for education, kind of like in a boarding school or something. We all also have to go to therapy regarding our experiences, and the treatment is being conducted by some kinds of priests, I think. They talked a lot about divines when they were brought down yesterday, but I don't particularly care about that. In fact, even though I'm feeling a lot better, I'm still sad and worried.

I mean, it's been over a year since I last saw my brother's face, and since then, I haven't heard a word about him. It's so painful not knowing what happened to him. When the priests interviewed me yesterday, I told them this and opened up about my worries, but they just told me that they don't know anything about him and that it's not even what's important right now. The only thing that seems to matter to them is my mental health, or as they seem to think, lack thereof.

I already said I've been mentally scarred, but I feel sane. I mean, sure, it was traumatic, but it's not like I'm like some husk, a broken fucking mess… at least, I think not? Maybe there's something wrong with my head. Like I said, I took pleasure in some of those sick acts, and because of it, I have to question at least parts of my own sanity… so perhaps I've been abused so much I can't even tell I've gone insane. I kept nodding when they suggested it could be the case and said I need treatment to recover from my trauma…

Still, I just really want to know where my brother is.

I'm not sure if I have anything else to add. This is my life now. It could be better! Who knows what my life would've been had it been for those damn bandits…

I still don't appreciate them treating me like I'm crazy or insane, but I know this is all just temporary. Besides, the worst is behind me. In time, I'll grow up, and they'll reintroduce me to society… and then, I'll start looking for my brother, maybe? I kind of want to join the Mages Guild to learn more about magic. I want to keep training my Conjuration skills because I know I'm gifted. In addition to resurrecting small beasts, I can only materialize a small, bound dagger. It's so sharp too. It's kind of scary what this school of magic is capable of producing. Makes me think, could I be able to handle summoning a living being? I'm afraid to try.

No idea when I'll be released though. If I'm pardoned, maybe in a year? Two or three? When I'm an adult, maybe never!? Maybe they'll send me to an asylum or something!? Or perhaps someone saves me, or maybe there's another hostile takeover, and I'll turn into a slave once again. Who knows…

I mostly just wrote this because I'm bored. You know, because the prison cell can be really dull at times… I got so used to being a slave day in, day out, that I don't even know what to do with all this free time… I think I will continue writing this if I'm allowed to do so…

Backstories

• Aliya's Backstory
• Kanna's Backstory
• Karim's Backstory

Onward

• 1st Journal - Agent (By Aliya)