The Magic of Ellie

Disclaimer: All characters depicted here are fictional and bear no resemblance or likeness to any real people.

Author's Note: This story is technically erotica, but I focus more on the story than sheer sex, and it's going to be a long one, so if that's not what you're looking for, you might want to pass on this one. Also, there are bound to be inaccuracies and errors regarding certain elements about which I know little, save for my research. Medical stuff, religious stuff, regional specifics, etc. If you know better, I hope you can still suspend your outrage and enjoy the story. Unfortunately, I can't spend all my time on something like this that doesn't even make me money, so I'm only able to do limited revision and editing. Everything should be at least spellchecked properly and grammatically sound enough to not be glaring, but things always slip through the cracks. I hope you enjoy, and please drop me a line if you'd like. Garax11@mail.com

And since there might be confusion about the technological problems presented in the story, it is set in 2002/03. Before cell phones were a common thing for kids to have.

Chapter 1

Ellie was always a unique and beautiful girl, a sunrise in permanent, majestic poise. She's been in my life since she was born, and it seems God played a trick that day to bind our fates forever. As a four-year-old kid, there was no way I could have known how important she would be in my life. Her brother and I were best friends, and I clearly recall the day at preschool when Brad proudly announced 'we' would be getting a little sister. He was thrilled over the idea, and right away declared that 'our' sister was going to be the best. That's how he always was; how his family was. They accepted me, included me, when no one else would.

My memories are sparse and hazy from that young age, mostly lonely and painful things I'm glad I can't quite recall. But the news of Ellie's impending birth stands out from the fog of my past in sharp relief, like a spotlight. I remember many things about the process of her arrival. I was allowed to be in the hospital with their family, keeping Brad company to help him deal with the stress of seeing his mother undergo labor. We played a lot, running up and down the corridors while Brad's father tried to both comfort his wife and keep us boys in line.

But the sharpest memory from that time was when I first saw Ellie's eyes. Everyone made a huge fuss over her opening them for the first time, and they crowded around Lori and the squishy, swaddled little bundle she held. I was curious, and managed to work my way between people and up to where I could see what was so special. Ellie's eyes were still half-lidded and unfocused, but my breath caught at the sight. She had the brightest, sharpest cobalt-blue eyes, almost glowing with inner light in the dim, twilit room. I was transfixed, and it felt like the sun was winking out each time she closed her new little eyelids.

Due to the four year age gap between us boys and Ellie, we were always frustratingly ahead of her. Not enough to exclude her, but just enough so she couldn't fully participate in our play, usually. She was smart and perceptive, and her precocious perspicacity charmed me to no end, even as kids. So I tried to include her, even when Brad got annoyed and insisted she butt out. His short fuse where she was concerned puzzled me for a while, but eventually I realized that living with her full-time must be what allowed him to be so callous. But to me, she was always a beam of sunshine, and her presence calmed me. Not to mention how her daredevil nature was a blast.

Some of her favorite games was when someone would spin her around while holding her hands, causing her small body to fly out horizontally as she spun and squealed with glee, or when we'd put her on our shoulders and run. Such games weren't complete unless we let go of her while spinning and tossed her, tumbling, to the ground, or when riding on our shoulders, we'd take a deliberate fall and spill her like an ice cube from a toppled cup.

As the years went on, Brad and I became fiercely protective of her, and she was a princess to our knightly guard of her joy and purity. Where the rest of the world was concerned. Among ourselves, she was fair game for no end of fond teasing and ribbing. This, coupled with her ferocious intellect, made her quickly grow a very tough skin, and learn how to fire back taunts and jibes at least on par with us. She grew a potentially dangerous sarcastic streak, which tormented her parents.

But the dynamic took a turn once she entered adolescence. At least, that's what I attributed her change to at the time. I was a freshman in high-school, and her stark shift stood out in my memory, because right around that time, the landmark event of getting my first real girlfriend was fresh in my mind. Almost overnight, Ellie entered a bratty, distant preteen stage, and she hit it hard.

Before the rest of us knew what had happened, she went from a laughing, carefree girl frolicking in the yard and climbing trees, to a moody, withdrawn, sullen thing of locked doors and spiteful looks. It pained me to see the change, but when I tried to reach out to her, she acted as if I had personally offended her somehow, and bit my head off at the least provocation. Figuring she was just in a phase, I quickly learned to leave her alone.

Her next 'transformation' was when she began to fret about her image. Suddenly, she was quite concerned with her clothes, her hairstyle, makeup, and trying to look cool. Or at least, avoid doing anything that might be embarrassing, on the off chance that someone she knew might spot her. So no more silly, childish things like playing in the yard. Or being caught dead with her brother or me. She all but disappeared from the activity in the house, holing up in her room for privacy.

Now, I wasn't always party to this, and caught a lot of it via second-hand complaining from Brad. After all, I didn't live with them, although I used to visit their house a great deal of the time. As often as possible really, since there was nothing for me at home. I never knew my dad, and my mom stayed busy with work, or dates, or friends. She had always done the bare minimum to keep me alive and clothed, but from the age of seven or so, I was cooking for myself, cleaning my room, and seeing to everything from homework to laundry while she was either gone or sequestered in her own bedroom, on the phone or with a guy.

I hated being home, and took any chance I could to get out of there. James and Lori had always been like the parents I never had and, although I was too young to put it together at the time, they understood my situation, and tried to include me in their family as much as possible. Since Brad and I had known each other since before either of us could remember, he grew up taking for granted that I was pretty much a brother, who just happened to live elsewhere.

Once I started dating Amy though, my time at their house dropped off considerably, so my experience of Ellie's change came in sharp, punctuated encounters with her evolving (or degrading) character, whenever I was over. It hurt more than I could have guessed it would. Rationally, I knew she was undergoing a relatively slow and gradual progression into that stressful time of her life, but as a boy, I had no context for the female instability during those years. My adolescence certainly hadn't been so tumultuous. But what hit me hardest was realizing that my old, childhood relationship with Ellie was no more.

I came around one day and instead of running up to give me a big hug like she always used to, she walked past me with barely a word and a glance. She went to her room and slammed the door. The phrase 'cold shoulder' crystallized in my mind in that moment, as I indeed felt suddenly cold.

I looked at Brad in confusion, “She mad about something?”

“Who knows?” He replied with a sigh, “Been like that all week.”

I stared down the hall to her door, contemplating walking in with a big grin and dragging her out like I would have done in the past, teasing her until she laughed and showed me her radiant smile and the sparkling light in her blue eyes. But even in that brief moment I'd seen her, Ellie had a different look about her that gave me pause. I sensed the fragile maturity radiating off of her, a self-image new and tenuous and so easily bruised. I could really scar her now, if I embarrassed her too much. Plus, it hit home that she was at an age where I couldn't just barge in her room anymore.

As I absently watched her door, loud music suddenly erupted from within her room. Right away, I recognized Alice in Chains, and couldn't help a grin, and a swell of pride. Oddly, the thought of her listening to that made me feel better. Maybe she was in an odd phase, but I guessed she was still the same girl I'd always known, deep down.

Brad and I had discovered that band a few years ago, and had spent many hours huddled around his CD player, jamming out to the music. Ellie floated by at some point, and joined us. I'd felt certain she wouldn't appreciate such angst-filled, male-oriented music, but she actually liked it a lot. In no time, she was absently humming the melodies of the songs while she played, and asking over and over if we could listen to the album. Last year, I gave her a few of their CDs for her birthday. You would have thought I'd given her a stack of gold.

“She'll be fine.” I said to Brad with a bemused smile.

That evening, I was set to have my first solo date with Amy. We had already been out together several times, but always with some kind of adult accompaniment, which annoyed us both to no end. We wanted privacy, but I was still a year away from getting my driver's license. And it was extremely frustrating to be dependent on someone with a car to get us around. But this time, Amy and I had set up a plan to meet up and take a bus to the mall this evening. Not the most romantic thing but, especially at that age, I wasn't very good at that sort of thing anyway.

I was still quite nervous though, and used Brad as a sounding board all day to try and strategize my way around showing Amy a good time. I was hopeful that we might progress farther in our relationship if we could be alone and I could muster whatever it takes to be desirable. Amy liked me, obviously, but I hadn't exactly swept her off her feet yet. She and I had been close friends since middle school, and this relationship of ours was a tentative progression to see if we could work out as a couple, instead of just friends. But I was beginning to think I might be in love with her.

I wished I could solicit Ellie's advice in dealing with a girl. But the one time I'd brought it up, a few weeks ago, she looked like she might strangle me for bothering her with my tripe. So I ploughed on ahead, doing the best I could. That date went well, and many more after. I became besotted with Amy, and Ellie stayed distant.

A year passed. Ellie was a textbook hormonal preteen, for all intents and purposes. I barely saw her any more, as she built a friend group, developed interests, and cultivated her identity, which decidedly did not include Brad or me.

I fumbled my way through my relationship with Amy, growing ever more attached and dependent, just like a dumb teenage boy. I missed all the signs that my behavior was damaging things with her. Brad tried to cool me off here and there, but I didn't listen to him at all. No, we were madly in love, would get married right out of high-school, have a family, and be happy forever. Ours was a fairy tale love story; long-time friends realize they're perfect for one another, and live happily ever after. She dumped me around the year mark.

Saying those were bad times would be a drastic understatement. Poor Brad had to deal with my depression, although I did my best to hide it and put on a brave face. Inside though, I was shattered. Following the breakup, I didn't see much of anything outside of my dark bedroom for about a week. He tried to call me every day, but I mostly ignored the phone. I spoke to him once at the beginning, and quelled any concern that I might do something stupid.

The following weekend, Lori called repeatedly until I answered, then insisted I come over for a proper birthday meal. I'd just turned sixteen, but really couldn't care less about it. I didn't want to go eat dinner over there, mainly because I knew it was at least half a pretense to pity my pathetic situation. But my desire to not give offense to Lori won out in the end, and I left with a rain cloud over my head to walk the couple of blocks to Brad's house.

It wasn't as bad as I'd feared. To my relief, everybody acted mostly normal. Not a word of pity for my breakup, or an awkward dance on eggshells to be found. The only one acting differently was Ellie, who actually hung out with Brad and me instead of being in her room.

That was a shock, but a welcome development, all things considered. I'd missed her, and having her around now was like a warm glance back into the good old days. Plus it touched me to think that this might be her little way of giving me support.

She had changed considerably over the past months. Now on her twelfth trip around the Sun, she was starting to look like a proper teenager. Her golden-blonde hair, usually a mess of frizz and tucked into a utilitarian ponytail, was fashionably cut into long waves that fell past her shoulders, and was lustrous from care. She was taller, the once gangly stack of elbows and knees filled into supple, yet subtle curves and lines. But her sense of humor proved intact, once the ice of not being around each other much lately began to thaw. And the effect her buoyant presence had on me was strikingly familiar.

It felt like old times as the three of us sat on the living room floor, controllers in hand, playing Mario Kart. We jibed and laughed and taunted, and it felt good. The broken pieces inside me seemed to be slowly warming up, ready to melt down soon and reforge. I even got a bit of my appetite back, especially once I smelled Lori's cooking wafting from the kitchen.

The woman was a world-class cook, at least in the opinion of those who'd partaken of her food, and I had been loathe to see my share go to waste due to a lack of appetite. I knew she would be throwing down some of my favorite things for my birthday, and it was a relief to notice that I was actually a little hungry.

Ravenous actually, and I managed three heaping plates, much to Lori's delight. It seemed to be just what the doctor ordered, and with every bite I felt life coming back to me more and more. Added to that, the wholesome family environment at the dinner table made me feel almost aglow from the warmth and love.

It was always like that with Brad's family. They were a textbook American household, as real as apple pie and church services. Their home was welcoming, cozy, and the only place I truly felt at ease. The very air seemed to be richer in here, and soothing. Like a warm inn on a cold winter night, I used to think. As a child, Lori always had food on offer, and a generous jar of candy on the television stand. James was tall and strong, deep of voice and free with his encouraging smiles. I looked up to him like the perfect model of what a 'dad' should be.

I always felt grateful to have been so welcomed by them for so long, but on that day it brought a lump to my throat from the sheer power of their acceptance. If not for them, there's no telling where I may have ended up.

After all, they were more a family to me than any blood relation of mine had ever been. I spent holidays with them, and they took me along on vacations. James was who taught me to fish and drive and shake a man's hand. Lori was always brimming with love and nurturing kindness. When I was little, I used to pray to have them be my real parents and to somehow magically wake up in their household. But as I got older and that childish dream faded, I found myself just appreciating everything they'd done for me over the years.

Before I knew what was happening, I felt tears running down my cheeks, even as I held my fork aloft in front of me. No one said a word as I excused myself with a murmur, and quickly left the table. I went out the front door, and stood propped on the deck banister as I tried to breathe and reign in my chaotic emotions.

A few moments later, the door opened behind me. James came and stood next to me, not saying anything at first.

“Jake, you alright, son?"

Hearing the fatherly concern and resonance in his voice made me finally crack. I broke down into tears harder than I had yet since the day of the breakup, although that wasn't the main cause. Yes, my emotions were on an electrified filament of instability, but hearing James call me 'son', even though I knew he didn't mean it literally, was the tipping point after all I'd just been thinking about.

He didn't say anything more as I wept, but braced an arm across my back and gripped my shoulder with a firm hand. Eventually the tears tapered off, leaving me feeling somehow cleansed. I pawed at my stinging eyes and sniffled my nose.

“Sorry.” I said, once I could speak.

“It's okay,” James said, squeezing my shoulder, “It's good to get it out sometimes.”

I remained quiet, breathing deeply to regain control of myself, unsure of what to say.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked.

I shook my head and said, “It's not even about Amy, really. I just felt overwhelmed in there. You guys doing this for me; the things you've always done for me... It means a lot, and I guess it kind of sneaked up on me.”

“Jake, you know you're always welcome here. You're a fine young man, and we're proud to know you. The things we do are out of love, not some charity. Just like with Brad and Ellie.”

“I just don't know how to show my gratitude for all of that.” I said, feeling a fresh lump threatening.

“You don't have to,” He said, turning to look me in the eye, “Gratitude is a good thing to have, but you need to understand your position. You give us just as much as we give you, so it's a fair deal, so to speak. Lori and I love having you around. You've been a wonderful friend to Brad. Ellie too. You're smart, clever, talented, and we consider it a blessing to know you. We're grateful for that.”

I wiped away the fresh wetness forming in my eyes, and nodded. Part of me felt like an ass for creating such an uncomfortable situation, but another part felt like it was a desert wasteland that had just received a nourishing rain. James clapped a hand on my shoulder with a smile, then made to go back in.

“Come back in whenever you're ready. Lori made that cobbler you like.”

I took a few more minutes to compose myself and made sure I wouldn't have another embarrassing scene on my hands, then went inside. Everyone was talking quietly at the table, and as soon as Lori saw me, she popped up and gave me a tight hug.

“We're about to have the blackberry cobbler. Do you want ice cream with it?”

I could have kissed her for breezing past my incident. She always did have uncommon social grace.

“Yes, please.” I said, taking my seat again.

Brad gave me a tentative smile before digging into his dessert. Ellie though, couldn't be so casual. The poor girl looked like she was the heartbroken one. I couldn't tell what she was thinking exactly, but the look she gave me as I sat down was terribly sincere. Her large, expressive blue eyes, deep as cobalt in the artificial light, seemed to burn into me, so earnest and searching. My heart went out to her, and I gave her a weary smile to try and reassure her.

I knew that everyone cared about me, and didn't like seeing me upset, but I didn't expect such depth of emotion from Ellie, especially given her phase of self-conscious detachment. Come to think of it though, none of that had been on display today. It was like she'd turned it off, somehow. I felt arrogant for thinking such, but I couldn't help wondering if it was for my sake.

I grew more aware of her as I enjoyed the cobbler. She kept glancing at me, and I met her eyes several times. She looked pensive and hesitant. And there was a new, strange dynamic between us now, all of a sudden. It wasn't the distant, sullen face she'd shown me this past year, where no one was allowed in. But neither was it the old one, free and fun. Back then, had our eyes met at dinner, I could make a quip about having something on my face, everyone would laugh, and she'd throw back a witty salvo of her own. But that didn't seem appropriate now. Maybe it was her earnestness a moment ago, but I found myself not wanting to put her on the spot. Which was strange, since I didn't have that problem with Brad.

He and I exchanged a few rounds of banter as we ate the dessert, and it felt as natural as ever. Eventually, he noticed Ellie's mood too, and I saw him stare at her a few times. He had his mouth open to confront her about it at one point, but I interrupted him before he could. I got the impression that if he pushed her, she might flee to her room or something from embarrassment, and I decided I didn't want her to go away.

After we all finished eating, we lavished appropriate praise on Lori's cooking, and she was politely demure. Ellie had dishes duty, and I went to help her out. Lori tried to deter me from the work on account of my birthday and all, but I insisted. It made me feel better to do something to show my appreciation, but more, I wanted to thank Ellie. Sure, she hadn't actually said or done anything for me directly, but I couldn't help but sense that she felt for me. It was sweet, and I wanted to try to show her some kindness in return, without saying or doing anything that might embarrass her.

So she washed, and I rinsed. We were quiet for a while, the sense of awkwardness hanging over us like a sheet. I searched for a way to break the ice that had formed between us since my episode, but nothing was forthcoming. And it had been going so well before dinner. She was actually smiling and laughing then, seemingly back to her old self after all this time. Had I scared her with my emotional scene? Was she embarrassed that I saw her looking so earnest when I returned? I knew that girls her age could have a complex about anyone seeing them have genuine emotions, as if it were utter humiliation to be caught feeling anything. But even with her recent behavior, I just couldn't see that with Ellie.

Either way, try as I might, I could think of nothing to say to her. In the end, more out of a sense of childish exasperation than anything, I decided to just splash her with a bit of water. I put a spoon under the faucet at the perfect angle to spray a fan of water over her arms and chest.

“Hey!” She cried, recoiling from the cold spray.

“Oops,” I said, “My hand slipped.”

“Yeah, right.” She growled, cutting narrowed eyes up at me.

A few moments later, she was using the hose sprayer to blast crud off a dish, and 'accidentally' turned it to give me a quick shot in the face. It was a shock, but still made me feel a pleasant thrill that she'd reciprocated. I could work with this, I realized. Maybe I was no good at talking, but this was play, and I had played with her all her life. I knew just what to do.

I blew the water from my mouth and said in a threatening tone, “You trying to start a war?”

“Just returning fire.” She said casually, continuing with her work as if nothing had happened.

“You know, I could smash you. But I won't do it in the kitchen.” I said.

“Lucky for you then,” She returned, “What if we weren't in the kitchen? What would you do?”

Good, she was engaging. That's a start. I decided to suggest something silly and childish, and see what kind of reaction it got.

“Well, there's only one way to fight a proper aquatic battle,” I said sagely, “And that's with water balloons.”

She turned and stared at me, chin raised in defiance, and said, “Challenge accepted.”

I couldn't help but smile. This felt right, finally. We agreed to have an official battle whenever the weather warmed up enough. And to my great relief and joy, the remainder of dish washing went by with conversation and joking like nothing had happened. Until the very end.

I was drying off the last dish, Ellie standing next to me. She turned and looked over her shoulder for a moment, then sidled up next to me, arm-to-arm, and rested her head on my shoulder. A warm current coursed through me with the gesture, making my chest feel tight. I wanted to hug her. I wanted one of her gleeful hugs that she used to give me every time I came over. I debated taking her into my arms. I knew that would have been fine, in the past. She'd giggle and smile and my heart would light up from her joy. But she wasn't a little girl any more. And I wasn't a kid either. Maybe a mere hug would be okay, but with her emotions and attitude on such an unstable footing, who knows how she'd respond?

“Thanks for the help.” Ellie said quietly, before turning away and heading for the doorway.

*

Brad insisted I stay the night, and I didn't have any objections. Today had turned out to be a good day, and I wanted to stay in the warmth and familiarity of that atmosphere a while longer. Plus, I was kicking ass in Mario Kart, and really wanted to keep my streak alive.

So after I called to leave a message at home, we three settled into a night of fun just like we used to have. It was beyond therapeutic to laugh and play and tease, with everyone giving and taking in stride. We even ended up sleeping in the living room together, on a pallet of blankets.

Sure, it was childish, but it seemed like the whole day had been one for childish behavior. Why not bring out the inner kid once in a while? We even lay awake talking and laughing long after the lights were off. I felt giddy, and actually happy. The pain over my breakup still stabbed at me cruelly when I chanced to let my thoughts stray too far, but this place, with my friends, was a refuge for me. And I was terribly grateful for them.

When things finally settled down, and sleep began to demand access, the talk tapered off gradually until we were silent. I lay on my back, one arm under my head, staring into the black room above and feeling cozy. Something about the situation, and how it brought me back to my childhood, was so warm and reassuring. Here in the dark, with all this love and security around me, I felt invincible. It was like the problems and stress of the outside world just didn't apply here. I realized I was smiling.

Ellie was next to me, between Brad and me, and she rolled over at one point, flipping a lock of hair over my face. It tickled my nose, but as I got a whiff of the scent, I absently breathed in a deep breath of it. Pleasant notes of fruit and floral suggestions painted a lovely picture in the dark, even as I gently brushed the hair off of my face. I sighed the breath out, and Ellie turned back around to face me.

“Sorry.” She whispered, and I heard rustling as she reigned in her mane.

“It's okay,” I said, half dozing, “It smells really nice.”

“You like it?” She asked quietly after a pause.

“Yeah.”

A few moments later, just as sleep was about to take me, I felt movement and a light pressure on my shoulder. Then that fragrant scent was there again, and I realized Ellie was snuggled up on my arm, her head resting on my shoulder. Dozing as I was, I was softly swallowed into a calm, sweetly tender current of warm, tingling peace and contentment as I realized what she was doing. My smile returned, and my breathing deepened into a slow, peaceful rhythm. I fell asleep with her soothing scent in my head, and slept better than I had in a long time.

• Part 2

The weeks went by, and the hole in me where Amy used to be seemed to be closing cleanly, if slowly. Brad said I still moped, but I felt pretty good, despite that. It was rough seeing her at school, but I prided myself in not saying anything to her. We caught sight of each other a few times in the halls and such, and she'd always look away in embarrassment. I could tell she didn't want to make it any harder on me, for which I was grateful, in a way.

As time went on, I came to realize that I hadn't been in love with her the way I'd thought. Infatuation, maybe, or fixation. But not love. The truly hard part was trying to break the habit I'd been in of always being around her and talking to her for years. It was like a part of my daily routine was gone, but my body and mind was still expecting it.

I considered trying to be friends with her again, but quickly discarded the idea. The main reason was that Amy had snagged a new guy mere days after our breakup. I wasn't so stupid as to miss the implication of that quick grab. But I honestly didn't hold any grudge or jealousy, which I found a pleasant surprise. In fact, as distance from the wound grew, I really began to like myself more than I think I ever did.

I'd joined the track team at the start of my freshman year, and had been pretty lukewarm about it. But I began to really apply myself, and discovered that I was good at it. I poured effort into my diet and training, and started putting lean muscle onto my thin frame. Halfway through sophomore year, I was looking pretty good, if I could be pardoned a bit of pride.

Getting a car was a huge event. After saving for two years at my meager job at a gas station, I finally had enough to get an older one. It was nothing great, but Brad helped me make sure it was reliable and a fair price, and I drove it away like it was an Italian super-car.

Indeed, Brad was the car guy, big time. He seemed to inherit the love of cars from his dad, who was the proud owner of an old Mustang which he kept in a dedicated garage on their property. I didn't know enough to get the big deal, but Brad assured me that it was a gem of a classic car; fully restored and mint. James didn't drive it very much, but still kept it so clean you could eat off of the tailpipe. Brad coveted the thing with passion, but his dad made him settle for a newer Mustang for his own, when Brad got his license. I had to admit, the old classic did look cooler, but I couldn't really see the big deal. Brad's was fast as hell, and reliable to boot.

But once I got my little Honda, I would have kept it over either of the Mustangs. Something about the pride of having my own car, bought with my own work, and the freedom it gave me made me extremely attached to the little thing. It opened up a whole new world for me, and I spent a lot of time just cruising around town.

That was life for a while, and I realized I was pretty happy. I didn't spend a whole lot of time at Brad's, mostly because I was spending my free time out of school with work, track, and just driving around at sunset. I was happy to note that Ellie seemed to be over her angsty phase, at least for a while. She was present again, and pleasant to be around. Every time I came over, she'd hang out with us. That sometimes annoyed Brad, especially when he wanted to talk about something he didn't want her privy to, but I didn't mind. After all, I was visiting her too, when over there.

Brad and I planned an occasion about a month before school let out for summer break. I was going to stay the weekend at his house, and we planned to go to the river Saturday. It was about an hour's drive, but we liked to go occasionally to fish and hang out on the banks. Now that we were driving, and could go on our own, we were quite excited.

I arrived at Brad's Friday evening, and was pleased to learn I was in time to eat. Ellie had a friend over for a dinner, so Lori was already making extra food. After greeting everyone, we set on the delicious meal. Ellie and her friend, Rose, giggled next to one another, while James and Lori plied me with questions about what I'd been up to lately.

“How you liking the Civic?” James asked.

“I love it,” I excitedly said between mouthfuls, “Drive it all I can.”

“Finally get used to driving stick?” Brad asked.

“Yeah, it's no problem now. Makes it more fun, really.” I said.

“Good man,” James declared before raising a finger sagely, “A manual transmission gives a driver a pure communication with the car. You just can't get that with an automatic.”

I grinned and nodded, pleased that I could understand where he was coming from now. I'd always been lost when Brad and his dad got into car talk. I still was most of the time, but not quite so much anymore.

After dinner, Brad and I settled on the couch to watch a movie, along with Ellie and Rose. Their couch was a large, two-piece sectional in a ninety degree 'V' shape, which offered plenty of room. That was good, since Brad's 'spot' was on the right end, where he'd usually lay down, stretch out and take up most of that wing. So I sat near the middle, and gave the girls the left half.

The movie got going, and I relaxed into watching it, the sound of the girls tittering to one side of me. Their voices didn't bother me, I realized. After the silence descended in the room, all save for their girlish chatter, I braced myself to become annoyed at the distraction. But it didn't come. In fact, something about it was kind of pleasant somehow, like the twittering of birds, or high bells. Almost soothing. Indeed, somewhere along the way, I found myself listening to them, instead of the movie.

“I know, I can't believe she's dating him.” Rose said, appalled.

“Figures,” Ellie remarked, “They've been obvious all year.”

“Yeah, but it's just weird. He's an eighth-grader.”

“So?”

“That's weird.”

“Whatever.”

“Hey, you know Brandon, right? Guess what?”

“What?”

“I heard he likes you.”

Ellie scoffed, “Where did you hear that?”

“From Shane. Brandon told him.”

Ellie was silent.

“Well?”

“What?”

“What do you think? I mean, he's really cute!”

Ellie grunted and said, “I guess.”

“You have got to be kidding me! You don't think he is?”

“Maybe a little. He's just...not my type.”

Rose grunted with exasperation and asked, “Then who is?”

I suddenly felt guilty for eavesdropping on a pair of gossiping girls, so I stood up to go refill my glass of tea. As I walked past Ellie, I happened to look down to see her foot shoot out in front of me. The trip nearly worked, and I had to throw my arms out and my ass back to counter my momentum. An ice cube clattered up and out of my glass as it flew forward with my arms.

I slowly turned to look at her, and found her staring at me, eyes big and innocent, save for the hint of mischievous grin on her mouth. Rose looked back and forth between us a few times, trying to figure out what happened.

“Don't think I won't embarrass you in front of your friend.” I growled, fixing Ellie with a glare.

Her grin bloomed into a devious smile, and she said, “I have no idea what you're talking about. You're just clumsy.”

Her big blue eyes were nearly glowing in that strange way of theirs. Despite feeling my breath hitch at the sight, I nonchalantly shook my head and walked on by.

As I made for the kitchen, I heard Rose say to Ellie, “No. Oh my God, you little-”

The kitchen wall blocked out the rest.

*

Apparently, my near stumble had made me the object of some interest from the girls. I made it a point to focus on the movie once I got back, since I felt bad about listening in on them, but their bouts of giggling occasionally made me reflexively glance their direction. Each time I did, they'd see me look, and fold into another laughing fit.

I figured Ellie was having a good time at my expense. She probably didn't tell Rose she'd tried to trip me, and instead was going on about how much of a goof I was. To be fair, up until recently, I pretty much was a clumsy oaf. My height seemed to outpace my brain's understanding, and would often leave me displaying an impressive lack of coordination and grace. Fortunately, since I'd been running and doing athletic training, this had gotten considerably better.

I still wasn't near Brad's level of athleticism, though. Being a tight end on the football team, he was not only solid as an oak tree, but unbelievably nimble, too. I would say that it wasn't a competition between us, but the fact is that everything was a competition. And physically, about all I had on him was height and endurance. The former was a genetic accident, and the latter was a slim margin. But I planned to keep training, and try to close those gaps.

Before long, Rose's mother arrived to pick her up. Lori went out to chitchat for a minute, while Ellie saw Rose out. The girls headed out the door with a final glance at me and an accompanying burst of giggles that faded as they closed the door behind them. The house suddenly became rather quiet.

“Oh, I forgot to tell you,” Brad said sullenly, cutting through my contemplation, “Ellie put in to come tomorrow. I told her she couldn't, but I guess she said something to dad. He said we have to bring her.”

“That's okay.” I said, feeling oddly pleased at the news.

“You don't mind?” Brad asked.

“No,” I said, “We haven't done anything like this with her in a while. Why, do you?”

“Well, no,” He said awkwardly, “It's just...I don't know. We've got to look out for her and all. It's a responsibility.”

I laughed and said, “Come on. You know she can keep up with us just fine. Besides, we're not going to be doing anything crazy.”

“Yeah, I know,” He conceded, “I guess it's okay, as long as you don't mind.”

“Not at all,” I said with a grin, “I owe her for a near miss a minute ago, anyway. I hope she wears a bathing suit, because I'll be throwing her in the river.”

Brad laughed and asked, “Yeah, what the hell happened? She trip you?”

“Almost. I think she was showing off in front of Rose. It might have worked a while back, but I've got better balance now.”

“You should have body slammed her over the couch,” Brad said, “Then we'd see who's embarrassed.”

“Nah, I wouldn't humiliate her. But I'll get her back in my own way.” I said, reclining back into the couch.

About that time, Ellie reappeared and bounced over to the sofa with a shit-eating grin. She plopped down next to me and propped her little feet up on the coffee table. I turned my head to look at her, sitting barely a foot away from me. She flashed a broad, innocent smile, then slid down into a horrible posture, knees bent and neck kinked. Brad popped his head up and looked between the two of us for a moment.

“What?” Ellie demanded of him, as she noticed his scrutiny.

Brad was silent for a moment, staring at Ellie with a taunting sneer on his face before casually saying, “Jake said you'd better wear a bathing suit tomorrow.”

Ellie's head spun to look at me like it was spring-loaded. Her wide-eyed, indignant glare almost made me explode with laughter. I managed to choke down my chuckle, and let myself enjoy her discomfort for a bit.

Finally, I said, “Payback.”

Her shock melted into a sort of devilish satisfaction, and the way her face transformed was intriguing. Her wide-eyed stare narrowed into a piercing, provocative look, a brow raised as if to challenge my position. Her deep and vibrant eyes bored into me with intense retaliation to my gloating a moment earlier. With her look alone, she seemed to ask, 'Think you have the upper hand, huh?'

She absently gnawed on her lower lip, revealing a flash of pearlescent white teeth that raked slowly along the full, glistening flesh before the lip popped back into place. She looked downright evil, if in an uncharacteristically alluring way. If I didn't know better, I might have been concerned about what she was planning.

But in mere moments the look vanished, shattering like a mirage in my mind as her face resumed its usual, pretty normalcy, and she smiled cutely. She sat back up straight, nudged me with an elbow, and said, “Give it your best shot.”

*

By the time we left Saturday morning, I'd all but forgotten about her tripping me, and my promise for retribution. Instead, my mind was focused on packing three fishing rods into my little car. We had decided to take mine because it actually had more room inside than Brad's Mustang, despite his car being bigger. Most of his car's size was to accommodate the big engine, after all. And that was another factor in the decision: Mine got better fuel economy, by far.

In the end, we jammed the rods in the trunk, with the tips sticking out of the gap where it closed. A rope tied the hatch down, so it wasn't flying around. We could have dismantled the rods and re-strung them when we arrived, but neither of us wanted to deal with the hassle. Besides, I didn't mind if the improvised fit looked silly. As much as I loved my car, I wasn't one to care overmuch about the superficial image of it, as long as it was clean.

Ellie hadn't come out of her room yet, and it was nearing time to leave. Brad hoped she'd decided to sleep in and give up on going with us. I found myself anxious that she might have decided to do just that. Why did I care whether she tagged along? I was starting to get annoyed with myself over my concern. But just as we were finishing packing the car, Ellie bounded out of the house, looking cheerful and energetic. I felt a pleasant warmth as she ran up to me, smiling big.

“Can I help with anything?” She asked eagerly, looking up at me with sparkling eyes.

“You could have, a few minutes ago,” I said, shaking my head, “Looks like you timed it just right.”

“Sorry.” She said with a grin, looking anything but.

“You ready to go?” I asked.

“Yep!” She said, brandishing a small bag of her effects.

“Well, let's get on the road then,” I said, making for the driver's door, “Fishing's better before it gets too hot.”

Being a coupe, my car only had two doors. So I slid my seat forward so Ellie could climb into the small back seat. She situated herself, and I replaced my seat before getting in and cranking the engine. Brad followed a second later, the weight of his big, muscular frame dipping the passenger side of the car considerably as he sat.

“Are we going to get breakfast?” Ellie piped up from behind me.

“If you want to eat, then stay here and eat.” Brad barked at her.

I gave him a flat look then said to Ellie, “Yes, we're getting breakfast.”

Brad sighed and shook his head.

“You mean to tell me you don't want to eat?” I asked him.

He huffed and said, “What I want, is to get my line in the water before the sun sets.”

I chuckled, put the car in gear, and pulled out of the driveway, “The sun's not even up yet. We're on schedule. We'll hit a drive-thru. Won't take but a second.”

“Thank you.” Ellie said pointedly.

We stopped for food before we left town, and once Brad got his stomach full, his mood improved markedly. In no time, we were all laughing and talking and listening to music. Driving down the highway, watching the sun begin to light the horizon, talking with my two favorite people, in my precious car, made me feel incredibly alive and fulfilled in the moment. I smiled inwardly as I mused that this was one of those picturesque moments that one should cherish. I made a mental note to do just that.

Our treasured fishing hole on the river was a gem of a spot, unknown by most. Already nestled in a small town, an old, unremarkable dirt road wound into the woods for a few miles, until depositing us in a small, grassy clearing from which we could walk several yards more down to the river bank. We arrived and unloaded our things just as the dawn was becoming bright enough to see clearly.

It was more overgrown than we'd last seen it when we parked, and I worried about Ellie being able to trudge through the brambles and undergrowth on the way to the river bank. But she was a trooper as always, and after spraying a layer of bug repellent on her legs, set off behind Brad and me without a word of complaint.

The river was at a perfect level, flowing dark and serene, with a layer of mist rising from the water. The span of bank where we always set up was an area of relatively flat, moist sand, about thirty feet wide, jutting out from the steeper grade of the banks on either side. To the right was an old fallen tree, which extended out and into the water like a skeletal arm. Usually, Brad and I would sit on the trunk, dangle our legs, and fish.

He was eager to get started, and unceremoniously dropped his backpack and tackle box to the ground, before heading to the water's edge and casting his line. I took my time to look around and appreciate the lovely morning scenery a bit. Our area was like an oasis in the midst of a desert, only in the inverse. To either side of us, and all along the opposite bank, as far as one could see, woods encroached all the way down to the water, leaving our little pocket of white sand standing out invitingly. The quiet and solitude was wonderful.

Ellie sort of joined me as I meandered around, she inspecting various rocks and plants, and looking up into the trees when a squirrel barked at us for our interruption. She was practically aglow with enthusiasm and wonder. I smiled as I watched her, even as it struck me just how different she was from the last time we were here.

Then, she'd been an eager girl as well, but skinny and loud and always just a step behind where she wanted to be, where her bother and I were concerned. She wasn't allowed to sit on the fallen tree with us. She wasn't allowed to get too far into the river, for fear of rip currents. She couldn't go with us to run and play in the woods. I felt bad for her back then, and now I wondered what she was thinking. Did she still want to play like that? It was hard to imagine, looking at her now.

She wasn't a child anymore, by a long margin. She didn't even look her age, in a way. Something about how she held herself. If I didn't know her, and somebody told me she was about to enter high-school as a freshman, I'd believe it without too much trouble. And it wasn't just her body. Indeed, she had developed the suggestions of a lovely, feminine figure; lean and athletic and supple. Her face was beautiful, as she always had been, and her bearing spoke of a calm alacrity almost unheard of in people her age.

But there was more to it than that, and the wonder of it struck me as I watched her, standing on the sand and looking up into the trees. She wore the trappings of...experience, almost. As if she'd been places and seen things. I felt like I could talk to her, at least on my own level, if not beyond. She bore a kind of weary sadness, not in the same way as I had after my breakup, but like someone who has long been resigned to a situation they didn't really want, yet could do nothing about.

And as she looked down, saw me staring, and gave me a tentative smile and a curious eyebrow raise, I noticed another thing, that clicked several peculiar factors into place. I didn't see her as a child anymore at all. It became glaringly clear to me that I'd been trying to keep her crammed in that box in my mind, despite all the outward signs that it no longer fit. As it hit home for me, I understood the reason I'd felt awkward around her since my birthday dinner. Somewhere along the way, I had begun seeing her as a peer - no different from Brad, in a way.

Even the age difference was no longer an issue, although I'd been trying to keep it one. Growing up, it really mattered. She just wasn't on our level – physically, mentally, emotionally, or otherwise. Therefore her classification in my mind was under a different category than kids my own age. Ellie was 'little girl' instead of...well, whatever she was now. I suddenly recalled the night we slept on the floor, and she curled up on my arm with the sweet fragrance of her hair so evident. The memory triggered a warm current within me that scared me.

“You okay?” She asked me, and I realized I'd been staring too long, like a dope.

I shook my mind clear and said, “Yeah, sorry. I-”

“Shit!” Brad yelled to our right.

Ellie and I spun to see him angrily reeling in his line, shaking his head. He turned to look at us, annoyance plain on his face.

“I had a bite,” He said, anger on a slow boil, “A damned good one, too. And the thing got off somehow.”

“Well don't blow a blood vessel over it.” Ellie growled at him, heading back to where she'd left her things on the sand.

I did likewise, and took up my rod. We had come here to fish, after all. I started walking over to the fallen tree, then looked at Brad.

“Are you going to get on the tree?” I asked.

He looked at it, as if seeing it for the first time, then back to me and said, “I don't think so. I'm a lot heavier than I used to be, and that thing doesn't look as solid as it used to.”

I chuckled and made my way to the old tree. Things keep on changing. I climbed up over the old, dry mass of roots at the base of it, then looked up and noticed Ellie watching me. I met her eyes and jerked my head in an invitation to join me. A big grin lit her face, and she moved to come over.

Carefully, I made my way about halfway down the trunk, to an area about ten feet away from the bank, and settled myself into a sitting position. Ellie waited until I was seated, then lightly stepped up onto the tree, and nimbly came over next to me, looking for the world like an elf from Lord of the Rings. She lightly sat down next to me, and gave me a smug look.

“Think you're pretty cool, huh?” I asked, deadpan.

“You know you thought so too.” She returned, casually flicking her line out before us.

“Yeah, squirrels are cool, I guess.” I allowed, casting my own.

“I'll push you in, you know.” She teased, giving me a light elbow nudge.

“Hey Jake,” Brad called suddenly, “Do you remember the tree that fell behind our house a couple years ago?”

“Shut up!” Ellie barked at him, naked threat in her voice.

I looked between the two of them, and was surprised to notice Ellie actually looking a little flustered. What was this about, now?

“Do you want to tell him about your training?” Brad asked, voice still airy and casual, despite Ellie's threat.

She said nothing, but suddenly became very intent on studying her feet.

“Oh come on!” Brad groaned in exasperation, “It's not a big deal; no need to be embarrassed. Sorry I said anything.”

Ellie sighed deeply, looked hard at me for a moment, then finally said in a low voice, “Last time we were here, dad wouldn't let me come up here with you, because he was worried I might fall. So I...practiced climbing on that fallen tree until I could do it perfectly. Like a squirrel. But that was two years ago, and I was just being a stupid kid.”

The poor thing looked genuinely embarrassed over it for some reason. Brad was right: It wasn't a big deal. In fact, it was cute as hell, and I smiled as I imagined a smaller Ellie practicing to be able to climb a tree with us. It was just like her, I mused.

“You really did that, huh?” I asked warmly, smiling at her to assure her I wasn't teasing, “That's...the most adorable thing I've ever heard.”

“I know!” Brad chimed in eagerly, “That's why I brought it up. I wasn't trying to tease you, Ellie.”

She just looked at her lap, but I could see a little smile on her, and it warmed me. Without realizing what I was doing, I lifted my arm and draped it across her shoulders, pulling her into a little hug for a moment. She didn't flinch or jerk away, as I half expected once my brain registered what my arm was doing. Instead, she sank easily into my chest, and rocked her head to the side for a second, against mine. The fragrance of her hair washed over me again, and I breathed deep.

I let her go, and returned my arm to my side. She looked up at me for a second, but said nothing. Then a thought came to me.

“Wait, the last time we were here was two years ago. If you practiced climbing right after that...” I recalled, “How are you still so nimble up here?”

She looked at me like I was slow, and said, “I could always climb well. I just wanted to get even better, and show dad that I'd be fine.”

“I guess the athleticism runs in the family.” I mused.

“You're just clumsy.” Ellie said quietly, shooting me a demure glance.

“Fair enough.” I relented.

We were all quiet for a while, just enjoying the morning. The slow moving water made gentle lapping noises as it flowed around the branches of the tree we sat on, as well as the exposed roots along the banks. Birds chirped in the woods around us. Here and there in the water, a fish would strike the surface, causing a small splash and an annoyed groan from Brad. We didn't catch a thing, but personally, I didn't care. After all, there's a reason it's called 'fishing'. No guarantee of success. More than that though, I was just happy to be here, with my friends.

Before long, the sun was hot, the day was bright, and my butt was sore from sitting on the hard, awkward log. Also, I'd forgotten to bring sunglasses, so the sun's glare off of the brown-black water was starting to give me a headache. I suggested to Ellie we get up for a bit and take a break. She nimbly stood and walked down the length of the tree, before hopping off onto the sand and landing like a gymnast. I didn't have such a good time of it.

Either due to stiff limbs or general clumsiness, about the time I reached the end of the tree, where the sprawling mass of roots jutted out before me like a fan, I snagged my foot on something and tripped. I crashed through and over the dry old roots of the tree, into the underbrush that grew up around it on the ground. Fortunately, I'd had the reflexive wit to toss my fishing rod out to the side, even as I shot forward.

“Jake!” Ellie cried, running up to where I fell.

Brad was howling with laughter, knowing that such a small tumble was hardly very dangerous. Indeed, I seemed fine, although I couldn't tell much since I was upside-down, face in the dirt, and my limbs tangled in brambles and broken roots. I hoped like hell I hadn't landed on a bed of snakes. They enjoy nesting in such places, especially near the water.

“Are you okay?” Ellie asked, voice strained with concern as she tried to help me up.

“Yeah,” I said, spitting dirt out of my mouth, “I'm great.”

With Ellie fussing over me like a nanny, I limped back over to where we had set our things. I could feel some scrapes, and my flank was stinging, but other than that, I seemed okay. Nothing hurt by my pride. Then Ellie sucked in her breath in a sharp gasp.

“Oh my God!” She hissed, then ran up to look at my side.

I followed her gaze, lifting my arm with a painful stretching sensation, and saw what had her concerned. My white shirt was torn a little, and beginning to darken with blood over my rib-cage. I already knew it was nothing serious, but the sight did look pretty gnarly.

“You're bleeding!” She stated the obvious, looking up at my face with fierce concern.

“Don't worry, it's not that bad. I can tell.” I said, grabbing the hem of my shirt to gingerly pull it off.

As these things go, the dirty scrape looked worse than I knew it would once clean. The combination of grit and blood looked a bit gruesome, but in reality it just stung, and felt bruised. Brad came over to check it out, and gave a whistle at the sight.

“I bet that one burns.” He said.

“Yeah,” I agreed, “Guess I'll go ahead and take a dip to clean it.”

“But the water's dirty.” Ellie admonished.

Brad and I both looked at her flatly.

She was taken aback for a moment, looking between the two of us in disbelief, then she settled on me and demanded, “So I'm the only one who cares if you get an infection?”

“Ellie, come on. It's not-” I began, before she cut me off.

“It is. Not only do wildlife piss and crap in there, plus any dead things that might end up in the water, you do know there's a big recreation area upstream from here, right? All those people pissing and spitting, and who knows what else is put in the water. It's nasty.” She declared, her chin thrust up, folding her arms as if to clench the subject.

There were several refutations that came instantly to my mind but really, after hearing her say all of that, it did make me feel a little grossed out. I suppose that had been her intention, after all. Brad shook his head at his sister with a bemused smirk and went back down to resume his ever-more-apparently futile fishing.

“But I need to rinse and clean it.” I protested lamely, feeling suddenly like I was at a disadvantage somehow.

She sighed and said, “I'll do it.”

“Do what?” I asked.

“Just be still.” Ellie instructed, taking my shirt out of my hands and dropping it onto my bag, before rummaging in hers.

She produced a cloth and a large bottle of drinking water, then came back to my side.

“Lift your arm.” She said.

“You don't have to clean it,” I said, “Give me those; I'll do it.”

“Lift your arm.” She repeated flatly.

I sighed and lifted my arm, feeling like a child suddenly. This was ridiculous. But if she really wanted to do it, I guess it didn't matter. Why the hell was I deferring to her, anyway? I was older than her; I could do whatever I wanted. It didn't occur to me then that maybe what I wanted was her attention and concern. There wasn't time to psychoanalyze it in the moment, even if I knew how to, but later I understood that my mind was responding powerfully to Ellie's concern for me, like parched and brown foliage thirsting for rain.

Ellie poured a stream of the cool water over my scrape, which felt delightful to my inflamed skin. The water ran in pink rivulets down over my swim trunks. Then she went to work dabbing with the towel. One hand, she put on my stomach for leverage, while she gently patted with the other. Her hand on my abdomen tickled. I watched her work, feeling confused, but pampered.

She was concentrating hard on being as gentle as possible, I could tell. Her brow was furrowed with focus, her mouth set in a cute little pout, as if painting a masterpiece. After she dabbed over the scrape once, she grabbed the water again and rinsed once more. Then she folded the cloth to a clean area, and patted it over again.

I was moved by the tenderness in her care, despite my confusion as to why she was doing it. Truthfully, I didn't think Ellie had it in her to be so soft. She was never rude, save for this past year of her being a bit of a diva, but neither had she ever been particularly girly. Perhaps her tomboyish nature was due to mine and Brad's influence, but either way, she was normally the type who would sooner laugh along with Brad at my discomfort than lend any kind of tender, feminine assistance.

She kept on changing, it seemed. Ever since my birthday dinner at their house, Ellie's bratty antagonism had lessened considerably. Lately, she gave off more...feminine vibes. It was an odd thing to ponder, but every time I saw her, I was growing ever more aware of her being a girl. Not that she had ever been anything else, but it was so much more obvious lately. I supposed it was to be expected, at her age. Either way, she was far more pleasant to be around now than she had been a few months ago.

“Thank you,” I said as she neared finishing, “That was actually nice. I didn't know you could be gentle.”

“If I want to.” She said distractedly, so involved with her work that she apparently missed my jibe.

“Will you let me get in the water if I promise not to get wet up here?” I asked, indicating my injury.

“Why?”

“I want to rinse the rest of myself. I've got dirt everywhere,” I said, “Unless you want to do this all over me.”

She paused for a second, grinned, and said, “Pervert.”

That hit me like a hammer, then I realized how what I said sounded.

“No! That's not what I meant!”

Ellie's high, chiming laughter sounded like clear bells beside me, and she looked up at me with dancing eyes. She grinned like the devil at my discomfort. I ashamedly glanced to make sure Brad hadn't caught that.

“You are so easy.” She said finally, once she managed to stop giggling.

“And you're not playing fair,” I complained, “You know what I meant.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She dismissed with a wave.

With a sidelong glance to Brad, who stood at the water's edge, facing away from us to fish, Ellie looked back up at me deviously and slowly stood. Her hand remained on my belly, rotating gently as she stood. She applied pressure and trailed it up the outline of my abdominal muscles a few inches.

“I'll do it though, if you want.” She whispered softly into my ear, voice thick with a suggestiveness I would never have imagined her capable of.

My blood turned to ice in my veins, and all I could do was stare at her in horror. Who the hell was this girl, now? The way she looked at me in that brief moment was so unlike the Ellie I'd always known. She was...sexy. The fact that she was capable of moving like that, and sounding like that, and that it worked on me, made me feel like I might throw up. Where had it come from?

All of this chaotic explosion of thought smashed through my mind in a split second, then Ellie's face bloomed into a gleeful near-laugh, and she spun away from me as she tried to stifle it. “Your face!” She gasped as she fought to quell the laughter, “Oh my God, I'm sorry! You look like I just shot a puppy!”

Brad looked over his shoulder, wondering what the racket was about. He apparently gathered that Ellie had been...well, Ellie, and pranked me somehow, so he turned back to his fishing, shaking his head.

I still couldn't speak. I really did kind of feel like she'd shot a puppy. Maybe it was an overreaction, but I felt like something so innocent and precious to me had just been killed. I was no prude, and not averse to dirty humor, but this was Ellie! Little Ellie, who practiced climbing a tree so she could hang out with her brother and me at the river. The way she'd just looked was...terrifying.

I realized the real problem wasn't what she'd done, or the fact she'd been the one to make the joke. It was how convincing she looked. If it had been anyone else, I would have really thought she was coming on to me. And my body's immediate, instinctive reaction to it was beyond shameful. In that briefest of instances, I was terribly attracted to her. Even now, I couldn't get it out of my mind.

Her hand lightly fondling my stomach, the way her crystal-blue eyes burned up and into me from beneath a sultry lock of hair, the slight angle of a grin from between full lips. Her shoulders and slender neck were so alluring, and she was standing close enough for me to smell that sweet scent of hers again.

“Jake?” Her voice was now tiny and hesitant.

It snapped me out of my hellish thoughts, and I looked up to see a completely different girl than the one still lingering in my mind. She was looking at me with trepidation and fear in her eyes, as if worried I might blow up on her. But she was herself again, and I sighed in relief at the familiar version of her I knew.

I had to be careful now. She was waiting to see how I reacted, and I had to play it right. The last thing I wanted to do was make her feel humiliated after daring to risk opening up so much. I tried to remind myself that, to Ellie, she'd only been experimenting with some taboo humor. Not unexpected, really. The fact that she'd been so convincing to me was my problem, and something I'd have to deal with later. But I really didn't want to screw up now and drive her back into a shell.

“Sorry, I kind of lost my mind for a second,” I said as lightly as I could, “You're a scary-good actor, you know?”

I gave her shoulder a playful back-handed slap as I walked past her and down toward the water. I slowly waded in, only up to my waist though, as promised. Brad reeled in his line and turned to go put it away.

“Yeah, I might as well give it up too,” He grumbled, “Just not happening today.”

I mumbled something to him, but my mind was far away from fishing. Ellie's brazen stunt was seared into my mind, like an artifact of bright light outlined in the darkness after you close your eyes. And no matter what I did, I couldn't shake the image. It was like I'd just been abruptly introduced to a doppelganger of her, one who was, as much as it pained me to admit it, terribly enticing. Her sudden, transitory dichotomy was giving me emotional whiplash, and I felt disoriented.

Ellie still stood on the bank, in the same place I'd left her. She looked oddly distant, as if deep in thought. I literally shook my head in an effort to clear it, and tried to get myself together. I grabbed up a handful of damp sand, molded it into a ball, and lightly threw it at her. It landed next to her and broke into sandy shrapnel that coated her feet.

“You getting in?” I called to her.

Brad was on his way back down to the shore, having shed his shirt in preparation to get in the water. He paused and looked at Ellie curiously.

“You okay?” He asked.

“Yeah, I'm fine.” She answered tonelessly, then went over to her bag.

So help me God, I tried not to notice as she pulled her baggy shirt off, and shimmied out of her shorts. Why did I have to say anything about her swimming? And why on Earth was she allowed to own a bikini swim suit? Couldn't her parents see what she looked like now? Couldn't Brad?

I breathlessly looked on as she stripped and put away her clothes, unable to tear my eyes from her. My mouth felt dry, and my stomach knotted as I tried desperately to stop seeing her like this. Damn it, she's like my sister! She's too young! What the hell is wrong with me? A chasm seemed to be violently rending my mind in twain as the rational part of me screamed to calm down, while some frighteningly powerful new thing within began to see her as a woman. That new part of me, a primal, fearsome thing indeed, marveled at her with a soul of desire.

Had her skin always been so radiant and smooth? When did she acquire those delicate suggestions of curves and lines in such perfect proportion? Since when did she move like a cheetah on the hunt? Who taught her how to showcase that mouth-watering bikini in a way that would shame a professional model? And why, dear God, was she looking at me as if coming to a lover's bed?

*

I survived that trip, although I certainly came away with scars for it. We didn't so much 'swim' as stand around in the cool water for a bit before getting out and packing up to leave. The things Ellie said earlier about the water seemed to linger in our minds and taint the usual river play, and the 'swimming' session was rather lukewarm and finished pretty quickly.

Whatever spell Ellie put me under faded, to my unending relief, almost as quickly as it had hit me. Maybe it was the proximity to her, once she got in the water, giggling and acting more like the girl I knew than some fantasy creature come to life. Despite my relief however, I was terribly shaken, and craved some time alone to sort this all out.

We packed up and headed back to the car. By the time I sat down behind the wheel, I felt almost back to normal, save for the lingering anxiety. I tried to focus on the present, and force down the strangeness. I had to go shirtless, since the dirty, torn, bloody shirt had been the only one I thought to bring. But I aimed one of the air vents down to my scrape, and the cold air felt delightful on the hot skin.

Ellie seemed to be cold though, and she kept one of the towels we had brought draped over her lap and arms for the first half of the trip back. I wondered if she wasn't feeling well, but she seemed fine, and said she was just chilly in the AC after being in the sun. I offered to turn it down, but she insisted I didn't. Once she noticed how nice it was for me to have the cold air on my injury, she wouldn't let me turn it off for anything.

I was curious as to what was on her mind, since she was quiet for several miles. A few times, she gave a peculiar exhalation of breath, followed quickly by a small, odd cough, which concerned me. Was she getting sick suddenly? I turned one time to check on her, and found her with her eyes closed, head back against the headrest. Her skin looked rosy, as if flushed from heat or exertion.

“You sure you're okay?” I asked her.

Her eyes opened languidly, and took a moment to focus on mine. They had a far-off, hazy look, as if she were looking through me, almost. She said nothing, but grinned wolfishly, gave a slightly shuddering cough, and nodded.

“Just kind of sleepy,” She said heavily, “And I was almost there, too.”

She took a couple of deep breaths, and reclined her head again, “I'm fine, I promise. Thank you.”

I gave Brad a concerned look, and he shrugged, “She gets like that sometimes. She's a weirdo, but she's okay.”

Ellie giggled a bit at that, but said nothing else. And sure enough, about ten minutes and a handful of odd coughing and sighing instances later, the towel was discarded and she had seemingly come back to life. She planted her head between Brad and me for the most part, talking and joking as if nothing had happened. Brad tried a few times to get her to sit back and put her seat belt on, but within minutes, she'd pop back up, energetic and buoyant as ever.

We got back home around 3:00, and I climbed stiffly out of the car, stretched my arms despite my aching, scabbing side, and made to close the door. A shapely ankle in the floorboard of the back seat gave me pause, and I embarrassingly remembered that Ellie didn't have a door of her own. I decided to mess with her, and closed the door.

I took a few steps away, but she didn't call out or knock on the window or anything. A flash of concern washed over me as I remembered her odd spell earlier, and I ran back to the car, afraid I might find her passed out or delirious. She was just sitting there, calmly grinning at me out of the back glass. I opened the door and slid the seat up.

“You are so predictable.” Ellie said, sitting like a prim lady, hands in her lap.

“And you're a nightmare.” I responded with an exasperated sigh, extending a hand to pull her out.

“Aww, you dream about me?” She asked with a sugar-sweet voice, and grabbed my hand to pull herself up.

I groaned, realizing with some chagrin that she actually had a better track record than me in most of these banter sessions. The precocious little snot was too smart for her own good.

She set one foot out onto the concrete, then the other snagged on the seat belt or something, and she stumbled out and into me. I caught her, and she collapsed into me like an embrace. Her hands went under my arms, and wrapped up to clench onto my shoulders. Her head rested on my chest. I was reminded of a scene from an old John Wayne movie, where he had a lovely redhead hugging him like this in a rainstorm.

Instead of standing up like a normal person would, Ellie squeezed me as if she'd meant to hug me all along. Thoughtlessly, I reflexively tightened my hold around her waist. It's not that I intended to, but it's not often you have a pretty girl in your arms unintentionally. So the instinctive reaction is to hold on, savor the moment. Once my senses caught up with me however, I let my grip ease.

“You're not that clumsy.” I accused quietly, allowing myself a moment to enjoy the smell of her hair beneath my chin.

Ellie pulled back and looked at me, gnawing her lip playfully and said, “And you're pretty dumb sometimes.”

My rational mind screamed at me, even as I pulled away from her. Why was she doing all of this today? And more, why was I not only allowing it, but enjoying it? A surge of guilt hit me as I let the fact settle in. Yes, I was enjoying this attention from her. From a young girl who was supposed to be like a kid sister to me. Supposed to be, a small voice reminded me, but I forced it down.

Ellie gave a deliberately long sigh then said dramatically, “Thank you for catching me.”

She then spun and grabbed her bag before bounding off and into the house. A sheet of panic fell over me as I wondered who might have seen all of that. Luckily, Brad had his head buried in the trunk, trying to pick up items out of a bag that had tipped over in transit. Feeling like a guilty creep, I joined him and helped get everything out.

Ellie was in a great mood all the rest of the evening, and she hung out with us all the while. Even Brad sensed something with her, and put her on the spot as we sat in the living room floor, playing a game.

“What's wrong with you?” He asked her, “You haven't been this energetic in months.”

“I had a good day today.” She replied airily.

“How?” He asked indignantly, “We didn't even catch anything.”

Ellie laughed and languidly leaned her head on his shoulder for a moment then said, “I'm sorry. But I really don't care about catching a fish at all.”

Brad gaped at her like she'd just spoken an alien language, “Then why did you even go? That was the whole point!”

“Not for me,” Ellie said before shooting me a quick glance, “Besides, I had a feeling my nursing expertise would be needed.”

I groaned and rolled my head back to stare at the ceiling. I already knew I wouldn't live that down for a long time. Brad grunted and returned his attention to the game. I tried to do likewise, but was very aware of Ellie's presence next to me, despite my efforts to concentrate. She didn't do anything to me, barely even spoke to me, in fact. But it was like I couldn't help glancing at her at semi-regular intervals.

I was terribly aware of her hair, freshly washed and dried, cascading down her back like a golden waterfall. I noticed her thin shoulders, and the way she held the controller up in front of her, instead of in her lap. Her knees, jutting out from her cross-legged sitting position, seemed to actually glow from the reflected light on her impossibly smooth skin. Every time she moved her head to laugh or stretch or look around, I caught a wondrous whiff of whatever magical stuff she put in her hair. And my performance in the game suffered from my absent-mindedness.

“Dude, what's wrong with you?” Brad demanded of me after I screwed up something stupid and obvious, “You usually kick our asses at this.”

“Sorry. Just tired, I guess.” I lied, feeling like crap for having to do so.

“Is it just me, or are both of you off your rocker?” He asked, looking between Ellie and me.

Even though I'd done nothing wrong, something about that hit too close to home and it scared me. I frantically tried to think up a way to deflect his question.

“Well, Jake did get wounded today,” Ellie offered, flashing me a smile, “I think he gets a pass.”

“It's a scrape, not a 'wound'.” I insisted, feeling like a wimp for her defending me on such silly grounds.

They both laughed, and I was glad that the tension was deflated at least. Then Ellie piped up again.

“Can we sleep in here again?” She asked no one in particular, with an irresistibly excited voice.

Brad groaned and said, “Ellie, I'm tired. I want to go to bed soon.”

“Then do that in here.” She offered cheerfully.

Like a trained puppy, I felt a surge of anticipation at her suggestion. It was pathetic, yet the gratification I felt sent a tingle through me. I was fairly certain I knew what she was doing, and I couldn't suppress my hope for it, although it made me feel guilty and miserable. What was going on with me today?

The prospect of a repeat of the last time we slept in the living room floor was terribly alluring. Just thinking back to her, snuggled up on my side made me thrill with excitement. Once I understood that I was indeed hoping for that, I felt cold inside. This was unacceptable.

“Fine by me,” I said, “I'm so tired, I don't care where we sleep, as long as we actually sleep.”

“Exactly,” Brad agreed, “Ellie, can you actually go to sleep and not keep us up talking?”

“Duh,” She said crudely, crossing her arms in a huff, “I'm just as tired as you guys.”

“Fine.” Brad relented, standing up and heading down the hall to fetch blankets and pillows.

I got up to turn off the television and console, and gather up the controllers. Ellie sat quietly in the same place she'd been in, watching me. I glanced over to her at one point, and saw a new face on her. She looked happy enough still, but not as exuberant. She was hopeful, but subdued. Her bright eyes shone up at me, but her posture spoke of reserve and caution. Given her behavior all day, this seemed odd.

I didn't say anything to her. I tried to forcefully remind myself that she was in a tumultuous period in her life. Whatever the hell was going on with me was for me to deal with. Ellie wasn't the guilty party here, and I needed to be the voice of reason and behave like I was supposed to, instead of being a dumb victim to her emerging attractiveness. I tried not to think about the fact that she had such allure in the first place. So I deliberately and obviously gave her space while Brad and I unfurled blankets and doled out pillows. And finally, around 10:00, we killed the lights and lay down to sleep.

The arrangement was the same as it had been last time, with Ellie in between Brad and me on the pallet. Brad curled up and within minutes fell into his trademark 'zombie sleep'. I lay on my back, just like last time, trying to keep away the thoughts that demanded entry. And Ellie surprised me by being still and quiet beside me. That new, frightening part of me even felt a pang of despair at her distance and silence. I tried to tell myself that this was as it should be.

But it didn't last. It took longer than I expected, but Ellie finally turned over to face me, and sidled up beside me. This time, she actually took my arm and hugged it like a pillow to her chest. The wave of warmth and happiness I felt at her gesture was irresistible, despite how hard I tried. My breath let out in a long sigh I hadn't been aware of holding, and my body seemed to soften from head to toe at her touch. I felt tingly all over. Neither of us said a word, but I began to sense just how much trouble I was in.

We stayed like that for a while, and I couldn't summon the will to even move to discourage it. I felt so calm, so comfortable with her by my side. Every fiber of my being seemed to hum and glow internally with cottony pleasure. It was like being home. It was peace. My breathing deepened and my whole body seemed to melt a little into the blankets. Ellie spoke, just as the weighty veil of sleep was beginning to descend upon me.

“You awake?” She whispered, barely audible if not for her close proximity.

I took a breath and said, “Yeah.”

She remained silent for a long while, and I began to wonder if I'd imagined her question as some sort of half-sleep delusion, when she asked, “Is this okay?”

I sighed miserably and said, “Yeah.”

It felt like I was killing something important to me, but at the same time, the sensation of giddy joy I felt was unstoppable. This was so wrong, I was certain of it, but in this moment I couldn't help myself.

Ellie took my acceptance to heart, and pulled herself against me even tighter, readjusting her hold on my arm to squeeze us as close together as possible. It was all I could do to not give in to my instincts and turn to fold her into my arms as tightly as I could. I wanted to do that badly, and the fact scared me.

Still, I allowed myself to savor this. Electric currents of pleasure coursed through me, more emotionally powerful than anything I'd yet experienced. Amy and I had been close. Hell, I'd lost my virginity to her, but nothing had ever felt like this with her. Even in our closest, most intimate moments, she never affected me this way. My heart nearly stopped once I realized the comparison I was making, and a shudder ran through me like a winter chill. Comparing Ellie...to Amy. Oh God.

“Hey.” I breathed, as quiet as Ellie had before, although my voice shook a little.

“Yeah?” She returned.

“We need to talk.” I said.

I felt a slight tickle on my arm from her hair as she nodded, “I know.”

A longer silence spread, thick as the void of darkness around us, but it didn't feel anything but calm. We seemed to exist for the moment in a timeless pocket universe of emotional charge, and no gap in speech or movement was too long. Baited breath, so the cliché goes.

“It can wait, right?” Ellie asked in her ethereal whisper, “At least for tonight?”

A churning punch sank into my gut at the tone of Ellie's voice. She sounded resigned already, as if she knew I would rebuke her, but hoped that maybe she could have this little bit of connection at least. I was hopelessly confused, but the sonorous emotional charge in her voice was profound. I didn't need to understand the details to grasp the potency of her feelings right now. And for the life of me, I hated to deny her.

In the end, all I could do was agree, “Yeah. For tonight.”

The final barriers and chains broke away like sand, and I turned to her. I pulled my arm free of her hold and used it to cradle her into my chest. She curled into me like a kitten, and I allowed myself to fully embrace the euphoria of the situation. After all, I had an excuse now. For tonight, I'd enjoy this strange, illicit closeness with Ellie, but tomorrow I'd set it right. I would explain how this was wrong, and apologize for encouraging her as much as I had. Tomorrow.

But here, in the dark, with Ellie's scent resting soothingly within me, and the feeling of her warm little body next to mine, I let myself be happy. I fell asleep quickly, soothed by the slow rhythm of her breathing against me, trying to tell myself it didn't feel perfectly right.

*

Sometime during the night, I awoke to the sound of the refrigerator door closing. A hazy second of panic cut at me, as I tried to determine whether Ellie was still snuggled into my chest. With relief, I realized she wasn't. Her back was to me now, although she still lay very close. That wasn't so bad. One can't really be blamed for where one ends up while asleep.

I couldn't tell if Brad was still on the floor, right away. Maybe he was the one in the kitchen. But soon, I heard a particularly loud snort from him, indicating he was still sound asleep on the floor. So the midnight rummager was either Lori or James. Not that it mattered, but I was feeling guilty for what I'd done tonight, and that made me interested in knowing the whereabouts of those who might want to lynch me for potentially getting too friendly with Ellie.

With a troubled sigh, I lay my head back down to try and go back to sleep. Then I heard the talking. It was low, coming from the kitchen. I could barely make it out, but apparently James and Lori were both in there. It was curious, but it was also none of my business. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore them. But the subject of their conversation snatched my attention.

“Lori, we don't know that for sure yet,” James said, “Maybe she's not.”

“I can tell, James. I've been there, remember? It was a 50/50 chance for her anyway.” Lori said, sounding sad.

“But the way she's acting...” He paused for a moment, “Honey, I don't want to bring up bad memories, but didn't you say it was...more sudden for you? Ellie just seems happy.”

“She is happy,” Lori said, and I could hear the tenderness in her voice, “But I can feel it, James. It hasn't manifested yet, not much anyway, but it will soon. I pray every day that I'm wrong, but I know I'm not.”

James was quiet for a while, but finally said in a tense voice, “What's going to happen to him? Will she...you know?”

Lori gave a shaky sigh and said, “I don't know. Her situation isn't like mine was. I didn't even know those men. Ellie knows him, and she loves him. I don't know what that might mean.”

“I told you I'd let you take the lead on this when the time came, and I'll stick to that promise. But I really think we should talk to her, and explain things. If you're so sure it has her...”

“No,” Lori said, steel in her voice, “Not yet, anyway. I want to wait a little longer and see what happens.”

“But isn't that dangerous? We can't always be there, in case something happens.” James said.

“I don't know how to explain this, but when I see them together, I feel hopeful for some reason. I have nothing to base it on, but I want to believe that it can be different for them. Maybe their unique situation will allow her to not be overwhelmed.” Lori sounded almost desperate as she spoke.

“But what if you're wrong? I couldn't live with myself in anything happened to that boy.” James said, voice tense.

“You know how it works, James. If they...go that far, I think it will be pretty obvious. And just one time, or even two, won't leave any lasting damage. We can intervene.”

“It still makes me feel ill to think about.” He said.

Lori chuckled quietly and said, “Me too, I guess. But we've both been preparing for this since we knew we were having a girl. I do wish it wouldn't have taken her.”

“That's not it, really,” James said, “From the day she was born, I knew I'd love her unconditionally, regardless of how she turned out. That hasn't changed, and I'll accept her, whatever she does. I just hate the secrecy. And I feel like a real piece of shit for letting Jake walk into it all blind.”

“It's probably better that way.”

“Maybe, but it feels wrong,” James said, “Although, I guess if he knew what she was, he might disappear and stay as far away from her as possible.”

“Don't be so sure about that. Maybe you haven't noticed, but those feelings of hers aren't all one-way. He loves her, too. I'm not sure if he even knows it yet, but he will.”

James made a growling noise that made my spine freeze.

“I know it's hard,” Lori soothed, “But try to remember: This isn't a normal situation, by a wide margin.”

“I know,” James said, barely loud enough to hear, “Did you talk to Father Jonathan?”

“Yes. He's going to meet us on the 28th.”

“That's...three weeks from now?”

“Yes. We'll drive up there Saturday morning, and come home Sunday.” Lori said.

“Should we be gone for the night?” James asked.

“Remember what I said, James,” Lori said, a bit of amusement in her voice, “Even if things move that fast, which I doubt, they will be fine.”

“It almost sounds like you're rooting for them.”

“There's only one kind of 'rooting' I've got in mind right now, and it only concerns you,” Lori said, her voice suddenly low and sultry, “Come on, take me to bed, husband.”

Intimate sounds replaced their previous conversation, and shortly after, I heard the shuffle of their steps heading down the hall. I lay on my back, staring up into the blackness, my mind wheeling like a centrifuge. Thoughts and emotions I didn't even know were possible cascaded in my head like a hurricane tidal surge, and sleep was now a distant and forlorn hope.

Just like that, this house was an alien place to me, and the lovely girl beside me was nearly a stranger. I felt like screaming. I felt like running away. I felt like taking Ellie into my arms and never letting go. I felt lost. I felt angry.

The more I thought about what I'd just overheard, the more confused I became, like layers of an onion peeling away ever fresher depths of mystery and secrets. At one point, I braced myself to stand and go interrupt the adults' lovemaking, and demand they tell me what the hell was going on. It infuriated me that they could just casually say those things, then turn around and go frolic like newly-weds, unconcerned with who might have overheard. Even though I knew I wasn't supposed to have heard them, it still seemed unfair in my compromised condition.

Everything seemed unfair, and everything pissed me off. I lay seething on the floor, feeling used, lied-to, and disposable. The only thing that allowed me to deal with it was the realization that Ellie was in the same position as me. More so, really. Who the hell knew what they had been going on about? But I felt clear on one thing: Ellie knew none of it. She was being used as some kind of experiment just as much as me. No, more than me.

They seemed to think something was different about her; broken, or flawed, or dangerous. And Ellie had no idea. A fresh surge of anger hit me as I thought about this beautiful, sincere girl, so full of life and promise, being used as a sick study subject for her parents.

There was more to it, some tiny, fading, rational part of my mind told me, but I deliberately ignored it. No, this was something I could deal with and process. I could latch onto this point, and move forward. Maybe I was discarding important information, but I simply could not handle it now. Never before in my life had I felt so close to an overwhelming breakdown.

So I grabbed this simple, convenient line of reasoning, held it like my life depended on it, and used it like a shield to plow forward. I could do nothing else. Feeling suddenly small and exposed, I turned to face Ellie, and closed the small gap between us. I draped an arm over her, and buried my face into her hair like it was a refuge to hide in.

She shifted in her sleep at the disturbance, but instead of shaking me off, she relaxed into me, conforming flawlessly to my embrace. I drank in the relief and pleasure that triggered in me like a sponge, and held onto her while the tempest raged around us.

*

I fell asleep at some point. I know this, because at some point, I awakened to a room illuminated by daylight. My body seemed to be molded into one with Ellie, as I still held her tight as a vise. Panic struck me at the realization, and I tried to lift my arm off of her.

Ellie's arm, which was holding mine against her, tensed like a pincer, keeping me from pulling off of her. The ferocious reaction surprised me, and I sat for a moment in shock.

“Are you awake?” I whispered to her.

“Yep.” She said, voice clear and bright, even as she whispered.

“Brad?” I asked her, trying to work my way gently into explaining that we needed to cut this crap out, fast.

“You know him,” She said, “Still out like a light.”

I relaxed a little, and let some of the stiffness out of me at the lack of any clear and present danger.

“Nobody's seen us,” Ellie continued, reading my mind farther, “So chill out.”

I breathed a deep sigh and squeezed my arm for a moment in a sort of hug around her. Her own hold on my forearm tensed as well, returning the squeeze, as she shimmied back into my chest. A fresh wave of warmth triggered in me at her gesture.

“This is dangerous.” I said.

“I guess.” She agreed reluctantly, but still didn't move or ease her grip.

I knew I had to get up and untangle myself from her, despite how nice it was. If for no other reason, I had to piss. I sat up on my elbow again, grinning to myself at how tenaciously Ellie held my arm.

This could become addicting. She looked so angelic in the soft morning light, her unruly blonde hair cascading over her shoulders like a silken gold mantle. She felt so warm against me, and so delicately small. A powerful bubble of protective desire welled inside of me as I watched her, but it was different from the protectiveness I'd always had for her. This was more intimate, more personal. Possessive.

Out of nowhere, an urge came over me, and I immediately acted on it. I was in no mood to bicker with myself over propriety after what I'd overheard last night. Indeed, I felt a heady sense of freedom this morning, as if the rules were suddenly void. If her parents could be so duplicitous and secretive, why should I deny myself what comfort I could find? Why should Ellie?

Freeing my left hand from beneath me, I moved it to brush Ellie's hair off of her face, revealing her tender temple and cheek, wreathed in golden-blonde strands of bed-head. I leaned down and planted a soft kiss on her temple, before pulling back and making to stand up.

Ellie tried to hide her face, but I could see her radiant smile bloom into glorious life even as she tucked her head down in embarrassment. A rosy flush tinted her cheeks, and I felt a similar heat radiate up into my own skin in tingling currents. She let me pull my arm free of hers, and I sat up.

“I'll be right back.” I said, standing and heading for the bathroom.

Once inside, I relieved myself, brushed my teeth, checked my armpits for funk, and generally made sure I was clean and presentable. Then I propped my hands on the counter and stared at myself in the mirror. I felt like I was being split in half. The one part was full of giddy excitement and warm anticipation of whatever this glorious new thing was. It could be the beginning of something beautiful. The other was mortified and disgusted, promising me that unless I cut this all out right now, it would rise up to haunt me forever, and ensure that I could never look myself in the mirror again. I felt like I was walking through a minefield, and had no choice but to proceed in some direction. But whether that direction led to my salvation or my ruin, I couldn't say. I opened the door to find Ellie standing outside.

“Took you long enough.” She said with a grin, forcing her way past me.

As she walked by, her hand extended, touched my abdomen, and trailed sparks lightly across my side and off again before she shut the door behind her. I heard the faucet turn on, then I headed back to the living room.

Sure enough, Brad was still dead to the world. He had always slept long and deep, unaffected by the goings-on around him, even long after most people would have been awakened by the noise or general activity. We called it 'zombie sleep', because he resembled a living-dead body; immune to almost everything thrown at him with an aim to wake him up. It was usually annoying, but for once, I was thoroughly relieved to see his zombie sleep, and hoped it lasted a while.

Ellie emerged a few minutes later, and came into the living room with a cautious look on her face.

“Let's go outside.” I suggested, standing and making for the door.

She followed without a word, but I could sense the tension in her. She was bracing herself for me to admonish her recent behavior towards me, or at least inform her that she must stop. Indeed, that had been my plan before this morning. I felt differently, now.

For one thing, what kind of hypocrite would it make me to be so lenient with the affection, even giving her that peck on her head, then turn around and try to mount a soapbox of moral authority? So she had a crush on me. That much was obvious at this point. And like an idiot, all I'd done was encourage her, and even conspire to urge discretion. And I could no longer deny my own feelings in the matter, as much as I'd like to. My only hope now was that I might be able to cull this whole thing before it got worse. At least, that's what I should do.

But after whatever insanity I'd heard last night, I was in no mood to go out of my way to be virtuous. I knew I had no dark intentions where Ellie was concerned, and would never hurt her. In fact, all I wanted was to see her smile. So why then should I throw the brakes on this connection between us that gave us both such comfort and happiness? At least, I assumed it did for her as well, else why would she be instigating so much?

With that thought, I had had my goal to proceed upon. Instead of telling Ellie to stop right away, I would explore her motives.

I leaned on the banister, and looked out into the yard, at the verdant lawn sparkling with dew. Maybe there's a metaphor here, I thought. Ellie came to stand beside me, keeping a chaste gap between us as she silently waited for me to begin.

Feeling suddenly foolish and a bit timid, I asked, “How'd you sleep?”

She looked at me like she thought I might be joking, but said, “Great. You?”

“Great.” I said, then sighed as I realized how difficult this would be.

I couldn't just bulldoze into the topic. Even if I was a considerable social screw-up, I knew enough to understand that you don't just put a girl on the spot to tell you how she feels. Especially one at Ellie's age, when they don't even really know, themselves.

Ellie took the problem away from me when she said, “Look, I'll leave you alone if you tell me to. I don't want to make you uncomfortable.”

As nice as it was to have the ice breaking taken out of my hands, it still hurt to hear her say that. I could tell that wasn't at all what she wanted, and she was only saying it to try and prevent my discomfort. Why did that bother me so much?

“You don't,” I said, “That's the problem. You make me feel the opposite.”

A small smile played at her mouth, and she said quietly, “That's good.”

“Is it, though?” I asked, “I'm pretty sure what we've done is wrong in several ways.”

Ellie scoffed a harsh laugh and said, “And here we go.”

I looked at her for a long moment then shook my head and said, “No, I'm not going to lecture you. I don't want to, and I don't think I need to. I just want you to talk to me. Tell me how you feel. And tell me why I keep seeing these different sides of you that take me by surprise. You're a lot deeper than you let on, aren't you?”

She gave me a shy smile and said, “I guess. It's easier if everybody thinks I'm just in a bratty, emotional phase. The real issue is embarrassing.”

“Now you're the uncomfortable one.” I joked, nudging her gently with my elbow.

“No, not with you,” She said quickly, then paused for a while to gather her thoughts, “When we were younger, I just took it as a given that we'd be together at some point. It was selfish, and childish, but that's how I felt. When you got with Amy, it hurt. That did make me a bratty bitch for a while. It was like you'd betrayed me, and I was jealous. Eventually, I realized how stupid I was being, and that you probably never even thought about me that way. I was just a kind of little sister to you.

“So I started trying to be more mature, and look older. Just to see if you even noticed me. That didn't change anything, and I was pissed for a while. But eventually, I realized that I just wanted you to be happy, even if that wasn't with me. So I stopped trying and just let you be. I was just getting used to patting myself on the back for that when you two broke up. It nearly killed me to see you hurting like that. I couldn't even make myself glad that it happened. I just wanted you to feel better. And when you came over for dinner that day, us hanging out seemed to cheer you up. And I decided to take my chances and start showing you how I felt about you. I didn't want to waste the opportunity. It was probably a selfish and inconsiderate thing to do, taking advantage of you like that. But I can't really make myself regret it.”

I stared at her long after the high chime of her voice fell silent. I was touched by her admission, and terrified. It was a bittersweet feeling that shook me to the core. The pleasure I felt from her words was undeniable, yet the thought that I was the impetus behind her slide into angsty depression broke my heart. The fact that I'd never even detected a bit of her feelings made me feel like a fool. It didn't occur to me to take into account her ability to hide them. I didn't know what to say or do.

“Sorry,” She finally said, looking abashed, “I shouldn't have dumped all that on you. But oh my God, that felt good to get out!”

Ellie laughed and smiled at me, and I felt my heart surge with the rising sun in her eyes. She was the metaphor, I realized. Even with a barely contained bed-head, standing in an old, over-sized shirt she'd slept in, her whole being seemed to sing to mine, like a harmonious, jubilant choir in the warm, vibrant morning light.

She was magnetic to me; nourishment for my very soul. That's what terrified me so much. I realized that I did want her. And her admission just now had gutted my resolve to end this madness. I didn't want to accept that, but deep down I knew it was true. I felt suddenly vulnerable and raw, like a bared nerve. My resistance in tatters, I tried to muster whatever dignity I had left to rally.

“I had no idea you felt that way,” I finally managed, swallowing with a dry throat, “I'm sorry for putting you through it.”

“Why?” She asked, “Didn't you listen to me? I was the idiot who just expected you to feel the same for no good reason. I really was behaving like a dumb kid.”

“Don't be so hard on yourself. You couldn't help how you felt.” I said.

Ellie watched me, expecting a reply and an answer to her confession. Internally, a battle was raging in me for what to tell her. I couldn't very well say, 'oh, I like you too now, but nevermind that, because it's wrong'. Right? No, I needed to make her believe I didn't feel that way about her. That way, she'd be less likely to hold out hope. It might hurt like hell to deny what I felt, but it was the right thing to do. I could get over it in a few days, and this whole mess would be over. Life could get back to normal. Just tell her that I don't feel the same.

That's where I ran into a brick wall with my thoughts. For some reason, I just couldn't make myself say that I didn't feel for her like that. Even to myself. It was like trying to fight a rushing current in my mind. Resisting was not only futile, but impossible. And when I thought about what her parents had been saying last night, a fierce protectiveness for Ellie consumed me, stoking a raging fire of devotion.

I decided on the spot to just be open and honest, “You're right about me not feeling that way for you then. I always saw you as my sister, or a friend, maybe. But I'd be lying if I said that hasn't changed. I still don't know what to do about it, but it's there. You make me feel calm, and whole, and happy. And I want to be around you more and more. It scares me.”

Ellie didn't laugh or smile or celebrate at all. She remained quiet, staring out into the yard for a while.

Finally she asked, “Why does that scare you?”

“Because I believe that it's wrong for me to be attracted to you. I don't know what kind of person that makes me. But more than that, I don't know how we could ever make anything work. Nobody would be okay with us being together.”

“And me?” She asked, still not looking at me, “Do you see me as a child?”

I sighed and shook my head, “No. Not anymore. You're more mature than I am half of the time. Even if you're a pain in the ass the other half.”

That got a little grin out of her, for which I was grateful. She stood in quiet thought a while longer.

“I've got a question for you now,” I said, “What if you change your mind about me? What if you only felt that way because we grew up together and I'm just who you're used to? Don't you think you should try to meet somebody else?”

Ellie chuckled and said, “That's three questions. And to all of it: Not gonna happen. I tried to hate you, or at least not care, for a whole year, while you were with Amy. I told myself every day to forget about you and grow up and move on. Couldn't do it.

“And there are always boys I could talk to, if I wanted. They're all boring and silly. Don't get a swelled head over this, but you're sort of perfect for me.”

I did get a swelled head over that. The way her words made me feel was just too powerful to ignore or deny anymore. She affected me like nothing ever had. I was attracted to her more strongly than I'd ever felt. I wanted to be with her, and talk to her, and laugh with her, make her smile, see her eyes light up. It was a strange metamorphosis of our relationship up to now, made more powerful by our history and growing up together. In a way, things were very much the same between us. Only now, there was a new element in the mix that fundamentally changed it all. And the prospect was thrilling.

“I think I feel the same way.” I admitted, offering her a small smile.

She looked so happy in that moment. And if I'd had any more reservations about my own feelings, the look she gave me shattered them. That didn't detract from the practical issues at hand, but my own resistance was no longer an obstacle.

“But you don't think we can make it work?” She asked.

“How could we?” I replied, “Even if we could fool everybody, that's just dishonest. I hate lying.”

“We'll work on it,” She said, turning to face me finally and resting her hand on mine for a moment, “This is enough for now. Thank you, Jake. We'll cover the dirty stuff later.”

She walked past me and into the house without another word, leaving me reeling on the deck. Yes, I was in serious trouble.

*

Impressively, Ellie never let on about a thing. For the world, she was the same as she always was. To me, she seemed a bit more chipper, and I saw a lovely light in her eyes, but I was hardly unbiased anymore. And by the time everyone settled down to eat breakfast, I was feeling better as well.

Except for when I looked at James and Lori. I tried to not look at them in fact, since every time I did, I felt either a chill or an urge to say something that would demand they spill whatever they were hiding. I came very close to the latter while we all were seated at the breakfast table.

It galled me to watch them act so...normal, after the things they'd said. Not that I understood even half of it, but I could tell it was important and potentially dangerous. They thought something was wrong with Ellie, and she might harm me? Was that it? The injustice of their hiding such a terrible mystery was driving me mad.

Fortunately, James and Lori finished up their meal quickly, and went to get ready for church. They'd slept in longer than intended, and were therefore running behind a bit. Maybe if they hadn't been up in the middle of the night talking crazy...

They never forced Brad or Ellie to go with them to church, but the kids did attend from time to time. Lately, Brad had been unusually enthusiastic about going, since there was a girl whose eye he was trying to catch. Today, Ellie decided not to go, citing feminine issues as the reason. I didn't buy it for a second.

Indeed, once Ellie had an opportunity, she shot me an intense look across the table. Her bright eyes sparkled beneath pointedly raised brows, and the little pink tip of her tongue swept over her top teeth expressively before ending in an enticing smile. My heartbeat stumbled at the sight, and I nervously glanced around to make sure no one else had seen her. I tried to discreetly shake my head at her, but she looked away before I could react. The girl was devious.

“What about you, Jake?” James asked, stealing my attention back.

“I can't go today,” I said over a sip of orange juice, forcing myself to sound calm, “I need to do some things at home before work this afternoon.”

*

The first opportunity I got to talk to Ellie was as I helped her with the dishes.

“What are you trying to do?” I demanded in a harsh whisper.

“Get you alone.” She said simply, as if commenting about the weather.

“While your parents are at church,” I remonstrated, “Who the hell are you?”

“Oh, there's a lot about me you don't know yet,” She teased smoothly, “But I'll show you.”

A jar of butterflies erupted in my gut at her brazen words, and despite my moral misgivings, I already knew what I would end up doing. A boy only has so much willpower.

“Well, I can't just hang around until everybody leaves.” I said, feeling like dirt for conspiring so.

“Leave, then,” Ellie said calmly, “And come back after they're gone. I guess we'll have around an hour and a half, at least.”

I nearly dropped the large glass bowl I was drying when I saw the look she gave me. Her eyes were narrowed and dangerously tempting, and she sucked her bottom lip into her mouth before releasing it, slowly dragging along her teeth. My heart rate elevated noticeably, and I became suddenly concerned with breaking into a sweat.

“What's wrong?” She cooed, suddenly putting on an innocent facade, “What are you thinking?”

I swallowed hard, shook my head, and focused on my work. Beside me, the little vixen chuckled merrily. In that moment, I knew I shouldn't come back later. Maybe she was just teasing me, or testing me for some reason, but it was still dangerous. Nevertheless I did come back later, and doomed myself.

*

I felt like a piece of scum as I parked in the driveway and approached the house. Something in me screamed to turn around, get back in my car, and leave. But something even stronger drove me on. It put Ellie in my mind; her angelic face, long hair, gleaming smile, and breathtaking figure. It reminded me that she wanted to be with me, and here was our first opportunity to really spend time together alone, now that all our cards were on the table.

I opened the door, and went inside. She wasn't around, it seemed. I took a few steps into the living room, after kicking off my shoes. Then I heard soft footfalls, and Ellie bounded around the corner from the hall, and was in my arms before I knew what was happening. She squeezed her arms around my neck and clutched me like we'd been apart for years.

My body's instinctive reaction took control, and I hugged her back with equal ferocity. She laughed, the sound like clear bells so close to my ear, and a goofy smile spread across my face. This felt so good.

It's not like we never hugged before today. She was always throwing them around in the past, and I welcomed every one. After what I'd heard her say this morning though, the reason behind all that past affection was becoming clear. Still, holding her now felt different. It was more intense, more intimate. I was suddenly very glad indeed that I had gone through with this.

Ellie pulled away, still holding her hands around my neck, and looked at me for a moment.

“What do you want to do?” She asked, brilliant smile dazzling me in its proximity.

“Whatever you want,” I said, “I'm just happy to be here.”

“Me too!” She said bubbly, and the naked glee on her face was so wholesome.

“What about you? What do you want to do?” I cautioned to ask, hoping she wouldn't make things awkward with more innuendo.

“Let's talk.” She said simply.

“Talk. About what?” That took me by surprise.

“Anything. Everything! We don't even know much about each other, really.” She explained, the exuberance she displayed was contagious, and I found myself grinning back at her.

“Ellie, I've known you since you were born.” I said.

“Yes, but you don't really know me,” She said, as if explaining something to a slow student, “When's the last time you and me had a real conversation, just the two of us?”

Good point. Technically, the only reason I ever came around there was because of Brad. So Ellie was only sometimes in the picture, and then she wasn't the target or focus of the talking. I realized she was right; we really knew very little about one another, save for the superficial things, and whatever had come up when hanging out with Brad.

“Fair enough. Tell me about yourself, then.” I said.

She let go of my neck, took my hand in hers, and led me to the couch.

“Want something to drink?” She asked, obviously trying to be a good host.

“Are there any more of those orange sodas?”

“Yep!” She turned and bounced into the kitchen.

I watched her fondly as she went to fetch the drinks, feeling her youthful energy was a balm to my soul. I hoped she never lost that, and also hoped that I could always be around to experience it. It occurred to me that her peculiar blend of childishness and maturity might just be the greatest, most precious thing in the world. It also made me feel far older than I should have at sixteen. What a difference those years can hold.

She returned in a moment with a pair of drinks, popped the tab on mine, handed it to me, then sat down right next to me on the sofa, our legs touching. She seemed so excited, and I was starting to feel the fluttery stomach feeling of nerves, like a first date. Something was bad wrong with this picture, and I'd have to deal with it at some point. But not now.

“Let's take turns with questions and answers to start,” Ellie instructed, “We'll do rock, paper, scissors to see who asks first.”

“Sounds like you planned this out already.” I noted.

“A little.” She admitted, a bashful look stealing over her.

“Alright then. Let's do it.”

She won the game, paper over rock. So she asked first.

“What do you want to do with your life?”

“Wow. Coming out swinging, huh?” I chuckled, feeling liked I had been punched a little.

“Sorry. We really don't have a whole lot of time.”

“Yeah,” I said, realizing she was right, “Well, I know I want to write. Maybe I can't make a career out of it, but even if all I can do is write novels as a hobby, that will be fine. But if possible, I'd like that to be my source of income.”

“Have you written anything yet?”

“A few stories when I was younger, but they're garbage.” I admitted, remembering my clumsy old efforts with a cringe.

“I'd like to read them,” Ellie sad shyly, “If you don't mind.”

“They're really bad.” I warned.

She stared at her lap, but continued, “That doesn't matter.”

I sighed and said, “I've never let anybody read them. So you can't say a word to anyone. Even Brad.”

“I won't!” She ensured me, brightening up at the offer.

“You're getting your own computer soon, right?” I asked.

“Yeah, in a couple of weeks.”

“I'll put them on a disc then,” I said, “But I'm warning you; don't expect much.”

“I can't wait!” She exclaimed, looking genuinely excited.

All I could do was marvel at her enthusiasm over something so meager. You'd think I was giving her the location of the Holy Grail. Why did she care so much? And then, I knew my question to ask her.

“Why do you like me so much? I don't understand it at all.”

Ellie looked at me for a moment, then smiled down into her lap, “There are a hundred reasons. But if I had to say one, I guess it's because you've always treated me like a person, instead of a cute little kid. Do you remember when you showed me the clouds?”

“I don't think so.” I admitted.

“It was a long time ago. We were lying in the back yard, and you were teaching me the types. Cumulus, stratus, nimbus. You talked to me like I was your age, and didn't do any silly crap to try and keep my attention. It made me feel...connected to you, somehow. And that was just the beginning.”

“I still don't get it.”

She grinned at me shyly and said, “It's how you've always been. Everybody would dumb themselves down to what they thought was 'my level'. You did the opposite, and it made me feel like you really wanted me around, instead of just putting up with me. It was like you knew I could keep up, so you didn't hold back. And I did keep up, with everything. And I realized I always want to do that. I wanted to be with you, and talk to you, and share things with you. I love the way you see the world.”

I took a deep breath, trying to handle the emotions her words conjured, and said, “It just seems too good to be true. Nobody has ever cared about me that much. I don't know what to do with it. Even now, I'm still expecting this all to be a joke.”

“See? You're doing it right now,” She offered, smiling at me from where her face lay propped on her hand, elbow on her lap, “You are open and sincere. Even with the bad stuff, or things you don't like.”

“That's just pathetic.” I said, beginning to feel a little ill.

“No, it's genuine.” She insisted.

A knot of black acid was building in my stomach at her unfiltered praise and acceptance. I knew the feeling, and fought it mightily within. But there were too many triggers setting loose, too many walls crashing down from years of shielding myself against things like she was saying. Growing up, I'd had to. When your mother is all you have, and she's only there sometimes, and even then she's as likely to yell and blame as to offer you meager praise or fleeting tenderness, you quickly learn to shut down things like this before you can get hurt.

“Genuine?” I blurted, trying to constrain the welling surge of what threatened to break through right now, “I'm a basket case. I don't have a family. I barely have a home. Whatever you think is so great about me is nothing but a byproduct of one screwed-up individual. The worst mistake you could make would be to think I'm worth anything. And don't you dare pity me. I can barely stomach it from your parents. I can't take it from you. Just try to get it through your head, if you're so capable and advanced: I'm not worth it.”

Ellie stared at me, eyes wide and intense as she slowly lifted her head to look at me straight. I felt horrible for the outburst, but couldn't go back now. This was always the danger in digging too deep. My demons were barely beneath the surface, and required only the simplest of excavations for them to break free. I wanted to take it back and not hurt her, but it was too late.

Finally, she shook her head, tensed her jaw and said, “I don't pity you. But maybe you should stop pitying yourself.”

“What?” I asked quietly, an edge to my voice that I didn't like.

“Maybe you never saw me as anything more than a kid sister, but it wasn't the same with me. I've watched you for years, Jake. And I know when you're feeling sorry for yourself. All of that crap wasn't for my sake. You were trying to build up a nice bed of self-loathing to wallow in to get away. As much as I admire you and appreciate you, you do have one huge flaw. You're afraid of everything.”

I stared at the can of soda on the table before me, my vision pulsing with my heartbeat as Ellie's words sank in. She was right. I had no way to explain the little wizard's prescience, but boy had she hit the nail on the head, even though I was blind to it. My first instinct was to deny, deflect, save face. My second was to get angry and yell. But all of that crumbled like sand as I let her words sink in deeper.

I was afraid. I couldn't deny it, not around her. Her presence was like an emotional electromagnet, drawing forth everything from my deepest soul. Good or bad. Light or poison. Inevitably, no matter how I tried to put up my barriers or arguments, she made me face that fact, sitting and staring at a soda can. And once the reactionary urge to save face was past, I felt a hollow acceptance steal over me, a totally new feeling.

I wanted to give myself to her; put myself under her care. Let it all out. That was a dangerous thing, I knew. That way lies ruin and damnation for a man. I'd experienced similar with Amy, after growing too dependent. Nothing drives a girl away faster than a guy trying to make her his mom. I wasn't blind to the danger of that, and although I wasn't very good with people, I did understand psychology enough, at least on an instinctual level, to realize the peril in seeking a proxy for my mother. Or at least, someone onto whom I could dump my doubts, fears, insecurities, troubles.

Ellie would let me, at least for a while. If I wanted to, I could lay my head in her lap and cry like a baby right now, and she'd probably feel pleased by it. But I did have dignity, despite everything. And I cared for her enough to not put her in that position. Because it was dangerous for her, too. Whether as a brother or as...whatever the hell we were doing now, she needed to see strength in me, and resolve.

She needed that for her development into adulthood, as much as anything else. If her first crush turned out to be a simpering, broken train wreck, what would that do for her future image of men? Even in those more innocent days, even at my school, I'd run across the misandry displayed by the feminist types. These girls were damaged by something, and it had poisoned them. I just couldn't let that happen to Ellie because of my own weakness.

“Maybe I am,” I admitted finally, sitting up straight and taking a deep breath, “That doesn't put you off?”

“No,” She said firmly, “We can work on it.”

“Why do I get the feeling you're too good for me?” I asked, mostly to myself but my mouth said it aloud.

“Stop it,” Ellie said, “Seriously. Guys shouldn't put themselves down like that. It's not-”

I stopped her with a kiss. I couldn't have said why I did that, but before I was even aware of the desire, I had already taken her head between my hands and put my lips to her talking mouth. There was a brief moment of shocked hesitation, then Ellie melted into me.

She mirrored my hold on her head, and took my face between her hands as she returned my kiss. I felt her lips curl up into a smile against mine, and I pulled back momentarily to look at her. She was so close now, and I could lose myself in the tiny details in her big, bright eyes as they moved back and forth between mine. Her look spoke of expectant wonder, but also caution. Be a man, damn it. Lead.

I resumed, holding her this time with a hand behind her head for support, tenderly savoring the softness of her full lips. I didn't want to demand too much, leaving it for now at gentle pushes and brushes of lips, but Ellie had other ideas.

As if flipping a switch, she came alive like an electric shock. With a breathtaking ferocity, she thrust her hands into my hair for purchase, and let herself go like it was something she had been dying to do forever. She was forceful and passionate suddenly, and I felt my heart rate spike at the near manic energy. Her efforts were clumsy and inexperienced, but her fervor was incredibly exciting.

I relished the plush motion of her lips, even as she sometimes pushed too hard and our teeth bumped from behind the fleshy barriers. Her breath tasted of mint, and as our tongues began to explore as well, my mind seemed to crackle and spark as they brushed together for the first time. My stomach clenched as a wave of illicit desire stemmed from the base of my middle and ran up through my spine, leaving a tingling fuzz in my head.

I felt her low moan reverberate on my teeth, and Ellie repositioned herself even closer to me, languidly leaning into my chest as she chewed my lips with her own tender ones. Amy and I had made out before, passionately. But this...this was incredible. Ellie was raw, unconcerned with technique or appearance. She wanted me, and she had no filter on how to display her desire. I let her have her way, enjoying and indulging.

Her hands ran over me greedily; up my chest, around my shoulders, down my back, up my arms. I made sure not to return the exploration, as much as I wanted to. But her touches and gropes were gratification enough, and I felt a surge of pleasure every time she squeezed a part of me and exhaled a husky breath into my mouth.

Until she started pawing at my shirt. I allowed, and enjoyed her touches over my torso, but when she tried to grab the hem of my shirt and pull it off, my senses came crashing back to reality. I grabbed her wrist to stop her, and pulled away from the kiss.

She stared at me furiously, looking mouthwatering with her flushed face, messy hair, and wanton eyes, her small chest heaving and her mouth slightly open and glistening from our shared saliva. I came very close to jumping back onto her, more heated than before. But the magic of my foolish stunt had been tarnished, and I was beginning to feel the wary unease of guilt.

“What is it?” She demanded through heavy breaths.

“We need to slow down.” I said, still catching my own breath.

“Why?” She asked.

I sat in stunned silence for a moment, trying to figure out how to answer, “What do you mean, why? You were trying to strip me.”

“Yeah. And?”

“Ellie, for crying out loud!” I groaned in exasperation, “I get it; I'm easy to tease. You're surprisingly good at sexual humor, and I'm a perfect target. But I'm being serious here.”

“Jake,” She cooed, sweet as a mother soothing her baby, “I'm not teasing you. Literally the exact opposite.”

Well, that was technically true, I had to admit. But it made me more annoyed.

“Yeah, but...Ellie, what were you trying to do? We can't just get carried away like that. A kiss is one thing, but...” I couldn't make my words work right.

She took a deep breath and fell back against the couch. She crossed her arms and breathed heavily for a while, as if trying to calm herself down. Why was she so upset? After a while, the silence was painful, and I had to say something.

“I'm not trying to say I don't find you desirable,” I offered, “Believe me, I do. But you've got to understand.”

“Then why did you kiss me?” She asked, still annoyed.

“I don't know. I couldn't help myself.” I admitted.

She stared at me hard, then sighed heavily and sat upright again. Taking my hand in hers, she angled her body to face mine, and looked at me intently.

“When I said you didn't really know me, there was one thing I meant by that,” She began slowly, “It's embarrassing to talk about, but I think I can with you. I'm...not as innocent as you think I am.”

Sheer terror racked my being at her words, leaving me feeling like I'd been thrown into ice water, then into an inferno. My stomach clenched into a painful knot, and spikes of anxious panic coursed through my veins like wildfire. I felt like I might pass out. Ellie must have understood the look of devastation on my face, as her eyes got big as saucers, and she started fumbling to clarify.

“No, no! I...I've never done anything with anybody. I'm...a virgin. That's not...” She paused and looked off to the side, appearing so embarrassed that it almost hurt me for her, “Damn it, if you were anybody else...”

“Just hold on a second.” I asked her weakly, and paused to catch my breath.

I felt like a heart-attack had narrowly been avoided, and the tides of adrenaline still surging within me needed time to calm down. My hands were actually shaking a little, and I tried to sit back, stare straight ahead, and breathe until I could cool off.

“I'm sorry,” Ellie said miserably, “I didn't even think about how that would sound.”

“It's okay,” I said between deep breaths, feeling giddy now with the fresh surge of relief that comes after a near-miss, “But I think that took a year off of my life. Oh boy.”

“Just so you know, then. I haven't done anything, with anyone. At all,” She reiterated, slowly as if to prepare me for a blow, “But...”

She threw her head back then in annoyance and groaned in embarrassed discomfort. What could be such a big deal? She already said she hadn't even messed around.

“You don't have to-” I began.

“Yes, I do,” She said sternly, almost to herself, “It's important, because it has an impact on my life, and it sure as hell will if we get even closer.”

“Okay then,” I said, “But take your time. There's no pressure.”

She let go a sigh that transformed into a groan then said, “Look, I'm kind of a freak, okay? Like...sexually. I have been for a long time, even though I'm really good at hiding it. My body is...different, I guess. And even though I've never done anything with another person, it doesn't mean I don't want to. With you, I mean.”

It was rare to get a full-on crimson blush out of her, but she did it then, then buried her face in her hands, her hair falling over them like a golden curtain. How such an adorable, endearing expression could be paired with the words she'd just said was beyond a mystery. The irony, combined with my already stressed-out and frazzled condition, struck my funny bone somehow, and the sheer absurdity of it all collapsed onto me, sending me into a laughing fit.

The slow chuckle transformed into full, bellowing gales of laughter, like an engine going from a cold start to full rev. I howled, the emotional turmoil within me and the ridiculous oddity here serving as powerful fuel.

Ellie looked up and stared at me in disbelieving shock. The wide-eyed look on her pretty, flushed face made me laugh harder. I had entered one of those states where everything was funny, from the color of my shirt to the way the pillow sat on the arm of the couch. I didn't know if I'd ever get it under control.

When at last I finally did, the mirth slowly fading like a receding tide, Ellie sat staring at me with a cautious grin on her face. I really hoped my outburst hadn't hurt her feelings, but I couldn't have stopped it if I tried.

I panted for a bit, wiping the tears from my eyes and holding my aching side then managed, “Sorry.”

A few moments, and more composure later, I continued, “Wow, I don't know where that came from. I hope you didn't take that the wrong way; I wasn't making fun of what you said. Well, not really.”

“Okay.” Ellie said quietly, still bemused.

“I mean, you looked just like one of those girls from those animes you watch. All shy and everything. But what you said...such a contradiction. The irony was too much. I'm sorry.”

I looked back to Ellie and saw her demeanor change yet again. She was looking at me, eyes narrowed, doing that ludicrously seductive lip gnawing, looking for the world like she wanted to devour me.

I shook my head in wonder and composed myself, saying, “Thank you for sharing something that personal. It means a lot that you trust me enough to say that.”

“Barely,” She said coquettishly, “Don't make me regret it.”

“You know we can't...go that far, right?” I asked, finally deciding to tackle this important point.

“That's all you've got to say?” She asked, “After what I said, that's all?”

I shook my head and said, “Not by a long shot. But we need to get this point clear and established before anything else.”

“Right, right,” She said dismissively, “I can't rob you of your virtue. I get it.”

Shit. She didn't know I'd slept with Amy. I suddenly felt like trash, as I tried to figure out how to break it to Ellie. Although, I didn't see why it should even matter. We would not be having sex, or anything close. I was resolved to that. Maybe it still made me a creep and a cradle-robber to even do what we had already, but I would not be adding to those transgressions. Unfortunately, as it so often did, Ellie's observant insight seemed to snatch the problem away from me.

“Wait...you've done it,” She realized aloud, her face draining of color as she put it together, “With Amy. Of course.”

A flash of anger swept over her, fiercer than anything I'd ever seen on Ellie. But almost as fast, it was gone, replaced by an effort to look outwardly calm and cool. But within her expressive eyes, I could read the pain and betrayal. I understood that what she was going through was a condensed rehash of what she told me she'd dealt with when I first got with Amy.

Right now, Ellie was in the phase of trying to remind herself that she had no claim over me back then, and no right to be angry or hurt over what I'd done. But one can't simply reason with emotion. The very idea is absurd.

“Yeah,” I admitted, feeling wretched.

She nodded absently, her eyes looking eerily blank. I took both her hands in mine and forced her attention.

“Listen to me. I've had sex a total of two times, okay? The first doesn't even really count, since I barely got going before...nevermind. And the second time, we got interrupted by her brother showing up out of nowhere. That's the grand total of my experience,” I said, making sure she met my eyes as I spoke and that she paid attention, “But above all that, the fact is that I don't care about her, or any of the messing around we did. There is no value in any of that. It's not important.”

“Jake, don't do that,” She said quietly, “Don't devalue your experiences for my sake. Please.”

“I'm not,” I insisted, willing steel into my voice so she'd believe me, “There are things I do value about being with Amy. But the clumsy, bad sex isn't one of them.”

Part of me wondered why I was trying so hard to make her understand this, especially since I was certain our relationship wouldn't be remotely sexual any time soon. And just like that, I realized that I was actually entertaining the idea, if only on a properly long time-frame. Would there ever be an end to me breaking the promises and deals I made with myself? And once again, Ellie's uncanny astuteness manifested right along my line of thought.

“Jake?” She asked sweetly, “Why are you trying to convince me that it didn't mean anything before? Unless...you want to make sure our first time is special?”

Shit. I had no answer for that. She'd just struck the heart of what I was kicking myself over. How could I explain anything to her, when I didn't even understand it myself?

“That's not...” I began lamely, “I mean, maybe one day, but... I don't know.”

Her smile was serene and sincere, and she said, “It's okay. Don't get all flustered over it right now. It's enough that you understand me.”

I let out a bark of laughter and said, “I don't understand you at all anymore, Ellie.”

“You mean about how I'm a pervert?” She asked casually.

“Are you sure you want to talk about that stuff?” I asked, “It's pretty personal.”

“Yes, it is. And that should tell you something,” She said, “I've already put myself out there, so I'm not going back. It's up to you, now.”

“Well, what is there to talk about?” I asked, “You've got a high sex drive, I guess? Even though you've never done it. Is there more to it than that?”

She stared at me for a second then said, “I guess I don't understand you, either. I just told you I want to have sex with you, today even, if I had my way, and you're being so...clinical. How does it feel for me to say that?”

“I'm just trying to be good.” I said, my jaw clenched.

“I know, but how do you feel?” She insisted.

With a deep, steadying breath I said, “Like I can barely hold it together. I do want you. Badly. But I can't let myself do anything with you. Not yet; not for a while.”

She laid her hand on mine again and said, “Thank you for being honest, and I'm sorry you're in this position. I guess I have different ideas about what's right or wrong. I'm going to fight you on this, just so you know. So if you can't handle that-”

I cut her off, suddenly angry again, “What do you even know about it, anyway? If you're as inexperienced as you say, then you're just talking out of your ass right now. Maybe you're attracted to me, but that's a long way off of trying to fuck. You just can't do that! I know you, Ellie, you're not a slut. So quit acting like one.”

She slapped me across the cheek hard enough to make my ears ring and my vision spin into white for a moment.

“You are the last person who has any right to lecture about acting one way and talking another. If it hadn't been for you acting like you have this weekend, I never would have said a word about this. You kissed me, remember? And that was before I ever mentioned sex to you.”

She was fuming beside me, and I gingerly worked my jaw back and forth, trying to decide what to say. Once again, I had nothing, since she was right. Finally, I sighed and put my hands up in mock surrender.

“Sorry. You're right,” I admitted, “I've been a hypocrite, although I was trying not to be.”

Her anger seemed to fade somewhat, and she looked at me now, brows furrowed in determined thought, “I'm sorry I hit you.”

I almost laughed at how she said it, sounding like she was furious, despite the apology. She brought her hand up to where it had struck me, and tenderly stroked my cheek and jaw. Despite the still-stinging numbness, it felt nice. We said nothing for a while, just studying one another. Her eyes, so deep and intense, bloomed into their unusual glow, and I was transfixed.

Then a surge of some mad compulsion struck me like a battering ram, taking me utterly by surprise at the force and ferocity. It was like somebody else had access to by brain, and had just flipped several levers and pushed several buttons to trigger a response that hadn't been anywhere near the front of my thoughts. I fell upon Ellie, resuming our kiss with wild intensity and passion.

Somehow, Ellie took it as an inevitable progression, and before I was even touching her, she had loosened her body to melt into me flawlessly. This time, despite the heat of our affections, it wasn't near as desperate and erratic. Ellie behaved calmer now, as if she was getting exactly what she wanted and expected, and was just enjoying the play. She languidly fell back into the couch, her slender arms around my neck, pulling me down onto her.

And for my part, it was as if something inside me had been turned off in the 'guilty hesitation' department. I devoured her, and relished every second. She was a thing of unearthly beauty and sensuality, behaving suddenly like a woman twice her age. I didn't have it in me to question how or why, but just enjoyed it.

My hands explored her as we kissed, running over her thin and lovely neck, down her arms, entwining with her fingers. She looked and felt so small and sylphlike beneath me, filled to bursting with passionate energy and enthusiasm. The press of our bodies together made me thrill with desire. She seemed custom-molded to me, and she writhed so deliciously.

At one point, Ellie stopped and pulled back enough to look at my face. This time, I was the annoyed one for her stopping. I stared at her, panting and drinking in the sight of her on her back, under me, utterly submissive. She studied me for a second, her face flushed and mouth open in a sensuous grin.

“I promise I'll be good, okay?” She said between heavy breaths, “So let me enjoy this, at least a little?”

I had no idea what she meant, but my foggy mind couldn't stop and think. My own teenage drives were overloading, and all I could do was nod my head. Her grin became wicked, and she grabbed at my shirt once more, trying to bunch it up and pull it off. With a low laugh I went ahead and sat up, grabbed the hem, and pulled it off of me in one fluid motion, before discarding it on the floor.

Ellie's reaction was powerfully gratifying for my ego. Her eyes burned as she blatantly appreciated my torso, she gnawed her lip in that sexy way, and unabashedly thrust up her hands to touch me, running all over and following the lines and contours of my athletic body. I allowed myself the arrogance, for once.

I'd worked my ass off to put on muscle, and although it was nothing one might find in a magazine, I was proud of what I had. Besides, I knew that to girls, a masterful physique didn't really matter. Give them a lean abdomen, rounded shoulders, and a proportionately developed chest and back, and they would love it.

Ellie certainly did. She molested me with her hands, seeming intent on covering every square inch, before she shifted so as to sit up. She began kissing my neck, shoulders, chest, sending deliciously warm tingles through me at each contact of her lips and flick of her tongue. Her hands went behind my back and kneaded and stroked. It felt incredible, and I sat still as she enjoyed me, save for my own hands trailing gently over her and in her hair. I hoped she really wouldn't push too far, since I was no longer sure if I could stop myself.

Eventually, she pulled away and repeated my moves to remove her own shirt. I held my breath, my eyes feeling like they might fall out of their sockets. A small, ever-receding voice inside begged me to stop, but it was tragically easy to ignore. And as I saw the pale flesh of her stomach revealed from the rising shirt, that bit of conscience was banished utterly.

I knew what she looked like in a bathing suit, having just seen the mouthwatering display yesterday. But the totally different context of this situation, plus the fact that it was a bra she wore instead of a bikini top, conspired to nearly make me pant like a dog. She watched me quietly, actually looking a little self-conscious, which was ridiculous, if terribly cute. Ellie had become a knockout in many ways, but not least with her figure.

She was still slim and lithe, with perfect hints of curves, not quite developed, but enough to break up the long, supple lines of her body deliciously. Her breasts were small still, but the suggestion of cleavage revealed between the cups of bra as her nervous arms pushed together was angelic. Long, thin arms ran up into a narrow set of shoulders, and her delicate collar bones begged to be kissed.

I moved slowly, so as not to scare her, although I knew it probably wasn't necessary. At first, all I did was run my hands up and down her arms, making eye contact with her. I loved the way my gentle touches rose patches of goosebumps beneath my fingers.

“Are you sure you're comfortable with this?” I asked.

The look of hesitation I'd seen in her did give me pause, even when nothing else had. I suddenly worried that she might feel pressured or obligated to move forward by what she'd told me, even if she changed her mind.

Ellie nodded, “Yeah, I'm sure. It's just...I know I'm not much to look at. You've gotten all hot now, and I still look like a kid.”

“No,” I said softly, running a gentle hand under her jawline, then down her neck before resting it on her shoulder, “You're perfect. I wouldn't change you for anything.”

That made her smile demurely, dipping her head in embarrassed pleasure. The look was priceless for its endearing effect on me, and my worries were assuaged. I took Ellie's offer for reciprocation and began to gently touch her. I was nowhere near as forceful and wanton as she had been, but the tender caresses I lavished on her seemed to drive my desire for her to a new level. I also made sure to be relatively chaste, and stay away from her breasts.

But that didn't diminish how good it felt to wander with light, sweeping fingers and hands over her shoulders and arms, across her sternum, down her sides, over her tender belly, around the delicate flare of waist, up her back. Her skin was incredibly soft silk under my fingers. She closed her eyes and enjoyed it, her mouth open slightly, small moans and gasps escaping occasionally, which made my blood boil with desire.

“You're perfect,” I repeated as I trailed my hands over her absently.

A small shudder coursed over her, her breath letting out in a little rush. New goosebumps rose beneath my fingers, and her already faint tinge of blush deepened from the praise.

“I always thought you were pretty,” I continued, “But it's like I never actually saw you. You're incredible, Ellie.”

I took one hand away from petting her and ran it up into her thick mane of golden hair, cradling the back of her head. I leaned down and kissed her again, tenderly this time and slowly. Then I moved my kisses down to her jaw, then her neck, just beneath her delicate ear. The scent of her hair cascaded over me. Ellie hissed in a breath, stiffened, and angled her head away from mine, so I could have better access. I took her gesture as permission, and continued kissing there; slow, thick presses of my lips, with an occasional swirl of tongue on her supple skin. I kissed behind her ear, along her hairline, back to her neck.

I took her earlobe into my mouth and playfully suckled it and flicked it with my tongue. That elicited a tremor from her and soft whimper, then I ran my tongue up behind her sensitive ear, which caused her to gasp and shudder. I folded my free arm around her waist tightly and drank in the sensation of her lithe muscles gliding just beneath her hot skin as she writhed from the pleasure I gave her.

Indeed Ellie was all but panting by now, her mouth agape, eyes hazed over with arousal. She looked purely erotic, and dangerously inviting to anything I might want to do to her. It was very hard to not imagine those possibilities. She smelled incredible, and hearing her breathe and moan into my ear as I kissed hers put me in mind of other activities we may do that could have us so close and passionate. Those were dangerous thoughts.

Ellie moved her head to whisper into my ear, “I'll keep my word, but you're going to have to finish what you started, at least.”

I pulled back and looked at her, her eyes intense, teeth set over her lower lip. What she said sent a chill through me, although I wasn't sure I understood. I could guess though, and that may not be advisable. Agile as a cat, Ellie spun around to lay back against me, and grabbed my hand.

“You need to feel something.” She said, voice low and husky, pulling my hand over her lap.

I tensed my arm to stop it, “What are you doing?”

She said nothing, but pulled even harder on my wrist. After a moment of hesitation I let it go. She was wearing a pair of baggy gym shorts, and the waistband gave no resistance as she shoved my hand into them. I hesitated, my hand resting on Ellie's hot, tight lower abdomen. I felt my instincts compel me to move the hand down and proceed with my inexorable damnation. But I didn't; not yet.

“It's okay.” Ellie urged me, her stomach lifting slightly as if to make my hand to slide down.

I slid it down. Lower. A shuddering breath escaped me when I realized that she wasn't wearing panties. Her svelte little body squirmed eagerly on my lap, her hips slowly twisting and thrusting with unthinking desire. My heart was pounding in my chest, and I felt my mouth go dry. The sheer eroticism emanating from this girl was maddening. I started getting a picture in my head about what she'd meant when she told me she was a sexual freak.

The picture wasn't complete though, until I reached my destination. I sucked in a sharp breath in shock as I felt my hand glide up her soft, prominent mons and dip over the smooth arc below. To say she was wet would be as much of an understatement as saying a tub of water was damp. Ellie was soaked – obscenely, ridiculously, impossibly, sopping wet. I almost laughed, wondering if she peed on herself. But I could tell right away from the slick, slimy consistency of her cream that this wasn't urine.

It was everywhere. Coating her labia, down over her butt cheeks, all around her inner thighs. It was cartoonish. But it was also the sexiest thing I'd ever encountered. My hand trembled as I swept over the thick slime, and it was all I could do to not violently dig into her like a beast. Ellie wasn't making it any easier. From the time I started exploring down there, she arched her back and let out a low whine, chasing my hand with her hips in an effort to force contact.

When I did gingerly lay my hand down, palm on her mons and my fingers gently running up her smooth, engorged labia, she let out a shuddering groan and gyrated her hips up hard into my hand, her head falling back to rest on my shoulder. At first, I thought she was acting. A mere touch couldn't do that to a girl, I knew. But when I looked down at her face and saw her eyes squeezed shut, mouth open in a rigid 'O', face flushed red, I knew it wasn't an act. My hand barely caressing her vagina had gotten her off. I watched with breathless fascination as she rode out the small orgasm.

When she recovered enough to speak, she said through panting breath, “Do you get it now? I've been like this for years. It's such a pain, most of the time. And when I'm around you, it gets so much worse.”

A deep residual shudder ran over her as she finished speaking. I tried not to move, unsure of whether I really should give in and pleasure her with my hand. Maybe all she wanted was to show me her...unique issue.

“So?” She finally demanded, “Are you going to help me, or do I have to take care of myself, right here on top of you?”

She humped up her hips again, trying to force contact with my hand. I relented with a shake of my head, and began sliding my hand down over her labia. The heat and wetness was insane. I was unsure what exactly she wanted me to do, so I tried to simply swirl my fingers over her clitoris. Seemed a safe bet.

Ellie went rigid, her voice letting go in a long, high whine. She squirmed in my lap like a speared snake, and the orgasm struck almost instantly. Incredible. She fell back into me, limp and panting.

“Fingers,” She murmured thickly, eyes still closed, “Put some fingers in. Please.”

“You sure? Mine are bigger than yours.” I asked, fighting the urge to just dive in.

She nodded quickly, her head still back on my shoulder as if dazed. I decided to play it safe, and only use one. Apparently, she was no stranger to playing with herself, so I felt certain there would be no hymen to contend with or anything. But still, I was cautious.

My hand glided over the tender, smooth flesh of her labia, then I tentatively dipped a finger past the lips, into the slightly open cleft at the bottom. It felt like I'd dipped the finger in molten silk, so great was the wet heat. With every move, she twitched, writhed, moaned, and clawed at my legs beneath her. The delicate folds of her tiny inner labia slid open at my slightest pressure, letting free a torrent of hot, slimy juices, which coated my hand and ran down.

My finger slid in without resistance, eliciting a sharp cry from Ellie. The poor thing was in an almost delirious state of pleasure already. I wondered what would happen if I kept going. Would she be okay? Despite the relatively mild concern, my own lust had full control now, and there would be no stopping my greedy play.

Indeed, I felt myself on the brink of release just due to the unbelievable sexiness of the situation. My aching erection strained against its confinement in my pants, and I knew there was no way Ellie didn't feel the hot, hard mass beneath her. With a shocking thought, I realized I could likely make myself cum if I wanted to shift around a bit to let it off. My own arousal was enormous, and the magical creature on my lap would make it that much easier.

But it was Ellie's treat for now. And I wanted to keep my burning lust fully intact as I savored the pleasure I gave her. So I set to work curling my finger into her slimy heat slowly, until it bottomed out at my knuckle. She was a furnace inside, and the textured walls around my digit seemed to slither, contract, and suck me in as if they had a mind of their own. She was incredibly tight, but in a good, elastic sort of way.

Ellie lurched and moaned deep and lustfully as I got the finger in all the way. Then I began to move it, in and out in a regular rhythm, feeling the gushes of her juices around my knuckles as she continued to ooze and spurt. She was losing her mind on me, and soon turned her head to face mine, took my earlobe between her teeth for a second, then simply moaned a high, keening whine into my ear as the next climax washed over her.

What exactly was she capable of, and how much would satisfy her, I wondered? I knew girls could cum multiple times, but with Ellie, each one only seemed to prime her for an even greater one to come. It made me wonder if I could ever keep up with her. That thought struck a devilish chord in me, and I felt my competitive side flare up. Added to that, I was all but crazy myself with the chemical onslaught raging inside of me, fueling my arousal and desire. I decided to start being proactive here. If she wanted me to 'help' her, let's see what I could do about that.

“That feel good?” I asked, low in her ear.

She shuddered and nodded.

“You weren't kidding about yourself,” I teased, running my free hand over her lower abdomen, even as my right teased a finger slowly in and out of her vagina, “You're a mess. But you know what?”

She waited to see if I'd finish, but when I didn't she asked in a breathy whisper, “What?”

Instead of answering right away, I pulled my finger out of her and used the two middle ones to scoop up as much lubrication as I could, before thrusting them both inside of her. This time, the tightness was very pronounced, and I could tell I was at the limit of what she could handle, even aroused and relaxed.

Ellie cried out in ecstasy as I bottomed out my fingers in her. I leaned my face into her neck and kissed my way up to her ear.

“I love it.” I breathed, and Ellie let go a loud moan as I spoke.

I started thrusting my fingers faster and faster, using my other hand to caress Ellie's neck and jawline and face. She was going crazy, actually screaming out and gibbering incoherent nonsense as wave after wave of orgasmic bliss kept her on a perpetual high of barely-endurable pleasure. I did my best to amplify it.

I kissed her, when she stopped moving long enough for me to do so, and otherwise whispered into her ear how incredibly sexy she was and how badly she made me want her. I wasn't any good at talking dirty, but I got the feeling I could have driven her wild by reciting the ABCs.

As for my fingers, I simply did what I'd read in some men's magazine a while back, and used a regular, fast rhythm, pulling in and up before pulling out. As she rode this orgasm, I felt the clenching of her vaginal walls clamp down so hard as to nearly shoot my fingers out. I had to curl them in rather forcefully to get back inside, and I felt the pulsing, undulating walls give only reluctantly as I ploughed back in. It made me worry that this might hurt her, but every time I shoved my way back in, her scream hit a high pitch, and she jerked rigid again, as if my forcing entry compounded her pleasure.

Several times, as my fingers neared the exit of her vagina, they would be cascaded by a small gush of fluid, which slicked everything up again and made my continued thrusting sound wet and gushy, and eased the friction considerably.

The amount of fluid she produced was unbelievable. I was starting to worry about her hydration. And it was scary, how long she seemed to ride this last, insane orgasm. When she finally began to taper down, I took my cue and gently pulled my fingers out of her. They fell out with a slight wet noise, and I gently rubbed around her labia and inner thighs for a moment before I retracted my hand, realizing that I didn't want it to be over.

No, I was thoroughly hooked now, I knew. I could spend hours just exploring her delicious little body and loving the pleasure I gave her. It felt so right somehow, like a symbiosis of perfect sexual harmony. And we had barely even begun. The prospect of more and further play with Ellie sent a shiver through me, and I knew that I would no longer be able to put up any pretenses of moral resistance or propriety. She had me.

Ellie's moans and gasps began to wane, instead replaced by a panting, gasping period of refraction. She heaved to catch her breath, coughed a few times in an odd way, and shivered with residual waves of pleasure. In a few moments, she turned slightly, threw her arms around me, and curled into my lap like a kitten, still shuddering occasionally. I held her, rubbing her hair and back while she came down. Then something occurred to me that nearly made me cry out aloud. That little bit of coughing Ellie had done just now triggered something familiar in me, and once I realized what it was, I was flabbergasted.

“No way.” I mumbled aloud, though I hadn't meant to.

Ellie made a curious noise from where her face was buried into my middle.

“You...on the way home yesterday. That was...” I stammered, the pieces falling into place and stunning me.

I felt her hair move against my chest as she nodded, and said, “Yeah. I was masturbating.”

My breath let out in a long 'whoosh', and I found myself speechless.

“I told you I was a freak.” She said ashamedly.

“No, it's fine but...why?” I asked.

She finally sat up to look at me, leaning tiredly against the back of the couch, while still sitting across my lap sideways.

“We had a little moment yesterday, if you recall,” She reminded me, grinning with fond remembrance, “And the way you looked at me in my swim suit made me feel all warm and sexy. It made me start thinking about things, and by the time we left, I just couldn't help myself. I told you: You make me crazy sometimes.”

“But Brad was in the car! It was so risky.” I said.

She laughed a little and said, “So it was risky because he was in the car, but not you?”

I chuckled along with her and said, “Yeah, yeah. But still, why risk it?”

“It wasn't really a risk,” She explained casually, “I'm pretty good at hiding it now. I've had a few years to practice.”

That hit me like a hammer blow, “Wait, you've done it in public before? How often?”

“A lot. I'm a pervert, like I said. I've been doing stuff like that since I was...nine? Or ten? Anyway, a quick session under a towel in a back seat is nothing. Not really risky. Although I thought you might be getting a little suspicious there for a second.” She said, shooting me a playful grin.

I watched her for a while, marveling at what a completely different person Ellie seemed to be from who I used to have in my mind. In a way, it hurt to realize my old image of her was gone for good. No matter what happened from here on, I would never be able to see her the same as I used to. But as I considered it, I came to understand that it really wasn't about my image of her at all. She was who she was, and I could accept her, or not.

“I thought something was up, but I never would have guessed that in a million years. I was afraid you were sick, and trying to hide it. It's a relief, actually.” I said.

Ellie softened visibly from my concern, and leaned over to kiss me tenderly once before snuggling down onto my chest. I trailed an idle hand up and down her arm.

“So, what other stuff like that have you done?” I asked after a few moments.

“Why?” She asked, voice heavy with teasing, “Do you like the thought of it?”

“Yes, actually,” I said, choosing to be straight-forward, “It's extremely sexy, if I'm honest.”

“Jake, I thought you were more innocent. You've been as much of a freak as me today.” She said, the teasing in her voice only amplifying.

“It's your fault for making me show it,” I said, “I never claimed to be anything else. But I was trying to be good with you. You've blown that now.”

“I haven't 'blown' it yet.” She mumbled, barely loud enough for me to catch the double entendre.

I chose to ignore it and said, “Are you going to answer me?”

“Fine,” She said, taking a breath, “I have masturbated in the car before, at the dinner table, at church, watching a movie, at school, in a plane once, in restaurants, at the doctor's office, in the movie theater...I could go on and on.”

“Wow.” I said, since it was all I could think to say.

“Yeah. But it's not like other boys get me turned on or anything. I promise. I'm just always horny, I guess.”

“I'm not jealous or anything, Ellie. Don't worry about that.”

She smiled in relief, then continued, “I tried to talk to my friends about it, when it first started getting bad, but it didn't take long to figure out that I was different. If they did it at all, it was only a few times a week, and only when they were in their room at night. I don't know why, but I've always liked the risk of doing it where I'm not supposed to. It makes it feel better.”

I was speechless, yet again. How the hell did she manage to hide such a huge part of herself so well? There was never the slightest sign or hint that she had developed such a strong sexual streak. I was positive Brad had no idea either. Was this what it felt like to learn that someone you're extremely close to is actually a secret agent spy or something?

She was quiet for a time, but finally piped up and said, “Hey, you wanna know how much I did it around you?”

I stared at her in surprise, “What? You did it around me?”

“Big time,” She admitted with a grin, “I had a game where I'd see how fast I could cum, sitting right beside you. I got pretty good at it.”

“Um...I'm flattered?”

I had to admit, the thought of Ellie touching herself all over the place did get me quite excited. And right beside me? A tingle ran through me at the idea. How many times had we been piled on this very couch watching a movie or something, Ellie sitting next to me underneath a blanket? How many times had she been touching herself in just such a situation, hiding her illicit pleasures from the whole family? My imagination taking off a bit, I wondered how many times she could cum during the course of a movie, her youthful well of stamina allowing her to perpetually rub and touch and tease orgasm after orgasm out of her wet, swollen little pussy until she was a boneless, sweaty lump of bliss under the blanket.

Did she tease and resist the urge to cum, waiting on the very edge of that delicious torment for the perfect moment of a loud noise onscreen, then mask her whimper or moan of pleasure beneath? What did the others think, looking over from time to time at the flush-faced little nymphet, curled up to the chin beneath a cover, a glistening sweat sheen on her forehead? Had anyone ever asked if she had a fever or something, prompting her to quickly pull away her sticky little fingers and fix her clothes, the unfulfilled, hot bubble of arousal still intact and aching?

How many times did she cum in my back seat just yesterday, under my very nose? My erection was steel once again, and I could feel the hot pulses as the blood rushed through it and the nerves tingled electrically in anticipation and urgency. Ellie seemed to be on the same page as me, and she glanced down with a sly, hungry look, an eyebrow raised.

“Your turn now. We're running out of time.” She said, moving to undo my pants.

“Wait, you don't have to do that.” I said, stopping her hands on my zipper.

She looked up at me and narrowed her eyes, “You did all that for me. Let me return the favor.”

“It's not right.” I said lamely.

As urgently as I needed a release, I still felt awkward about having her do that. Maybe I could go jerk off in the bathroom or something. I knew the thought was ridiculous, but there were still some tattered shreds of morality in me, bouncing around my head like pathetic, drunken ping pong balls amidst the maelstrom of my lust and desire for Ellie.

“You just finger-banged me, you retard. We're a little past what's 'right' now. And I'm not just doing it for you. I want it.” She was so insistent, and so confident.

My raging arousal overrode the last scrap of hesitation, and I put up no further fight. I undid my jeans and slid them down. Ellie hovered over my lap, eyeing my boxers and their contents like a delicacy.

“Hands.” I said, taking her by the shoulders and pulling her face away from my lap, “Return the favor.”

“Are you even a man?” She asked sourly.

But she didn't protest, and eagerly flipped my erect penis out of the boxer's opening. She stared at it wide-eyed, making my ego inflate to ridiculous size as I watched the little tip of her tongue peek out and swirl over her lips.

“Have you ever seen one before?” I asked.

“Dad's.” Ellie said, still examining mine.

I nearly choked at her words, falling into a coughing fit for a moment. Ellie laughed at the way that made my penis bounce, but she apparently caught my shocked reaction.

“It was when I was four or something, and it was an accident,” She clarified, “I thought it looked like a pickle. But this...”

She licked her lips again and moved closer, as if to consume it. I almost let her, but had to stop her at the last second. I really don't even know why. Ellie growled at my denial of her meal, but set to work stroking my length, her head hung over it with intense examination, her hair feeling like wisps of feather-soft caresses on my thighs and lower abdomen.

I had a good size, although what I packed wasn't likely to find fame and glory in porn. But the way she appreciated me made me feel like a king. She gingerly stroked up and down, both hands twisting and gripping and wiggling as they tried to get a rhythm.

Tingling charges of raw pleasure shot out from my penis and through my body at various frequencies and amplitudes as her little hands found higher and lower sensitivity areas during her play. The combination of sensations had me breathing heavily and twitching. Somehow, the inexpert awkwardness made it better in a way. I let out a long sigh and leaned back as I let the built-up tension from all this insane day be massaged out of me by this little angel.

Soon, she figured out a rhythm, and began stroking faster. The pleasure sensations seemed to unify and enter a feedback loop of gradual amplification. My breathing got faster and more ragged, my hips began to rise in time with her stokes. Ellie noticed all of this and looked incredibly excited at her effect. She looked up at me to gauge my condition, and I smiled at her as best as I could.

“That feels so nice, baby.” I murmured, reaching up a hand to stroke her soft hair.

She beamed like my praise in this meant all the world, and focused in even harder. I felt my long-awaited release bubble to the surface and prepare to erupt.

There was a brief second to worry about where my ejaculate would go. I was certain this would be an enormous load, but no sooner had the problem occurred to me, I felt the first tingling crest of no return break over the dam and travel through my being like an electric current. My body stiffened as I grunted and thrust absently into Ellie's hands, my head back. White spots swam in my vision and I felt the first thick shot erupt like a cannon.

And then, it all changed as an insane heat engulfed the length of me. It was wet and hot and silky soft, flooding warmth throughout my entire body. The unexpected shock of pleasure triggered an involuntary moan that let go from me. My eyes grew wide. I looked down to see the top of Ellie's head, as she had taken my penis into her mouth as far as she could fit it. The sight of her there, and the unbelievable feeling of her hot little mouth over me seemed to redouble my orgasm mid-release, and I fell limp to the racking waves of pleasure as they shot from me, groaning and writhing like I never had before.

Ellie never came up from the time she took me into her mouth. I could feel her mouth and tongue move over me as she sucked and worked her throat to swallow all of my massive ejaculation, and it was pure heaven. As she struggled to drink all of it down, she gave little grunts and groans of exertion, which I felt as exquisite vibrations in my penis. Her throat undulated and rolled as she swallowed, the sucking sensation feeling like she might draw my very soul out along with every last drop of semen in my body. The tides of orgasmic bliss were golden waves, as golden as her hair that lay fanned out over my stomach.

As the climax ebbed, and my final few residual throbs gave way to the hyper-sensitive feeling of post-orgasm, I took Ellie's head in my hands, as she was still dutifully sucking and licking, and pulled her gently off of me. She looked up at me with those brilliant, gleeful blue eyes, a lewd sheen on her lips.

“Why did you do that?” I asked breathlessly, unable to feel anything but calm and fuzzy after the release.

“I wanted to taste you.” She said, licking her lips as if they were coated in sugar.

I sighed, leaned back and said, “Of course you did.”

*

Part of what had frightened me so much about Ellie revealing her sexuality was my fear of what would become of my image of her. I was worried that my sweet, adorable, innocent and pure girl would be gone. As we cleaned up our mess, I realized that those concerns were misguided. Sure, she wasn't very innocent, but she was still sweet and adorable and pure. Purely a sexual volcano maybe, but still.

As we worked together on cleaning up our illicit mess, I found myself feeling even more protective of her, if that was possible, and even more ensnared by her cuteness. She was bubbly and happy and full of free, contagious smiles for me. My heart swelled at every one. No, my image of her hadn't degraded. It was only expanded now. And realizing that, I couldn't help the thrill of excitement as I considered what the future might hold for us.

“I mean, just look at this!” She said, standing up in front of me and spreading her legs into a bow-legged stance.

She indicated her shorts and legs, and as I got close enough to see, my eyes nearly popped out. Her shorts were positively gummy from her ejaculate, and long, wide streaks of clear, or slightly milky crust had dried on her thighs. I knew she was making a mess earlier, but jeez.

“You see what I have to deal with?” She continued, “It's such a pain. I've got to wash clothes all the time so mom doesn't find this stuff.”

“Is it always that bad?” I asked, feeling sorry for her actually.

“Not always. I guess on average, I'm how a normal girl is when she's super wet. That's not too bad. But when I get really worked-up, it just won't stop!” As if to emphasize her point, she took a large swig of water.

I had insisted she hydrate herself as soon as possible. She said it wasn't a big deal, and she'd never had any problems come of her fluid loss, but I was adamant. She gave in, if only to satisfy my concern. In truth, I was surprised we didn't make a bigger mess of the couch. Her gushing torrent aside, I knew I lost at least one large shot of semen into the ether. Most likely, it ended up on the couch, but try as we might, we could find no trace of it anywhere. There was one small damp spot on the cushion where she had been sitting, which Ellie sprayed and wiped with a cleaner before positioning a pillow over it to hide it.

Otherwise, all she had to do was hop in a quick shower and change clothes. For my part, I almost felt like I didn't want to wash the hand that had pleasured her. It was silly, but I decided to at least smell my hand before cleaning it. Nothing. I sniffed my fingers like there was a bump of cocaine in my nail, but there was no smell at all. Feeling a little let down, I washed up.

By the time Ellie returned from her shower, I was starting to feel depression settling over me like a casket lid. The reality of our situation was painful. I had to leave in a few minutes. After that, work. Then a week of school. Maybe I'd see her on the weekend, but I'd be under the pretext of hanging out with Brad, so there wouldn't even be a chance for us to talk openly.

Phone conversations would be impossible, as we simply couldn't risk anyone picking up the line and overhearing what we might be saying. Ellie seemed to share my melancholic mood by the time she finished her shower, and she went immediately from the bathroom over to me and embraced me in a hug tight enough to pop my back. I held her small frame desperately as well, breathing in her clean scent, kissing her soft, damp forehead, and generally trying to stockpile these good feelings to sustain me.

“I just realized something.” I said, feeling a sudden tinge of hope.

“Hmm?”

“When you get your computer, we'll be able to talk online with IM. Privately, too.”

Ellie pulled back to look at me, her face open and happy with the news, “That's right! Oh, I can't wait.”

It did make me feel better, but I knew it was only a band-aid. How the hell could this ever work? My mind threw itself down the rabbit hole of all the difficulties and problems that a relationship like ours was doomed to consist of, and I had to shake my head to stop it, lest the despair overwhelm me.

Ellie, intuitive as ever, asked me, “You gonna be okay? You look pale.”

“You know me,” I said, trying to smile, “Feeling sorry for myself, I guess.”

“About what?” She asked, then her eyes lit up as it came to her, “Wait. You're actually sad about having to leave me.”

She sounded happy about it, like that was an honor for her. I couldn't help but laugh.

“Yeah. I don't want to go. It feels like I just met you all over again, and you're so incredible. All I want to do is talk to you. But I don't know when we'll get a chance like this again. The computer will make it better, but I want to hear your voice. I want to see you.”

Ellie looked stricken, as if the weight of our situation was finally clear to her. She stared down from my eyes, into space for a long moment as the harsh reality washed over her. As amazing as today had been, it was but a tiny island in a sea of time to come where we couldn't really be together, even when in each other's presence. It was painful enough to me. What must the realization be doing to her?

After finally getting what she wanted from me for all these years, she couldn't even enjoy it. Because it's not enough that I return her feelings. The rest of the world demands a say too, and we both knew how that would turn out.

“What if we told mom and dad? We could explain how we feel, and that we were together. You're not an adult yet. They can't say anything.” Ellie put in, the eagerness to find a solution heartfelt, if horrifying in this case.

“We can't do that, Ellie,” I said, “You know better. Even if they didn't freak out and not let me come around anymore, it would still make things awkward at best. And they would not be okay with it. But honestly, I'm more concerned about Brad.”

I considered telling Ellie what I'd overheard last night. Something in her parents' conversation seemed like they expected Ellie and I to get together at some point, even if they weren't crazy about the idea. But the reasoning behind their assumption was unknown, and I still felt that something nefarious was at work, at least a little.

Besides, it wouldn't do to mention it to Ellie, and have her confront them when they returned home. I still feared for her, and the unreasoning protectiveness it stirred up in me made me want to keep her innocent of what I'd heard for now. That issue could wait, I thought, since it seemed her parents were hanging around and waiting for whatever they thought would happen.

No, Brad was the biggest obstacle here. I knew him well enough to be certain that he would never understand, even if his parents were on board and trying to convince him. Ellie was supposed to be like a sister to me. She was his sister in truth. For me to even have the potential to entertain the idea of dating her would, for him, not only be tantamount to seducing my sister, but also me actually seducing his sister.

He'd hate me. He'd kill me. Brad was a great guy, but not one known for a calm, reasoning approach to problems. Part of his success in sports was his lack of hesitation once his path was clear. Give him so much as a whiff of fuckery between Ellie and me, and his mind would be made up instantly, and likely never be changeable. I didn't want to hurt him like that. And I didn't want to lose my best friend.

“It's none of his business,” Ellie said sulkily, “It's got nothing to do with him.”

“It does, and you know it,” I said gently, “If he found out we even liked each other like that, it would kill him.”

“But we're already past just liking each other,” She said, “Unless you plan on putting a stop to this for good, he'll have to learn at some point. They all will, right?”

I sighed miserably, “I don't know. If we could only wait a while longer.”

“That won't help anything. In two years I'll be fourteen, and you'll be a felon, unless you have my parents' consent to be with me. If we waited til I was eighteen, you'd be twenty-two and off in college somewhere probably. I don't think either of us can screw around waiting and hiding for that long. So you'd better decide right now before this goes on any more. I can't keep getting closer to you only for you to get tired of the hassle and move on one day.” She was close to tears as she went on, and I felt my own heart breaking with her.

I took her face in my hands and made her look at me, so she could see my sincerity as I spoke, “I will never do that to you. As far as I'm concerned we are perfect for one another. I'm going to do everything I can to make this work out.”

Ellie smiled sweetly, even as a few tears ran down her cheeks. She sniffled shyly and wiped at them.

After she gained control of her voice she said, “Sorry. I feel like an idiot, crying right now. I always get emotional when I cum that hard.”

Watching her cute little tearful face say that cracked something in me, despite my melancholy, and I fell into a fit of laughter. Ellie soon followed suit, likewise appreciating the absurdity of the situation, and my own contagious response. Soon, we were both howling like we were drugged with happy gas, the tears in our eyes welcome.

Despite not really finding a solution to our problem, we felt considerably better when the laughter finally faded. Instead of worrying about the future, I decided to just watch Ellie now; her sparkling blue eyes, big radiant smile, long blonde hair and angelic manner framing her for me to hold and cherish. There would be time for thinking about this later.

“Hey, start thinking up ways we can see each other again, okay?” She said, “Alone, that is.”

“Of course I will. But would it really be so bad if we only get to spend time around everybody else for a while? I think I'd be fine, as long as I could be around you.” I said.

“Yeah, that's better than nothing,” She agreed, “But I can't get in your pants that way. I need my fix.”

“God, you are going to be the death of me, one way or another.” I said with a grin.

We talked for a while longer, and kissed enthusiastically before I left. I drove away feeling like a hero, singing along to a rock song on the radio. Despite the problems in the future, today was a good day. The sun was bright, my heart was light, and I didn't know it then, but I would all-too-soon have the situation taken out of my hands to the music of shattering glass.

*

Tuesday night, I got home from work a little after midnight. I hated when I had to do a late shift during the week, when school was still in, but occasionally I had to cover for someone and it was inevitable. The only upshot was the relatively empty drive back home. But that just highlighted my plight of being out at such an ungodly hour, when rest of the world is asleep. Couldn't wait to sleep.

So I dragged into the house like a zombie, heavy on my feet and desperate for bed. I didn't even want to calculate how few hours of sleep I'd have before school tomorrow. No, this morning, actually. What was even going on at school today? Was there a test?

Mom's latest boyfriend was over, and I inwardly groaned as I came in the house and saw them not only awake, but in the living room. This guy was a drinker, and judging by the mess of bottles on the coffee table, he'd already been hard at it for a while. I opened the door to a ridiculously loud game of some sort on the television. I hadn't set two feet inside and something big happened with the game, prompting him to yell an obscenely loud cheer.

“Hey boy, want to watch the game?” He called to me, voice slurred somewhat from the drink.

“No, thanks.” I said, making for the hall.

“Jake, at least you can speak. Don't be rude.” Mom said sharply.

Since when did she care if I spoke to her or anyone else? Then I remembered she had only been seeing this guy for a couple of weeks. She must be wanting to make a good impression still. I inwardly groaned. Her usual shtick was to play sweet as sugar during the 'get to know you' phase of her many and diverse flings, and during that time I was expected to fall into her fantasy image of an ideal son. I supposed I could at least speak and get this over with.

I sighed, but turned around and said, “Hey...uh, Bobby, right?”

“Tommy.” He said dryly.

Oh yeah, that's right. Bobby had been the guy a few months back. Got it close at least. How the hell was I supposed to keep up with her carousel of men? It was one thing when I was little, and couldn't go anywhere. Now that I had a job and a car, and made sure to stay away from home as much as possible, these things got blurry. Tommy yelled again at a play on the TV.

“Sorry Tommy,” I said, “Listen, I've got school in the morning, so if you guys could keep it down a little, I'd appreciate it.”

“Jake!” Mom said, sounding horrified.

“Hang on now son,” Tommy said heavily, lurching to his feet, “I think you need to slow down on the demands. This is your mother's house, and she pays the bills and keeps the roof over your head. So you don't need to go ordering around adults.”

I could smell the stench of beer on him from ten feet away, and I seriously considered just apologizing and going to my room. I knew his type, and engaging would only make things worse, unless I became apologetic and treated him like the hotshot he fantasized about being. But for some reason or another, I was in no mood to put up with it, and made the decision to hold my ground.

“I didn't order anyone. It was a request. And I'm not your damned son.” I said, staring the drunken buffoon in the eye as I spoke.

He and my mother were stunned silent for a while, but Tommy finally staggered up to me and got in my face.

“Look here, boy. I don't put up with that kind of shit from grown men twice your age, you hear me? When you're talking to a man, you show proper respect.” He said, nearly bowling me over with the stench of his breath.

“If I see one around, I'll keep that in mind.”

Maybe that was too far, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy it. For all the years seeing this kind of loser come and go around here, it felt like I was finally holding my own. Then Tommy slapped me, knocking me sideways into the wall.

My head spun, vision blasting into sparks for a few seconds as I tried to recover. Tommy was yelling something, but my ears were ringing, and I could only make out the end of it.

“...from some little punk like this! God damned pretty boy, with the whole world at his feet. Maybe if you got yourself an ass-kicking, you'd know how to-”

I cut him off with a punch to the gut. Tommy's breath let out in a short burst, and he folded over, clutching his stomach. My mom finally decided to be concerned and started yelling at me for hitting him. I barely heard her though since, after a remarkably short time recovering, Tommy stood and rushed me, tackling into me and driving me into a bookshelf.

I scrambled amidst the crashing shelves and books to get to my feet before further punishment could be doled out. I felt a glancing jab on my jaw, but gained my feet before he could get the better of me. I swung a hook to his face, and felt the stinging thud on my knuckles as I struck too high and caught his cheek bone. Then my head exploded into pain, and I barely registered he'd hit me with a beer bottle.

Unlike the movies, it didn't shatter. Instead, it landed like a miniature baseball bat, accompanied by a ringing note that seemed as loud as a gong. The spike of agony drove me to my knees, and I clutched the impact site with one hand, trying to blink away the white spikes of light rays in my vision before Tommy could do anything else.

I think he was surprised himself that he'd done that, since he stood over me, just staring like a stump. I should have left it at that and tried to salvage whatever I could from the disaster. But hot rage surged in me more fiercely than I'd ever experienced.

Kill him

It was like I had begun a process of retribution and catharsis, bundled into one stand against an aggregate of all the fucked-up things in my life. If I just left it now, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. Not after being so close. Close to what, I didn't know. But I had to win; I knew that much. So I channeled my rage and the exploding pain in my head and rose with a cry.

I smashed into Tommy, and drove him across the room, over the television stand, and through the living room window. Brad would have been proud of the tackle, I absently thought. I barely even heard the crash of the TV and the crystalline shatter of the window. But I did hear the muted thud as his body hid the ground after the short drop.

My mom railed at me, crying and screaming and cursing me for all I was worth. Which wasn't much in her eyes. I calmly grabbed my backpack and gym bag that I'd left by the door, and exited the house. Mom's words and cries were like a foggy buzz in the background as I got in my car and cranked the engine. As I turned on the headlights, I saw Tommy lying on the ground amid a sparkling sea of glass, bleeding from a multitude of lacerations, and my mother crying and fussing over him miserably. She never even looked up at me as I backed out of the driveway.

*

I stood on Brad's doorstep, my head splitting with sharp, jagged spikes of pain, and hesitated at the knocker. They had a doorbell, but those always put me off for some reason. I felt the natural act of knocking was at least a little less frightening and abrasive in the middle of the night. Finally, I mustered my courage and rapped the brass knocker a few times. Even outside, the sound was violently loud in the quiet, deep night. Or maybe it was just my head.

Some moments later, the porch light flared on, making me squint and blink against the glare. Then, I heard a frantic rustle and rattle as the locks were undone, and the door flew open. James stood within, wrapped in a robe, and stared at me in horror for a moment as he saw me.

“Jake! Oh my God, what happened?” He came to me, looking and scanning me over with his critical, medical eye, “Are you okay?”

I nodded, then regretted the motion, “I'm alright. Sorry to bother you.”

“Damn the apology, get inside.” He ushered me in, where lights were coming on in the house and I heard people moving.

Soon they were all there. Lori got there first, and gave a frightened cry as she saw my bloody, battered face. She came over to me, gently trying to see if I was okay, and looking at her husband in confusion.

“Son, what happened?” James asked, as Lori went to get some supplies.

I shook my head as I tried to think how to put it, but I didn't get the chance as a high, terrified cry cut into my head from the hallway. Ellie was in front of me before I even saw her, her angelic face wracked with worry and fear.

“Oh God Jake, what happened?” She asked, tenderly touching my cheek before pulling away at my wince of pain.

I focused on her, trying to use her as an anchor to stop my spinning head and said, “I'm okay, Ellie.”

“Come here and sit down.” James instructed, taking my arm to guide me into the kitchen and to a chair.

I fell heavily into it, and breathed deeply to try and stop the sudden nausea. I couldn't believe I was feeling so crappy all of a sudden. My drive over here had been relatively normal, save for the pain. Maybe my adrenaline was keeping me going until I got to a safe place.

Everyone's voices became a jumble around me, and I ineffectually tried to sort them out. At one point, I picked up Brad's bass drone, although I didn't know what he was saying. I saw lights and flashes of movement, but it all gradually became a blur.

Until Ellie knelt down next to me and put her hand on my knee. I saw her in the maelstrom of color and noise, clear as ever, her frightened face making me want to get up and fix whatever had her so upset. I took her hand in mine and squeezed, staring into her pulsing blue eyes, hoping to use the focus to keep me lucid and upright.

Still, I passed out at some point. I came to feeling sick but not so disoriented, on the couch. Ellie sat next to me, still holding my hand. My head felt numb, and there was a cool towel over my forehead, but I could see and hear now, which was a relief.

When Ellie noticed me stirring and looking around, she turned to face me, her frightened, tear-reddened eyes illuminating in such a lovely way. I very nearly kissed her, but only just remembered the situation, and stopped myself. Everything felt a little like a dream. Then James was there, looking into my eyes with a flashlight and feeling my head with firm, practiced hands.

“How many fingers am I holding up, Jake?” He asked, holding his hand in front of me.

“Four.” I said, my throat thick and dry.

“Good man,” He said, heaving a sigh, “You gave us a scare for a minute there.”

I coughed dryly and said, “Sorry. Did I pass out?”

“Pretty much,” James said, “You've got a concussion. What's her name?”

He nodded his head to Ellie. I looked at him for a moment, wondering if he was serious.

“Ellie. Is it that bad?”

“Doesn't seem like it. But usually, people don't lose consciousness unless the trauma is fairly severe. But judging by your symptoms, you don't appear to have anything more than a moderate concussion.”

I looked around for a bit longer, tried to sit up, then decided against it as a spike of pain stabbed my head.

“Think you'd be up to telling me what happened?” James asked.

I glanced briefly to Ellie, who still held my hand, stroking absently with her thumb over mine. She didn't seem to care about her dad sitting right in front of us, but he didn't seem to either. I supposed his medical professionalism won out at times like these.

“I got in a fight,” I said, then, “Could I get some water? My throat's dry.”

I barely had the words out when Brad came around the side of the couch and handed me a bottle of water. I eagerly chugged half of it in one go.

“Easy,” James cautioned gently, “Take sips, if you can. And here, take these.”

He handed me a pair of pills that I assumed was for the pain. I eagerly swallowed them down with another sip of water. My head was pounding. I hoped they would kick in quickly.

I sighed, then continued, “I had to work late. Got home and mom had her boyfriend over. He was drunk and loud and I asked them if they could keep it down since I had to get up early for school. That pissed him off. I kind of insulted him, and he jumped on me. We fought for a bit, but he finally hit me with a beer bottle. Then I threw him out the window and left.”

Everyone was quiet for a while after I finished. I felt a slight twitch on my hand from where Ellie held it still. I cut my eyes over to her discreetly, and saw her head hanging down as she tried to fight a grin, despite herself. I couldn't help a stupid swell of pride.

Brad spoke up first, “Damn, you threw him out the window?”

“Brad,” His dad warned, “It's none of your business. As a matter of fact, you two should get back to bed. I need to talk to Jake for a minute, and he needs to rest too.”

Brad nodded, looking abashed, then clapped me on the shoulder before heading back down the hall. Ellie was more reluctant. I felt her hand squeeze mine, and I briefly returned the pressure, giving her a small nod to indicate I'd be fine.

“Ellie, come on sweetie,” Lori said from somewhere behind me, “He'll be fine.”

Ellie slowly stood and went with her mother, shooting me a last, timid look, as if unsure she'd see me again. I leaned back into the couch and sighed. My head was killing me. James was silent as he tried to get his thoughts in order.

Finally he said, “Jake, you know we've never interfered with your home life. But from what you just said, a grown man assaulted a minor. That's serious. Maybe you should talk to the police.”

I slowly shook my head, “No. I don't care enough to bother. I hope him and mom live happily ever after.”

James said nothing, but I could tell he was upset. Suddenly, I felt like an asshole for choosing to be angry with him and Lori about what I'd overheard. Sure, they were hiding something, but they were good people, who genuinely cared about Ellie. And me. Whatever this secret was, I knew they only had our best interest in mind. I found myself wanting to talk to him, so I did.

I grinned humorlessly and said, “You should have seen her. Not a word until I hit him back. Then she started screaming at me. And when I knocked him out the window, she ran over to him, crying and screaming. I'd just been clubbed with a bottle, and was about to drive away, and she never even looked up.”

I paused for a few shaky breaths then went on, “I'm done with it. I'll live in my car, or whatever, but I don't ever want to see her again. I knew she never really gave a damn about me, but after tonight...”

I was too choked up to continue. I was exhausted, my head was killing me, I felt lost and wrung out like a washcloth. So I sat, silent tears falling in the dim room, trying to force myself not to cry over this bullshit situation.

James said eventually, his own voice thick with emotion, “Son, you've always got a home here. I want you to know that. And if you want, you can move in and live here. We would love to have you. I'm not sure about the legalities, but we can figure that out. Just don't think you've got nowhere to go.”

“I couldn't put that kind of burden on you.” I said, feeling an enormous swell of gratitude for the offer nonetheless.

“Jake, you're far from a burden. Don't think that way about yourself. You'll have to make do on the couch for a little while, but I'll get my butt in gear to finish that attic room, and you can help me out with it. It'll be all yours.”

I couldn't help but laugh a little, despite feeling so miserable. He had just described my greatest childhood dream.

“Are you sure Lori would be okay with it?” I asked, still not letting myself get hopeful.

He nodded and said, “I probably shouldn't say this, but she and I have wished for a long time that you could be a part of this household. It wasn't our place to say anything, and even less to try to do anything. But to answer your question: Yes, I'm sure. It would make her very happy. It would make all of us happy. Brad and Ellie would be...”

James trailed off, his eyes growing distant. He looked deep in thought suddenly, and I had a suspicion that I knew why. Just what was he and Lori expecting to happen between Ellie and me? I wondered If I should ask him now, while we were having this close talk. If they thought she was dangerous somehow, shouldn't I find out why? Before I could decide though, James shook himself back to the present and gave me a smile.

“Anyway, we can work out the details later. You need to get some sleep. Doctor's orders,” He said with a wink as he stood, “And if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to call out.”

“What time is it?” I asked, since the room was too dark to see the wall clock.

James peeked into the kitchen and said, “Almost 2:00. You're not thinking about school, are you?”

I didn't answer, but I had been.

“I'll write you a note for tomorrow. Unless there's something really important going on, you should just rest.” He said.

I nodded and said, “Okay. Thank you.”

“'Night, buddy.” He said warmly, then disappeared down the hall.

I stretched out on the sheet that had been laid over the couch, snuggled into the blanket, and gingerly lay my head back on the pillow. The pressure made my injury throb dully, but the pain medicine seemed to be blunting the edge of it with a fuzzy undercurrent. I felt sure I wouldn't be able to sleep, but in no time at all, I was out.

*

My dreams were vivid and frighteningly real. Psychedelic colors and shapes kaleidoscoped everywhere, a backdrop to the characters and sounds I encountered. I heard screaming from everywhere; my mother, Ellie, Lori, James, more. Their voices blended into a dissonant howl that rose mountains from the mist before shattering them into shards of bloody glass.

The mist swallowed everything as the sound died to nothing. A small crack appeared in the gray, letting light through in a thin line. Ellie floated in that fissure between the clouds, radiant in her nudity like an angel. Her long, sun-gold hair flowed out in a fan behind and around her, as if exempt from gravity's rules. She smiled at me, and extended a delicate hand.

I moved to take it, but couldn't reach. I tried and tried, but it was futile. Her smile only broadened though, growing toothy and hungry; vicious. And all around her, the clouds began to recede, as if her luminescence and heat was the Sun, chasing them from the sky. Her brightness increased ever more, until it began to hurt my eyes and blind me. Soon, all I could see in the field of blazing white was her two blue flame eyes, locked on mine and demanding I not turn away.

But as is the case with dreams, I knew that I must look away, immediately, else I would be blinded and burned to cinders by her light and heat. But if I did, she would be lost to me forever. Hands clawed at me from behind, trying to pull me away, but I fought against them. My eyes steamed and smoked as the fluid burned away.

*

I woke up to a room lit by daylight. As I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was a smooth, shapely thigh just in front of me. I blinked a few times, then looked up to see Ellie, sitting by my head on the other wing of the couch. She didn't seem to notice my waking, and had her face buried in a book.

I shifted as I made to sit up, and she looked at me. Noticing that I was awake, her face lit up and she ran her fingers over my brow, gently brushing back my hair.

“Good morning,” She cooed, then leaned down to kiss my forehead.

It was pleasant, but my mind panicked at her brazen affection. I clawed my way upright, looking around in fear. My head wound violently reminded me of its presence.

“Don't worry,” She said, “Nobody's here to see us. Here, take your pills.”

She took a tiny paper cup with a pair of pills off of the coffee table, along with a glass of water, and thrust them at me. My head was pounding, so I took them without hesitation, and washed them down before moving on.

“What do you mean, 'nobody's here'?” I asked, reclining back into the cushion.

“It's just you and me,” She said cheerfully, “Mom and dad are at work. Brad's at school. All I had going on today was an end-of-the-year party, which I couldn't care less about, so I stayed home to be your nurse.”

I looked up at the clock on the wall, and noticed with alarm that it was nearly noon already.

“Ellie, please don't tell me you skipped school or something.” I said, feeling ill at the thought.

“What kind of delinquent do you think I am?” She asked indignantly, “I'm here in an official capacity from your doctor - my dad.”

“He let you stay here with me?”

“Yeah. It's not that hard to believe, is it? After all, he doesn't know about us...you know.” She said.

I had to be careful with all these secrets. Ellie didn't know what I'd overheard her parents talking about, so to her, the only issue was our relationship. But for me, I couldn't understand why they would allow this. Unless I'd misunderstood, James and Lori were worried that Ellie might be dangerous to me somehow. Enough so that they'd talked about the need to intervene in some way.

That meant they knew, or suspected, what exactly was going on with Ellie, and it was something they could stop, if they got to us in time. So why take such a flippant risk by leaving us alone for the day? Unless I had it wrong, and there was no danger here.

But come to think of it, what kind of danger could Ellie pose to me anyway? She couldn't overpower me. I was fairly certain she wouldn't put a knife in my back. If she had a medical condition, or mental issue, her dad, the doctor, wouldn't have been deferring to her mother on the matter. And there was no way he'd let Ellie run amok if she was unstable. No, they had acted like it was something...unnatural, almost.

They talked about something 'manifesting' in Ellie, and it 'having' her. What, like a possession? By a spirit or something? The thought was laughable. Especially from James. He was a medical professional, for crying out loud; a man of science and natural order.

“Jake!” Ellie cut through my thoughts, snapping her fingers in front of my face, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine,” I said, “Just thinking.”

“See? This is why I'm here.” She stated, as if she'd proven some point.

I gave her a flat look.

“You do know what a concussion is, right?” She asked haughtily.

“Yes, Ellie. I know what it is.”

“Then you know that once your brain gets bruised like that, symptoms can manifest long after the incident happens. I'm here to monitor you. So when you zone out like that, it worries me.”

Symptoms can...manifest. Symptoms. Was Ellie symptomatic of anything? She seemed normal enough, unless you considered her sexual response and libido. Was that it? Did they think she was a nymphomaniac or something, and might rape me? Surely not. Besides, that didn't fit the thing they said about something 'having' her.

But Ellie's ludicrous sex drive sure was strange, even if it turned me on like crazy. Just thinking about it set a pleasant current crackling through me, especially as I remembered what we'd done the other day. I felt like I had discovered a vast, wondrous treasure of limitless possibility, and I was as excited as a kid at Christmas to keep on exploring. And we just so happened to be alone. For the whole day.

“Jeez, what are you thinking about so much?” Ellie demanded.

I grinned at her and said, “Just a girl.”

She narrowed her eyes at me, “A girl, huh? Do I need to be worried?”

“I don't know,” I said, allowing myself to indulge in an obviously lecherous appraisal of her body, “Unless you're worried about being alone with a guy who finds you irresistibly appetizing. Plus, he's got a brain injury, so he might be capable of anything.”

Ellie's eyes widened, and she licked her lips in anticipation. She was pleasantly surprised by my assertiveness, and I was as well, I had to admit. Something about last night's ordeal had released me, in ways I had yet to reconcile. One of them, I was happy to discover, was that it was a hell of a lot easier for me to go after what I wanted. And right now, she was sitting right beside me.

With a fiendish grin, I grabbed Ellie by her arm and playfully dragged her onto my lap. She laughed and squealed as she let herself be led, and sat on her knees facing me, smiling broadly. She sighed in pleasure as I ran my hands over her lissome thighs and up her sides before pulling her into a fierce kiss. Just like that, she became that liquid creature of sensuous heat, folding into me perfectly, and making my lust bubble to the surface like nothing else.

She let go long, low whimpers of pleasure and need as our mouths danced, maddening in their allure. I ran my hands over her back and shoulders as I kissed her, feeling like I was finally taking a drink after being parched for weeks. My head throbbed with a dull ache, but even the fresh injury was driven out of my mind by the wonderful girl on my lap.

Soon, she could take it no longer, and pulled back. She stood, and grabbed the hem of her shirt to pull it off. I smiled broadly as I realized that I felt no kind of guilt or reserve about it. I felt free in this moment, like the whole world and all of its possibilities was open to me. I briefly recalled my conversation with James last – no, this morning, and the prospect of living here now made me actually laugh out loud. Did Ellie know yet? Wait 'til I tell her, she's gonna lay an egg!

Grinning like a dope, I made to pull my own shirt off. Like magic, by the time I had it over my head and could see Ellie again, she was stripped to her underwear. My breath caught at the sight of her standing before me. She smiled demurely, as if still unsure whether I liked what I saw, the dummy. I lovingly ran my eyes over her nubile little figure, drinking in her long, smooth legs, the delicate flare of hip, the taught tummy, lined ever so slightly with the outline of lithe muscle beneath.

I settled my gaze on her pantied hips and crotch, feeling madly turned on by the underwear. That was a surprise, since I'd never been an underwear guy. I didn't really get the appeal. And I supposed that I never would, if they weren't on Ellie. The understated white cotton fit snug around her, barely creased here and there, save for the tight pull between her legs, which accented a deliciously plush outline of labia. The way they framed the luscious lips was terribly erotic, more so perhaps than if she were outright nude.

I looked up to her face after ogling her for a while, wondering what she was thinking. She met my gaze with narrowed eyes and a sly grin. I returned the challenge in her look, unspoken discourse passing between us. We were good together like that; always had been. Only now, our uncanny ability to communicate wordlessly served a more lascivious purpose. She slowly walked up to stand just in front of me, her toes nearly standing on mine. It was an offering of sorts, I could tell. Do with me what thou wilt, if you dare.

Hands almost trembling with anticipation, I touched them to her soft legs and ran them up her thighs, over the textured cotton fabric, and up her thin waist, then down her back, my hands gliding over the pert rises of her high, tight buttocks. I leaned in and kissed her stomach, feeling it quiver under the delicate touch of my lips, and she inhaled a pleasant little hiss at the contact. I continued to kiss her midsection, all over her stomach, down to the elastic band of her panties. I could smell the clean, laundered fragrance from the cotton, and I playfully grabbed them with my teeth and pulled, then let go.

The elastic snapped back with a little pop, and Ellie squealed girlishly and squirmed away from the snap. She laughed and reached down to grab my face. She pulled it up to meet hers as she bent down to kiss me again. Quick as a snake, she took hold of my shorts while we kissed, and snatched them down to my knees. I grinned into her mouth, but didn't break the kiss. Eventually she did, and lowered herself to her knees to play with my tented boxers.

She grabbed my erection through the fabric and gently began to tease the outline of it, laying it flat on my leg and pressing the cloth of my boxers down around it to show the raised shape in contrast. She playfully tickled up and down its length, squeezing and flicking lightly here and there. I leaned back into the couch and enjoyed her playful touches.

When she finally pulled it out of the slit in the boxers, and straightened herself up to hover her face over it, I didn't say anything to stop her. Why bother? She'd already had it in her mouth, and it didn't hurt her. For me, it was the best thing I'd ever experienced. If she wanted to do this so badly, and she obviously did, why resist? Still, she looked up at me with curiosity in her expressive eyes.

I nodded, eliciting an eager smile from her which made my stomach flip with butterflies for some reason. Could she really like this so much? I always thought blowjobs were something girls did occasionally as a special favor. The thought that Ellie might actually crave it was terribly enticing. But I was fast learning to check any and all surprise at the door when it came to this girl and her sexuality.

She began slowly, tenderly. Her tongue stretched out, she licked a long trail up the side of my shaft, all the way to the tip. I felt a zing of tingles all the way, making my toes fan out with the sensation. She noticed my reaction, and repeated the move, on the other side. Then up the middle, trailing with tantalizing pressure up the fleshy rise of my urethra, all the way to the tip, where she swirled her tongue around the frenulum. The sharp jolts of pleasure made me hang my head back and groan as I twitched and shifted under her work.

Ellie watched me the whole while, her gorgeous eyes huge with wonder at my response. I got to see, firsthand, her realization of a yet unfulfilled craving she'd had for years, and along with it her discovery of just how much power she had in such a simple thing. Gradually as she played, licking and kissing up and down my length, her confidence grew, guided by my responses as she carefully paid attention to how what she did affected me.

Soon, she had me nearly ready to force myself into her mouth. I was so worked up I was practically writhing, my toes and fists clenching and unclenching, my breaths coming faster and sharper. When she finally did lick her lips to wet them and lower herself down over my penis, a low moan built from my clenched gut and rolled through and out of my mouth at the sweet, hot sensation.

The heat of her little mouth suffused all the way into my center, it seemed, causing me to feel like I was melting. She gingerly tried moving her tongue in a swirl across the bottom of my shaft. I sucked in a breath and my head fell back at the incredible, soft movement from within the hot confines of her mouth. Ellie's eyes shot up to me, curious even as she slowly rose up and off of my penis, leaving it forlorn and twitching in the cool air.

“You okay?” She asked, licking her lips.

I nodded and said, “You have no idea.”

“So I'm doing it right?” She asked excitedly, hunkering back down over my penis, eager to keep going.

“I don't have any other experience to compare it to, but it feels amazing. So I'd say you are.”

She paused and looked at me again, “You didn't do this with Amy?”

I shook my head.

She looked thoughtful for a moment, then resumed her work, more intent now than before, if that was possible. It didn't take me long to realize what she was thinking. I couldn't give her my first time having sex, but she could be the first one to give me oral. And in that, she was eager to do a good job and make a good impression. It was touching, and I made sure to hold nothing back in vocalizing just how much I enjoyed her ministrations.

That wasn't hard to do, for she very quickly had me writhing like a snake and groaning almost involuntarily. She recalled the steady rhythm she'd used with her hands the other day, and mimicked it with her mouth. All the while, she experimented with various uses of her tongue, pressure of lips squeezing, actual sucking. Everything she did was exquisite, causing new cascades of pleasurable crackles and jolts from head to toe.

She was a total natural at this, I mused with dark humor. She was learning incredibly fast, and had avoided all the pitfalls I'd heard about from other guys. I'd heard the horror stories about a guy having his dick in the mouth of a girl who was all teeth, or a girl who pushed too far and ended up gagging herself and throwing up on the guy's lap. Ellie just bypassed all of that effortlessly, and the result was driving me quickly to the brink.

I had to stop her. I felt that building bubble of release rising to the surface, demanding and inexorable, once over the threshold. I didn't want to end this yet, not without enjoying her pleasure. So I gently pulled her up and off of me, with no small resistance on her part. I'd been so caught up in sitting back and enjoying things that I didn't notice how rapt Ellie had become in enjoying having me in her mouth. It never would have occurred to me that she could derive such pleasure from it.

As I pulled her face up, I saw the far-away, hazy look of arousal in her eyes. And as her mouth came off of my penis, trailing a glistening tendril of saliva from her lip, her tongue reached out for another lick, as if in a reluctant goodbye. I could feel her head straining against my hands to break free and fall onto my dick again. Then I noticed what else she had been doing.

She'd had one hand sitting on my lap, idly running it over my abdomen as she sucked and licked, but the other, I now saw, had been busy rubbing herself while she pleasured me. It was still moving down there, as if detached from anything else and focused only on teasing pleasure from her pantied crotch. My breath caught at the insanely erotic sight, and my penis stiffened even more if that was possible. It ached now, and I knew without a doubt that if Ellie were to so much as lick it again it would erupt. And still, her little hand kept on rubbing.

It was too much; I had to partake of her. My experience touching her with my hand had been wonderful, but not nearly enough. After feeling how obscenely wet she was, I had to have more. I picked her up easily, and laid her back on the couch. She still seemed somewhat dazed, as if lost in her own world of pleasure. Her little hand, interrupted so rudely from its work, twitched and glided across her leg on its way to resume. My whole body shuddered at the sight. Pure, unhinged arousal.

She was looking at me, but not really seeing me. I barely had a moment to wonder how the hell she could get this far gone just by sucking my dick. Did she really love it so much? But there was no time for pondering such. I had a breathtakingly sexy little nymph to enjoy, and I planned to do just that.

I paused only briefly to marvel at the discolored, damp cotton of her panties. They were more translucent now, and I could see clearly the shape of her puffy labia and the small nub of her engorged clitoris at the top. My mouth went dry and my hand shook as I reached out and gingerly touched her. She twitched at my contact, the lissome tendons of her inner thighs tensing briefly.

I curled a finger under the damp elastic edge next to her thigh, and pulled it aside. The thick slime within glistened in tendrils and little ropes where it clung to the cotton as I pulled it it away to reveal Ellie's labia. I just gazed at it for a moment, marveling at the beauty and perfection of the shape and how a mere arrangement of flesh could have such a powerfully erotic impact on me.

I watched in amazement as her small vaginal opening twitched with her arousal and anticipation, a fresh bead of dewy fluid welling up at the bottom then trailing down to her anus. I despaired of ever fitting my penis inside. Then I had to sharply remind myself that I had decided firmly to wait at least a few years before attempting sex. Could I really do it? It was all well and good to promise such when I had no idea of Ellie's unearthly erotic temptation. Knowing that she wanted it too wasn't helping.

Shaking my head to clear the dangerous thoughts, I set my mind back to my original intention. I slowly lowered myself, stretching my legs out behind me and wedging my hot, achingly stiff erection beneath me at a somewhat comfortable angle. My eyes mere inches from Ellie's glistening wet vagina, I felt a heady rush of surreal wonder. I was really doing this. With Ellie.

I glanced up to her face one last time, and found her eyes bright and clear again, although her small chest was heaving heavily with anticipation. She smiled and nodded her head. I returned my attention between her legs, but didn't dive right in. I began with tender kisses over her tense inner thighs, feeling the now-cold wetness there on my lips.

Ellie began to let out little gasps as I continued inwards. When I reached the crease of her thigh and labia, I swept my tongue up along the line, thrilling in both the sharp hiss of breath Ellie treated me to, and the feeling of her thick fluid on my tongue. I tried to spread it around in my mouth in an effort to find a taste, but it was pointless. First no smell, now no taste. How disappointing.

Not that I was complaining, really. Those horror stories I'd heard about oral sex went both ways. I'd heard plenty of guys bitch about having to go down on their girlfriends, claiming that it often smelled funky or she was too hairy, or he'd give himself a charlie horse in his tongue before she ever came. They complained of numb lips, stiff necks, itchy faces, and a host of other awful-sounding things. But I knew none of that would apply here. Perfection, as ever. No smell, no taste, no hair, and a lightning-fast trigger for her orgasms. Indeed, even if she did taste or smell less than wonderfully, I knew I still would be eager to do this. I thought I might be starting to see why she had been so enraptured while giving me oral. And I hadn't even begun yet.

Wasting no more time in idle thought, I continued. My kisses moved to her outer labia, and I relished the springy softness as I pressed my lips down. They slid over the sheen of fluid, and I soon began opening my mouth wider to kiss, more a 'bite' with my lips than a press. Ellie was squirming and whimpering and already trying to curl her hips up to satiate her need for pressure and contact. I took my time though, and enjoyed her build-up of aroused tension under my touch.

When I finally dipped my tongue into her cleft to sweep over her delicate little inner labia, hidden and barely visible as they were, Ellie squealed and jerked up with the sharp pleasure. She dropped back onto the couch hard and groaned in frustration.

“Stop messing around.” She growled.

I pulled back and looked up at her, an eyebrow raised and said, “You want me to stop?”

She glared at me, but gave a little shake of her head.

“What does that mean?” I asked, not bothering to hide my grin.

“Don't stop.” She mumbled.

“Can you ask me nicely?” I pressed, delighting in her embarrassment.

“Eat me.” She said dryly, then struggled to fight the smile at her own joke.

I gave her what she wanted. I dipped my head and ran a flared tongue all the way from her oozing cleft up to her stiff little clit. She let go a surprised cry, and went rigid. I didn't stop to check on her, and proceeded to lap at her clit like a puppy with a salt block. Ellie's moans built in a staccato crescendo, and she finally curled her hips harder into my face, grabbed a double fistful of my hair, and tried to yank my head into her. She climaxed with a long, wailing moan, and I didn't relent.

Instead, I began incorporating sucking into my treatment. I pressed my lips over her clit like a wide kiss, and gently sucked the delicate flesh into my mouth, running my tongue over and around it, flicking it, pressing it. In no time, Ellie came again, this time clamping her thighs onto my head as she squeezed and bucked her hips. The pressure and intensity was wonderful, and I felt like I was enclosed in an erotic cocoon. Her wet thighs felt cool on the sides of my face.

I realized that I was grinding my own hips down into the couch on top of my penis to stimulate it and apply pressure. I hadn't been aware of deciding to do that. I tried to stop myself, lest I cum into the couch and ruin this delicious game. Changing my focus, I decided to take it up a notch with Ellie. I sat up a little, giving myself room to get my hand up to her slick, undulating cleft.

Scooping up lubricating slime with my two middle fingers, I slowly pushed them into her, watching with rapt intensity as her vagina swallowed them into its blazing heat. She stiffened again and cried out a ragged moan which intensified steadily as my fingers went deeper and deeper, up to my knuckles. Her hot, textured walls gripped and trembled around them, and I worked them back and forth a few times to accommodate her.

Then I lowered my mouth back onto her clit, and she went insane. Almost instantly, I felt that clenching, expelling grip on my fingers as her climax struck like a battering ram. I flicked my tongue over her clit as rapidly as I could, and she screamed in tortured ecstasy. She twisted and bucked and her legs flailed around my head, trying several times to slam shut against the almost unbearable pleasure. I finally had to use my free arm to brace against her strong, athletic thighs knocking into me.

As her vagina spasmed and clenched around my fingers, I gave up on trying to go in and out of her. Instead, I jammed them as deep as they would go, locking my wrist against her involuntary contractions that tried to expel them. I curled the fingers and splayed them and twisted them, every move sending her into an even higher state of orgasmic madness. Her slimy cream leaked out from around the fingers in a thick ooze, running down my hand and wrist, and I occasionally spun them to slick them back up with it.

After an unbelievably long time, Ellie's climax still hadn't abated. Her screams of pleasure began sounding ragged and hoarse, and she was coated in a sheen of sweat from her exertions. How long would this go on if I let it? She was gibbering incoherently now, tears running freely down her cheeks. I began to worry she might hurt herself if I didn't stop. I lifted my head away from her red, inflamed clit, and watched her unbelievably sexy writhing and flailing.

When I pulled my fingers out of her, they were followed by a cascade of thick cream. I instinctively bent down and gouged my tongue into her cleft in an effort to catch what I could of it. Even with a thick mouthful of the stuff, it only had a slightly bitter tang to the taste.

I sat up on my knees between her legs and watched her with awe and fierce desire. She was nearly unconscious it seemed, still moaning and writhing and shuddering regularly from the receding waves of ecstasy. She looked like an angelic doll, deflowered and pleasure-broken. That hot, black bubble of lust welled inside of me, near to bursting with demanding intensity. I wanted to stuff my hot cock into her and fuck her like a dog. I could do it so easily. Nothing stopping me, and she would love every second of it. It's what she wanted, after all.

My breathing became ragged as I fought the urge. My penis lay between her legs and over her abdomen like a battering ram poised to destroy. In a moment of clarity, I decided to simply finish myself off over her stomach, lest I do something I'd regret. I grabbed myself with a sticky hand and began stroking. I knew it would take no time at all to coax the massive ejaculation out of me.

Ellie happened to open her eyes languidly, just as I began stroking myself. Once she realized what I was doing, she gave a hoarse little cry of despair and struggled to sit up on her elbows. Her eyes were still hazy, as if she was drugged, and her body still shuddered and twitched, but she dutifully opened her mouth and sat waiting in invitation. The sight sent me over the edge instantly, and I let the orgasm wash over me with a low moan.

Tides of fiery pleasure wracked me, making me feel boneless and breathless. I tried to aim at her mouth like she wanted, but the shots went everywhere. Her mouth, face, neck, chest, stomach. By the time it was over she was glazed in a sheen of pearlescent semen, thick ropes plastered over her face and dripping. I leaned back on my haunches, trying to catch my breath, feeling fuzzy and disoriented as my body tried to rally and put me back together.

I watched with muted awe as Ellie swirled what had gotten in her mouth, a dreamy, far-away look in her eyes, and swallowed eagerly with a shiver and a little smile. She then proceeded to scoop up what she could with her fingers from her face, neck, chest, and plunge the sticky goo into her mouth with relish, sucking her fingers clean before returning to get more. I was reminded of a cat cleaning herself.

When she finished, she smiled at me tiredly, sultry blue eyes blazing with satisfaction and adoration.

“Mmm, I didn't expect all this so soon after you woke up.” She purred, repositioning herself to drape into my lap, her arms around my waist.

I sat, trying to catch my breath still, and petted her hair as she idly licked and kissed my sticky, flaccid penis.

“I didn't either, really,” I said, watching bemused as she enjoyed my tired penis with such innocent glee, “It kind of came over me all of a sudden.”

She giggled and said, “Me too.”

I laughed along with her double entendre, and gently lifted her head to kiss her. She looked deeply into my eyes for a long moment, a searching question behind her gaze.

“Why won't you fuck me?” She asked the question so innocently, like a kid might ask why the sky is blue.

The childishness of the tone, coming out of a girl's mouth who was still shiny with my cum, did strange things to me. If she only knew how close a call it had been. Thinking back to that now, after I'd come back down from my raging inferno of lust frightened me. If we were going to continue doing this sort of thing, I would have to be very careful from here on. But as I thought about it, I realized I felt differently now than I had a few days ago.

My reasoning behind my denial of sex had changed. I was too tired to muster any self-recrimination at my hypocrisy, so I just faced the fact coldly and objectively. There was no more moral outrage. No more sense of right or wrong. That had been broken, defeated. All that remained now was practicality. I couldn't deny how much I wanted her, and all that was left was her safety.

I sighed, and shook my head.

“One reason only, at this point,” I admitted, “It would hurt you. I won't fit in there. Not without doing damage.”

“Can't we at least try?” She sounded so eager.

“Eventually,” I said, “Can't this be enough for now?”

“I told you I'm not going to drop it.” She said, standing up off of the couch a little drunkenly.

“Fair enough,” I relented, doing likewise, “But you'll just have to wait, for now.”

The couch was a disaster. Fortunately, the majority of the spills and stains were absorbed by the bedding I'd slept on, but we'd have to wash that for sure. Along with the pillow cases, and one of the couch cushion covers, and our clothes. And we needed a thorough shower.

So we put the items in the wash, then ran a shower. We decided to get in together, and I was starting to get the idea that there would be but one thing on the agenda for today. I only wished I'd woken up sooner.

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