JoS/Henriette/3rd Journal - Friends and Enemies
Heartfire, 11th, 4E 201
My dearest, sweetest diary, today I learned that guards are dicks. First thing I heard after climbing the mountain down back to Ivarstead was one of them called me a whore for absolutely no reason. What gives?
Anyway, at the inn I talked about rumors and such, trying to find inspiration for my next journey, and I learned about a group called Dawnguard. They're vampire hunters or something. I may be a vampire myself, but that does not mean that I'm aligned to any vampire. No, I want to get myself healed, I want to be normal again, and I want to get revenge on vampires for doing this to me. Dawnguard's interests partially align with mine, but I wonder, would they ever accept me as one of them? Would they be willing to help me, or even be willing to accept help from me? It's very risky to approach them, especially if I try to hide my nature from them… Then again, they might be my best clue yet at trying to find out a cure.
This may be stupid, but I think I'm going to take a chance with them. I'll be passing through Riften which is relatively close by. That reminds me… There was this boy who wanted the owner of the orphanage dead. I suppose I might as well finally go see what this Grelod the Kind really is all about.
Heartfire, 12th, 4E 201
Before we even managed to make my way into the city, guards tried to extort money from us with some visitor's tax. Look, I'm a dumb, inexperienced and gullible little lady, but I'm not stupid enough to fall for something like that. I called them out and they let me in for free. From there, me and Sofia decided to split up.
For a relatively small city, Riften feels pretty packed and lively. I couldn't walk ten steps without someone wanting to converse with me. I didn't care for most of it, but when I made it to the marketplace, and there was this handsome man talking to me. I wasn't even paying attention to what he was saying at first, because I was just so focused on how hot he was. He talked me into some scheme of stealing a ring and planting it into some merchant's pocket. It sounded like kind of a fun prank and I wanted to get on his good side, so I played alone. I guess I was committing a crime…? Well, whatever, I succeeded, didn't get caught, and he even paid me. Job masterfully done, if I may say so myself.
He showed interest in me, wanting to recruit me or something. He introduced himself as Brynjolf, which is a name I'm sure to remember very well from now on. I know that Thieves Guild has a presence in this town… Could this be it? Is this handsome hunk their leader or something? I have to think long and hard about how to go about this. I now know where to find them, but I'll save that for later. I don't know what they can offer me in return. I guess if I really have a talent for it, I could make some extra money… It's easy to get wealthy through crime, but I'm not sure if the risk is worth it. He paid pretty well for a mere prank, so… Maybe!
I now want to write about why I came to this poor, crime-ridden town in the first place: Honorhall Orphanage.
I honestly was expecting Aventus's story about Grelod to be just a gross exaggeration, but everything he says is true. Everyone here backs up the accusations about Grelod being a horrible headmistress, even the kind lady who also works here says so. These children are malnourished, they get beatings too… Their bodies and bruises prove everything. It made so mad. All I could see was red, and my literal Vampiric bloodlust wasn't helping.
I've calmed down now. I'm waiting until after midnight. I'll make my move then. I shouldn't probably pray to the nine for help, but gods please, help me get through this…
Heartfire, 13th, 4E 201
I did it, I actually did it. I waited for Riften to quiet down, I made sure to not be seen. I snuck into the orphanage quietly and made it to her room, where I found her sitting at the table.
Then, I stabbed her heart and slit her neck wide open.
My heart has never beaten so fast, my breath was so heavy, and the smile on my face… I probably sounded like I was about to burst out crying, but I honestly felt like laughing. She fell down to a floor with a loud thud, blood gushing out from the open wound… Blood on the table, on the walls, pooled on the floor, splashed on my face, on my hand, my dagger… So much tasty blood…!
It felt like an eternity, I was in trance, and it felt amazing. Cathartic pleasure flushed through my body… I've never been so wet before…
I'm not even sure if I made it out without being seen, not that those children would dare to rat me out. I ran away, out from the sight, and I curled up into a little ball somewhere quiet, licking myself clean, trying to contain myself and to stop myself from hyperventilating and smiling like a crazy person.
What have I done? Oh gods, what have I done? I killed that woman, and felt good about it.
Heartfire, 13th, 4E 201
I now look back at what I wrote last night, and I have thought about it a lot. I never knew I had it in me, or that I would enjoy doing something like that, but I did enjoy it, I think. I know what I did was immoral, horrible and dangerous, but… I feel no guilt, no remorse. That filthy hag had it coming. Gave me a decent meal too.
I stayed a night in Riften. Guards haven't come for me yet. Looking back, I'm really, really sure that all those kids and maybe even the kind young lady can connect the dots and suspect me, but… Are they letting me get away with murder? There's just no way, right…? Right!? That'd be insane, unless of course, Grelod was really as bad as they all said…
I know you, my dear, precious diary, are supposed to be an outlet for my thoughts, a place for me to collect them, but I'm not sure I want to be writing for a while… I'll just contemplate on what I've done, and what I have truly become, a cold-hearted monster…
Heartfire, 19th, 4E 201
I haven't been writing for a while, but that doesn't mean I haven't been doing anything. I've been staying in the Rift area with Sofia for a while now, mostly in Riften itself. I felt like I had to, but at least I'm convinced that the guards have no idea it was me who killed Grelod. Sofia doesn't mind this place either, but we've been doing more stuff independently as we're here. Besides, it has helped us transition to traveling during night too, something we're both very comfortable doing now.
I also decided to check the Ratway like Brynjolf instructed. I thought I had found the Ragged Flagon, but I had found another bar that he never told me about, but I'm not sure why. Was it because I'm a child? Was he trying to protect me? Surely he could've warned me to not go there…
After I decided to go in out of pure, morbid curiosity, I realized that I may have made a big mistake. This bar, this place of carnal sin, specialized in Skooma. All kinds of Skooma were available, some of which were worth a small fortune. Some of the patrons were clearly addicted, while others were there for different reasons… Some were even checking me odd way. The place also had a peculiar smell to it… And I could even recognize some familiar aspects to it.
That's when I also heard them. People were having sex. I walked in to see, but nobody cared even if a child was going to see what was taking place. Even the two adults getting it on didn't even care about me watching them. A sudden realization made me escape quickly, because I knew that if they were okay with me watching and looking around, it might be normal for some children to come here and sell their bodies as well. So I left the place, blushing like crazy. I don't want to return to that place. In fact, this whole sewer gives me creeps.
My curious findings didn't end there. I found a rather luxurious looking apartment hidden in some quiet corner of the Ratway. At first, I suspected that the place might be owned by some Argonian given all the books, including the infamous "Lusty Argonian Maid", but then I actually found Thalmor Robes locked inside a cabinet. Why would a Thalmor agent be holing up here in the sewers? Made no sense. And where is this agent now anyway? I better leave before he comes back, can't have those guys know I've been snooping around.
And then, finally, I made it to the Flagon, which certainly seemed instantly more glamorous than the Skooma den. Brynjolf seemed impressed by me getting here and started immediately talking about recruiting me. I helped him collect some debts in Riften, ended up making some enemies… But I also gained some important friends as they let me join. I see now harm being part of this organization. It comes with some extra perks, and having a place where I can safely sell possible stolen goods is always nice.
Despite my initial impressions about this place, the guild is struggling financially. I was interested in making some new friends here, but it feels like everyone sees me as just another business associate. Not to say that people there weren't nice though, because they certainly were, mostly anyway. Mercer Frey, the leader, rubs me the wrong way. It's like, he's constantly angry at something, or someone.
There also was a woman in the Flagon who immediately recognized me as a vampire, nothing like that has ever happened before. She didn't seem too bothered by it, which suggests that my secret is also safe here… She wasn't part of the guild though, I think. All the better, as I could really use friends I can trust, friends that don't care about me being a vampire. But enough of the Guild and the Flagon.
During these few days, me and Sofia also visited Fort Dawnguard. Isran, their leader, seemed kind of scary. I could sense his hatred for vampires so vividly and I immediately got a feeling that he wouldn't be a kind of man who wouldn't be interested in curing me or even hearing what made me this way. Only cure he knows for Vampirism is a swift death, and all he seemed to care about was killing Vampires. There's no way he'd ever let me live even if I told him I'm a Vampire looking for a cure.
I never actually told him I wanted to join the Dawnguard, but he mistook me for a recruit anyway. I was already planning to take my leave when he just willy-nilly sent me on a task to some place called Dimhollow Crypt. There are apparently some Vampires there, looking for something… Perhaps I could approach them? It seems to me like this world isn't kind to vampires no matter what their circumstances are, so maybe they at least help their own kind? And if not, maybe I'd at least find answers?
And now, I'm in Candlehearth Hall in Windhelm. I reported back to Aventus Aretino earlier and he gave me some old family heirloom as a reward. Not sure how to feel about that, since it doesn't seem that valuable to me. It kind of sucks not being able to get a decent reward for risking my life and my freedom, but he's just a kid. It's probably all he has, so I'm not going to hold it against him.