JoS/Kanna/1st Journal - Agent

Last Seed, 18th, 3E 427

Kanna's note: make sure you read all three backstories before jumping to the journals, as some things will make less sense without the added context!

I sat there quiet, red-faced and gazing at my thighs, as I waited for Socucius to be done with reading my journal. My heart was pounding. Truth be told, I kind of felt uncomfortable with the idea of being as honest as I was with that text and being so open with what I experienced. I even described some of my experiences in detail. What if it wasn't going to work out, what if he didn't believe me?

Waiting for him to finish felt like an hour, but he eventually closed the book, handed it politely to me and simply apologized to me. I'm not sure for what, but I felt a huge weight be lifted from my shoulders. He continued by saying he'll send word to the Imperial City, because the kind of treatment I went through is something that the Imperial law deems unacceptable as well. "You'll get your justice, I guarantee it", he said, promising that a full investigation would be conducted. He also warned me to be more careful with my magic in the future. "Wouldn't want you burning down anything here in Morrowind, now wouldn't we?"

Yeah, I hate to admit, I still need quite a bit of training in the school of Destruction. Maybe it's just not my thing, maybe I'll never get a hang of it, maybe I should stick to what I know and what I'm good at.

Socucius also said he has one final gift for me. He told me to hold up my hands, and he handed me an Iron Dagger. "For self-defense", he said. "Take care of yourself." I think I kind of fancy a little blade like this. Feels good in my hands no matter which way I wield it. Besides, I can actually defend myself now if I get in hot water. Like I said, can't rely on those pesky Destruction spells too much because they might fail or even backfire! I don't have infinite Magicka either!

Regardless, I now can write about and admit to more things since I don't have to worry about anyone reading these texts. Let's start with that, shall we?

I found a ring while looking through some containers inside the fenced area outside that's part of the Census Office. Don't ask me why I was searching barrels by the way… The only explanation you'll ever get from me is "curiosity". The ring seems to belong to some young Wood Elf who lives here in this town. He seems like kind of a dork, like the kind of kid who would get bullied at my old orphanage a lot… Except, he's a young adult, not a kid. The ring had been stolen from him by the guardsmen who had been picking on him. I felt kind of bad for him considering I've been picked on by law enforcement myself, but at the same time I'm a little selfish and this ring looks valuable. I don't intend to part with it unless I can get some coin for it. I have a feeling this guy wouldn't pay.

My real grievance here is with the clothes I was given. They don't exactly fit me. The pants especially didn't, and not even a belt was going to help them stay on me, so I had to invest in some legwear at the general store. There are no kids living in this town so they only had one pair in stock. It's a little tight around my hip, but otherwise it's a perfect fit. I definitely need to buy a bra though since my boobs have actually started to grow. I'm a little self-conscious about the possibility of my nipples poking through too much. Never had to worry about wearing one before, but I guess I'm reaching my early puberty…

I'll travel to Balmora tomorrow for whatever assignment I've been given. I was told to just use the Silt Strider, but I'm on the fence. My budget is really tight, so I might have to save some money, but traveling by foot sounds dangerous, especially for the young and inexperienced little me.

Well, I'll leave the decision for tomorrow.

Last Seed, 19th, 3E 427

"Why walk when you can ride?"

That's the question that was posed to me by an Imperial Officer when I asked him if the road to Balmora is a dangerous one. It's some kind of catchy slogan that the Dunmer use to sell their Silt Strider services to their customers, and it worked on me. After all, why would I walk when I can just ride?

The road from Seyda Neen to Balmora isn't a long one, but according to a kind Redguard lady who was working in the village, it's a confusing one, and it's easy to get lost if you're not used to this land. Considering that I'm new to this place, it could be potentially a dangerous one too. Riding a Silt Strider let me enjoy the nature in all of its glory as well. This land is very different from what I've used to. Cyrodiil was so much greener than this land. It's like a whole another world compared to this.

Balmora is quite a large city, bigger than I expected. I was also told that it's the seat of power for House Hlaalu, which is apparently one of the great houses of Morrowind. Basically, it's some political entity that has lots of influence over this province and kind of a big deal. I haven't had time to get into learning about the different houses, but it's something I intend to real a bit about. I need to learn more about this province and the different factions that rule it, because I have a feeling some of them don't see eye to eye. Allying with one might make me at odds with another, so choosing my allegiances carefully is important.

Speaking of allegiances, I finally know why I'm here, and… Ah, crap… I'm not too happy about all of this…

It was raining heavily outside, and I was trying my hardest to locate the South Wall Cornerclub. Most of the buildings here resemble each other, so I was having trouble. In the end, the man I was looking for wasn't there, but the owner kindly directed me towards a little unassuming house up the hill near the Cornerclub. I knocked on the door and waited. It took long for him to answer, and when he did, he didn't seem too excited about having a guest.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

"My name is Aliya, sir. I-I was told to report to you", I told him, a little bit flustered, trying not to look at him while also trying to be as polite as possible. He's a balding and gray-haired, middle-aged man, but he has a physique of a younger one. That's to say, he's very muscular and ripped, and he was standing topless in front of me. His expression was a little bit scary too.

"Report to me?" he said, surprised. "I'm not expecting anybody."

I whipped out the package and presented it to him. "This is for you", I said. "I… I'm sorry it's a little wet. I couldn't protect it from the rain."

He took the package from my hands, turning it slowly in his hands, before directing his gaze towards me. Silently, he instructed me to step in and closed the door. I was getting more anxious by second. "I wasn't expecting a child", he said while eyeing me from head to feet. I had to hide my chest behind my arms when I realized my nipples were poking through my wet shirt. Damn it, I'm really going to need a bra, or at least something to wear underneath this shirt. He set the package aside, and told me to sit down. He fetched a towel and handed it to me, urging me to sit down. "But if the Emperor himself thinks you could be of use to me, I will trust his judgment."

"I'm not sure why I've been chosen… I haven't even met him…"

"Yes, I know. You've been in prison. There was some sort an incident involving a deadly fire, if I heard correctly."

I slowly nodded, to which he responded with a stern stare. I felt like backed against a corner, so I spoke out. "I-I swear, it was an accident."

He nodded once, almost as if telling me that he believes me. He and I both know that I'm not quite innocent, but at least his ability to forgive me helped me calm down and not worry about it. "I have a feeling you can be of use to me and work for me. I can mentor you and take care of you."

"So, what's this really about? Who are you, and why was I sent here?"

"As you know, my name is Caius Cosades", he said and offered me a hand for a shake. "I'm Grand Spymaster of the Blades in the region of Morrowind. I trust you've heard of the Blades?"

"Y-yes, you work for the Emperor, right?"

"Well, yes, we answer to him directly. We're the extension of him; his hands, his mouth, his eyes, his ears… Our work encompasses many areas, and here in Morrowind our main mission is espionage. This is one of the least regulated regions of the Empire, a region where the Empiror has a lot of resistance and enemies… All these factors considered, our presence here is vital for the interest of the Empire."

"So, I was sent to join the Blades, or…?"

"Yes, I've been looking for a new helping hand. Someone unassuming, someone who won't raise much suspicion…" He started looking me up and down again, seeming to be deep in thought. "Hmmm, I'm starting to understand why they might've sent you. You don't exactly raise many suspicions, and the fact that you're a talented mage helps too." He then stopped for a moment, almost as if doubting what he just said. "At least I trust you are talented for someone of your age?"

"I have the talent, but I lack formal training… I still have long way to go…"

"That's quite alright. You should look into joining the Mages Guild. They're always welcoming new associates. It will make for an excellent alias as well, as your work as a Blade will be undercover." He leaned forward, staring me down, resting his elbows against his thighs and his crossed hands on his chin. "Just to reiterate, as my underling you report to me, follow my orders and obey your rules. Don't steal from the Blades and don't attack anyone from the Blades. Simple rules. Follow them, or there will be trouble. Any questions?"

I shook my head slowly.

"Good", he said. "Welcome to the Blades."

"Um, actually, you said you'd also take care of me…?"

He laughed heartily and adjusted his pose to sit his back straight. "Well, you're quite young, are you not? I'll provide you bed, water and food for your service. A little allowance too."

Allowance? Oh, he's treating me a kid alright, but it actually gets better… Or worse… Depends on your perspective… Probably worse if you ask me…

You see, I noticed rather quickly that his house isn't exactly a large one. He has only one bed. I was afraid to point this out loud to him, but my question must've been obvious. Yet, he didn't take any effort to quell down my worries. In fact, it was what he was looking for all along. Caius Cosades is actually quite a pervert.

"I have no orders for you tonight so make yourself home", he said, but even though he had no formal orders, he very much took control of the situation, and he wanted me to do a lot of things for him. "You can take your clothes off. Leave them to dry, so they'll be dry tomorrow."

"Umm…"

"Don't worry, you're really pretty", he said and gave me a confident smile. "We should get comfortable with each other, don't you think? Come on, don't be shy."

I reluctantly stripped out of my shirt, exposing myself to him. I just did as ordered, just as if I was back in that place, taking orders from those looking to use me. My heart was pounding so hard, because it was just so sudden too. Yet, I also felt like I had no choice. I couldn't muster strength to resist. He knew it as well. I was sent to him to work for him and to obey all of his orders. He had power over me and he wanted to prove it to me by tapping into this very power.

He's certainly more handsome than my jailor was, and once he took his pants off - showing that he really meant business - he proved himself to be bigger too. I would be lying if my body didn't react to the bulging erection that was poking through his underwear. I could just feel the deepest and most private part of my body shudder in anticipation, for it knew, for I knew, only a man is able to reach deep enough to touch that spot. He instructed me to undress everything, and to lay down on his bed. "Best for us to get to know each other as you'll be sleeping with me every day from now on."

So, I laid down on my back on his bed, legs still very much tucked together and my hands on top of my breasts. He was eager, and he got on his knees in front of me. He placed his large, warm hands on my knees and started pushing them towards my chest and then apart. I placed my hand on top of my vagina to hide it from his view, to which he simply commented how cute I look when I'm embarrassed. My face was beet-red, I was practically whimpering as I continued to breathe heavy. He pushed forward between my legs and I just couldn't help but to close my eyes. I couldn't even relax, but I let him do it all without protest regardless. He then placed his hands on my waist and pushed deep into me.

Just like that, just moments after meeting him, we were having sex. It was rape. There's no other way to describe it. He took advantage of me because he knew I wouldn't be able to refuse an order from him - whatever that order might've been - and he raped me. Still, he was very different from the man that had raped me many times in my past. That jailor, that awful man… He was always so rough, dirty and sweaty… Caius smells of booze, but he's otherwise clean, and his movement is so much gentler. He was taking it very slow and rhythmically. He was so big too, rubbing me all the way up to my stomach where his glans gently kissed my cervix with each calculated stroke. He forced voice out of me; at first, just soft whimpers, but eventually gasps and moans too. He seemed proud of his work too.

His pace quickened and he caressed my still developing breast, while I was trying to push his hand away without success. He gently pressed his thumb against my clitoris too and rubbed it while still poking into me. He was making me so wet and feel so silly. My mind just blanked. He had made me cum quicker than anyone in my life before. I couldn't believe it. Even though he was raping me, taking advantage of me, he had made me feel real pleasure.

"Have you had your first period yet, sugar?" he asked, whispering into my ear.

"N-no, I haven't…" I admitted. It's luckily something I haven't had to worry about during my captivity, and that's still yet to change. It's not unusual to meet an elven lady in their twenties who's unable to bear children with their husbands and lovers, and I'm not an exception.

"That's perfect", he said, and I realized what he was intending to do. He wanted to give me his seed. Why wouldn't he want that? Men love that shit… He had no reason to worry about repercussions, and neither had I… Well, there's always the risk, and that risk was very much fresh in my mind, and still is even as I'm writing this, but it didn't matter. He shot his sperm deep into me. He was complementing me so much on how tight I am, about how I'm practically sucking him in, about how he just can't pull out because of how good it feels… He placed his hand on my cheek and his thumb crazed over the corner of my eye to dry off a single tear. "Judging by the look on your face, it must've felt good for you too. I'm glad."

He went out for some business, while I was left alone on his bed. Still naked, I laid still, frozen. I was still for at least fifteen minutes I think. I felt like sobbing, but the tears couldn't come. I was just trying to process what had just happened.

It's now evening. He brought fresh clothes for me and is now making a dinner for us both while I'm writing this, documenting what he did to me in form of a smut… Ah, fuck, what's wrong with me? I'm not just documenting being a victim of a rape in my personal diary, I'm describing it in more detail than any sane girl should… Gods damn it, just fuck my life up…

Well, at least he apologized for what he did and said that he hopes I won't hate him for it. I'm yet to decide what to feel about it. I don't appreciate him taking advantage of me, but I suppose I have to let it happen. Besides, it's not like it's the worst thing that can happen to me, even if it may be a little unpleasant. It may be a small price to pay for safety when the outside world might be even more dangerous. Besides, it's not like staying with him doesn't have perks… For starters, free food, and he also gave me my allowance, which is three hundred drakes. It's a lot more than I expected, more than I've been getting from any work I've done in the past.

He also said he has some actual work for me tomorrow, and also told me to make sure I visit Mages Guild too. "It's important for you to make some friends here", he said, "so you can have that alias."

That's for tomorrow, but I doubt my night is over yet. I bet he's gonna do me some more once we both go to bed.

Morning update: I was wrong. He didn't.

Last Seed, 20th, 3E 427

I spent a day walking around Balmora, mostly to get to know it better. Yesterday the weather was so foul I had no interest spending extra time outside. Its size intimidated me at first, had some hard time navigating it, but honestly, it's not that difficult to find what you're looking for. Today, I thought it would be worth taking Caius's advice and try to make some friends.

My first bit of business was visiting the Mages Guild, since getting on their good side means getting an access to their services, like spells, goods, enchanting services, things like that. I think you can even teleport between different Guilds across this island. How cool is that? For someone like me, who's wishing to learn more about magic, they're probably the best possible friends I could hope for right now… Not that I'm naïve or stupid enough to think that they become instantly my friends when I waltz through the front door.

Ranis Athrys was the first woman I saw when I walked in, and she seemed wary of me at first. I found out almost immediately that as the highest ranking member of the Balmora branch, she's in charge here, and in charge of recruitment process as well. I explained my business, and she was quick to extend a hand for invitation. She asked about me, my motivations and skills, thought that I might be a good fit considering that I wish to gain knowledge… That's what being a Mage is about according to her, and part of the Mage's Oath coincidentally is to learn and grow. There were also other simple stuff like don't steal from members of the Guild, don't attack them, share my own knowledge with others… You know, real basic rules. She had no problem with me joining, so she welcomed me as an Associate. However, she didn't really have any work for me. When I asked, how come, she said that I need to prove myself first.

"I need someone I can trust", she said, "which is why I think it's much better for you to work with your other juniors, associates and apprentice's." That's why for work, she assigned me to young Khajiit named Ajira. By young, I mean that she's in her mid to late teens.

Now, this work isn't quite what I expected, but it didn't come as a surprise either considering how new I am. Being an aspiring Alchemist looking to one day own a shop of her own, she keeps herself very busy with her research and finances, and with the quest of wanting to advance in ranks. "Khajiit is not that good with magic", she admitted, "so she devotes time to research". She's a newbie like me, although still much more experienced than me. She wants me to go out in the fields to collect some mushrooms. My best bet at finding the four species of fungi is visiting the Bitter Coast region… Coincidentally that's where I came from.

I then visited South Wall Cornerclub for a meal, and was also approached by someone. I almost dropped my spoon as the second Khajiiti female I got to deal with in one day sat down on the opposite side of the table without even greeting, and quickly yet softly tapped the table four times with her hands. Her name is Habasi, and she came to me asking if I'm interested in doing a bit of burglary work… Yeah, can you believe that?

"What gave you the impression?" I asked quietly and slowly, as I leaned in towards her for a whisper.

"You're new here, yes?" she said, whispering herself. "It looks short on cash, Khajiit has lots where that came from."

I had a feeling she was just looking to con or scam me or something, but heard her out anyway. She talked about a good friend of hers who really wants a diamond… Coincidentally, there's a merchant in this city who has a lot of diamonds at her disposal in her fancy alchemist's shop. She won't be missing one diamond, at least not according to Habasi. I asked her, what's in for me, is this safe? Well, her answer was simple: "Money". As for safety? Well, she warned me not to get caught. There's no telling what kind of punitive labor the Hlaalu guards would put a pretty little High Elf like me through if they got a chance to… Those are her words, not mine.

I'm not so sure about stealing something as valuable as a diamond… If I could get away with something like that, it would net me a lot of money. I could use that, considering how poor I am… I've never ever stolen anything for profit, not even when back in the orphanage. I mean, I'm confident in my sneaky skills, but when it comes to stealing, I've only ever been motivated by survival and getting fed… I have to think hard about whether I should go along with this or not.

As a final noteworthy thing I did today, I talked to Caius again. He was happy with me trying to get my foot between some doors, and was especially happy with me joining the Mage's Guild. He told me about some work I should do for the Blades tomorrow, and told me to go visit a man called Hasphat Antabolis, who's some sort of historian, or a warrior, considering that he's with the Fighter's Guild… A man of many skills and interests I'm sure. The topic? Ask him about Nerevarine secret cult and the Sixth House. I have no clue what those things are about. I thought there are only five great houses? What's the sixth? Ah, whatever, that's for tomorrow.

Caius is also probably looking forward to spending another night with me… I wonder what he'll put me through this time?

Morning update: all he wanted was a blowjob.

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