JoS/Kanna/Kanna's Backstory
Prologue
To Karim, my dearest brother,
from Kanna, your sweet baby sister.
I decided to write this little book about my travels with you in mind. I know you're out there somewhere, but I'm not sure where. I know you're safe, I just know. There's an unbreakable bond between us. I also know that you know where I am, and you know I'm waiting every day eagerly. You also know I love you more than anything, right? Still do…
Me and you, we've been through so much together, so much so that you might think you know everything about me, as I know about you, but there's also some things you may not know. One such thing is amongst my very first memories, an unforgettable encounter with a stranger I've never told you about. This little story is one of them.
That day mother punished me by making me go sit outside. I can't remember why, but she was very cross with me. I must've screwed up big time. As I was sitting and sulking, getting over myself crying just minutes ago, I noticed an Imperial nobleman walking down the road, on his way somewhere with his route going straight past our house. He was a happy man with real spring in his step, and he was wearing a funny hat and wielding a strange walking cane carved out from wood. The man stopped to approach me, asking what I was doing all alone, looking so sad on top of it all. I stared at him silently, and even though I don't quite remember what his face looked like, I do remember feeling calm.
He thought he could cheer me up by showing me a magic trick. Well, he succeeded in getting my attention. I have no idea what he did or how he did it, but I remember the spell being very pretty, although it probably didn't serve any practical purpose. I asked him about it. "How did you do it?"
He smiled, telling me to show him both of my hands. He called them good hands, but I have no idea what he meant. It was a little weird. He placed his own palms below mine and pressed his thumbs against my palms, whispering that I should already know how he did that spell. I shook my head and insisted that I don't know anything about magic, but he insisted otherwise. "Yes you do", he said. "You just don't know it yet". Then, he simply left.
That random and strange encounter wouldn't have stuck to me if it wasn't for what happened the next day. I was out playing in the northern woods and I hurt my ankle. My leg got tangled in some vegetation and I fell over. Panicked, I tried my hardest to pull my leg away, and I only managed after getting myself hurt even more in the process. I was crying in pain, just wishing for someone to come help me. I couldn't even stand because of how much it hurt, and nobody heard me. The only person I could rely on was myself.
I then realized I could heal the injury my leg. It was so strange, but simply by touching my own ankle and holding it, I could slowly feel it becoming better. It was some sort of Restoration magic, and I truly had no idea I could do anything like that. Yeah, mother was good with these kinds of things too, but she never taught me. Nobody did, and all I could think about was that old gentleman I had met just day prior. He was right about me, but how did he know? I guess some people can see magical talent in others…
After that, I returned home and I never told anyone about the powers I discovered within myself. Of course, you know about my powers now because of all we've been through, but I don't think I ever told you how I exactly discovered my talent. You'll get to learn that through this written text once we meet again. Maybe we can read this book together? Or better yet, I could read it for you…
Until then, until we meet again.
First Part
It was Midyear of 423, a night between Fredas and Loredas, but I'm not sure about the exact date. I'm sure about the day because Loredas is the cleaning day, and because we were always rewarded with our favorite food for week's hard work, and I was looking forward to it. I was four at the time, and always happy at the most mundane and dumb things. This joy was robbed from me when they came in the middle of the night wielding torches and blades.
A bandit clan raided our peaceful home in Nimbel Moor, a small village on the northeastern edge of Hammerfell, south from the border of Skyrim. Their goals were simply to loot as much valuables as possible in as short time as possible, and to burn houses and crops on their route. They killed everyone they could, even those who tried to flee. They were inside our house before we even had a chance to escape.
My father tried to defend himself and his family, but he was no warrior. He quickly fell by the blade trying to defend me and my mother. They then targeted my mother, but they weren't going for her life initially. I didn't understand what they were trying to do, ripping her clothes and pushing her down. It was the first time I had ever seen my mother in such a state. She was a strong and proud woman, but there she was, horrified and crying… The sight made me want to cry in shock too. I couldn't even run away, cornered like I was, with them pointing weapons at me and telling me to not move. In the end though, they ended up killing my mother before even getting to rape her due to her screaming. I thought I was next.
That's when Karim came for our aid. I thought he was already dead, but there he was, standing between me and the three brigands with our father's sword in his right hand. His left hand instructed me to stand back, and I pushed my back against the corner.
Only one of the thugs was attacking, and Karim parried his incoming attacks well. Their blades clashed about five times before the first blood was drawn. Karim had wounded the overconfident bandit's wrist and enraged him in the process. Before the battle would resume though, a longsword pierced the bandit's chest from behind. Wielding a bloody sword was an Orc they called Grobush the Great. He was the leader of this group.
"I thought I had made myself clear, you don't attack children", he said, eyeing down his two subordinates left standing, speechless. "And he even got injured by this kid? Pathetic", he added as he spat on the dead man's corpse. His attention then was turned towards me and my brother, who still had his sword pointed at the enemy in front of us. "You've got guts, kid. I'm impressed. What's your name?"
"Karim."
"How would you feel about taking that weakling's place and traveling with us? I've got a good feeling about you."
Karim, brave as ever, talked back, not listening to the Orc's proposal. "You people killed my parents", he said, with tears welling up in his eyes. Sadness and hate, two emotions mixed together, two emotions I had never seen him express before. "I will never forgive you."
"I'm not asking for your forgiveness", Grobush said. "What I want is your blade."
"Then have it", Karim said and charged forward. Caught in a duel with the Orc, he only lasted for ten seconds. With his right hand behind his back, the Orc defeated my brother and unarmed him. I had always viewed my big brother as unbeatable, as a hero in the making, as a talented warrior unlike anyone else in the village, better than even the adults, yet there he was, losing so quickly without doing able to do anything. It broke my heart and crushed my hopes of maybe getting away from this situation unscratched.
The brigands charged forward and apprehended me, kept me still by the edge of the blade by my neck.
"Consider this your final warning", Grobush said as he kicked our father's blade back at Karim's feet. "I'm not asking, I'm telling you. Pick up the blade, sheathe it and serve me. Otherwise we will hurt your sister in a ways you can't even imagine."
Him and I, my brother and myself, gazed at each other, both teary eyed and scared, still shocked at everything that was going on. This agonizingly long moment of quiet allowed him to collect his cool. I could see it in his eyes that the last thing he wanted was for me to feel pain at the hand of these men. He decided to do exactly as he was told and sheathed the blade as instructed by Grobush. The bandits let go of me and told me to behave to avoid trouble. Then, they led us out from our home, and set it ablaze. They were in a hurry to leave now that their work had been done.
That's the story of how we joined Blackhawk Bandits.
Well, it wasn't as much about me joining as it was about Karim joining. As I said, he's the real prodigy here, always been a hero-like figure in my eyes. It was the first time he had ever faced defeat, but that didn't shake my trust in him, because I thought he was still capable of being that unbeatable hero likes of which my naïve and dumb young self thought he could be… Don't get me wrong, I still think he's amazing, but the path to mastery is long and hard.
The Karim I once knew had died on the same day with our parents though. I could tell watching him from the shadows and sometimes from afar that he just had just uncharacteristic bitterness, anger and sadness to every aspect of himself, and understandably so. What happened that day changed me too, so it's obvious that it affected him as well. It was easy for me to forget that he had changed when we were alone though, and it was the only time he could ever show me his smile. I remember so many times of him just sitting down with me and telling me how much it means to him that I'm still alive and well and how he could never let any harm to fall on me. In return, I always promised to support him in any way I can, even though I wasn't really useful for anything back then.
The Blackhawks - as they called themselves - didn't have a place to call home. They were a caravan that traveled the lands around Hammerfell. We also visited places like Evermore and Wayrest in High Rock, Falkreath in Skyrim, Chorrol in Cyrodiil… But it was mostly just Hammerfell. As for the members of the caravan, there were twenty of them. One uniting factor for all of them in addition to crime and being outcast by society was the lack of parent figures. Not all of them were orphans, but they were all people who had been taken to the gang by its chief Grobush who himself lost his family and most of his clan during a bloody fight.
You'd think he would be maybe a little sympathetic towards me and Karim considering that we're just kids and that it was his people who killed our parents… But no, not really. Or, maybe he was, but just didn't show it. He did offer us food as safety though, so I suppose he wasn't all that bad. I didn't hate him as much as Karim did, but then again, he was much harsher and meaner towards my brother. I was mostly just afraid of him.
For the better part of these journeys, I spent time alone and had to entertain myself. I've always been good with magic, and Karim always told me to keep it secret because he was afraid that Grobush might use me as well. It never stopped me from training.
Restoration is pretty easy with all those handy healing and fortification spells… I feel like there might be even more depth to the school than just that, but I never felt like it was necessary, because as much as I liked rejuvenating the living, I also liked tapping into darker arts. You see, I once tried to heal a dead creature, a small mouse. I felt sorry for the poor thing, and I tried to heal it, but nothing worked… Nothing except a spell I had never actually tried, a spell I didn't even know I could cast. I ended up reanimating its corpse, only for a very brief period of time though. The undead mouse stood up, looking very confused, and slowly scurried away after realizing I was sitting there next to it… And then it just fell over disintegrated into dust. That was my first encounter with Conjuration.
It's a school of magic that has a lot more depth to it, so I was way more interested in learning more about it. Magic involving souls, otherworldly beings and even necromancy just seemed so exciting. Karim was never happy about me knowing all this stuff. When I first shown him more of the things I could do and what I had learned, he just responded by being even more strict. He wasn't just asking or telling me to keep it as a secret. It kind of got from the point of him ordering me around, and even begging for me to be careful. These were dark things I was tapping into, and Grobush would've surely taken advantage of me had he learned about some of my talents.
There are probably many things I could talk to you about these journeys but most of the days aren't as memorable as others, and to be honest, I was still so young so I might be wrong about many details. However, this one day I will never forget for as long as I live.
Second Part
It was Sun's Dusk, year 426 of the third era.
Over three years had passed since I was forced to leave my home together with Karim. I was fresh out of my eighth birthday, while my brother was thirteen, four months shy of turning fourteen. He was starting to slowly become an adult, growing taller too. Year by year our height gap just kept increasing. Still, deep in his heart, there still was a kid. I could tell.
The morning and the midday were uneventful. I was probably helping with setting up the camp, or maybe I cooking. Can't remember if I'm being perfectly honest. Our camp was staying in the sands south of Sentinel, the so-called Jewel of the Alik'r. Sun had set and I was getting tired, but I had vowed to not fall asleep until I saw Karim get back safely. He eventually did, coming to our shared tent with a sad look on his face. He set his scimitar down and sat on his bedroll without saying a word, looking visibly distressed.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"I was forced to do something I can never forgive myself for", he explained. I tried to get him to speak to me, but he just stared at me quietly. Honestly, all that did was make me want to chat even more. He then explained everything.
To set a scene, it happened in some tavern in the eastern edge of the city. There were seven of them including Grobush and my brother, and they were having a lot of fun. Alcohol was involved too. I asked my brother if that was it, but he shook his head. He admitted that he has tasted that poison long before today, and even though he's not a fan of it, he feels no regrets or guilt over drinking. The men had their eyes set on a pretty and busty Breton who was working the early shift, and they were getting rowdy.
It started with just harassment and suggestive comments, but quickly escalated into something much worse. Grobush leaned towards Karim, asking him what he would like to do to that woman, asking how much fun it would be to just fuck the ever-living fuck out of that busty whore, in those exact words. Karim denied this, because he's not a rapist. No way, not ever, but he was being pressured more and more. Grobush talked about how they were all going to do that woman and how they wanted my brother to do her first. If not, they would've picked a different girl, maybe someone a lot younger, maybe someone from the camp. Me and Karim both knew that our chieftain was referring to me. He always pretends to be nice to me and acts protective of me, but that's only because he likes to use me as a leverage to make my brother do anything he wants him to do.
I told Karim to just be quiet and I hugged him, tighter than ever before. He had done something awful to protect me, and to prevent something just as awful from happening to me. There's of course nothing that we can do or say to make that experience any easier for that poor barmaid… I'm sure she was just as terrified as I would've been if they came for me…
"Could I been able to take the hit for him, to protect him from committing an evil act", was the first question that popped into my mind. I already knew my answer… It would've hurt my brother just as much to see me put into that kind of situation. It would've spared her though…
He also hugged me and said that he would never want anything like that happening to me.
I nodded and smiled, saying I know he wouldn't. Then, I said something I had said many times before to him, but never with as much emotion as before. I told him, "I love you."
"Will you forgive me?"
"I forgive you too."
We stayed like that for a while, just keeping quiet.
He then said, still sounding just as regretful as before, that there could come a day when he won't be able to protect me. It was something he had never said before. He always goes about how he would go through anything to make me happy, about how he'd do anything, and I guess that day he did as well… It was his first time admitting that reality. I nodded, and I said that I fully understand. We all have our limits after all, and we have to accept that.
And that's when I got a crazy idea.
I'm not going to lie, I've had my fantasies about my brother. Hugs and holding hands are already part of our life, kissing and cuddling… Not so much, but still kind of mild compared to some of the other things I've dreamed about, like marriage and sex… Marriage probably wouldn't work because we're related, I doubt there's a priest of Mara that would approve of that… But sex… There's no reason why that should be off the table, right…? That at least was what was going through my mind. It wasn't like I was going to get pregnant or anything, not at that age anyway. Even now, I still haven't had my first period…
Anyway, that's exactly what I suggested to him. I told him that he doesn't need to worry about someone taking that precious first experience away from me by force if he took it from me first. He obviously thought I was joking, that I was out of my god-damned mind! There was just no way he was going to have sex with his own little sister! I kept insisting, saying that I know it's selfish of me to ask, but I'd rather it be him than anyone else. He still, even after me insisting on being serious, couldn't believe what he was hearing. He said that he just doesn't want to do anything I might regret later, but my mind was made up. As soon as he realized I wasn't backing down, he started to crack himself. The rest is history.
He took my first kiss before we would slowly get naked. We both had seen each other naked before, so there really was no shame on either of our parts. Granted, it was the first time I had seen his bare skin ever since he started growing up into adulthood, and it was clear that he wasn't the same boy anymore. I have changed physically too since the last we saw each other like that. Even still, he didn't mind, and neither did I.
I really only understood what I was dealing with when he got rid of his underwear. His penis was nothing like I remembered… That little thumb-sized peepee had been replaced by something much bigger… And he was just thirteen at the time, I thought. How big do those things get when boys grow up into men, I was wondering.
We didn't waste too much time. I told him I was happy to do everything by his pace and told him to do just whatever he pleases. He kept kissing and caressing me for a while I leaned my body against his chest, and used his hands and fingers to rub my pussy a lot. I had touched myself before, but never had I felt anything like he was showing me. I didn't really understand why he was touching me so much back then… Goes to show exactly how clueless I used to be, but his fingers made my entire body tremble with pleasure and I couldn't help but to moan under my heavy breaths. He warned me to keep quiet, didn't want others to find out. I will say now, I tried my best, but I have no idea if my best was good enough. For what it's worth, nobody ever brought it up to me, or to him as far as I know.
I then realized his dick had transformed again; it was completely stiff and even bigger than before. I asked him, why won't you just push it in? He said he needs me to be wet. It will hurt a lot if I'm not. I took his word for it… Only after that I figured out why exactly it was so important for him to touch me so much first.
I never got a chance to touch myself during that whole thing, but I was feeling good down there. I guess I was getting wet, because he laid me down on my back, down on a bedroll, and he turned his gaze on what's between my legs. He spread my legs up - I admit, I was feeling a little ashamed at that very moment - and he licked me. Yeah, licked me. I couldn't figure out why. I was telling him not to, said that it's dirty and probably tastes like pee. He didn't care, it was like he didn't even listen. His wet tongue and lips felt even better than his fingers! …Or maybe that's just because I was already feeling so good and so ready to begin with. I guess he sensed my readiness at that point too, because he decided it was time for penetration next.
He rubbed the tip against me for a while, all while caressing my left cheek with his free hand. He told me that it will probably hurt a lot, but also reassured me about it and said it will only be temporary. He promised that he would stop if I said so though. He would try to be slow, try to be gentle. I nodded to everything he said, saying that I'm ready, that I want him to do it and to not worry about me.
I will never forget those first few moments, when he grabbed me by my waist and started pushing into me. For the first time in my life something was going inside me, into my body, and even though I was feeling tense and even a little scared, by body just gave in and took it all in. Yeah, it did sting. Of course it did. I had never been spread open like that, not by anything. However, that little pain was temporary just as he had told me. My eyes got a little watery, but only for one moment. I just couldn't help but to smile. I was just trying to concentrate on that warm, tingly feeling of fullness I was feeling in my body. It was like his penis had reached all the way below my bellybutton. We were connected, and I was feeling so damn happy about it.
Almost as soon as he started to thrust his hips back and forth, I covered my mouth. I just had to, because there was no way I was going to keep myself quiet for long. My entire body shook with his every movement, and he wasn't even being particularly rough or anything. He was gentle, just as he had promised.
There was still a sense of urgency to what we were doing too. I mean, we were still in the camp, there was no way we would've wanted to get caught. It wasn't something that was really on my mind when I suggested to him that we should have sex, but now when he was doing me on top of me, it just couldn't escape my mind. What if someone had caught us? It's good that nobody did, or that nobody was even looking for us.
Still, recognizing that I was fully okay with everything that was going on and even enjoying myself, he put more work into it. He was pushing into me much harder. For a while it even felt like he was being too rough and I thought about telling him to be more gentle, but I just couldn't let myself utter a single word, not with my palm firmly keeping my mouth shut to best of my abilities. I just kind of sucked it up and closed my eyes.
Then, it was over. Faster than I could anticipate. I guess he didn't want to take any risks or chances, as he pulled out at last second and kept jerking off to shoot semen on my belly. It was the first time I had seen that white stuff - obviously - but I knew it was going to happen. For some reason, I expected for there to be less of it. Not to say there was much of it either… Somehow it just felt like a right amount, I don't even know why. I finally released my mouth from my own grasp and allowed myself to pant and breathe freely. I opened my eyes and smiled at him.
I was just so thankful for him… But I didn't thank him… Really, I just told him that I was glad we did it, and said I wouldn't mind doing it again. He helped me clean and dress up, and urged me to roll over and sleep. I mean yeah, it was getting late, and I was getting a little tired. I must've fell asleep after about five minutes of him leaving… And before he left, I made sure to remind him I love him. It's not usual of him to answer to me saying that verbally, but that day he said that he loves me too.
At that time, I had no idea how glad I would be that we did it, because the next dramatic turn of events in our collective lives was just around the corner, waiting for us in the Imperial province of Cyrodiil.
Third Part
We didn't stay near Sentinel for long. We did a five-day journey to the east and set up a camp in the highlands northwest of Chorrol. It had been a while since the band's last raid and they had their eyes set on a bigger city as opposed to some backwater village. A lot of planning and preparing had gone into it on the chief's part, but little did I know Karim had a plan of his own.
My brother came to me after we had eaten our dinner on the eve of the battle, and he said: "Today is the last day we will be part of this gang of criminals". According to him, it was time for Grobush and everyone else to pay for their sins. Karim had an important role to play in this raid. He had done a lot to gain chief's trust to get to this point, and now that he had all that trust put on his shoulders, he didn't hesitate to use it as an opportunity to get to those disgusting thieves, rapists and murderers. His plan involved leaking information about the upcoming raid to the city guards, which would help the guardsmen prepare and set up an ambush, which would without a doubt deal a decisive blow against the Blackhawk Bandits.
My role in all of this was the same as always: sit back, try to stay safe within the confines of the camp and let my brother handle everything. I decided to play my part by pretending to be asleep. He left before everyone else and gave me a sweet kiss on my forehead, promising that he'll return safely soon. I nodded and returned to my tent. Four other Bandits were left behind while the rest left about thirty minutes after Karim had departed.
And so, the time kept ticking. Minutes turned into hours, and those hours felt so agonizingly long. I was having trouble staying awake, but I had made myself a promise to not fall asleep until I would see his face again. I was excited and scared for both him and myself. There was no room for error, no room for mistakes on his part. If he failed, if those bandits were to survive, he would have been put to death or worse, and who knows what would've happened to me. Luckily, it never got to that. That's not to say that things went as he planned though.
Commotion outside the tent alerted me and I sprung up. Soldiers and guardsmen from Chorrol had put the camp to sword, and they were in the process of arresting the Bandits that had left behind. One of them was killed almost instantly, dying while fighting for his freedom, while the others were apprehended and put into chains. Honestly, I thought that Karim's plan had succeeded. Surely it must've. After all, everything was looking exactly like that! I was so excited! I thought he would be with the soldiers like a knight in a shining armor!
However, he wasn't there. Two of the soldiers pushed me to the ground before I could realize what was going on, and they proceeded to tie my hands behind my back quickly. I panicked, asking what was going on. I insisted on just being a prisoner and asked them about my brother, asking where he is. "Hah, probably dead", one of them said, as he tightened the rope around my wrists. "Their little raid was cut short thanks to a rat in your midst."
It made my heart sink, but there was still hope. Karim had succeeded in making the bandits pay, so maybe this was all just a misunderstanding? "He's my brother", I tried to explain. "My brother leaked the plan to you people!"
"Oh, that was real nice of him", the guardsman said and grabbed me, forcing me to my feet. "Well you're in luck because he escaped. Would've killed him too if I had a chance."
I couldn't understand why. I just stood there quiet, staring at him, almost as if asking him why. Like, he helped you, right? Why would they be doing this?
"Once a bandit, always a bandit", he then said, while pushing me forward, instructing me to walk. "He might've sold his brothers out which was good for us, but that just makes him even more of a scum. Bandits are only good for public executions."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I absolutely couldn't believe what was happening. I felt like bawling my eyes out, but I was too scared to even cry, not when I was so god-damned scared for my own life. Was that what was going to happen to me as well? Was I going to die!? They wouldn't execute a child, I kept thinking, but considering everything that was happening, I wasn't so sure anymore.
For the whole time of them escorting me towards the city along with rest of the captured bandits, I was just waiting and praying for something. Now if ever was the time for my brother to come to my rescue! Divine intervention to help me, I was hoping for anything!
Oh, but nobody came for my help. Divines have long forsaken me and my brother, and who knows where he was during all of this. They tossed me into the dungeon underneath the Chorrol castle, and they locked the door. I was in a dirty cell in solitary confinement and I still couldn't even move my damn arms. I broke down and tried to reason with the guards, saying I'm not a bandit, saying that my brother's not a bandit. I tried to explain how we're prisoners, how we're victims of those bandits, about how there's just no way we're criminals! All those words fell on deaf ears. They didn't listen. They just turned their backs in the middle of my crying my heart out to them, and they left me alone.
I was so truly and utterly helpless, and nobody even believed a word I was saying…
Fourth Part
Ever since that day, I've been a prisoner.
They first kept me in custody for two to three weeks, questioning me. I heard stories about how the remaining bandits had all been executed. They were using their lives as a leverage to gain information about my brother… Not that I cared anyway. In fact, when they were interrogating me while talking about how the remaining captive man was going to have his head chopped off if I didn't speak, I screamed at the guards to just fucking kill that scum, and to make his death slow and painful. They all just stared at each other, then at me, and then they left quietly, saying that they'll be back.
It was the first time I had felt genuine anger in a long time, and the realization of even it being futile in this situation made me want to cry again, but that wouldn't have helped either. Still, the truth remained the same. It didn't matter how many questions they asked about my brother, because I really, honestly have no idea what happened to Karim or where he is. No news, no nothing.
If there was one good thing in all of this, it's that there were those amongst the guards who weren't convinced that I could've really been a bandit. I remember hearing how one of the men questioning me turned towards his chief, and talked softly of me. "There's just no way she could be a criminal. She has to be telling us the truth."
After hearing that claim, captain of the guard admitted that it might be the case, but also called it strange… How could I have been a prisoner for some of the most brutal bandits to curse the empire in years and show absolutely no signs of physical harm in my body. Me trying to explain myself sadly didn't help. I mean, it does explain why I'm unharmed, but it also doesn't go to paint my brother in a very good light either, because I was essentially admitting to him committing crimes alongside the bandits. Sure, his and mine circumstances were abnormal, but I don't think these Imperial guards cared about nuance…
In the end, they never really came to a conclusion, but they couldn't just let me walk off free and unsupervised either.
They were debating if I should be set free and put to an orphanage somewhere, if I should be kept in custody, or if I should be transferred to a correction facility in Imperial City. They settled rather quickly for transfer, as they saw it as the best possible option for me in specific. I had no say in this, of course.
Little did I know, this correction facility was the worst option of all three. It was worse than a prison, a place where everyone was treated as a slave. We were less than people, toys to be experimented with, toys used for sick, twisted pleasure…
I was brought to the owners office first, where he was briefed with me having to serve what they called a multi-year re-education program. The man looked happy, in a very scary way. That disgusting grin of his will forever give me nightmares. When we were eventually left alone, he dragged me to a bedroom, and he forcefully stripped me naked. He tore all my clothes, he pushed me down, and he raped me. I couldn't believe it was happening. Like, he was working for the Imperial Legion. None of the other officers had ever even joked about abusing me physically or doing anything sexual to me, yet there he was, violating me while I was helpless to do shit.
It was a prison meant exclusively for children, and youngsters in general. I was far from the only permanent resident there, although most stayed there only for couple of days before being released back to the streets. Not me.
If you're wondering, what the re-education really means here, it's all about discipline. What they say is law, and as long as I do exactly what I'm ordered to, I'll have easy time, at least according to them. In the end, it doesn't matter if I resist or not, the sexual abuse is all the same either way. At least I can be glad I gave away my virginity on my own terms… That's not to say I didn't have other firsts taken away from me here.
There were a lot of restraints and torture involved. We really were slaves, treated like toys without regard for our health of wellbeing. Not a day went by without some pedophile's dick violating me in various ways. Second day into my sentence, the owner pushed me to my knees and pushed his penis towards my face, a sight that made me look away in shock and horror. He wanted me to take it into my mouth. It was certainly something I didn't do with Karem that day. It didn't even cross my mind, the idea of it was too icky… Didn't matter that day, or on any other day going forward. I eventually lost count of how many dicks I have been forced to lick and suck… At least I don't gag on them anymore…
You can bet my butt was used too. I had been forced to climax many times, but not anally. I mean, I didn't even know it was possible… All I ever felt was discomfort from having my butt violated, but they insisted on teaching me to also orgasm that way… Fuck, I feel like a dirty whore just thinking about it… Yeah, they did train me to orgasm by stimulating my ass…
I kind of learned to accept everything that was going on. How could I have even refused? I just had to do everything I was told to do, and I never resisted, apart from maybe those first few days. I think there might be something wrong with me, considering how much pleasure my body was able to produce from all those things. Gangbangs and sex with strangers… I was complicit in all of it. I didn't really enjoy all of it though. Like, being forced to do it with women and even other slaves like me. I mean, it just isn't the same. I'm not into girls at all…
It's all over now though. Despite feeling the way I did, I don't miss being that kind of slave.
Out of nowhere, just on one certain day, some high-ranking officers came down to the facility. There were some harsh words exchanged, even some fighting, but at the end of it all, the owner was arrested along with many of his lackeys. We, as in me and the other remaining prisoners, were given clothes immediately and we were told there's been a change in leadership. We didn't understand what this soldier meant, but his kindness, his genuine worry over us and the tears that had welled in his eyes when he saw what had happened to us meant that we were going to be safe going forward. That's exactly what happened.
In sense, we're still prisoners, but we get to wear clothes, we go to these lessons for education, kind of like in school or something, and we also go to therapy regarding our experiences. They're priests I think, they talk a lot about divines… I don't particularly care, I just want to know what happened to my brother. I keep asking them about him, but they keep talking about how I need more therapy. Some of them even keep saying that I need to learn to accept that my brother is dead, and move on. I used to lash out at them, the first time around I even punched one of the priests and screamed at her to not make up nonsense, said that there's no way for them to know for sure. After that, they put me in solitary confinement for like two weeks or something.
I've tried to keep my cool since. I mean sure, it was traumatic, but it's not like I'm like some husk, a broken fucking mess… At least I think not? Maybe there's something wrong with my head… Maybe I've been abused so much I can't even tell I've gone insane… Maybe my brother really is dead and I'm just in denial… I keep nodding when they suggest it could be the case…
Still, I just know he's still out there somewhere. They'll see.
I still don't appreciate them treating me like I'm crazy or insane, I still long for freedom, but I know this is all just temporary. In time, I'll grow up, they'll reintroduce me to society, I'll get to work somewhere… I'll start looking for my brother maybe? I kind of want to join the mages guild to learn more about magic. I keep training my conjuration abilities in secret so they don't know the extent of my abilities, but they can all tell that I'm gifted. They have no idea I can actually commune with otherworldly beings.
I'm kind of afraid of summoning some of them, as I don't know if I could be able to control them. Just a week ago for example, I think I was able to tap into Oblivion and talk to a powerful creature. From what I gathered, this creature wouldn't feel happy about being summoned by a lowly mortal, and I'd rather not have myself killed by a daedra I summon…
Still, I wonder if that's what all daedra I could summon are about? I mean, there are countless realms of existence out there, more gods that I know of… Some of them might not be only about killing and violence… I wouldn't want to get raped by a creature I summon either, although admittedly, it would be preferable to being killed by one.
I can also materialize a small, bound dagger. It's so sharp too… It's kind of scary what this school of magic is capable of producing. I could kill someone with a weapon that doesn't even exist in this world. That's definitely safer than relying on beasts to fight for me, although the latter might be necessary if I get myself in real trouble.
I'm not sure if I have anything else to add. This is my life now. Could be worse! No idea when I'll be released though. Year? Two or three? When I'm adult, maybe never!? Or maybe someone saves me, or maybe there's another hostile takeover and I'll turn into slave once again… Who knows…
I mostly just wrote this because I'm bored… You know, because the prison cell can be really boring at times… I don't expect to write another journal, but who knows… Depending on what the life throws at me, I just might…
Backstories
- Aliya's Backstory
- Kanna's Backstory
- Karim's Backstory