Talk:Disciplinary Action/Disciplinary Office/First Week/Cutting Class/Caught/Tihana/Impregnate/Explain/Rape/Trick

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I had to do a bit of head jumping in this one in order to really get the effect I wanted. This scene is more or less finished, I might or might not write one more paragraph before adding in the options. I just have a hard time finishing scenes in the same writing session I write them. Especially the intense ones, it requires too much of a shift of mental gears in order to shift over to the calm mindset needed to write out the options. Jemini (talk) 15:09, 18 January 2018 (CET)

Yeah I found the head hopping a little confusing. One thing I suggest is something to indicate a separation between the pars that are from Johns POV and Tihana's POV. Also a little less detail in the description of what bathers are, it kinda turns what should be a bit of an erotic moment for the reader into something a little more clinical. --Telgar (talk) 0635, 18 January 2018 (PST)

Yeah, gonna have to think a bit on how to fix the head jumping bit. As for the bathers, I just hacked out the description completely, the name by itself gives enough info and we can probably go into more detail on the subject somewhere else if the opportunity ever arises. Jemini (talk) 16:45, 18 January 2018 (CET)

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