JoS/Henriette/23rd Journal - Tests of Faith

Morning Star, 15th, 4E 203

If I didn't have enough worries with the Dawnguard and Vigilants wanting me dead or bandits and slave traffickers wanting me captured, now it seems that my actions with the College of Winterhold have angered Thalmor for the last time. They have an arrest warrant on my head and recognize me as an enemy of the Aldmeri Dominion. They pretty much attack me on sight.

What makes this all the more troublesome is the fact that since they have political influence unlike some of my other enemies. I'm not sure if they would be bold enough to attack me in the middle of the city, but they could actually have me arrested by guards too. I should be fine in areas where they have little to no influence, but in holds like the Reach and the Haafingar… Well, that's where I will get slightly more trouble because of their increased presence. My reputation was already bad in those areas to begin with, so I really have to be on my toes from now on when traveling through unfriendlier areas…

Speaking of Reach, we're still on our way to Markarth. I wrote about dropping by at Sky Haven Temple, and while at first it seemed like we were welcomed by Delphine and Esbern, they started getting on me about something that they deem to be problematic…

Esbern, who has been studying and reading books about dragons and the history of Blades all his life told me that he had learned a lot about Paarthurnax and decided that he needs to die. Apparently that old dragon committed crimes against humanity in the past, used to serve Alduin or something. Then again, such was the case for all the dragons… Paarthurnax was one of the first to defect and help humanity, so I don't really understand why the drama. Shouldn't he be considered one of the "good" dragons? Did he not teach the man to wield the voice? Esbern luckily was pretty calm and rational about it and was, in fact, very happy to see me. He was also interested in talking to me about what brings me here, about my progress in hunting down Alduin. Delphine was a whole another story though.

She's making demands from me again, just like she did in the past. She doesn't even want to have anything to do with me unless "that dragon" dies. She went so far as to say "It's your duty", which pretty much made me want to spit on her face. Were the Blades not historically supposed to serve the Dragonborn, not order them around like this? Who does she think she is? I don't even care about being Dragonborn all that much anymore! Sure, I'll fight Alduin when the time comes for me to meet him again - that bastard threatens the entire world and even killed my parents after all - but that's where I believe my "duty" to this world or anyone else ends as far as I'm concerned. Forget about what this woman thinks is my duty, I don't even think Paarthurnax deserves to die to begin with, and I told this to Delphine in no uncertain terms. She got so mad, even tried to slap me for being in her own words, "so naïve". It was thanks to Esbern that she didn't.

He tried to make her calm down before things get ugly, and that he still had things he wanted to discuss with me, and he would prefer to discuss them like a rational adult. I was happy to agree, but not now while Delphine was yelling and screaming next to me. Luckily, she was able to shut up for a while.

He asked me to forgive Delphine for her actions. He seems to understand that they need me more than I need them at this point. He's the one who seems most concerned about Alduin, about him maybe returning once more after the last time I met face to face with the world-eater, about him maybe coming back stronger than ever.

Long story short, he wants me to win, he needs me to win, everyone does. He asked me once more, is there truly no way I could strike down Paarthurnax? I don't like repeating myself, but I at least feel like I can reason with this old man. "No, it's not something I'm willing to do", I told him, "at least not as long as there are bigger threats out there."

I think it was able to convince him a little… Not too sure about Delphine though. She still giving me ugly looks. I couldn't hear what she whispered, but I swear I could read "undead bitch" from her lips. Heh, maybe I should kill her instead of Paarthurnax? Ahahaha, that might actually be fun… I'd feel bad for Esbern though, so probably no.

"So be it", Esbern said. "I think it's a mistake to spare him, but I can't force you. We can't force you. I will lend you help to defeat Alduin in any way I can, but once your destiny has been fulfilled, our relationship will end."

Luckily, I didn't have to wait to receive this help from him. As he's been researching dragons, he's learned about more than just Paarthurhax. Ancient Blades used to not only record many names of the Dragons they killed, but also of Dragons that used to serve Alduin. This one is apparently one of them, and his name is Odahviing. "I still don't know exactly what your plan is, if you truly will try to trap a dragon in Dragonsreach, but if you do, this is the dragon you should seek out. Just call his name, he will surely answer your challenge."

That was that. I thanked him greatly, but also reminded him that it is not I who is burning down this bridge between me and the Blades. It's them. I don't blame them for distrusting Paarthurnax because, well, he's a Dragon, but shouldn't the fact that I trust him not be enough for me? Shouldn't they be more trusting of me? Oh well, what's done is done. I'm glad I came here… And also glad I don't have to worry about coming here again. Hopefully anyway.

As for the plan, I still don't know how I will get Jarl Balgruuf to agree to it, but I suppose I should at least bring it up with him once again. That though, will have to wait for later. It'll probably be a while before I head back east towards Whiterun.

Morning Star, 17th, 4E 203

My journey has finally brought me to Deepwood Redoubt in the mountains of Haafingar. You know, the place that Olava told me about. Even though it's far north of the Reach, it's one of the most prominent strongholds that the Forsworn have for themselves. I'm not quite sure what place this ancient ruin holds in my destiny, but at least we found what Olava told me we would find. I found the treasure left to me by an ancient assassin, which was some old piece of armor that doesn't even fit me, but that's just about the least interesting thing I discovered here.

Outside we saw only Forsworn who we tried our best to just sneak by and not encage, but once we got inside the actual temple, we figured out who's really in charge here. Witches. Their leader was a Hagraven and a powerful one at that, but she kept running away from us. We felt like she was taunting us, and we were a little annoyed by her, so we followed her up the building to kill her. It's only after she lied dead that we realized we might've actually killed someone really important.

There were letters and there were talks about this Matriach, and about some plan they've been waiting to fulfil for a long time, a plan that is closer to fruition than ever before. When we were leaving, we also overheard some Forsworn talking to themselves about how they can't believe their stronghold had been infiltrated, about how Madanach will be furious when he hears of the news. We still hadn't been discovered, everyone who had seen us had died already, but getting out was difficult. Before I get into that though… Oh, Madanach, now there's a name I didn't particularly care to hear about. They're still intent on taking the Reach. Could that vision of my future Olava told me about have something to do with him and the Forsworn? I hope not… I want to put that chapter in my life behind me.

We also found the priest that Olava told about. You see, Forsworn had a prisoner here, and the Forsworn was interrogating him about if he knows something about the attack, telling that they will kill him where he stands if he won't spill the beans. Honestly, under normal circumstances, I would've never even considered saving him, but Olava didn't mention him in my reading for nothing. So, the most sensible thing to do was to save him from being killed. To do that, we had to fight many of the Forsworn, but we at least prevailed. Some of them got away, scared for their deaths, but we had no means of pursuing them. We had to let them go. Probably a bad move…

Either way, the priest's name is Logrolf, and he thought I was sent to end his life. He asked, who sent me, what was my purpose for being here, and I only told him the truth. I received a reading of my future which brought me here. He didn't believe me, but he was glad to have been rescued. He's a priest of Boethiah. You know, the goddess I kind of angered when I met her, kind of didn't, I'm still not sure… He's on the road to Markarth and talked about some task he has there.

According to him there's a shrine to Molag Bal in some building there, deep underground, and for some reason he's intent on desecrating that shrine, doing whatever ungodly things he wants… I told him that we're on my way to Markarth too, so maybe we can travel together. He took me by my offer.

Molag Bal is without a doubt a god I have a strong connection to. He's the father of Vampires after all. Harkon got his Vampirism directly from this God, so I'm just one person's separation away from His graces. I'm not a big fan of that particular god though… But I wonder, is it in my best interest to lead a priest of a rivaling Daedric prince to his shrine? It could spell trouble.