JoS/Henriette/4th Journal - Degeneration
Frostfall, 2nd, 4E 201
We've been wandering around aimlessly for the past few days, trying to improve ourselves and our abilities. Most of our adventures so far have been planned, but not this one. We spontaneously decided to explore a cavern, which ended up being populated by the blind cave-dwelling Falmer and their pet Chaurus. I really, really want to stress at this point that we have never encountered these creatures before, so we had no idea we would be encountering the kind of problems we did.
The enemies we encountered there were scary. Falmer, like I said, are blind, so they rely on other instincts a lot. Don't think you're safe from even mages and archers either, as they can use echo-location to their advantage. Chaurus on the other hand are giant insects with black shells and white meat underneath. Still, everything felt easy up to this point.
That's when we found their hatchery and attempted to harvest some of their eggs. Why would I put my hand on something as disgusting as that, you might wonder? Well, I've heard that their eggs have some alchemical properties which could prove to be very useful for someone like me. Little did I know, there was an invisible enemy waiting for me to make a wrong move.
Tentacles reached out from beneath me and caught me by surprise. There were too many of them for me to do anything, and they caught all my limbs in an instant, coiling around me fast. It must've been some kind of strange, mutated Chaurus that had been guarding the eggs, and it did not take lightly to me stealing from it. Then again, it might've also just seen me as a target to be ravished. Either way, the end result was the same. Tentacles stripped my armor, stripped my weapon, made me completely unable to defend myself. Not even Sofia could help me. She had her own tentacles to deal with and while she could defend herself, she could not advance to come to my aid.
After getting past my armor and tearing through my letter, it could slide easily underneath my panties from the back, sliding along my skin, between my legs and out from the front. Its bumby shaft dug against my vagina, straight in the middle, straight between my lips, and it just kept going back and forth while the other tendrils kept my legs spread forcefully. I can't believe how sensitive I felt down there, but honestly, fear was the first thing that was on my mind. It was rubbing my crotch so roughly and quickly that it was forcing me to come. I couldn't believe it. Raped by a damn monster, by some damn tentacles of an invisible giant insect I could not do anything against! My forced orgasm was unfortunately just the beginning of my horrors though.
Twisting and turning, the tentacles ripped easily my panties in half, exposing my privates from their frail protective veil. That same bumby tentacle was in completely different position and I could feel it push against my vagina. I was in disbelief at the fact that it really was about to insert into me. Sure enough it did, and it came deep. It actually inserted its slimy tentacle inside my body. I had literally just came, and the beast penetrated me without any delay. I shouted and screamed for it to stop, begged to be helped and saved, but Sofia was starting to fare even more badly. She was holding her own, but the tentacles had also teared through her armor. She herself seemed distressed and even enraged. Who knows what could've happened if she didn't succeed!?
The tentacle kept moving in and out with reckless speed, shaping my pussy to its shape, forcing me to feel indescribable sensations in the process. It didn't feel good in the same way that Sofia fingering me felt good, but the sensations it made me feel were pretty similar even with all of my disgust and fear. Even though I was still constantly afraid and in extreme stress, it still managed to make me come again. Not even my first rapist was able to do that to me, an honest to god penetrative orgasm through rape, by a damn monster. I felt like I could cry, but even still, the worst was ahead.
It ejaculated into me. Thick, gooey sperm filled me, and it came way more than I could even imagine. It was fortunately around this time that Sofia finally had been able to fight through the defensive wall of tentacles to come to my aid, but she was not offered the satisfaction of killing my rapist, because the beast retreated underground to protect itself from her sword.
She was able to drag me to safety, where I just sat still hugging her for a while, holding in my tears, thanking her. And thank Sithis we had the foresight to kill all the Falmer and the Chaurus before I started checking the piles of eggs for ingredients. A lot could've gone wrong here, but here we are, still free. Granted, our armor and clothes are in tatters, but yeah… At least we were able to get out of there…
Ever since then, I've felt something crawling around inside me. It's so crazy that I could become pregnant from a damn tentacle. Or, is that really the case? Maybe there were some worms, parasites or something along the sperm… Just the thought makes me sick… Somethings inside my belly even though it doesn't show on the surface, and I know it.
I hope this is curable. I don't know where to start though. I really should pay a visit to a healer or an alchemist for tips. I really, really don't want to go along with this process and actually give birth, not to some disgusting bugs.
I swear, I will never ever touch another pile of Chaurus Eggs ever again.
On a more positive note though, I learned that Falmer blood is quite delicious.
Frostfall, 3rd, 4E 201
By the time we made it back to Whiterun, I was hornier than I'd ever been before. Me and Sofia split up, trying to find help at different parts of the city. I walked around the city looking for a healer, but couldn't find one. Arcadia the Alchemist said she doesn't know a cure, and suggested just waiting it out, even though it'll probably be very unpleasant. Danica, a healer from the Temple of Kynareth, just apologized to me profousely and told me there's nothing she can do. Perhaps I really have to just wait it out, like Arcadia said. Perhaps I really need to give birth.
I haven't seen any real visual change, but I feel a little fuller than usual, a little bloated and heavy in my lower stomach area, if you know what I mean… I wonder how long this'll take? I feel like I can't even go on an adventure in this condition.
And on top of that, there was still also the real issue of me feeling horny, lightheaded and bothered. I needed to do something about it, and I couldn't even turn to Sofia's aid this time. I wasn't gonna wait for her to return from whatever task she had gotten herself occupied with.
I was visiting Dragonsreach in hopes of maybe getting the court wizard to help when when I met a certain Wood Elf who goes by the name Larkspur. He's a real lady-killer, a real bad boy and a reformed bandit with extensive criminal history. Although I have a feeling girls around my size are outside his preferred zone, he made advances on me. Perhaps he saw I was horny, perhaps he felt that I would be an easy target, either way he made me his newest conquest. I was not only in vulnerable state, but also feeling sad and defeated, feeling that nothing really even mattered anymore, so I let him do whatever he wanted with me.
He led me to his little shack and laid me naked on his bed. First thing I discovered about him when he finally undressed and came down on me was his size. He was just as large as Gorr was, but he was gonna fuck me for real. I was anxious from the start, but I let it all happen anyway.
Him inserting into me didn't hurt at all, even though he was way too big to fit inside me fully. I took him laying down in a missionary position, and he was very gentle throughout it all. His large, warm hands on my waist when he thrusted in and out of me made me feel safe. Him complimenting my cuteness also made me feel better.
Still, he was a beast who wanted to do whatever he wanted with me, which became apparent halfway through us having sex. He was getting rougher and faster, about which I warned him. I told him not to cum inside, saying that I can't risk getting pregnant. He said that leaving his mark is the only way he rolls and that there was no way he was NOT gonna cum inside. On my part it turned into begging, but he just told me to be quiet, learn my place and take it without bitching. Protesting was pointless. Sure enough, he really continued all the way to an orgasm and cummed deep inside me. Made sure to push his dick real deep too, after which he pretty much just told me to dress up and leave.
My condition felt better, but my heart was left with an ache, and my eyes were a little teary too. I felt used… But at the same time, I consented to it initially… It was only halfway trough that I started having problems with him… He really should've respected my wishes…
I don't know if it's possible for me to even become pregnant while I'm infected by this stupid Chaurus, but I have a bad feeling about this. I'm still feeling like crying a little, which is not fun at all… I really am gonna cry myself to sleep today, am I…? I just feel so weak today…
Frostfall, 4th, 4E 201
My stressed heart didn't let me sleep, as I feared, so I didn't end up getting much rest. I did eventually get to sleep for like two hours or something like that, but that brief sleep was interrupted by something very unpleasant.
I couldn't get out from the bed, and the pleasure was simply too much to bear. I had gotten horny again. The parasite had grown thanks to absorbing energy from me, and I… I ended up laying its eggs. Sixteen little eggs in total… It took forever for them all to get out, and I was so sweaty, so out of breath, trying desperately to muffle my screams and moans. I'm in an inn for Sithis' sake. I could never get over the shame if anyone saw me like this!
When it was over, I had never felt so relieved. I mean, it's over now, right? My tummy doesn't feel so strange anymore… I think I got fully rid of whatever bug those tentacles injected me with.
At that point, I was too tired to even clean the mess I had made, and I ended up falling asleep, luckily only briefly. I don't think anyone had come to my room while I was out cold.
That was an experience I'm not sure I want to repeat. The inn is way too noisy now, so I'm not gonna get any sleep I fear. Sofia's now reunited with me though, and I had the news to rely to her. We're gonna rest for today and not leave the city.
I think I'm gonna get over this set of setbacks too. I'm not a type to stay put just moping how weak and useless I am. No, all of this - even though it did make me cry a little! - is just more motivation for me to try and become better and stronger!
Frostfall, 5th, 4E 201
Today we went on another pointless adventure near Whiterun and came across an old fortress conquered by bandits. I think it was called Greymoor? Either way, they had an awful lot of prisoners locked down in the basement. Well, most of them were dead, but one poor fool was alive.
This idiot had actually came here trying to convert these bandits and help them turn a new leaf. What an imbecile. Well, I helped him escape at very least, didn't feel like letting his starve to death in this dark and cold place. As far as I'm concerned, his only crime is stupidity, so letting him die would feel wrong. It wasn't like I was feeling hungry anyway. Bandits provided me with a lot of blood. Their Chief in particular had some excellent tasting blood. I bit into his neck when he was down on his knee. For a kid like me, there's something very satisfying and empowering about taking a big, muscular man into his knees, have him squeal for mercy like a pig, and then feel his body spasm as the life leaves his body. It's almost like the fear just makes the meal tastier, like a good salt and spice rub on fresh lamb steak…
Oh, I apologize, my dearest, sweetest diary, I'm getting carried away in my ramblings. It's just that I enjoy getting stronger, and I even enjoy being an evil little bitch every now and then.
Frostfall, 6th, 4E 201
Today when I entered Whiterun, I saw a guard confronting a couple of Redguards by the gate, dressed in a traditional Alik'r attire. Apparently they were looking for someone hiding in the city, but because they weren't allowed inside, they asked me to help. They described their target as a Redguard female. I haven't seen many in Whiterun, but this one lady at the Bannered Mare sprung to my mind.
Her name is Saadia and when I told her that Alik'r are looking for her, she kind of freaked out about it. She initially suspected that I might be working with them, but I tried to reassure her that I am not necessarily helping them, I was merely relying her the information. Anyway, she's some kind of noble, I think. She fled Hammerfell because she's being accused of a crime that she didn't commit according to her own words, something like that. She did talk to me about a captured Alik'r soldier in the Whiterun prison though, and that he's my best bet in locating the man who's supposedly the brains of this entire operation: Kematu.
So, that's what I did. I visited the prison and got my information from this prisoner. Kematu is apparently located in a cave called Swindler's Den along with his lackeys. This prisoner of course insists that they're in the right and that Saadia is full of crap, so this really seems like a "he said she said" kind of situation. I'm not really interested in who's in the right here, I don't care about politics all that much, but if there's good money in this for me, I'm more than happy to investigate their hideout. It might just become a question of which side offers more conclusive evidence, and who knows, Kematu might even have some hard evidence.
Frostfall, 10th, 4E 201
The bandits holed up at Swindler's Den ended up being more than we bargained for, if you can even call these just simple bandits. These guys are rich, well dressed and skilled mercenaries. They're organized criminals rather than thugs, and proved out to be a dangerous foe. I can certainly see why Saadia was so freaked out about this whole situation. We had to fight our way through the bandits to even get to the Alik'r who were deeper inside the cave.
Kematu and his gang figured out pretty quickly who we had been sent by, and they didn't want to fight us. They insisted on not being part of the Bandits, but it kind of brings to question, why hide with them then? Kematu didn't bother trying to explain this part.
He wanted to strike a deal with us and tried to convince us to help him instead. We took his offer, or so we claimed. Truthfully, I wanted to kill him. There's no way they could be in the right here… Right? I felt that we might be able to kill these guys, but only if we took them by surprise, which at this point wasn't going to happen, not with their swords pointed at us. As soon as we started leaving, and saw them relax their stances, we took the opportunity and attacked them. It was a horrible mistake on our part. They anticipated something like that and we were defeated instantly. We never stood a chance, we never took even one of them down. For more than a full day from that point onward, me and Sofia were kept as prisoners there.
Including Kematu, there were seven of them. Amongst first things they did was lock my hands in bondage mittens which made wielding weapons or magic impossible, and picking items extremely hard. They also put me in slave boots which were very hard to walk in, and made running away near impossible. Then, they used me and Sofia for hours until we passed out, stretching all our holes with their big brown dicks, filling us both with their cum over and over again, passing us along like toys. They whipped us too, and my body is still thoroughly covered by their nasty marks. And if I wasn't pregnant with Larkspur's kid before… Well, there's no doubt that I'm expecting a baby now. Sofia too.
At that point, they had probably lost whatever remains of trust they had in us, and they probably wouldn't have let us go even if we begged to help them, no way in Oblivion. So… Yeah, regardless of who's in the right here, we had made a very unfortunate enemy.
Some of them went asleep for the night. They never took their eyes off us, but they didn't know who they were dealing with either. I don't need my weapons or my hands to take a life… All I need is my fangs. I haven't dared to show my powers yet, even though I would've loved nothing more than to bite off their pathetic penises when they deepthroated me. I was too afraid of them taking away my best weapon and locking my mouth away with a gag.
Come night though, I told Sofia to go ahead. Myself, I started sneaking around to take them out quietly, one by one. By the time I had killed three of them, the rest realized the mistake they had made. They knew I wasn't be able to kill them without taking them by surprise, and they're right about that. However, that didn't mean I had revealed all my tricks yet.
I blew them away with my voice, probably injuring most of them and secured myself more time to get away. They never caught up to us and we managed to get away. We got rid of our restraints quickly after that using tools we found from the dead bandits, but they still have lot of our items with them, if they haven't sold them off already… We weren't carrying much of value fortunately, but we will have our revenge.
Frostfall, 12th, 4E 201
Going on an adventure at this point is probably impossible. I'm visibly pregnant and I'm going to become a mother in near future.
I don't even have a home. Where in the world am I going to raise my baby? Would it be wrong for me to leave my child at some orphanage? It wouldn't feel right killing my baby, especially not after he or she is born. All I know is that I have to go through with this, somehow.
Are you sentient, my precious little diary? Can you give me an answer to my questions and ease my troubled mind? Okay, perhaps not, but it makes me feel a little better to write about my problems. It's almost as if in the process of writing them down I expose a part of myself on these papers. It puts my problems in perspective and it helps me cope with them, helps me find the answers to them. In that sense, I would like to thank you, my diary, even if you may not be sentient. I… I feel like I'm closer to my answer now.
As for future though, I wonder if there's any way for me to avoid these kinds of troubles? I may be just a child but I'm already well into the womanhood as far as my bodily functions are concerned, and I know there's no real way to prevent getting pregnant. If someone cums inside me, it's all up to chance from there. It's an unavoidable part of my biology as a woman, a part that I would very much like to control, because, well… Dealing with these kinds of problems is troubling. I'd rather not leave a wake of kids in my trail… I'd rather not have any kids at all until I'm ready for it.
There are no elixirs to make me infertile temporarily, and I'm not sure if I would want to look for a permanent solution. I may be an adventurer, an assassin, and a murderous Vampire to the boot, but who knows… A part of me still wants to fall in love and start a family. I guess I got that from my own mother. She was such a great woman, and I always wanted to see myself becoming like her eventually…
That's probably never gonna happen though…
I have a couple of friends who might have some experience. I know magic and alchemy can fix pretty much anything… Well not literally anything. I've been staying in Riverwood, one of the few communities in this world where I feel truly safe and trusted. I'll worry about my future after I've given birth. I'll be focusing on rest and recovery for time being and trying to be helpful around the town. I can't participate in physical activities, but that doesn't make me useless.
Frostfall, 18th, 4E 201
I gave birth to a baby boy. He ended up inheriting my race, but it's kind of hard to say what kinds of traits he inherited from his father. I feared it might be so, especially after what Sigrid told me about. She said that children almost always inherit their mother's race and only some minor racial traits from their father. It's what was also written on a book she showed me, "Notes on Racial Phylogeny". Well, that means that I'm never going to figure out who this kid truly belongs to.
I could just go to Larkspur and say that it's his kid, demand for him to take some responsibility, but I don't know that for sure. Besides, he doesn't come across to me as the most responsible father, or a father who would even care about raising a child or even be good at it. I don't want to burden him with the knowledge of him having an unwanted child, but I can't really care for this kid either…
Whoever this kid's father is, he deserves a good family and a peaceful life, unlike me. I decided to leave him at a close by orphanage along with a generous donation of gold.
The whole thing just made me teary, couldn't do anything but mope for the rest of the day. I mean, I never wanted him, but he's still my kid, and that's a special bond… It was a difficult, but a right choice anyway. It hurts to let my son go like this, but… I would be a horrible mother. There's no guarantee I'll even be alive in a week's time. Who knows, my crimes may catch up to me eventually, so I could end up in a prison too. I hope it doesn't come to that.
Frostfall, 20th, 4E 201
I decided to return to the Swindler's Den to pay my respects to those men for what they did to me and Sofia. I ended up going alone because Sofia is still pregnant. That kind of suggests that maybe it was Larkspur's kid because she still is pregnant but I'm not… Oh, whatever, it's pointless to even think about it. I have to get over this…
Sofia's been very down and afraid, and didn't seem like being up to getting revenge herself. I told her I'd take care of it alone, and luckily, I ended up being able to hold on to that promise. I assassinated the remaining Alik'r soldiers holed up in Swindler's Den, this time without them being able to know I was even in the cave.
Saadia was happy for my service and rewarded me with some of her noble wealth. She can't afford to let her guard down just yet, but I've done her a great service. After all, something tells me that if the Alik'r found her, same thing that happened to me and Sofia would also happen to her… And she has no combat experience. She wouldn't be able to fight back the way we did.
Sofia still hasn't decided what she wants to do with her baby once he or she is born, but if she's anything like me, if she wants to continue living her current lifestyle, she'll probably do something similar to what I did. She doesn't have a home to return to either, and I have a feeling she doesn't have the stomach to resort to infanticide either. I mean, I sometimes feel like a monster because of what I've become, and even I would never even dream of killing my own baby under any circumstances…
I don't know where I will go from here either. Will I be traveling alone, or will I stay by Sofia's side to support her through all of this? It really comes down to what she wants to do. That remains to be seen.