Pedo Romp/Escort her to your police cruiser

"Sorry about this Kaylee, you say as you cable-tie her hands together and sit her in the back seat. She just sits there with tears streaming down her face.

You take out your phone, log into Whats-app and navigate to your 'special' group. There are only six members. Three cops, a security guard and two Park Rangers. "I've got a bottle of 10yo malt if anyone wants a share," you post. They will know what you mean but to anyone else it looks pretty innocuous.

The only answer comes from one of the Rangers, Lee. "Art and I are patrolling The Hill atm."

You don't reply because you know where they are. You get on the radio and book off for a break, before heading for the park. The Hill is a beauty spot, reached by a narrow winding road and you are careful as you negotiate the sharp bends. It's a good spot as it will be deserted on a weekday at this time of year.

At the top there as a small parking area with only one car and that has an amber beacon on the roof. As you pull up, two men get out. Lee is grossly overweight. Less than six feet tall and weighing in at well over 250lbs. His partner, Art, is six inches shorter and well under half his weight. They are known as Laurel and Hardy by their colleagues.

You haul the trembling little girl out of the car. "This is Kaylee. She was caught shoplifting and needs to learn how bad girls end up."