Talk:Dirty Talk/Three Brats/June 17th, 2021/Daniel finds Heidi and Milka

Almost missed this with the name change! Everyone seems to be extra on edge here and I'm not sure why. Maybe Milka's guilt will be explained more, but the main thing is I don't think Henry would entertain pulling a gun on his boss/mentor so flippantly. Feels like an overreaction, especially with Henry being a fellow officer, so familiar with the rules AND knowing that Danny is a joker. If some random person were trying to take your sister away under sketchy circumstances, sure, but I think he knows enough about the situation to not seriously be considering such a move. I'd think after being brushed off he might insist to come along anyway as a way to look out for them, but if Danny were to press that it was all business there's surely not a lot Henry could do. Not like he can "pull rank" or tell Danny how to do his job, and if part of the role of a joker is to punish those who are cursed then I don't think Henry would even consider stopping him.

It's not a BIG deal, but tonally pulling a gun does feel like quite a jump. I'm happy to make some edits that you can play with (or just revert) if you like! --Villenia (talk) 04:59, 31 October 2022 (CET)

Ok im with Villenia on this you are making this sound like Henry dont trust his mentor at all and is afraid of him to consider the gun i mean you have admitted before that no matter how rough danny is he is not gonna rape someone or hurt them so im sure somone who is an apprentice wont consider a gun at this moment since he knows the guy unless you implying henry knows that he goes too far or dont trust him at all. to me in sounds like too much of a reaction he has to be concern of course since if his sis did broke the rules that could be bad but to consider a gun is a bit much. --Xephion (talk) 08:24, 31 October 2022 (CET)

Apologies, this post got longer than I intended.

That's all fair criticism. This page is less porn and more drama, so while I love drama, it certainly feels out of place in the overall story, even to me as its author. I think there are definitely ways one could either tone this down, but I guess all of the reactions can be boiled down to few simple words: monkey brain is irrational. None of them are thinking fully rationally, save maybe Danny, who thinks he's doing the right and sensible thing, since he's convinced himself those two have either been branded black, or should be. Milka's guilt is mostly tied to the fact that she did indeed drag Emilia into this, and feels responsible and scared about what could happen, as she said to Heidi at the start. (Emilia being too inexperienced to be able to handle anything too extreme which she fears could happen, in Milka's biased opinion. Shock from seeing a dog fuck a person too.) Still, there is Danny's and Milka's scene up ahead, and I've also left her thought bubbles empty on purpose. How would you change stuff here? The worried (and even depressed) Milka is definitely something I still want to continue exploring in some capacity to add some depth to an otherwise hyper and happy tomboy. She is, after all, a kid with a painful past, but I'm open to suggestions, perhaps even wishing for them at this point since the idea about Milka having this side to her is still kind of a fresh one and doesn't match perfectly with all the paths, especially those written last year.

Henry's reaction on the other hand is less about about Danny and more about his sister's safety. Blood is thicker than water and all that. He's having conflicting thoughts about rules versus her sister's potential well-being, feelings versus rationality, which to prioritize because he's never seen her so scared. (Heidi didn't even believe in curses to begin with, so with the reminder of her little rulebreaking experiment at the beach fresh in mind, she's irrationally scared.) Like, Henry sees tears and her sister shaking, so he starts to wonder, are the rules so important that I would allow her to potentially get hurt, and most importantly, "do I have to stop this and try to maybe demand to punish her myself?" Worth also pointing out that while Danny is his mentor and boss, Henry's fresh off the school and only been working under him for a VERY short time, so inexperience and lack of trust play a role too. He doesn't want to hurt Danny and he never would actually shoot him, and he does eventually let his rational side win over so he can keep calmly observing. Still, I've got zero problems with trying to make him less jumpy and more rational throughout the whole scene, so if you want to, you can stab at it. If not, I'll continue writing the second half tomorrow so I can push it out soonish. Changes shouldn't ruin any of my plans for the future, as I've only written small bits and pieces for the follow-up, nor have I even decided if Henry demands to go along or not. -- Innocent Ruin (talk) 08:36, 31 October 2022 (CET)