JoS/Kanna/1st Journal - Agent

Last Seed, 18th, 3E 427

Kanna's note: make sure you read all three backstories before jumping to the journals, as some things will make less sense without the added context!

I sat there quiet, red-faced and staring at my thighs as I waited for Socucius to be done with reading my journal. My heart was pounding. Truth be told, I kind of felt uncomfortable being as honest as I was with that text and being so open with what I experienced. I even described some of my experiences in detail. What if it wasn't going to work out? What if he didn't believe me?

Waiting for him to finish felt like an hour, but he eventually closed my diary, politely handed it over, and simply apologized to me. I'm not sure for what, but I felt relieved and as if a huge weight had just been lifted from my shoulders. He continued by saying he'll send word to the Imperial City because the kind of treatment I went through is something that the Imperial law deems unacceptable as well. "You'll get your justice, I guarantee it", he said, promising that a full investigation would be conducted.

He then stated that since I had completed my assignment and behaved well in the past few days, he saw no reason to withhold my release papers from me anymore. My probation was finally over, and my criminal history had been stricken from Imperial records as promised. I smiled and thanked him, feeling nervous as he handed me the sealed and stamped scroll, but then I noticed something else in his hand. It was an iron dagger, and I couldn't hide the shock from my face.

"For self-defense", he said with a kind smile, letting go of it as I held the sheath in my hands along with the release papers. "Take care of yourself out there, and please be careful with magic going forward. Wouldn't want you burning down anything here in Morrowind, now wouldn't we?"

Yeah, I must admit, I still need quite a bit of training in the school of Destruction. Maybe it's just not my thing, maybe I'll never get the hang of it, or maybe I should stick to what I know and am good at. Still, I smiled back, nodding so low I basically bowed at him, and I thanked him as sincerely as I could while promising him I would never repeat the same mistake.

After that, I presented my papers to Sallus Gravius, who reminded me of the task I'd been given, and as I finally left the building, I took a deep breath. I was finally a free woman, but it didn't feel as good as I thought it would. The prospects of freedom and independence still feel a little intimidating, especially in these foreign lands, but my nervousness aside, I'm trying to keep an optimistic outlook. In fact, I'm sure things will turn out just alright for me!

Regardless, as I've decided to keep writing this journal despite not needing to anymore, I suppose I can now start writing about more personal stuff without worrying about anyone else reading my texts, and even write down some confessions and secrets. This book is an extension of my most private thoughts, after all.

I haven't been interacting with locals a whole lot, but one guy I'd like to mention is this young Bosmer guy called Fargoth, who's just about the only guy in this village who's actually interested in me. Not sure why, but I don't mind it, even though he seems like a bit of a dork. He's seen as a bit of an outsider and ostracized for it, both by the Imperials and the local Dunmer, which kinda makes me feel for him. He even mentioned a stolen ring, which the Imperial Guard took and hid from him.

I found this ring while looking through some containers inside the fenced area just outside the Census Office, but even though I feel a little bad for him, considering I've been picked on by law enforcement myself… I'm on the fence about giving it to him. I mean, it looks valuable, and I kinda want to try selling it since I don't have much to my name and no place to call home. Part of being an independent young woman must mean looking out for yourself, even if that comes at other people's expense, and since the kleptomaniac in me says "finder's keepers"… I don't know, I'll hold onto it for now.

I probably should just sell it as I'm gonna need money to afford stuff, with my biggest grievance being the clothes I've been given. They don't exactly fit me. The pants especially didn't, and not even a belt was going to help them stay on me, so I had to invest in some legwear at the general store. There are no kids living in this town, so they only had one pair in stock. It's a little tight around my hip, but otherwise, it's a perfect fit. I definitely need to buy a bra since my boobs have actually started to grow, but they didn't have a good size in store for that garment either. I'm a little self-conscious about the possibility of my nipples poking through too much. Never had to worry about wearing one before, but I guess I'm reaching my early puberty…

I'll travel to Balmora tomorrow for that assignment I've been given. I was told to just use the Silt Strider, and I was surprised when I saw one. They look like tics, except they're really tall. No, like seriously, they're taller than most buildings in this village! I've never seen an animal that big anywhere!

Still, even though it's a safe, comfortable, and quick form of transport, I'm on the fence. My budget is really tight, so I might have to save some money, but traveling by foot sounds dangerous, especially for the young and inexperienced little me. Sure, I got a weapon now, and I can even cast some magic, but I've never fought before. Going up against some adult with actual fighting experience sounds scary.

Well, I'll leave the decision for tomorrow.

Last Seed, 19th, 3E 427

"Why walk when you can ride?"

That's the question posed to me by an Imperial Officer when I asked him if the road to Balmora was a dangerous one. It's some kind of catchy slogan that the Dunmer use to sell their Silt Strider services to their customers, and it worked on me. After all, why would I walk when I can just ride?

The road from Seyda Neen to Balmora isn't a long one, but according to a kind Redguard lady working in the village, it's a confusing one, and it's easy to get lost if you're not used to this land. Considering that I'm new to this place, it could be potentially a dangerous one too, as bandits love ganging on lone, defenseless travelers. Riding a Silt Strider also let me enjoy nature in all of its glory. This land is very different from what I've used to. Cyrodiil was so much greener than this land. It's like a whole another world compared to this.

Balmora is quite a large city, bigger than I expected. It's split in two by a river that runs through it, and it's built in traditional Dunmeri architecture out of rectangular light-brown mud-brick buildings. It's a bland-looking town, but it has all the services one could ever need.

I was also told that it's the seat of power for House Hlaalu, which is apparently one of the Great Houses of Morrowind. Basically, it's some political entity with lots of influence over this province and kind of a big deal. I haven't had time to learn about the different Houses, but it's something I intend to read about a bit. I need to study this province and the various factions that rule it in general because I have a feeling some of them don't see eye to eye. Allying with one might make me at odds with another, so choosing my allegiances carefully is essential.

Speaking of allegiances, I finally know why I'm here, and… ah, crap… I'm not too happy about all of this…

It was raining heavily outside, and I was trying my hardest to locate the South Wall Cornerclub. As I mentioned earlier, most buildings here resemble each other, so I was having trouble. In the end, the man I was looking for wasn't there, but the owner kindly directed me towards an unassuming little house up the hill near the Cornerclub.

I knocked on the door and waited. It took a long for him to answer, and when he did, he didn't seem too excited about having a guest. He's a balding and gray-haired, middle-aged man, but he has a physique of a younger one. That's to say, he's very muscular and ripped, and he was standing topless in front of me. His expression was a little bit scary too.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

"My name is Aliya, sir. I-I was told to report to you", I told him, trying to be as polite as possible despite feeling slightly flustered at his presence.

"Report to me?" he said, surprised. "I'm not expecting anybody."

I whipped out the package and presented it to him. "This is for you", I said. "I… I'm sorry it's a little wet. I couldn't protect it from the rain."

He took the package from my hands, turning it slowly in his hands, before directing his gaze towards me. Silently, he instructed me to step in and closed the door. I was getting more anxious by the second. He sliced the package up with a knife and pulled a letter from inside, reading it carefully and slowly. I couldn't really make out what he was feeling reading the letter, but I could notice him catching glances at me occasionally, going on to properly stare me down at some point with doubt in his eyes. I had to hide my chest behind my arms when I realized my nipples were poking through my wet shirt. Damn it, I'm really going to need a bra or at least something to wear underneath this shirt.

He set the letter aside, fetched a towel for me to dry myself on, and urged me to sit down. "Well, looks like the Emperor himself has sent you to me. He thinks you could be of use to me, and I trust his judgment."

"I'm not sure why I've been chosen… for this… whatever it is… I haven't even met him…"

"Yes, I know. You've been in prison."

I slowly nodded, to which he responded with a stern stare. I felt like backed against a corner, so I spoke out. "I-I swear, it was an accident."

He nodded once, almost as if telling me he believes me, commenting on how it doesn't particularly matter to him why I was in prison. "I have a feeling you can be of use to me and work for me. I can mentor you and take care of you."

"So, what's this really about? Who are you, and why was I sent here? What's the letter about?"

"As you know, my name is Caius Cosades", he said and offered me a hand for a shake. "I'm Grand Spymaster of the Blades here in Vvardenfell. I trust you've heard of the Blades?"

"Y-yes, you work for the Emperor, right?"

"Well, yes, we answer to him directly. We're the extension of him; his hands, his mouth, his eyes, his ears… Our work encompasses many areas, and here in Morrowind, our main mission is espionage. This is one of the least regulated provinces of the Empire, a region where the Emperor has a lot of resistance and enemies. All these factors considered, our presence here is vital for the interest of the Empire."

"So, I was sent to join the Blades, or…?"

"Yes, you've been sent to help me work with a certain job, about which I'll fill you in later." He started looking me up and down again, deep in thought. "I trust you are talented for someone of your age. What's your trade?"

"I-I'm a mage, but I don't really know beyond that. I have talent, but I lack formal training… I still have a long way to go…"

"That's quite alright. You should look into joining the Mages Guild. They're always welcoming new associates. It will also make for an excellent alias, as your work as a Blade will be undercover." He leaned forward, staring me down again, resting his elbows against his thighs and crossed hands on his chin. "Just to reiterate, as my underling, you report to me, follow my orders, and obey our rules. Don't steal from the Blades, and don't attack anyone from the Blades. Simple rules. Follow them, or there will be trouble. Any questions?"

I shook my head slowly.

"Good", he said. "Welcome to the Blades."

"Um, actually, you said you'd also take care of me…?"

He laughed heartily and adjusted his pose to sit his back straight. "Well, you're quite young, are you not? I'll provide you bed, water, and food for your service. A little allowance too for completing the tasks I assign to you."

Allowance? Oh, he's treating me like a kid alright, but it actually gets better. Or worse.

You see, I noticed rather quickly that his house isn't exactly a large one. He has only one bed. I was afraid to point this out loud to him, but my question must've been obvious. Yet, he didn't make any effort to quell my worries. In fact, the realization was what he had been waiting for from me.

"I have no orders for you tonight, so make yourself home", he said, but even though he had no formal orders, he very much took control of the situation and wanted me to do a lot of things for him. Caius Cosades is actually quite a pervert, you see. "You can take your clothes off. Leave them to dry, so they'll be dry tomorrow."

"Umm…"

"Don't worry, you're really adorable", he said, giving me a confident smile. "We should get comfortable with each other, don't you think? Come on, don't be shy."

I reluctantly stripped out of my shirt, exposing myself to him. I did as ordered, just as if I was back in that place, taking orders from those looking to use me. My heart was pounding so hard. It was just so sudden too. Yet, I also felt like I had no choice. I couldn't muster the strength to resist. He knew it as well. I was sent to him to work for him and to obey all of his orders. He had power over me, and he wanted to prove it to me by tapping into this very power.

He's certainly more handsome than the Warden was, and once he took his pants off - showing that he really meant business - he proved himself to be bigger too. I would be lying if my body didn't react to the bulging erection poking through his underwear. I could just feel the deepest and most private part of my body shudder in anticipation, for it knew, for I knew, only a man is able to reach deep enough to touch that spot.

Once fully naked, he instructed me to undress everything as well, and to lie down on his bed. "Best for us to get to know each other as you'll be sleeping with me every day from now on."

So, I laid down on my back on his bed, legs still very much tucked together and my hands on top of my breasts. He was eager, and he got on his knees in front of me. He placed his large, warm hands on my knees and started pushing them toward my chest and then apart. I put my hand on top of my vagina to hide it from his view, to which he simply commented by saying I look so much cuter when I act embarrassed, and embarrassed I was alright. My face was beet-red, and I was practically whimpering as I continued to breathe heavily.

His hand touched my belly, and I just couldn't help but close my eyes. He slid his fingers underneath my hands to touch my privates directly, and he rubbed me a whole lot while leaning forward, whispering sweet and comforting words. It felt so familiar to all the other times I'd been raped, yet it also felt so different. He was pushy and assertive but not forceful or violent. His fingers grazed over me with little pressure as he stroked me, and even though I was having a hard time relaxing my body as I shivered, it almost felt comforting. "I'll make you feel good", he promised while he stuck his finger in, causing me to squeal a little. Hearing this, he gently hushed me, pointing out I was getting wet, and promising he wouldn't hurt me.

Having prepared me for insertion, he then pushed forward between my legs and placed his hands on my waist, finally pushing his dick deep into me, and just like that, just moments after meeting him, we were having sex. I almost wanted to ask him to stop, but as I opened my teary eyes and stared at him, my voice failed me. It's strange, but even though he was forcing himself into me, it still felt different from how I'd been raped by that other awful man so many times in the past. He was always so rough, dirty, and sweaty, and he was always so threatening and demanding, but Caius… Well, he reeks of booze, but he's clean otherwise, and he was skillful, considerate, and caring. It's like, even though he was taking advantage of me, even though I felt like I had no control over the situation, I felt safe.

He felt so huge grinding in and out of me, rubbing me all the way up to my stomach, with his glans gently kissing my cervix with each calculated stroke. Yet, it wasn't intense or overwhelming at all. He was taking it very slow and rhythmically, and it felt good. I couldn't deny it, and I couldn't help myself at all. He forced the voice out of me; at first, just soft whimpers, but eventually, gasps and moans too. He seemed proud of his work too.

His pace quickened, and he caressed my still-developing breasts while I tried to push his hand away without success. He gently pressed his thumb against my clitoris too, and rubbed it while still poking into me. His skillful touches were making me so wet and feel so silly, and my mind just blanked. He made me cum quicker than anyone in my life before, and I couldn't believe it. Even though he was raping me, taking advantage of me, he made me feel genuine pleasure.

"Have you had your first period yet, sugar?" he asked, whispering into my ear.

"N-no, I haven't…" I admitted. It's luckily something I haven't had to worry about during my captivity, and that's still yet to change. It's not unusual to meet an elven lady in their twenties who's unable to bear children with their husbands and lovers, and I'm not an exception.

"That's perfect", he said, and I realized what he intended to do. He wanted to give me his seed. Why wouldn't he want that? Men love that shit… He had no reason to worry about repercussions, and neither did I… Well, there's always the risk, and that risk was very much fresh in my mind, and still is even as I'm writing this, but it didn't matter. He shot his sperm deep into me, raising his voice as he moaned about how tight I was, how I was practically sucking him in, and how he just couldn't pull out because of how good it felt… And although his cock calmed down, he wouldn't pull it out. Still connected with me, he placed his hand on my cheek, and his thumb crazed over the corner of my eye to dry off a single tear. "Judging by the look on your face, it must've felt good for you too. I'm glad."

He quickly climbed out of bed, dressed up, and went out for some business while I was left alone lying naked on his bed, frozen and mentally unable to lift myself up. I think I was still for at least fifteen minutes thinking about the sex we just had. I felt like sobbing, but the tears couldn't come. I was just trying to process what had just happened.

It's now evening. I didn't have dry clothes to wear, so he brought fresh clothes for me. Now he's making dinner for us both while I'm writing this, documenting what he did to me in the form of a smut… Ah, fuck, what's wrong with me? I'm not just documenting being a victim of rape in my personal diary; I'm describing it in more detail than any sane girl should while making it sound like it felt amazing. Gods damn it, just fuck my life up…

Well, at least he apologized for what he did and said that he hopes I won't hate him for it. I'm yet to decide how to feel about it. I don't appreciate him taking advantage of me, but I suppose I had to let it happen. Besides, it's not like it's the worst thing that could've happened to me, even if it might've been a little unpleasant. Sex with him may be a small price to pay for safety when the outside world might be even more dangerous. Besides, it's not like staying with him doesn't have perks. For starters, free food is lovely, and he also gave me my "introductory allowance", which is three hundred drakes. It's a lot more than I expected, more than I've been getting from any work I've done in the past.

He also said he has some actual work tomorrow and reminded me to visit the Mages Guild too. "It's important for you to make some friends here", he said, "so you can have that alias."

That's for tomorrow, but I doubt my night is over yet. I bet he's gonna do me some more once we both go to bed.

Morning update: I was wrong. He didn't.

Last Seed, 20th, 3E 427

I spent a day walking around Balmora, mostly to get to know it better. I had a hard time navigating the city, but honestly, it's not that difficult to find what you're looking for once you get used to the layout because it's really just an average-sized city. Skingrad is way bigger and more confusing in hindsight.

I also thought it would be worth taking Caius's advice and try to make some friends.

My first bit of business was visiting the Mages Guild since getting on their good side means gaining access to their services, like spells, goods, and enchanting services. I think you can even teleport between different Guilds across this island. How cool is that? For someone like me, a girl wishing to learn more about magic, they're probably the best possible friends I could hope for right now… Not that I'm naïve or stupid enough to think that they become my friends instantly when I waltz through the front door.

Ranis Athrys was the first woman I saw when I walked in, and she seemed wary of me at first. I found out almost immediately that as the highest-ranking member of the Balmora branch, she's in charge here and in charge of the recruitment process as well. After I explained my business, she quickly extended a hand for an invitation. She interviewed me about my past, motivations and skills, and thought I might be a good fit considering that I wish to gain knowledge. That's what being a Mage is about, according to her, and part of the Mage's Oath coincidentally is to learn and grow. There are also other simple rules like don't steal from members of the Guild, don't attack them, share my own knowledge with others… You know, basic rules. She had no problem with me joining, so she welcomed me as an Associate. However, she didn't really have any work for me. When I asked her, "How come", she said I needed to prove myself first.

"I need someone I can trust", she said, "which is why I think you should work with your other juniors, associates, and apprentices." That's why for work, she assigned me to a young Khajiit named Ajira. By young, I mean she's in her mid to late teens. She's a newbie like me, although still much more experienced than me.

Being an aspiring Alchemist looking to one day own a shop, Ajira keeps herself very busy with her research, finances, and the quest to advance in ranks. "Khajiit is not that good with magic", she admitted, "so she devotes time to research". To summarize her task for me, she wants me to go out in the fields to collect some mushrooms, which isn't quite what I expected, but it didn't come as a surprise either, considering how new I am. She said that my best bet at finding the four species of fungi required for her research is visiting the Bitter Coast region. Coincidentally, that's where I came from.

Next, I decided to visit South Wall Cornerclub for a meal, but before I could even finish my bowl of spicy crab stew, I was approached by a stranger. I almost dropped my spoon as the second Khajiiti female I got to deal with in one day sat down on the opposite side of the table without even greeting me and quickly yet softly tapped the table four times with her hands. Her name was Habasi, and she came to me asking if I was interested in doing a bit of burglary work. Yeah, can you believe that?

"What gave you the impression?" I asked quietly and slowly as I leaned in towards her for a whisper.

"You're new here, yes?" she said, whispering as well. "It looks short on cash. Khajiit has lots where that came from." I had a feeling she was just looking to con or scam me or something, but I heard her out anyway.

She talked about a good friend of hers who really wants a diamond. Coincidentally, there's a merchant in this city who has a lot of diamonds at her disposal in her fancy alchemist's shop. She won't be missing one diamond, at least not according to Habasi. I asked her, what's in for me? Is this safe? Well, her first answer was simple: "Money". As for safety? Well, she warned me not to get caught. There's no telling what kind of punitive labor the Hlaalu guards would put a pretty little High Elf like me through if they got a chance to… Those are her words, not mine.

I'm not so sure about stealing something as valuable as a diamond… If I could get away with something like that, it would net me a lot of money. I could use that, considering how poor I am, but I've never ever stolen anything for profit, not even back in the orphanage. I mean, I'm confident in my sneaky skills, but when it comes to stealing, I've only ever been motivated by survival and getting fed. I have to think hard about whether I should go along with this or not.

As a final noteworthy thing I did today, I talked to Caius again. First of all, he was happy with me trying to get my foot between some doors and was especially happy with me joining the Mage's Guild. Then, he finally shed some light on what my work here on Vvardenfell entails.

He told me I should visit a man called Hasphat Antabolis, who's some sort of historian, or a warrior, considering that he's with the Fighter's Guild… A man of many skills and interests, I'm sure. The topic? Ask him about the Nerevarine Cult and the Sixth House. I thought there were only five Great Houses; what's the sixth? Ah, whatever, that wasn't even my biggest question, as I had no clue why this would be important anyway. Caius admits that he doesn't know too much either. Why then?

"Well, it's your job here", he explained. "To gather intel for me and the Emperor. These two topics are what you'll need to find information about first."

Well, now I know why I'm here, although it doesn't tell me a lot. It's a little weird that the Emperor would hand-pick me out from the jail and send me on a mission like this, don't you think? Maybe it's just that I've legitimately been pardoned for the accident I caused as a child and given another chance or something. I'd imagine the Emperor having that kind of power. Maybe I'm not the only one who was pardoned. Maybe this is actually more common than I think.

Regardless, I'm happy with this job. Gathering intel and asking questions doesn't sound too difficult. Caius is also probably looking forward to spending another night with me… I wonder what he'll put me through this time?

Quick morning update: all he wanted was a blowjob.

Last Seed, 21st, 3E 427

As I approached Hasphat, he greeted me by my name. Did he recognize me or what? Was he expecting me? He said he had a favor to ask of me. I pointed out that I was on business for Caius and said I had some questions. "Work comes first", he said. "Do something for me first."

What is it that he wants me to do? For me to find him some Dwemer puzzle box. What would he need an ancient metal toy for? Never mind that, he wants me to delve into some ancient Dwemer ruin!? Oh, fuck no! He must've realized I was hesitant, but he didn't seem to care at all. "I could use some help", I muttered with a shaky voice, but his response was very clear. "Not my problem", he said and told me to figure something out by myself. "That's my price for information, and that's final."

With that, I returned to Caius and told him exactly what I was asked to do. He sighed and said he knew the information wouldn't come for free. Even still, the price of the information here seems high, even in Caius's opinion, which puts us in a pickle. I told him in no uncertain terms that I'm scared to the point of pissing myself at the idea of going to some ancient dwarven ruin and said I'm not experienced enough for this. I can barely freaking fight! Caius suggested that I should not only train but also seek out assistance. He thought about it for a moment and said that he knows just a man who can help me.

The guy I'm looking for is called Karim. He's a young Redguard, an outlander like me, and a Blade like me, so he shouldn't be too hard to recognize. "He's been idle for a while as I haven't had any real mission for him yet", Caius explained, "so he should be perfect for helping you. Last I saw him, he said he was heading to Seyda Neen a day or two ago. You might find him there."

So, I guess I'm returning to that town. I'll leave that business for tomorrow.

Tonight, I think I'll go along with that Habasi suggested I'd do… Yeah, I decided that I'd do it. I need money. Badly. It may be a jewel, not quite a piece of bread or a fruit, but I'm doing this for survival, so who cares.

I hope everything goes well.

Last Seed, 22nd, 3E 427

In and out without being seen… I can't believe it, I actually broke into someone's shop! I had only one lockpick on me, and I damn near broke it, but it was just enough to pick the door and then a little lockbox she had in her bedroom. I was only told to steal one diamond… But she had three! All I could think was all the money I could get for selling the extra two, and I swiped them all!

I heard someone coming upstairs. Had I made too much noise? I hid underneath the bed as fast as I could, and I saw a pair of yellow metal boots walk across the room. Has she hired Hlaalu to guard her shop, or is it standard procedure for their soldiers to watch over merchants in this city? Either way, I was very close to being in deep trouble. The guard sighed and muttered something to himself, and then left. I was able to get away without being seen by anyone. A perfect crime.

I then returned to Habasi. That's Sugar-Lips Habasi, to be specific, as I learned when I returned one diamond to her. She's a local ringleader of the Thieves Guild here in Balmora. She paid me with an invisibility potion and said she'd also have some money for me, but only after the diamond was delivered to the client. She also recommended me to a fence who might be able to buy the other diamonds I "found" but said that it probably wouldn't net me as good a price as a typical merchant. Still, this comes with the added bonus of being able to cover my tracks and the merchant not questioning the origin of my goods, so it's a good deal for me.

I also thought about what I wrote last time around about being scammed and conned, and I suppose I was misled into believing I would be paid right away… Don't get me wrong, I was happy to get some money after selling the two spare diamonds to the fence, and as long as I'm getting a solid cut from the trade later, I'm content.

Habasi said she had a good feeling about me, and having seen what I was capable of, she extended me an invitation to their exclusive club of "gentleman thieves" and promised plenty of extra jobs if I'm interested.

First though, she wanted to make the rules clear. They don't condone violence against members of the Guild, and stealing from them is also prohibited. Violence should generally be avoided unless it's in self-defense; harming the marks is not acceptable. Additionally, the Guild does not condone stealing from the poor, whether they are homeless, slaves, or just otherwise destitute. The Guild doesn't participate in the slave trade either, focusing solely on physical goods. As for perks, the ability to pawn off illegal goods and pay off bounties with a discount is a huge plus. They won't help you if you get caught murdering someone, so I have to keep that in mind before asking them to clear my name of any wrongdoings.

So, that's how I joined the Thieves Guild. My rank is a "Wet Ear"… What the fuck is that supposed to mean? It's actually the second rank, while the first is "Toad", and since I don't like being compared to an amphibian, obviously I'll rather be a Wet Ear than a Toad. I'm far prettier than any damn frog.

My next job is stealing some key for Habasi, a key to Nerano Manor, to be specific. Not sure what she needs it for, but okay! I'm getting paid. I warned her that it might take a little time as I'm preoccupied with something, and she said she was okay with it. "There's no hurry on this job", she said, "but Khajiit doesn't like waiting."

It's just past midnight, so time for me to sleep again. I'm getting tired anyway. Caius is already asleep, so no sex for him this night. In a way, I'm a little relieved. Tomorrow, it's time to go visit Seyda Neen.

Last Seed, 22nd, 3E 427

I made it back to Seyda Neen, but I couldn't find Karim anywhere. I asked if anyone knew about his whereabouts at Arrille's shop, and I was told to just wait for the evening, as he's working, looking for something in the wilds. I shrugged and decided to go look for mushrooms instead, thinking that I could even run into him in the best-case scenario.

So anyway, about mushrooms, let's see…

• Luminous Russula: CHECK!
• Violet Coprinus: CHECK!
• Hypha Facia: CHECK!
• Bungler's Bane: CHECK!

That's everything I believe!

It also gave me a prime opportunity to test my magical skills on some local wildlife. Well, needless to say, my Destruction magic is very potent. I mean, I did light one orphanage on fire…

Anyway, I got some solid practice by targeting Scribs, Kwamas, Rats, and Mudcrabs. Scribs are kind of like giant ants, and apparently, you should under no circumstances get bitten by one! Rats are rats, and Mudcrabs are crabs. Horrible creatures. Self-explanatory stuff, as they're found everywhere on Tamriel, aren't they? And those Kwamas… I thought they were birds or something, but they're fucking worms! Have I been eating worm eggs!? More importantly, why do they have to taste so good too!? Scribs are actually Kwama too, but in younger, baby form. How does an ant transform into a worm?

One spell is all it takes to take them all down, or in this case, burn them to a crisp. I have to get close to them for my fire spell to work, but by Sheogorath's silky beard, the power I wield is damn impressive! I only failed my spells a few times, but not badly. I must also admit, I'm a little uncomfortable handling fire, considering the bad things I've done with it before. Granted, it's my only reliable weapon right now, as I don't know how to conjure other elements. Besides, I'm getting the hang of it. I think I can control myself enough to not cause deadly accidents ever again.

Speaking of dead, I also found two corpses in the wilderness. The first one, I witnessed dying. I think he was practicing some magic? Levitation, flying, I don't know… He fell from the sky to his death. He had some scrolls on him, and you better believe I won't be testing what they're about. I'm afraid of even selling them because I don't want to be held liable for any damage they could cause! I should at the very least report his death to the Legion once I return to Seyda Neen.

The second one was already dead. I found him by the coast while looking for target practice and mushrooms. He had some money on him, but it also did look like he had been murdered. Why would he be murdered if he wasn't robbed? Maybe it was a wild animal that killed him? That's scary… He was an adult man, for crying out loud. Those did look like stab wounds, so maybe it wasn't an animal.

Ultimately, I couldn't train for very long. I need to rest to restore my Magicka, as I don't have potions. I have to look into training alchemy if I want to use more magic on the road. Besides, my fitness isn't that great. It used to be, but my physique has deteriorated quite a lot in jail. I can't run for very long without being tired, and forget about jumping… It's hard enough to focus on magic as it is. Being out of breath makes it ten times worse. I really need to do some physical training.

As I was writing this upstairs at Arrille's shop, probably looking bored, I was approached by a Nord man. He asked if I had time to spare, and I said sure. He wanted to play card with me, but the problem is, I don't know many games. Nine holes is a popular game here in Morrowind, and people play it both for fun and with stakes, which I suppose is also fun…

He taught me how to play it: you play nine rounds, and the goal is to get as few points as possible. We first played a little for fun, but he suggested we'd play it for real after I got the hang of it. He even suggested that we'd both stake money. I wonder if that was his intention all along?

He laid a hundred drakes on the table. "We both stake this. What do you say."

"I'm a little short on cash", I admitted and then blurted out something stupid. "Anything else I could offer?"

He thought about it for a moment, only to then ask a surprising question. "Have you been wearing the same panties for a long time?" I look at him dumbfounded. I didn't even know what to say. "If you win, you get money. If I win, I get your used panties."

It sounded so dumb that I couldn't help but laugh at him. Regardless, I accepted the trade. Why not? It's not like I can't buy another pair of panties! Oh, how stupid of me to agree to such a wager with a pervert, because as luck would have it, I lost the first round. I took the lead afterward and kept it all the way to the eighth round… Only to then lose the match by a hair's margin in the end. He smirked and said that we had some business to attend to. He told me to follow him to some place behind the store, into some shack. I reminded him that he was only getting panties from me, nothing else, to which he commented that I did need to take them off.

Fuck…

So, that exactly went down. He leaned against a tree with a smug look on his face as I turned my head around, wondering if anyone else could see me. I slowly unbuttoned my pants, untied my shoelaces as well, and undressed both of them. My heart was pounding, but I moved straight into my white linen panties, and blushing like crazy, I waited, wondering if I should do it slow or fast. Both my heart and brain were screaming at me to be quick, so that's exactly what I did. No doubt he got a good glimpse of my bald pussy, but I turned to my side pretty quickly and threw the panties at his face, acting all angry, yelling at him not to look since that wasn't part of the deal. All he did was compliment my ass. It's not like I could run away from the situation either, so I quickly pulled my pants back up and picked up my boots, intending to dress up properly elsewhere. He thanked me for the panties, taking a good sniff off them, and I hurled a few obscenities at him, escaping from the place.

Like, for fucks sake, what a slimeball… I had no idea it would be THAT embarrassing… I shouldn't have agreed to it… Now I have to buy new panties too, and I know for a fact that Arrille doesn't have any more clothes that fit me…

Well, now I'm back at the store again, writing this again, hoping to not be interrupted by anyone, and most importantly, hoping that I come across Karim soon! I hope he's not a freak like that Nord was…

• 2nd Journal - Outlanders (Storybook)