User talk:Nancysimp
Loud smelling experiment
Date: September 5th, 20xx
The monitor flickered awake, a blue screen washed over before shifting to the recorded footage left. A girl in a fuzzy green sweater, messy brown hair and black spectacles stood.
"Ecksshhhperiment F-33T, Code-name Cheese and Crackers."
The girl pressed stop and clicked play on the recorder.
"Nature of this eckshhperiment, Trivial. There isshh no prime objective that shall lead to new dishcoveries. Of course that would exclude what would be the fashtest way to passhh out. Nonethelessh, let ush presh on…"
The girl unveiled two class domes, a pair of black soccer cleats that had seen better days and an obviously used pair of white knee socks with three decorative red rings engulfing the cuffs in which the soles gathered a rich layer of yellowish grime. A photo of the owner of these noxious articles of footwear was taped to the bottom of the glass domes.
"Shubject has happily volunteered to donate the necessary resshources for this trial. Reashoning for ecksshhhperiment… curiosity of singular party. This shubject is known to produce foul and devastating odors in the form of podiatry means. Words that are usshually produshed out of reaction to emanating scents are as follows: Yucky, P.U, Shmelly, Reek-erific, Shtinky, Literally unbearable and funk-tashtic. While juvenile in nature, the definitionshh behind theshe wordsh are not dishagreeable."
The girl then closed in on the domes, noticing the glass from within gathering a mist and murkiness.
"It is noted that in reality, the juvenile wordsh are practically underplaying the true potenshee of these items. However, for ash powerful ash they were, it produched an appropriate question… is the subject the only one capable of creating such a vicious scent… or can the level, at least to an extent, be emulated by yoursh truly…. Today we find out."
The girl looked down at her stuffy beige shoes.
"This Tesht is perfunctory and should be concluded by dinnertime. One should hope that an appetite can be maintained long after. I shall simply compare my shoe and sock schent to that of the shubjects and record the data. Thus far I have worn theshe shoes for roughly two-months, three weeksh, five daysh, sheven hoursh, twenty two minutesh and three point forty sheconds at the time of thish recording. Mind you, today's shubject has only wore both articles for at leasht one calendar week. Wish me luck, contingenshy plansh were prepared in advance."
The girl slowly unlaced her shoes, and with hesitation pulled them off. Her nose immediately wrung in response…
"Gah… ash you can shee… the smell hash already reached my olfactory range before direct nose contact. Notes of cheese and stale Crackers are being picked up. Hensh the codename."
The girl then picked up the shoes and inserted her nose within the foot hole.
"Gack… the shmell had increashed conshiderably. It ish ash if there wash a forgotten piece of cheddar losht within the confines. I shpeak metaphorically, but the smell matches nonethelesh. Now I move to the socks…"
The girl peeled off a deep Burgundy sock that reached past the ankles and wiggled it to the screen. Any watcher felt like they could smell it themselves. The sock brushes past her nostrils. The girl's eyes squinted in shock.
"Urk… itsh more or lesh akin to the shoes. Though the wet texture adds a new vinegar-esque aura… for the extremities I am being subjected to, my consciousness proves that I am more tolerant than mosht."
The sock was placed away.
"To properly measure the shtink levels, I have prepared units to accommodate. The scale is from 'meh to mirgle' mirgle representing the sound of a smell that is so extreme that no wordsh of the English lexicon can be conveyed. My socks and shoes have reached a rousing Reek-erific. Not far from Mirgle itshelf. This sampling shtink hash built my confidence for the shampling the shubjects footwear."
The girl casually removed the glass confining the cleats. A yellowish murky fog soon spread around obscuring some footage.
"Ah… that wash foolish… Mirgle. Definitely a mirgle…"
The glass was quickly placed back on. Leftover fog is pushed away with a small electric fan.
"I apologize for my headstrong approach. Clearly we are seeing that my foot scent is but an ant to an elephant. Even sho, we musht tesht the socks. For Science."
More cautiously this time, the glass containing the socks are removed. However, the smell this time cause the young girl to drop the glass. It breaks audibly and the yellow fog returns with a thicker weight.
"Mirgle! Mirgle I tell you! No… past that."
A series of coughs sounded.
"The raw power of theshe things. Itsh a weapon worthy of a war. The sheer cheeshieness, the staleness of the leftover shweat… abort! Abort!"
The feed cut off from the monitor. A blue screen washed over. Seconds past and the footage returned. The girl stood, frazzled but alive.
"To conclude, we have sheen that some specimens have a natural talent for inconceivable mushk. The subject in question was especially proud to hear the full report."
The girl held a picture of the subject in question as she gave the report. Additionally, she presented the socks vacuum sealed in a durable translucent bag.
"She, the shubject wash compelled to be disclosed with data for future ekcshhperiments. I declined until she presented me with an incentive…"
A third bag was presented. A wadded up fifty vacuum sealed as well.
"She hid it in her shoe hensh the containment but it still holds its value. Other potential shubjects have contacted me in curiosity of this Eckshhperiment type and have offered the same compensation. Will I presh forward with theshe requests? Only time will tell."
The recorder appeared in her hand. Her thumb resting on the stop button.
"Thish ish Lisa Loud… shinging off…"
The monitor went black.
THE END.