Life Hacks/Take out your smart phone
You were too young during the heyday of Ambiguous back during the Tie up Wallstreet protests, but your skills as a historian have you aware of information you shouldn’t have, including them being the ones who popularized a very important notion. That being, always be recording your confrontations with the police. With this many witnesses, you are certain someone else is going to start recording pretty fast once things get heated, but it would pay to have footage from the beginning. In service of this, you take out your phone and turn on the camera. They are far enough away now, you probably even have time to set the stage.
“So,” you say, “I’m here watching my sister play baseball, that’s her down there.” You focus in the camera on Roni at these words, just in time for her to pass the ball to 2nd, successfully getting the runner out as a result. “Anyway, we had a bit of an incident before the game started. Some little 8 year old chauvinist didn’t want to play with her because she was a girl.” You turn the camera back to your face at this point. “I told him he could ‘fuck off.’ Not in those words of course, he is 8 after all, but I told him his choices were either to play with a girl or not play at all. He ran away crying and saying he was going to get his dad.”
At this point, you turn the camera to Billy and his dad walking up, they seem to have made it to the foot of the bleachers in the time you were setting things up. “Looks like he brought a police officer. Is that his dad? Either way, things are about to get interesting.”
You can see out the corner of your eye, there are a few people taking an interest as they listen in on your monologue to the camera. One guy in the very back row is already getting out his phone even. Looks like this is going to be well covered.
"Hey!" says Billy's dad, having finally made it up to you, "were you messing with my kid earlier?"
"No officer," you say casually, "your son just had a problem with my sister playing baseball with the group. I told him that if he didn't want to play baseball with a girl he should go home."
"Girls shouldn't be playing baseball," says Billy's dad. "That's why they invented softball."
Wow! You are stunned that you just heard him say that, but it makes you very glad you got it on camera. “Holy shit!” you say, “I can’t believe you just said that on camera!” Seriously, you just struck solid gold with this one! This is viral video level stuff. It is how giddy you are getting at this great catch that is probably keeping you from trying to rip this guy's head off for what he just said. Instead, you just roll with it like the civilian reporter you have just become. You turn the camera down to focus on Billy. “Well, I guess we know where he got it from now. That’s the exact same thing the kid there said before I sent him off.”
You can see that the ass-hole who taught Billy to be such a sexist is starting to realize just how much he stepped in it as an incomplete F-bomb leaks out of his mouth like a punctured balloon. He re-focuses on you, it looks like he is planning to keep up on the offensive, but you can tell he is going to be a bit more cautious now.
“Hey!” he says, “you just gonna yap to your phone? I’m talking to ya about picking on my kid.”
So, that’s the way he’s gonna play it huh?
“I wasn’t picking on him,” you say, “just setting him straight on how not to be a sexist prick. Besides, I don’t think you can play it off like that now. I already got your real opinions on camera. People have been fired from their jobs for less.”
“Don’t mess with me son,” he postures, “I’m an officer of the law.” You can see he is starting to eye your camera like a predator stalking its prey. Well now, this is REALLY going to get interesting.
“All the more reason why you need to get with the times,” you say, “Its 2017, that kind of Misogynist bullshit doesn’t fly anymore, and I don't think the public you are supposed to protect and serve would feel very comfortable with an 'officer of the law'” You use a mocking tone as you repeat his own words back to him, and throw up air quotes for good measure, "holding these types of backward attitudes."
“What, you some fucking SJW white knight now?” He says, “Who’s pants you trying to get into? Stop posturing."
You start to chuckle to yourself at this point. "What is this here?" You ask, "did the internet leak out into real life? I think you need to spend less time on Chirper, it's rotting your brain."
"Boy, you WILL respect this uniform!" He growls, edging closer to you, getting ready to pounce.
What will you do?
- Let him pounce, let him see what he gets
- Re-position yourself to make him think twice, then wear him down psychologically
- Brush him off, disengage, and send him on his way
