Sexy Fun Times/Laid/Mall/Help

The sight of the cute six-year-old with snot and tears running down her face gives you an idea. You go over and kneel down in front of her. "Hello," you say, "what's your name?"

She sniffs and wipes her nose with the sleeve of her pink cardigan. "M, Melissa," she stammers.

"Hello Melissa, my name is Colin," you say (The first name that comes into your head). "Are you lost?"

"Mummy went off somewhere," she sniffs.

"You dig a fairly clean handkerchief out of your pocket and wipe her face and make a big show of looking around. "I can't see her; best thing would be to go to security and ask them to make an announcement."

• Take Melissa to Security
• Sit down on a bench and talk