Universe Remote/Ken/Try pressing buttons randomly
You don't need a manual for a remote control. Even if it does claim to "control the universe". The thing only has 18 buttons how hard could it really be? Really you'd expect a pullout card with button names and not a 25lb book. So ignoring the manual you just start pressing buttons to see what they do.
The safest button seems to be what you would call "volume up" if it were labeled. Pointing the remote at the TV in the corner you press "volume up" and yes, the TV is getting louder although it's not showing the green bar at the bottom of the screen. You couldn't really hear it before but the TV is on a local news station that's doing a fluff piece about a girls rhythmic gymnastics/dance group that is looking for a new location for practices after their last studio burned down after a lightning strike. Some of the girls are really cute. There are maybe 15 girls on screen between the ages of 8 and 16 according to the text crawl. They're all wearing their matching team tracksuits so you really don't have much of an idea about their body shapes but you assume that they're all nicely toned from all the gymnastics and dancing. The coach is a bit old for your tastes but is pretty hot none the less. You really wish that group had the gym next door instead. You would much prefer to watch cute girls all day instead of muscle-bound guys and overly fat old people.
The next test is pressing the channel up button... Hmm, the TV is still on the same channel so this one is likely a dud.
What do you do