User talk:Santa

I am extending the story, but it would be good to have some help... Santa

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I added to one of the sections, however the story jumps around pretty badly, sometimes going to parts that you did not select or forces the reader to do things they were not interested in, for example Page 22 you have a fun enjoyable scene with little Molly, but both choices force the reader to do things with Harry, where only one choice actually indicates your going to do anything with Harry. I would recommend getting the story's continuity built up, fix the pages that jump to content not selected by the reader, maybe flesh out your individual pages with some more description and or actions between choices and give the reader a variety of choices other than simply a good end, bad end situation. If you do that, then you might be able to build up enough of a readership that they would be motivated to add more to this story. It is a very interesting and potentially fun idea. I would also recommend spending more time with each girl instead of having a few pages of build up, then a page or two of sex pages, then the girl is done and the Main Character is moving onto the next thing. Build some buy in with the reader on each encounter, let it have meaning, the characters have value and then the conquest of the girl will be more enjoyable. --Telgar (talk) 23:00, 10 April 2019 (PST)

Thanks for that. Yes - I do tend to gallop on.

English nitpick

Hello there, I haven't checked your stories yet but I just saw the summary of Summer Holiday/Spain Day 7 A lazy morning which starts: "After a sleepless night in which I could hardly credit what was happening"

Instead of "credit" I believe the word you were trying to use was "believe". In Portuguese and Spanish "acreditar" means "to believe" but English "credit" means "to give credit/recognition for" as in "he was credited for his hard work". -Imperial (talk) 12:04, 9 June 2019 (CEST)

Constructive criticism is always welcome - thank you.

Credit is used here to mean believe something, especially something surprising or unexpected, but it might be colloquial and believe works just as well so I have changed it.

The entire story is still somewhat fluid as I keep re-reading and correcting the text. I have also spent a lot of time renaming the chapters to get some logic into the system.

I hope you enjoyed the story so far

Santa

Oops, sorry. I wasn't aware of this meaning of the word. I haven't read the story so far but intend to do so later. -Imperial (talk) 12:04, 9 June 2019 (CEST)

Jut passing to say I've started reading the story and am enjoying it so far. Good work. -- Imperial (talk) 13:48, 10 June 2019 (CEST)

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It's alright, I was honestly just following my previous promise, not trying to recruit you =P I've read a bit more today but am still on Day 2, I like going back and forth between all choices to see whether I am missing anything. Regarding DoV, the rules are there mostly to stop things like "I release the 2,000 dragons from my caves" but I get what you mean, with constant posting and stuff. -- Imperial (talk) 00:09, 11 June 2019 (CEST)

Feedback appreciated

Hello there, I've just made a suggestion that I hope would help with user retention and activity but due to its location I'm not sure enough users will see it to give a feedback.

It'd be great if you could give it at least a cursory glance. If the idea sounds stupid feel free to say so, I'm hoping we can brainstorm something better out of what I wrote. Thanks.

Suggestion: Common Areas

-- Imperial (talk) 06:29, 11 June 2019 (CEST)

Elerneron

While it would be inappropriate to replace the name of the original author; if you plan on putting significant work into an Open story, I suggest asking if you can add/replace your name as author on the index page at the original author's talk page. If you don't get a response within say, a week?, I don't think it would be a problem to ADD your name in the notes area as an author. It can always be changed back if the author returns and is offended (which I doubt). --Elerneron (talk) 16:38, 12 August 2019 (UTC)

Loli Stories is for straight and yuri (lesbian) content. Any yaoi (gay male) content needs to be in Shota Stories (if it's just gay) or Meta Stories (for mixed content). Summer Holiday therefore needs to be moved to the Meta Stories section if it's going to contain yaoi content. Sorry for any inconvenience. --Elerneron (talk) 15:08, 18 August 2019 (UTC)

You have been forgetting to put the category on your recent contributions. If you could, please try to correct these pages, and keep in mind putting the category on EVERY story page. Thank you. --Elerneron (talk) 14:01, 9 December 2019 (UTC)

I'm not sure what you are asking that you did wrong on The Village. If you are referring to the Category Page, you didn't actually make one, just used the discussion page for the Category page. If that is the problem, I have created the actual page. If you are referring to the page's not being in alphabetical order, that is all based on what you put after the Pipe symbol | on the category entry. That tells the system where to put things when it shows the category page. In this instance, the pages The Village and The Village/Background Have alternate text of Intro and Intro 2, putting them in the I section. The page The Village/Cast of Characters has the alternate text The Characters, putting it under T because of the word The. When arranging for the categories to be alphabetical, one must simply put the page title without the part that is the story name after the pipe symbol in the category. I hope that helps. Let me know if I didn't address your problem. --Elerneron (talk) 16:42, 25 December 2019 (UTC)

In the future, if you need a deletion, simply blank the page, or mention it on may talk page. Moving the page and putting the deletion request is just confusing, and likely to be overlooked. Thanks, --Elerneron (talk) 10:36, 29 December 2019 (UTC)

Thank's. I am still learning and trying to create a logical sequence of page titles. This story is one I wrote years ago but in a 'normal' story format. I just thought it might be fun to transpose it into this more interactive format. It's harder than I expected but I will keep going. Santa (talk) 10:36, 29 December 2019 (UTC)

Significant Changes (Meant as Constructive Criticism)

You have a tendency to make major alterations beyond grammatical to existing stories and story pages without consulting the other users here. That's understandable when it's a story you yourself started out or a page you originally posted. It's rather outside the norm, to say it nicest, to do so to other users' submissions. General examples of this can include but are not limited to: changing the "style" or "voice" of the narrative for purpose other than to match related submissions; changing the characters or setting presented; changing the actions or dialogue of one or more characters for purpose other than to match related submissions; assigning non-neutral names or descriptions to originally unidentified characters in story introductions where disambiguation follows by original design. These changes are not inherently "bad" or "wrong" to make, but common courtesy in public collaborations suggests that you discuss them first with either the original submitter or the community at large, in that order of preference. When you make them without employing that respect, it forces the original authors or their proxies or the administrative figures to revert those changes, with rebukes of varying intensity as appropriate to the scale or quantity of such changes, and invites claims of vandalism which nobody here wants to make or receive. Thank you for your time. Claws61821 (talk) 18:41, 2 October 2019 (UTC)

I did wonder about that, but I started by extending the existing story, hoping that the original author might come back and say whether they liked it or not. As far as I can see; like many authors here, he has not been back for some years.

I sincerely hope that what I have done is not "vandalism" and that the many anonymous readers appreciate my efforts. Of course I would welcome any communication from the original author.

Santa (talk)3 October 2019 (UTC)

3rd person babysitter

In regards to 3rd person babysitter, I would like to point out that the editing permissions are "ask," which you never did. I was willing to allow it for a while since it was reviving that old story and also giving me some inspiration to work with, but when I specifically state my intentions for a storyline I do not appreciate it when you go against it. The 2nd and 3rd options at the beginning of Sarah's story were not meant to be alternate versions of the same encounter, they were meant to be different time periods over the course of when Jordan has been babysitting her, with the 3rd being farther down after he has already had sex with her and the 2nd being when he's done some things with her but hasn't had sex yet. That being the case, your recent entries were similar enough to the already existing storyline that I just added the towel option to the list of options under the 2nd time period. Jemini (talk) 12:31, 11 December 2019 (UTC)

EDIT: Also, it is supposed to be written in 2nd person, not 3rd person. Do not write "I" or "Me." Use "You" instead. Jemini (talk) 12:33, 11 December 2019 (UTC)

I apologise. I saw a story that appears to be abandoned and thought that I might have some fun with it. As far as the Jason/Sarak story goes; I assumed that he would be babysitting them both at the same time, so I tried to devise a suitable scenario.

I do try to write in the 2nd person but it doesn't come naturally to me. I usually clean it up in later edits.

I suppose that the big question for me is - do you want me to carry on, or should I let this idea slip back into obscurity. I guess I could start my own story from the child's perspective - maybe that's the best solution. Santa (talk)

Oh I do like the fact you are giving the story a bit more life. Don't be surprised though if I go in and re-write some parts in order to bring it more in line with my own vision for the story. I usually try to keep most of the events even if I re-write every single word of the passage, but I might do something more major if there is a part that is completely contradictory to where I'm wanting to go with it like the one where you re-wrote one of the options and took it in a very different direction that was basically a repeat of the 2nd part. (Usually I do add descriptions for options, you can use those as hints for what direction it is supposed to be going.) I do understand though if you want to do your own thing and would like to start your own story as a result. Jemini (talk) 20:07, 11 December 2019 (UTC)

I am happy to carry on as a collaboration. Feel free to edit as you see fit. Santa (talk)

I notice you make a lot of run-on sentences. Sentences where there should have been a period somewhere, but it just keeps going on and on. You also tend to use a lot of semicolons ( ; ) where periods should go. Semicolons are not generally used in English writing today, mostly because periods are better and generally more accepted anywhere a semicolon should go, and also it is more often right to use a period instead. These days, semicolons are only really used as part of a book title, or in rare and very specific circumstances. So, one simply fix to your writing is to just stop using semicolons and use periods instead. Jemini (talk) 15:44, 22 December 2019 (UTC)