Talk:Yes/Tom & Tash/D-1(B)/Calm Yourself

This doesn't quite seem right. Last page, he asked "isn't it obvious," and "don't you keep flirting with us all the time?" Those are both things that would be considered yes or no questions, and thus would warrant a reaction from the teacher. Also, as a writer, I am very much against the lazy "main character blacked out from emotional stress" routine. That is something that actually doesn't happen all that much, and is usually associated with some other kind of mental defficiency. In reality, you can get overwhelmed and start acting in a manner different from how you usually would and then have an "oh shit!" moment when you realize just how out of hand it got, but you are fully conscious for the fall out and just shut up to see the results as you sit and pray you are able to ride it out, and for the reader it is actually a lot more interesting to watch the MC in that state of having to ride it out. Jemini (talk) 01:45, 4 February 2017 (CET)

EDIT: Also, FYI, there are 3 ways I generally interact with another authors work via this forum. 1. In this case, it is showing good potential but you are missing the mark somewhere. In this case, I will do exactly what I just did and provide constructive criticism. (I do not give constructive criticism to lost causes.) 2. It is good quality work that I fully understand, in witch case my response is to join in and write my own entries. 3. It is good quality work that I do not quite fully understand, in witch case I will make requests based on getting more information about the characters in the story from the original author. So, that's the reason for my lack of feed back. I just really don't feel inspired to make requests unless it is to mine for information so that I can start writing my own entries. Jemini (talk) 01:58, 4 February 2017 (CET)

Looking over my notes on the other discussion pages it looks like I was mining for comments! Apologies. I guess there is always the wandering if people are reading and what they think, but I didn't mean to push you into a response.

Thank you for the feedback though. I can see what you mean about the effective retcon, it doesn't feel right. I don't actually like these pages; they don't fit the character. I'm not sure if it's just this page, or both of them. I'll put a WIP status on them and edit them when I can. I know it takes a while to get to know characters etc, but I hope I'll be able to write a good enough story you're interested in discovering more :) --Jackmaster (talk) 02:56, 4 February 2017 (CET)