Dirty Talk/Three Brats/June 12th, 2021/Tour/Mountain Hike

Anything to see up in the mountains?

Not much to be honest! But the view is nice! It's totally worth a little walk for a newbie like yourself!

The nature here is exactly what I expected. Seems to be a mix of pines, spruce, birch, and other broadleaf trees. The beaten bath is dry - thank fuck for that - but the mossy and grassy forest bed looks wet… I suppose we don't have any bogs here in the hills, thankfully… I hate swamps…

Never mind that, the trail starts really close to my home, which by itself makes this a great place for walking Gunnar! Something tells me I'll be visiting this place often!

What are those white flowers growing all over the place?

Wait, are you seriously asking that?

What? I'm not good with biology, names, and such…

Those are Wood Anemones! That's where this village gets its name from!

Ooooh, now it makes sense… I should've figured it out…

Alright, see this big wooden pole with all these carved signs on it!?

We've got plenty of routes to pick from, and the distance is drawn next to each path's name. I say we go around the mountain and enjoy a bright summer day!

Do we have to? That's four kilometers of walking…

That long? Is there not a shorter path to take?

Well, we could just take the stairs and climb straight to the overlook, but where's the fun in that? Stairs suck and make you tired!

Let's just take them, Milka.

No, no, no! Emilia's gotta see the raspberry fields! And the blueberry fields!

Oh, and then there's "that".

What do you mean?

*giggle* I found something interesting the other day, and I think you girls really should see it.

I'm up for it.

Fine…

It's on the other side of that hill. Let's approach vewy, vewy quietly…

Why?

Someone might be there…

Is there's no dry path?

Afraid to get your feet wet?

Well, it's not super comfortable, but…

Oh, it looks fine.

*sigh* I should've worn worse shoes… I'd rather not get these ones dirty…

Just pop them in the washing machine later!

Wait, what IS that anyway?

It looks like some kind of treehouse, and a nice one at that…

Exactly! It's someone's secret base!

Doesn't look like anyone's here.

How did you even find it? It's not visible from anywhere on the road.

Oh, just by accident. Because walking the road can get boring…

Well, like Emilia said, looks nice. So high up in the tree too...

Do you know who built it?

Probably some of the boys from school.

Really now? You'd think they'd want to show us and brag about how handy they are.

Maybe, or maybe it really is a secret base! Wanna go check what's inside? They could have porn magazines lying around!

And how would they get those?!

Well they're not exactly hard to come by! Even the local store has them in stock!

*giggle* Well now that you put it like that… I wouldn't put it past Lucas selling them to anyone who asks!

How do we get inside though?

I guess the only way to get inside is to use a ladder.

I'm going first!

Wow, it's so spacious! They even have real windows!

…Why the hell am I peeking at Heidi's underwear beneath her skirt…

There's absolutely no décor here though. It really could use a woman's touch…

…Wait, I recognize that carpet! It's from my house!

Well, if your brother has a hand in this, it's safe to assume those boys really built this.

Well, Otto is especially handy with tools, is he not? I mean, his father is a carpenter. Wouldn't be surprised if he even helped those kids build this.

I'm soooooo disappointed though! Where are all the porn mags!? Where are the posters with big-titty naked ladies!?

They have hardly anything here! How boring!

Help look, Emilia!

…Wait, I thought you were joking about the porn mags…

Hmmm? Why would we joke about that!

Yeah, it's the least I'd expect from those horny dogs…

Have you ever even seen lewd magazines, Emilia?

Only covers…

If we find incriminating evidence, we can blackmail them!

Now if I were a boy, where oh where would I stash my porn…

Well, I'd probably hide such things somewhere instead of leaving them out in the open.

Oooh, that is indeed true! Like some kind of buried treasure!

Or maybe a secret cabinet? Under the rug? A loose plank on the floor?

I don't think there's anything like that here, but I can search the treehouse thoroughly. Ye two, go check if ye can find plunder outside.

Aye aye, capt'n! Yarr harr, we'rr gonna look for a buried treasure!

I don't think it's literally buried, but who knows? Milka at least seems to be running to see if it's further down the forest. I guess I could see if it's somewhere closer to the treehouse.

Now that I think of it, this oak the house is built on… It's a damn big tree, and wide too. I wouldn't be surprised if it was hidden somewhere close to it. Like, maybe in this little hollowed-out hole in the trunk! Nah, that would've been too easy. Something feels weird about these roots, though. Is moss supposed to grow underneath them? I really don't know. It does look like a spacious enough little hideout… Wait, this moss feels dry… It's fake?

Bingo. There's a wooden chest underneath, but what oh what do you have inside? Doesn't seem to be locked… Wait, what even are these? Clothes, toys, or gadgets? I wasn't expecting anything like this…

Wait, aren't these handcuffs? Is that some kind of eyepatch? It's wide enough to cover both eyes. And then there are cat ears? Bunny ears? Why? Literally why? And tails too… And what are these bumpy gummy tips they have…

Did you find something?

Ah! You scared me…

Porn?

W-well, not porn, but…

I really don't know what I found, to be honest. Some costumes and weird toys?

Costumes? Weird toys? Let me see…

Holy fu…dge…

Well this is a treasure indeed…

Yeah, but aren't they kind of weird for costumes?

You innocent little thing. You don't recognize a hoard of sex toys when you see one?

Sex toys? I mean, aren't these just costumes…?

You really lack some imagination, don't you? Hold still for a second, will you?

W-wait, why? What are you…

There we go! You look so cute!

T-thanks, but what's the point of putting cat ears on me?

Why, to make you look cute and sexy!

There's nothing sexual about cat ears, is there…?

Oh, but that's where you're wrong! There are certain kinds of men who will find this hella cute and sexy!

Riiight…

Ye mangy scallywags, find any booty?

Wait, what are you wearing? Hahaha, cuute～ !

Can I take these off already…?

Absolutely not! Now, let's see what else we can find here…

Wait, what is this stash!? Where in the ever-loving fuck have those boys gotten these from!?

Now that you mention it… I find it hard to believe that they would own something like this…

Oh, good point…

But there still was that carpet I recognized, so while that's a clue, it's not confirmation…

Well, there IS that carpet I recognized… But it's not confirmation…

Make way for Buccaneer Milka! I wanna get my hands on all this booty and plunder!

Woooow! Look at the size of that thing!

Oh my gosh, gimme that!

T-that's a fake penis…?

Yarr, it's me cutlass! Whooooosh!

Careful! You almost slapped me with it!

Oh my god, it's hard not to laugh, but…

S-seriously, stop waving it around my face…

Take it!

N-no way! What if someone has, like, used it or something?

What's that? You wanna use it?

A-as if!

Want me to use it on you!?

*giggle* Stop already, you're making her uncomfortable!

Fine… Let's put Mr. Penis back in the chest…

Let's see what else we can find…

Look, a tiny bean-shaped vibrator!

Hmm, it's cordless. Is there a remote?

I haven't looked that much yet. Oh, you can twist it in the middle. If you do, it starts vibrating. Like this.

Even I know what that is used for… Or, at least I can imagine it…

Pretty powerful for its size… Hmmm…

W-why are you looking at me like that…

Let's test it!

Ahn! 💗

Don't push it against my chest so suddenly～ !

I wonder if it'd feel better directly against the skin? ♪

Oh, come on now! W-wait, show me mercy! Hahahaha, stop tickling meee～ !

Well you two sure are having fun…

Okay, okay, I'll stop. It's not like you're wearing a blue star anyway…

Makes me wonder, would anyone miss this if we took it as a souvenir?

*gasp* Y-you mean, like… Steal it…?

What kind of lousy pirate are you? Captain Ståhlberg says we steal the booty!

Shiver me timbers…

We'll return it later, okay? It's so small! Nobody's gonna notice it missing!

Let me at least put these ears back…

I think we should continue. Don't wanna waste too much time in one place.

Oh, and speaking of returning later, nice job finding this place, Milka. And nice job finding the treasure, Emilia.

You're very welcome! We'll be visiting again for sure!

All right, let me just put it all back just like it was before…

. . .

There. Just like it was when I found it.

Alright, time to continue! About two more kilometers to go until we reach the outlook.

We're still only halfway done? I thought we'd be done soon… Oh well…

Wow, they weren't kidding about the view. You can see so far away from here! How tall is this mountain anyway? Half a kilometer? Well, it's actually a fjeld, not a mountain, but boy, you can see the whole village and then some!

Psst… Emilia… Gimme your hand…

H-huh…?

Just take it!

Why are you giving this, uhm… "vibrator" thingie to me?

You said you haven't played with yourself yet, didn't you?

. . .

Use this one your first try! It'll blow your socks off…

She wants me to use it? Seriously? I'm not sure about it… It sounds kinda… I don't know… Too lewd…

And, ummm… You don't actually have to tell me if you used it or not if that makes you uncomfortable. Just hold onto it, or return it to me someday later. Okay?