Talk:A Sweet Escape/Chapter 6

If he's got enough money, stash or sell the Audi and rent or by one of those campers (maybe even a luxury model). Look like a dad/daughter on an extended road trip. Tell people that ask that she's home schooled, and you're using the settlement from your wife's wrongful death lawsuit to just travel and be together to heal for a while. Hide in plain sight, always have a bed ready for fun lol--Notsooldpervert (talk) 15:11, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Yeah, I was thinking something along those lines. They’ll end up settling down somewhere soon right after the cartel eventually catches up with them. I’ve got something pretty great planned when that happens, but I’ll leave it a surprise for now. Although, I’m sure you’ve probably already guessed and are pretty close if not right on the money. --Hgcollins (talk) 16:21, 12 December 2021 (CET)

If the cartel catches them, why would they let them go? --Notsooldpervert (talk) 18:40, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Fair question. Let’s just say some cartel lackies can be persuaded with the right incentive. I don’t think they’ll be keeping that bag of cash for much longer. But maybe some of them will need a little extra incentive to let them go.--Hgcollins (talk) 18:51, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Well, the bag of cash isn't as necessary if they get those account numbers lol Filter them around so they're in his name instead of his brother's and the cartel can't touch it, or probably even find it. I do hope her uncle at least gets her cherry. --Notsooldpervert (talk) 19:12, 12 December 2021 (CET)

I do think that plays well with the nicer nature of the story. It will make the admission to his brother that much more heart wrenching. I haven’t decided what’s going to happen with the brother yet, and I think I might go back and write out the parents somewhere. It would be better if they were out of the picture before this even started. That makes the brother’s story more believable and makes it easier for Zoe and her uncle to run off if her father winds up getting arrested or offed by the cartel.--Hgcollins (talk) 21:13, 12 December 2021 (CET)

The parents didn't believe the warning? Cartel killed them already so they know it's serious? Maybe the story of how these guys raped his little girl pisses him off and he makes them kill him (after giving his brother all of the account info). As her only living relative, and it being a stipulation in her father's will, her uncle is now her legal guardian and they stay on the run just in case the cartel is still looking for them. They're not, since the ones involved with the dad got killed/arrested or enough damage was done they cut their losses and move on. They got some money back, or maybe find the shipment.. lmao they find it and it turns out it was their mixup, but the don't find it until after the dad is dead. Maybe the two on the run never learn that they're in the clear and are running for no reason. --Notsooldpervert (talk) 21:20, 12 December 2021 (CET)

You’re right, I’m being way to soft on my fake non existent characters. Those bitches are getting whacked and Zoe and her uncle can mourn their loss in each other’s arms. I’ve got a few thoughts on the brother and I haven’t settled on one yet. He gets told about what the cartel guys did to Zoe and goes to face them, only getting himself killed. Option 2, he realized the only way to get the cartel off of his brother and dauther’s back is to turn himself into the police and try to make a deal. He’s too big of a fish in the states and the feds actually have jurisdiction since he’s American, so he goes to prison for like, 30 years and they kill him in prison. By this point, there’s no accident, the brother 100% ripped the cartel off and he’s slowly realizing that he is 100% fucked but at least he’s trying to save the rest of his family. Option 4? (I lost count) I sort of want the main character to admit to his brother, feeling a little guilty that he manipulated Zoe to have sex with him. This could be sort of when the brother is right at the end, or he could start going after him, too. He’d also be super pissed that he gave all of him money away to the brother but tries to scrounge up money to hire people to come after him. Since Zoe actually likes it, she sides with the main character over her father and doesn’t understand what the big deal is. I’ve already planted a bit of a rift between Zoe and her father because she’s realizing he’s a “bad guy.”

I’m not exactly sure which way to go, but I do know that the more twisted the plot is, the better the story is going to be. --Hgcollins (talk) 21:38, 12 December 2021 (CET)

I think I got it. After he starts getting over the shock of his parents dying, guilt starts to catch up to the main character and he admits to his brother what he did. The brother promises vengeance, starts coming after him, too Then the cartel find Zoe and her uncle, they do their thing and Zoe and her uncle head out on the run again, this time much better funded. The brother somehow ends up tracking them down at an old place their parents used to take them in the summers, but before he can make his move, the cops catch him and arrest him for drug smuggling. Since the cartel couldn’t find him, they turn him over to the feds and let them do the dirty work. Now no longer under so much pressure to escape, they end up finding a good place to settle down far away from where the Cartel can touch them since they have all the money. The end. I hope I didn’t ruin too much. --Hgcollins (talk) 21:48, 12 December 2021 (CET)

I do like the idea of dad ripping off the cartel. Not so much the turning himself in. The cops would want those accounts. Maybe he hears what the cartel does to Zoe and plots his revenge? Right before he strikes what he knows will be pretty much suicide, he calls one last time and Zoe slips. She's mad at Daddy for being a bad guy and says her uncle is her boyfriend now so she'll just stay with him. That prompts an explanation, so now the man on a mission (too late to back out now) knows he sent his daughter off with a predator, dooming her to be a fuck toy even if they hadn't gotten caught by the cartel. Leaves the two lovebirds still on the run, not knowing they're no longer being hunted. --Notsooldpervert (talk) 21:53, 12 December 2021 (CET) (posted at the exact same time as your last post and it went crazy on me lol)

If Dad is alive and in the hands of the cops, he'll be selling his brother out and getting them in trouble. If he dies, no one knows what the MC and Zoe are doing in private. --Notsooldpervert (talk) 21:54, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Damn, I totally hate when that happens. That happened to me a couple days ago when I edited a story I just posted to fix a stupid comma. Anyways, yeah the dad has to die before the cops get him. Good point. I like the father going on some sort of downward spiral and finding out about Zoe at the last minute. Maybe the father says something to scare Zoe and she gets mad, spills the beans and says that her uncle really loves her and cares for her. I can parse out more details as I go, but I’ve definitely got the gist of it. --Hgcollins (talk) 22:00, 12 December 2021 (CET)

I just reread what you wrote. That’s pretty close to perfect. He enacts his suicide plan and calls to say goodbye. That’s when they still the beans and he ends up fucking himself over. --Hgcollins (talk) 22:02, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Dammit! It just happened again when I posted the following! lol

It could be something as simple as admitting he did something bad and has to "go away now". Finding out her Daddy is one of the bad guys and is choosing to do something he can't come back from is enough to set her off. Her new boyfriend/uncle loves her more and in ways Daddy never could. Wait, what? lol --Notsooldpervert (talk) 22:06, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Sorry, my brain had been running like crazy on this one. When he calls back to tell Zoe that he’s getting revenge on the cartel men who had their way with her, she gets man because she knows her dad is going to do more bad things and tells him they didn’t really hurt her that bad and that her uncle had been doing it too. That’s when he has the sudden realization that he fucked it in every way. The guys catch him before he can back out and after a Mexican standoff, he goes to his death knowing that he fucked up in every way possible. He goes from the successful brother to the total fuck-up. At least Zoe and her uncle get away with the money and her future is secure. --Hgcollins (talk) 22:21, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Sounds perfect! Well... maybe not for Dad lol --Notsooldpervert (talk) 22:46, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Dad was doomed the entire time. He was just in the way, but I was trying to get away with letting everyone off easy. That was before I decided he actually had been ripping of the cartel. What a complete idiot. --Hgcollins (talk) 22:51, 12 December 2021 (CET)

Maybe the story could branch in two directions? 1. Dad is caught and Uncle get a phone call he thinks is from his brother but is the cartel boss, telling him that he want's his cash and doesn't care who dies etc. 2. They meet up with dad, he susses what's going on, and then the cartel turn up and grab poor Zoe to force them to give the cash back. -Hope (talk) 11:25, 14 December 2021 (CET)