Talk:Life Hacks/Hallomod(Sammael-Useful-Friendly-Cora-God)/Hit on her

Needs more internal emotional reflection . . . I'll come back to it. --Elerneron (talk) 12:01, 20 February 2017 (CET)

I'd say it's passable as is, but if you do want to push it to the next level then I would say it is less that there is... hold on, I just realized I read what you said wrong. I was reading "reflection" as "reaction," but I wound up reading it right when I was in the middle of writing this. Yeah, you called it right. As I was about to say, most of it is that she winds up verbalizing her emotions too quickly without having to fight with herself much. That's what you want to have happen in order to push it to the next level. I think I can probably take a whack at it, but I am also sensing that you are wanting to work on your writing skills, so I might just leave this to you. Jemini (talk) 18:38, 20 February 2017 (CET)