Talk:Disciplinary Action/Disciplinary Office/First Week/Suzy/End/Diapers

I want to ask for opinions about this part of the story, and my writing in general. Sometimes I think I write too much, that I jump around the plot, focusing on unimportant details, and thus the tale results dragged and boring. I've tried to limit this by reading what I write and removing any part I think it's superfluous, but I'm still afraid I left to much fluff and not enough meat.

I also know I have a bad tendency to abuse adjectives and adverbs, not to mention that my lack of English lexicon makes me repeat words without even noticing. I'm working on fixing those habits, but if you notice any of that, it would be very helpful for me if you pointed it out.

Thanks --Tod Naturlich (talk) 01:00, 22 September 2017 (CEST)

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Personally, I think your writing style is pretty good. A little fluff can actually help build the environment and increase the immersion. That is actually a problem I consider myself to have, I often feel like I'm rushing the story by focusing too much on the endpoint and not including enough to fluff it up and make it more interesting.

I have noticed a few errors where you crossed male and female pronouns (using he instead of she in a few places, and vice versa.) Others I have noticed were with the 7th grade teacher where you wrote "broom" instead of "groom." Groom is the proper term for the man getting married. I would say little errors like that are your worst problem, don't stress the writing conventions, they're fine for the most part.

Jemini (talk) 01:43, 22 September 2017 (CEST)