Talk:Disciplinary Action/Disciplinary Office/First Week/Suzy/End/Diapers

From All The Fallen Stories
Jump to navigation Jump to search

I want to ask for opinions about this part of the story, and my writing in general. Sometimes I think I write too much, that I jump around the plot, focusing on unimportant details, and thus the tale results dragged and boring. I've tried to limit this by reading what I write and removing any part I think it's superfluous, but I'm still afraid I left to much fluff and not enough meat.

I also know I have a bad tendency to abuse adjectives and adverbs, not to mention that my lack of English lexicon makes me repeat words without even noticing. I'm working on fixing those habits, but if you notice any of that, it would be very helpful for me if you pointed it out.

Thanks --Tod Naturlich (talk) 01:00, 22 September 2017 (CEST)

Personally, I think your writing style is pretty good. A little fluff can actually help build the environment and increase the immersion. That is actually a problem I consider myself to have, I often feel like I'm rushing the story by focusing too much on the endpoint and not including enough to fluff it up and make it more interesting, primarily in the area of ambient details (stuff that does not directly relate to the actions occurring in the scene, but helps to set the stage and draw in the reader. I know I've got the ability to drag out the central action for quite a bit, but more of that is to compensate for the fact that there are next to no ambient details rather than anything else. My weakness for not writing a single scene with enough pull is compensated for by making the scene longer with more segments and thus more able to pull the reader in via pure investment in the action.

I have noticed a few errors where you crossed male and female pronouns (using he/him/his instead of she/her/hers in a few places, and vice versa.) Others I have noticed were with the 7th grade teacher where you wrote "broom" instead of "groom." Groom is the proper term for the man getting married. I would say little errors like that are your worst problem, don't stress the writing conventions, they're fine for the most part.

Jemini (talk) 01:43, 22 September 2017 (CEST)

Worst part is I do know the difference between a "broom" and a "groom", but they are so similar that I swept the difference under the bride's dress. --Tod Naturlich (talk) 04:04, 22 September 2017 (CEST)

No, I am going to have to correct you on that one. The real worst part is that this site does not have a "like" function, which means I cannot thumbs up that comment you just made. Jemini (talk) 07:42, 22 September 2017 (CEST)

Retrieved from ‘https://stories.allthefallen.moe/index.php?title=Talk:Disciplinary_Action/Disciplinary_Office/First_Week/Suzy/End/Diapers&oldid=15823’