Talk:Vault 69/Orientation

Love it so far, your a really good writer and I can't wait for more. --IllegalMobster (talk) 20:13, 25 August 2019 (UTC)

The edits to the part where the doctor is talking to the boy MC are awkward and needlessly clunky. You do not need to mention the mother again, and especially not her gun, while she's talking to him. It is irrelevant to the main point of what's going on with the MC and acts as a distracting unrelated thought. I would recommend adding a part where the doctor and mom talk with each other in order to show this part and remove it from the middle of the doctor talking to and about the MC. Jemini (talk) 14:14, 26 August 2019 (UTC)

I take your point. I'll try to rework it when I get some more time. I thought it was relating a bit of the doctor's personality, but it isn't really true to Haley's personality . . . so that's a fail. Re-reading it, I can see how it is distracting. I just need to find some time to re-work it. --Elerneron (talk) 13:26, 27 August 2019 (UTC)

My recommendation would be to completely revert the part where the doctor is talking to and about the MC to it's previous form, and then having the doctor eyeing the gun and such after all of this stuff. That is if it does still fit her personality. Jemini (talk) 19:03, 27 August 2019 (UTC)

That really doesn't work either. Romero has a perception of 87. She noticed the gun the instant Haley walked in and would likely want to deal with it quickly, with the minimum risk, while simultaneously gaining the psychological upper hand with the woman. The page might need a complete re-write; but I won't have the time until the weekend for that complete of a change. Thanks for the advice though. --Elerneron (talk) 11:03, 28 August 2019 (UTC)

Ok, well, with that run-down on her personality I think I might be able to come up with something for this. (re-reads passage) Actually, I think it's fine as is. The best way for her to get a "psychological advantage" in this situation is to start off pretending she doesn't notice the gun, never actually look at it, and then say something later on if at all. The best times would be either as they are stripping down or when their belongings are returned to them. Jemini (talk) 17:57, 29 August 2019 (UTC)

Not quite what I meant, but I guess it works. Jemini (talk) 15:48, 30 August 2019 (UTC)

Since they're not allowed to open their "hermetically sealed vault suits" until the decon cycle is complete, wouldn't it make more sense to just not hand them out until afterward? Strip and leave everything, step through to the decontamination room, then move to the next room and be handed a suit as you step through the door. Then they can't even hide behind their sealed suit. Makes them even more "vulnerable" during that phase of the operation. Just a suggestion. --Notsooldpervert (talk) 19:36, 30 August 2019 (UTC)