Talk:Disciplinary Action/Disciplinary Office/First Quarter/Letter
Would it be possible that we could keep this story to only Tod Naturlich since I personally find Tods writing style fits this story more than Telgars especially since Telgars stories aren't something I can actually enjoy due to the lack of children in their current stories (no offense Telgar)? --Joltlord (talk) 09:47, 15 December 2017 (CEST)
Reply Joltlord, Hey no offence taken, I admit that the stuff I dropped in this section does have a lack of child interactions and is not that good. To be honest I moved it here so I could rewrite it and work with less limitations, the site I was working those interactives on got upset with me when I started pushing the stories towards younger characters. I have every intention to rework then to add younger participants and improve the narrative of the work. I do have quite a few stories with young characters on other sites under the Pen Name James Marcus and on ATF's story section in the forums. My other stories are of much better quality than the current interactives. I am currently working on a story tree within this interactive that will involve all four of the Franklin's Daughters ages 4, 6 10, and 12. Telgar (talk) 9:42, 16 December 2017 (PST)
You DO realize I wrote about half this story to date, right? (Well, style imitation is kinda one of my talents or more to the point I tend not to write for stories unless I think I'm capable of imitating the original author's style.) As for Telgar, if the objection is the lack of young children, that's mostly been down to his editors he has had to work with. I would say give him a chance, or if there are other concerns then you could go ahead and voice them. Reader feedback can prove helpful to the artist so long as they know what your exact issue is. Jemini (talk) 10:51, 15 December 2017 (CET)
You are very good at imitation Jemini and as for my problem with Telgars stories it is in fact the lack of children and since Telgar joined this site I will give him a shot and wait for what he adds. --Joltlord (talk) 00:40, 16 December 2017 (CEST) 9:42, 16 December 2017 (PST)
There are also plenty of mid-older teens that need punishments too. Even if he leaves the story blank, and just adds the options for the littles, someone else can join and write those parts. That said, I'm a bit eager to see some younger ones myself.
To Telgar, why would a 6 yo throw a rock through his window? Kids can't read the letter. Maybe she's mad that an older sister is preggo now? --Notsooldpervert (talk) 23:48, 15 December 2017 (CET)
Reply Notsooldpervert, Many reason, kids are just mean some times, she may have been pushed or convinced to do it by an older child. She might just not like the MC. I leave that to whomever decides to write it. Telgar (talk) 9:42, 16 December 2017 (PST)
The third category should have one month as the high end. Less than a day, 1 day to one week, more than a week up to one month. In a misedemeanor crime once you go beyond 30 days it's usually about 6 months to a year. Anything over a year would be a felony. I'm not familiar witb anything that would be between 30 days and 6 months. Not to say it doesn't exist, it just seems to be very uncommon. --Notsooldpervert (talk) 16:32, 16 December 2017 (CET)
Reply Notsooldpervert, yeah I was not going for just crime punishments but a combo of crimes and at home discipline, I would hate for a child to become a pregnant whore simply because she did something that got her grounded for a month. Telgar (talk) 9:42, 16 December 2017 (PST)
@ Telgar, on the subject of Ms. Franklin's daughters, any chance you could update the characters list in order to include her family? Jemini (talk) 23:31, 16 December 2017 (CET)
Reply Jemini, I added them to the list but left their links blank for now as I am still working the tree and don't have the characters completely fleshed out. I want to get the entire tree, at least what I plan on writing, written first before I post it. Telgar (talk) 5:55, 16 December 2017 (PST)
I'm actually playing with the idea now of the girl who threw the rock through the window being Kellie McGregor, encouraged to do it by her "uncle" who figured John might decide his and Kellie's punishment would be that he had to have sex with his "niece." Jemini (talk) 14:36, 17 December 2017 (CET)
Interesting idea, the question is? Is he going to get away with it or is the MC going to take the niece and make him watch? Or some other unique punishment? remember under the new city council rules adults can be punished as well for egging on children. Telgar (talk) 6:55, 17 December 2017 (PST)
Well, that's up to the player and what options they choose. I wrote it so that Kellie, like most kids her age, is absolutely atricious at keeping secrets and ruins the whole plan by spilling it all to the MC in her panic when he goes up to her.Jemini (talk) 16:00, 17 December 2017 (CET)
Well, I liked what you had, and took an instant dislike to the Uncle so I hope you liked my addition. The MC might be getting himself a little pre-programmed toy out of it. Telgar (talk) 8:02, 17 December 2017 (PST)
Hmm... well, I like the response of the female officer, that sounds about right to the situation, but I meant Ashton's character to be a bit more of one of those types of characters that, while you were meant to dislike him, there is some potential for someone to be on his side if they looked at his situation uncritically without considering his past very well. (Like, some people might actually feel compelled to give him what he wants if you decide to talk to him and hear him out.) I have no problem with the way the scenario played out, but I think there needs to be a little more build-up with "Uncle Ashton" trying (and failing) to manipulate the MC into getting what he wants. (Basically, every single line can stay exactly the same except those related to Ashton's actions, those need some work and some more build-up.) Jemini (talk) 17:48, 17 December 2017 (CET)
Okay made some changes that I hope makes him seem a bit more likable at least until he loses it. I picture in my head most of the "I like this guy sure I'll let him have some fun with his Niece" to happen in the option to talk with him. I don't see him being to reasonable when his whole scheme could come out in the open or even have a chance to get exposed to her dad. I feel he is pretty desperate and not really thinking by this point, if he was willing to put her up to doing what she did. Telgar (talk) 9:18, 17 December 2017 (PST)
Oh yeah, that's a whole lot better. Jemini (talk) 18:35, 17 December 2017 (CET)
Might as well do that one, since you added it... It will be interesting,
- Where did the girls get the manga from? (From Lina)
- Some of these manga aren't so bad, but why did Lina give them ryona manga? (the initial one was an accident, but Stephanie asked for more)
- But why was Lina translating ryona manga? (a single woman in her thirties that is still a virgin, was translating manga where the heroine gets raped... are they connected?)
- With Lina facing a potential pregnancy, Victor might try to force us to marry her. (his logic is that, sice she was impregnated out of wedlock, she is to be married or else be ostracized. In reality, any children that she births from the punishments, would be her mother's responsibility)